“Oh fuck, Kane!” she moans my name, and I smirk without mercy, intensifying each stroke, deep and unforgiving. The sounds of our skin slapping against each other make me want to come even faster. But I want to enjoy this. I want to soak in every fucking second because I’ve wanted to do this since the day I met Ari.
I’m fucking her hard, fast, and desperate. I have her bent over, and her short, dark hair is sprawled over her back.
I push her face deeper into the pillow with my hand, rough but gentle enough not to hurt her. I’m muffling her sounds and cries. No distractions. I don’t need to hear her voice. I need to get lost in my mind instead.
I’m savoring every second, releasing the built-up tension from the woman of my dreams.
I close my eyes, and a deep groan releases from my throat as I get lost in my thoughts even more.
I finally reach my climax when I see her beautiful face, and my thrusts slow down as everything comes to a standstill. I’m breathing heavily, sweat dripping down my chest as I face the ceiling, eyes shut tight as I finish coming. I needed this. It was good, but…not good enough.
A smile reaches my face when Ari’s beautiful brown eyes come into my head, and I feel a bit of relief come off my shoulder. The weight of watching the one you admire continuously breaks your heart.
But then the fantasy sinks deep, disappearing when Meredith interrupts my thoughts.
“That was fun,” she purrs seductively.
I pull out of her quickly, grinding my teeth when I realize my imagination is just that—a fantasy in my head.
My body was here, but my mind was trapped somewhere else in Ari’s beauty.
I should feel guilty, but I don’t.
I fucked Meredith, Ari’s best friend, and all the while, I was picturing Ari instead.
Her hair, her voice, her body.
Danny is one lucky motherfucker.
If I can’t have Ari, I have to do something else, someone else to distract me from the heartache it is to watch the one you want, the one you’re deeply in love with, be with someone else.
I’d rather take a dozen bullets to my chest than continue watching Ari kiss him.
Danny doesn’t deserve her. He’s my best friend, but he’s not her match. He’s ruthless…whereas she’s kind, sweet, fragile. A goddess in my eyes. She needs to be handled gently and with care.
I pull the condom off myself and sit on the edge of the bed, keeping my distance from Meredith. I can feel the bed shift when she moves closer, and I stiffen. She doesn’t make me feel even a fraction of what Ari does to me.
I’m done hiding my feelings for her. It’s been bottling up for a year now, and I feel like if I don’t do something to try to move on, I’ll be lost.
Danny’s my best friend. He’ll kill me if he discovers I told Ari I’m in love with her. I would be lying if I said I’m not afraid of him or scared of the things he’ll do when he finds out, but I am.
I’ve seen just how dangerous and sadistic this man can be when he needs to be. That’s why he’s called Grim fucking Reaper.
I stare out Meredith’s window, the moonlight shining through, leaving hints of blue rays. I brush my black hair back, letting out a sigh.
I left Ari’s party early because I needed to. It fucking hurts to be around them. Watching someone you’re in love with be with someone else is torture.
I feel Meredith’s hands start at my mid-back and she moves them up, trailing her fingers on my skin, over my shoulders, and down to the front of my chest.
She kisses my neck slowly three times before I can feel her lips on my ear. “Let’s do that again.” She murmurs lustfully.
The bliss I felt after getting lost in my fantasy sinks down even further. I gently take her hands off of me.
I walk away from her bed and throw the used condom in her trash can that lies in the corner of her room.
I’m quiet and trying to disguise the fact that I feel no connection with Meredith. She’s kneeling on the bed, naked, playing with her hair, hoping I’ll give in to her request.
Her deep-toned skin and amber eyes are enchanting. Still, I feel like no one compares to the sweetheart that’s Ari Alvarez, and I resent it. I resent the sweetheart who’s forbidden.
“I’m sorry, Meredith, but I’ve gotta go. I have to work early in the morning, in about four hours, actually.” I reject her as I pull my jeans back on, sliding in one foot at a time.
It’s not a lie. I did have to go back home. Work never stops.
She frowns and sits, covering herself with her blankets as I button my jeans.
“Oh…okay, I get it,” Meredith says, disappointed.
I’ve hurt her feelings. I get it, I know, but this will take me some time. I want to take this slow. Maybe I can move on with Meredith.
Could carrying on with her help me through this?
“This was fun. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I lean in closer to her, shirtless. My hands are on each side of Meredith’s waist, the bed sinking as the muscles in my triceps constrict as I close in the distance.
Her eyes light up with hope as I peck on her cheek. There’s no emotion to it. There’s no emotion because they’re all somewhere else…all for Ari.
Fuck, I’m an asshole.
I want her so badly, but Meredith and I hit it off well at her birthday party. She’s outspoken and wild—the total opposite of Ari. I didn’t know this was the way my night was going to turn out. I hadn’t planned it to, but I’m glad it did. It’s been a minute since I had a girlfriend. I don’t want a girlfriend just yet. I’m waiting until I’m certain of the next girl…because I want to make sure my next one will be future wife.
Meredith smiles. Her smooth skin glows as she blushes. I back away from her, grab my shoes and finish dressing.
I need to move on…so I slept with Meredith. I need to try at least, right?
“You better.” Meredith bites her bottom lip before lying on her pillow.
I wink at her as I throw on my shirt. She lives far from my house, so I have a long way home.
I almost didn’t give in, but I’m having the worst case of blue balls since I’ve been home from Iraq.
Nothing will relieve it, truly, unless it’s from my favorite nurse.
I walk out of Meredith’s house, quickly greeted by the December winds.
Fuck, it’s cold.
I start jogging as another harsh wind makes my hair fall into my eyes. As soon as I get home, I’m turning on the heater and knocking out.
I’m halfway to my motorcycle when my phone rings.
Fuck. I don’t have to look at it to know it’s work. I’m not surprised that I’m getting alerts this late at night; it always comes at the oddest hours. Another mission…another deployment.
My contract will be up soon, and I’m counting down the days now because I don’t want to end up like Paul. I stop on the frozen grass, my boots crunch, and I take my phone out.
