The entire time Ari rests her head on my shoulder, I have to control my dick that wants to come out of my jeans. She smells so good, and we’re two more wine bottles down. The movie just finished, and I stopped drinking after a couple of swigs to watch over her. I stopped drinking when I realized just how inebriated she’d become. Her cheeks are rosy, she giggles at the smallest things and her eyes are glossy.
She’s drunk but most of all, hurt.
I’ve never seen her drink like this. I can’t imagine how Danny is feeling.
“Holy fuck. The boyfriend was the killer. I did not see that coming,” I blurt out after the movie wrapped up.
“You really don’t watch horror movies, do you?” she groans in a sleepy, drunken voice.
Dammit, it’s cute. She’s cute.
I can’t try anything on her, I won’t do it. She’s vulnerable, the break-up is fresh, and that’s not how I want to kiss her for the first time…if I ever get a first time with her.
I’m with Meredith. I’m with Meredith.
I repeat the reality in my head before I drift off into a delusion where I think it’s okay to do more than just let her head rest on my shoulder.
I want to do more than this.
I need to go home before I do something crazy.
“I’ve seen enough horror that’ll last a lifetime. I don’t need to add to it.” I laugh, looking down at her. Small flashes of past deployments run through my head like bombs going off. I shake my head out of those recollections and concentrate on the present.
I can’t see much. I’m met with black strands of hair and her reindeer pajamas. Then she tilts her face up, and she’s so damn close I feel her sultry breath on my mouth, and I’m tempted to taste.
She stares at me, not saying anything as the end credits flow down the screen like a backwards waterfall in front of us. Then a small curl of her lips turns, and a flash of sparks shines on her brown eyes and I can see she’s searching for something.
“Your eyes are reaaaaallllyyy pretty.”
Yep, she’s drunk.
“Alright, time to get you into bed. You are cut off, ma’am.”
She breaks away and giggles into my chest. I feel her nose reverberating on it as she snorts.
She’s snorting as she tries to catch her breath.
Too. Fucking. Cute.
Fuck me, man.
“Kane, you’re no fun…but thanks for staying with me. Danny doesn’t like horror movies either. But he would watch them with me, with no complaints. We had a scary movie marathon not too long ago since I spent the month of October in the hospital, and we weren’t able to celebrate Halloween like we wanted to.” She moves away from my chest and my arm that rested on hers retracts. But she doesn’t stand. Instead, she looks back at me from the edge of the couch, over her shoulder. Her smile disappears, and a frown replaces the glow.
“What is it?” I quirk a brow, getting closer to her. I rest my forearms on my thighs.
“Maybe everything would have been easier…” She places her palm on my knee, and I watch her little fingers grip my pants.
What is she doing to me?
I want to stop her… I should stop her and ask what her intentions are. But the attraction for her is too much, it’s too high.
Tonight was full of mixed signals. The way she laughed every time I criticized the movie. The way she leaned her head on my shoulder the entire time, I could feel every breath she took and how warm she was.
And now?
The way she’s fucking looking at me, has me wanting to bend her over the couch, and confess the way I feel about her with my actions and no words. Just the sound of her taking it and me confessing the built-up craze with my…
I can’t think straight.
“What would be easier?” I wonder what she’s talking about. I lean in closer to her, temptation and desire running rampant. I’m sitting so close that our thighs are touching and I dare to look at those full pink lips, knowing the consequences. The havoc that will unleash on my body when I do.
Alas, a tear falls down her cheek, and like a moth to a flame, I rub it away with my thumb. I hate seeing her cry. I rub it until it turns into nothing, and she closes her eyes, as a small grin appears, followed by a soft, sweet hum like she’s enjoying my touch.
Fuck.
Then she does something that has me questioning if I’m dreaming. My muscles tighten as she stops right in front of my face. She’s about to kiss me, and she closes her eyes tight, sniffling. But I don’t feel her come through. It’s all in my head. She wasn’t going to kiss me… I’m almost begging for it when I know it’s morally wrong to.
“Kane…I’m tired,” she whispers.
“You’re tired? Let’s get you to bed then because—” she stops me from continuing.
“Kane,” she tells me again, choking up. “I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of everything.” Then she opens her eyes again, wide with watery red eyes like she’s begging me to take her pain away and her lips tremble.
I wish I could. I really do. It makes me ache to see her like this. I can’t handle it.
I pull her into my chest, hugging her tight. She doesn’t fight me. Instead, she holds on to me in return.
“I miss him, Kane. I love him… I love Danny so much.” She chokes out and sobs, but they’re soft and low, and I don’t say anything. I can’t do it. But what I can do is hold her like she needs to be held. And with each tear, with each innocent caress, time passes by with tortured emotions for the next hour as I rub her back until she falls asleep.
I carry Ari to bed when I feel like it is the right time. When all I wanted to do was stay like that with her in my arms until morning…or forever.
I’ll take both.
I open the wrong doors twice before I finally find her bedroom. I don’t turn on the light, afraid it’ll wake her. It’s not hard to find her bed in the darkness.
She groans in my arms, but she’s in too deep to wake up. The wine has gotten to her system, so I make sure to position her on her stomach.
I cover her up after laying her down gently, tucking her in with her bedsheets. I make sure her cheek lays softly on the pillow and her hair falls over her face when I do. Before I turn around to leave, I spot the newborn shoes I bought for her and Grim’s baby on the nightstand with the onesie he got. When I see it, it takes me back to the horrid day I watched her die.
This girl deserves better…and I want to give her that if she ever gave me the chance.
