My feet ache, my back hurts, and the scars I carry on my stomach still hurt.
It’s been two months, and I can still feel the wounds like I was stabbed yesterday. I think it will take me forever to heal from this…even longer mentally. It’s seven at night and the sky has multiple shades of purple, pink, orange, and blue. I have a beautiful view of the sky as I make the drive home.
Lori was right. Doctor Reese was an absolute pain to be around. I miss Doctor Golds. She was a fantastic doctor and now we’re stuck with the Grinch. He’s very picky with his version of protocols and scheduling. It was ridiculous. He even tried to keep me past my scheduled hours and go over time today, but Lori quickly stepped in, reminding him it was my birthday, so he let me go.
Nothing too crazy happened today at work. There were no code strokes, nobody died, and everyone who came in was discharged or hospitalized.
Everyone lived, so it’s a good day.
I haven’t heard any phone calls from my mom wishing me a happy birthday and I find it odd. She never forgets my birthday. I haven’t spent too much time with my mom since the attack. I’ve been self-isolating, but not entirely.
Danny’s been there since I was hospitalized and he’s been there through my night terrors. He killed my abuser and sent the other one to prison.
Every night around three in the morning, I wake up screaming, a Grim Reaper freshly haunting my mind, and Danny is quick to hold me until my anxiety attacks subside.
I’m in love with him, but something else fucks with my head, and it’s our future. Our future remains uncertain. I’m unsure if I want to be with someone who’s always gone. I’m unsure I want to be with someone who might not come home alive. I don’t want to be stuck waiting for any man or worrying about him.
I’m not being fair. Or am I?
I lost my brother to the same job Danny holds so high.
It’s not like he’s just choosing to be gone. He has an obligation to the Navy. To his work that has been engraved into him since he was a child by his parents.
Danny puts his life on the line every day at work. He saves people and kills people.
What if I’m too broken to enjoy our growing relationship? What if I’m too fucked up to be loved now?
I’m about five minutes from my house and haven’t heard from Danny either. I wasn’t sure if he’d be stuck working late or if he had any other plans.
I pull into my house, and my stomach drops when I realize Danny’s not there.
I park my car and look at myself in the mirror. I have my usual day-to-day makeup on, and my short, straight black hair falls past my shoulders now. It’s growing back slowly.
When I make it to the door, I tilt my head to the side, confused when I realize it’s already open and soft music’s playing in the background.
My eyebrows quirk when I realize the music sounds so familiar. It’s one of Danny’s and my favorite songs by Cody Jinks.
I get anxious with excitement. I push the door forward as sweat nervously unfolds inside my clothes. As I swing open the door entirely, it slowly reveals Danny standing in all-black clothing with flowers in his hands.
I inspect the rest of my home to find a big group of familiar faces beaming happily at me. My living room is full of our family and friends. Lit candles surround my floor, along with pink balloons.
“No Words” by Cody Jinks plays and my world stops. Especially when I see the 6 foot 6 Navy SEAL holding the brightest pink tulips I’d ever seen. Those big hands, which I love so much, curl gently around the flowers.
Mr. Danny Rider looks flustered when my eyes lock on to his mesmerizing blue ones. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Danny blush until tonight.
My mother, Emilia, Harry, and Meredith stand to his left behind him, and Danny’s entire team is on the right side, behind him.
Kane looks at me with a beer in his hands, and a hardened gaze, and I turn away so fast. The last time I saw him was bittersweet. He tried to kiss me.
Rooker stands tall next to his beautiful wife, and two twin daughters hold on to him with giddy smiles.
Lopez stands next to Zeke and…Violet?!
I’m left completely speechless. My eyes get glossy and tears pour out of me as I gasp. I palm my face with my hands on both cheeks. I look over all the bright faces in the room and break into soft giggles.
He did this all for me?
“Happy Birthday!” they shout simultaneously.
“Oh my gosh…” I murmur, excited.
Danny walks over to me. He pulls me into his chest and lifts my chin. People clap behind him and I swear I can hear Lopez whistling loud.
The man that I love to hate smirks sinfully. I know this look.
He’s going to kiss me for the first time in a while. I close my eyes and tiptoe to meet his height more easily, bracing myself for the anticipated clash.
When his lips meet mine, I cry even harder. He moves against me, slow, soft, and patient. Butterflies thrash inside my stomach, and fire ignites between us as his lips suck mine.
A quiet groan escapes his throat, and only I can hear it.
“Surprise.” He smiles against my lips and heat explodes inside of my chest.
“You did all this for me?” I whisper against his beard.
I reach for the flowers, but he tugs them away before I can touch them.
He shrugs at the same time his devilish smirk resurfaces on his beautiful face.
“Maybe. Or maybe we share the same birthday and these flowers are for me.”
I roll my eyes at him, pushing him away from me. He laughs as I purse my lips together, trying to control the mess of emotions that threaten to complicate my birthday celebration.
“I know your birthday is March 27th.”
This means so much. This was the grandest of gestures. I’ve been isolating myself from everyone for the past month and seeing the people I care about come together at once feels so good. He locks his lips with mine again and I get lost in him, forgetting where we are. He does that to me.
“Oh, get a room already! I want to drink without having to look over my shoulder to see if your tongues are down each other’s throats,” Meredith shouts, crossing her arms with a wineglass in her hand.
Everyone bursts into laughter, but not my mom. She’s conservative as ever still and rolls her eyes, shaking her head disapprovingly at Meredith’s outburst.
I step aside from Danny and glare at her. Everyone approaches us ecstatically. Violet drags me by my arm into the center of my living room and hugs me tight. It feels great to be reunited with one of my patients. A patient that has turned into a close friend of mine.
Happy birthday wishes pour out of everyone’s mouths, and I’m trying to engage in every conversation thrown at me left and right.
I look over Emilia’s shoulder, and Danny stands with a glass of whiskey. He lifts the glass to his lips and winks.
I mouth the words thank you to him, and I’m smiling so hard my cheeks are cramping.
For the first time since the attack, I’m happy.
I’m okay.
