Jay called several times over the next week during our winter break from school, but I avoided him. I took care of my mother and kept an immaculate home instead. I didn’t give my father a thing to complain about over the rest of my vacation.
Sophomore Kill Day descended on me more quickly than I would have liked, especially when I had no interaction with Jay. I couldn’t be sure if he would walk me to school or if I would be on my own.
I put on makeup like it would help camouflage me. I wore the cutest skinny jeans I had and a dark flowy top to look nice, but not so showy as to call unwanted attention to myself. I pulled on some boots that would weather the snow and my puffy winter jacket. I’d mastered tying my hair in a bun that mirrored the same one I’d had before it was cut. I thought I looked good.
I could make it through the day as long as Jay helped me. When I left my house that morning, he stood at the end of my sidewalk, beaming.
He walked up like we’d been talking about this every day and swung an arm around my shoulder. Then he grabbed my backpack.
“I can carry my backpack, Jay.”
“Not if the water balloons start flying once we reach school grounds,” he said.
My eyes must have widened because I felt his chest shaking while he chuckled at me. I smacked his chest. “You’re a jerk.”
He squeezed my shoulder and reassured me. “No one’s going to bother you, Brey.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks for walking with me.”
“Wouldn’t have walked with anyone else.”
“You sure?” I teased, skipping ahead to face him and catch him in his lie. “Melanie or Sophie didn’t want to walk with you? They weren’t mad?”
He looked just past my shoulder toward our school coming into view. “They’ll get over it.”
“Probably, but I’m guessing your walk to school could have been much more fun this morning.” I wiggled my eyebrows.
His eyes, such a lighter blue than Jax’s, danced with humor. Then, he dropped my bag and lunged for me. He grabbed me around the waist and knees, carrying me like a baby where he hovered right over a snow pile. I screeched, “Jay, you better not.”
“Say you enjoy walking to school with me just as much as I like walking to school with you. Or else.”
I batted at his arm and tried to hold back my laugh. “Are you kidding right now?”
His smile widened. “Say it, Sass Pot, or I’m dropping you.”
I laughed a little harder as he fake swung me toward the snow pile and screamed, “Fine. Fine! I love walking with you.”
“Say you know I like walking with you too.”
I chuckled as he set me down when I confirmed what he wanted.
Then we were walking again and I mumbled, “Guess I have to protect myself from you on Sophomore Kill Day too.”
Another laugh exploded from him. “Yeah, what a monster I am.”
I just smiled up at him. “You need to stop growing. You’re already a whole head taller than me.”
“Yeah, or keep growing so I can fight off the asshats that are lining up to bother you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, just hundreds of them.”
No guy had approached me all year. I wanted someone to make me forget about Jax next door. I wanted a Prince Charming, one who would overshadow Jax’s effect on me. I’d dreamed he would bump into me on my first day of school, we would both have stars in our eyes and we would fall madly in love.
Instead, every guy pretty much ran away from me or ignored me.
Jay mumbled more to himself than me, “You have no idea.”
I blew a raspberry. “I do. The notches on your bedpost are at about a bajillion and mine … well, are none.” I shrugged.
He held my backpack to his stomach as he bent over to laugh.
The genuine happiness that belted from him was infectious and made me forget how nervous I’d felt getting ready for school that day and how anxious I’d been to see him after a week, how terrible I felt the whole week without him.
He sighed and patted me on the back as we walked on, approaching the front doors of the school. “There’s my girl.”
I looked at him quizzically.
“Don’t act like you haven’t been jittery and nervous this whole morning.”
I sighed, more relaxed when I admitted, “Well, it’s supposed to be a rotten day for us sophomores.”
He nodded and when we reached the school entrance, he stepped in front of me, ready to open the door. He hesitated, then turned to me as he cleared his throat. “When you’re ready to talk about why I didn’t see or hear from you all last week, I’m ready to listen.”
I saw the hurt in his eyes. I could see him warring with himself over bringing it up and guilt washed over me. It was the first time he brought up that I hadn’t returned his calls for a week or that I ignored him when he came to my house and threw stones at my window. He deserved for me to be as good of a friend to him as he was to me. “I’m so sorry, Jay.”
He looked at my hands which were wringing themselves out. This was unspoken territory for us. I’d ignored him in the past when my father had lost his temper but never for this long.
He’d never called me out on it. We would simply pick up where we’d left off.
He pulled me to his chest for a hug and mumbled, “Missed you, Sass Pot.”
When he pulled back, his megawatt smile was back in place, and the concern behind his eyes had disappeared. One day, I owed him an explanation, but relief washed over me knowing that he wouldn’t push me anymore.
The first bell rang as I made it to my locker and Jay set my bag down. “You gonna make it the rest of the way?”
I rolled my eyes. “Thank you for walking me, Jay.”
“A thank you from Brey.” He held a hand to his heart. “Day’s officially made now.”
“Go to class, you idiot.”
“See you at lunch.” He spun to walk down the hall and within two steps, five people surrounded him. Shaking my head at how popular one person could be, I didn’t think much about opening my locker.
When I swung it open and heard the hiss though, I jumped and looked toward the sound. Coiled in the corner sat a green snake. I stared at it as it stared at me, neither of us ready to make the first move. Its tongue darted out, and I jerked back. The snake probably took my movement as a threat and launched itself at me.
I screamed, flying back and trying to catch myself as I stumbled over my backpack. I wasn’t sure if the snake was poisonous, but I acted fast as I fell to the ground and scrambled across the floor, trying to put distance between us.
When I glanced back at my locker, the thing was slithering toward a corner of the hall.
Away from me.
Thankfully.
I sucked in a relieved breath and closed my eyes as my panic subsided.
That’s when my embarrassment set in as I heard the first laugh bubble up around me. I knew when I opened my eyes, they would all be staring. A hallway full of my classmates would be ready to get the best of their Sophomore Kill Day prank.
One chuckle I heard distinctly though. It was low, melodic like a siren’s song, beautiful enough to lure someone in, but dangerous enough to ruin them as well.
When I searched out that laugh, I found him. Jax stood in the middle of his friends and slapped one of them on the back. “How’d you get Ms. Gering’s snake in there? You went above and beyond, man. Above and beyond.”
They high fived, and I saw red.
I shot up, snake and embarrassment completely forgotten, and stomped toward them.
They both stopped laughing as I shoved in between them and looked up at Jax.
His friend said from behind me, “Welcome back. Don’t take offense, Sophomore Kill Day applies to everyone.”
I wasn’t paying him any attention. My tunnel vision was aimed directly at the boy in front of me whom I wanted to hate so badly but had a crush on instead. We were a breath apart, and I could smell his spearmint mixed with some sort of sandalwood aftershave.
I hated how he treated me, and I hated how I didn’t hate that smell.
“Do you have no shame?” I seethed, looking up at him.
His hand shot out, too quickly for me to dodge, and ran through my hair.
The angry red that I saw melted to black and white as I realized my bun must have come loose when I’d fallen. The rage pumping through my veins turned ice cold as Jax’s gaze—always so calculated—flashed so many emotions in a second, I couldn’t read even one.
Jax whispered so softly that I barely heard it, “Your hair, Peaches, what happened to your beautiful hair?”
The tears that hadn’t come in days, that hadn’t fallen when I combed my newly short hair or when I looked in the mirror or even from the embarrassment of falling in front of everyone at school, began to fall then.
I started to curl in on myself.
I felt my heart seizing from the cold in my veins, everything was black and white but him and me, and I wanted so badly to just tell someone.
To tell him.
I was ready to give in.
An unlikely ally showed up to save me from spilling my secrets. She had bright yellow and black hair, chopped lethally right at her chin. She looked like a bumblebee ready to sting when she stepped in front of Jax and shoved his hand away from me. “You are a piece of shit, Jax Stonewood,” she seethed.
People were looking on, and I realized I’d lost a few tears in front of them. I turned away from them and toward her. This girl stood tall, ready to go to war for me even though we’d never talked before. Her anger radiated through the hall, blinding us with its brilliance.
“Next time you want to take Ms. Gering’s snake, I’ll make sure there’s a poisonous one to inflict some serious pain on you. Get off your high fucking horse for once and act your age.”
Everyone stood by silently, probably in a little shock that this girl was attempting to tell off the most popular people in our school.
Then, the guy who’d slapped Jax’s hand before stepped forward. “Katie, it was just a joke. It’s Sophomore Kill Day.”
Katie just scoffed at him. “What are you? Ten? Don’t come near me after school today, Nate. We are done.”
Then, to my surprise, Nate looked crushed and stepped toward her. “Please, Katie …”
She just held up her hand and turned to look around on the floor. She saw the snake had slithered to a corner and badass that this Katie was, she hunched over and held out her hand. The snake slid up onto it and wrapped itself around her wrist.
The snake whisperer walked toward me, and I started backing up. I mean, she was holding a snake, but she was quicker than me. She hooked her free arm in mine and whispered, “Don’t let them see your fear.”
I stood a little taller and started to walk with her. “Thank you.”
I looked back one last time to see Jax still there as everyone else disbursed. He looked a little shaken and a lot more interested than he ever had before. When he mouthed, “I’m sorry,” I knew I was in trouble because I’d already forgiven him.
Katie and I walked to our first class together, because it turned out we had nearly the same schedule.
After thanking her one too many times, she looked over from her desk with her lightning yellow and black bob swinging my way. “You apologize too much, Aubrey.”
“Oh, you can just call me Brey.”
“Well, Brey, you’re kind of too nice.”
I cleared my throat and sat a little straighter in my desk before our third period bell rang. “I’m just being polite and thankful.”
“K.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Stop now though. It’s creeping me out.”
“Why?”
“Because, no one is ever that nice unless they’re hiding something. Clowns and shit are nice.”
I smiled, thinking it over. “Kind of like the people who whistle down the street.”
“Exactly.”
“How about Mr. Larson?” I mentioned our teacher. “He’s extremely nice.”
“Yup. Creepy as fuck.” She finally cracked a smile. With that smile against her caramel-colored skin and her petite frame, I figured out why Katie had Nate pleading to forgive him. We were sophomores and usually guys like Nate and Jax didn’t dabble in underclassmen.
“So.” I glanced toward the door to see if anyone else was listening to our conversation. “You and Nate?”
“Ugh.” She groaned. “Don’t remind me. It was a fling, something to pass the time and kind of a place to sleep for a while.”
I must have looked confused.
“Guessing you don’t gossip much?” she asked somewhat surprised. “You seriously are the real Goody Two-shoes deal, aren’t you?”
“Wha … what are you talking about?”
“You know? You’re the homeschooled Whitfield everyone keeps talking about. I’m the foster kid who jumps from home to home. It’s a small school, Brey. You haven’t heard the shit these idiots think up?”
The teacher started setting up the materials in the front of the room and I watched him, realizing how stupid I must look. “I guess you could say I avoid gossiping to people and people avoid gossiping to me.”
She shrugged. “Whatever. I’m done with that asshole.”
“He seemed sorry.”
“He’s immature. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’m a sophomore and I had to tell him to grow up.” She shook her head and her hair swung with her. “So, what happened to your hair?”
Man, she talked so fast and jumped topics so quickly, I had to hope I didn’t get whiplash. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Jax was mumbling about your hair. What happened?” She didn’t beat around the bush.
I smoothed my hand over my newly formed bun and shifted in my seat.
“Got it. It’s private, I understand.” She turned to face the front, and then her grayish eyes glanced at me sideways. “You can wait till lunch to tell me.”
My lips thinned. “I just got a haircut.”
She stared at me for a second. Then, burst out laughing. “Okay, you’re officially one of the worst liars I’ve ever seen.”
I just shrugged and wiped my now sweaty palms on my jeans.
She leaned in a little over her desk and whispered, “I think I like you. I think we’re going to be really good fucking friends. So, I’ll tell you a secret. I’ve been in foster care for a long time, seen a lot of shitty things, and I can tell when something is wrong with someone the moment I meet them.”
My eyes must have been wide as I sat there, frozen, listening to her and not knowing what to say.
Her look altered from one of the fierce stinging bee she portrayed to a more wounded, understanding animal. “Your secrets will always be safe with me.”
We stared at each other for a beat. For the first time ever, I sat next to another girl that shared the same look I did. I wanted to tell her everything right then and there. Maybe it was her brashness, the way she held herself tall as if neither of us had to be ashamed and we could be something more than the abuse that went on in our homes. I smiled at her and nodded in understanding.
For the first time ever, I wanted to tell Jay. I didn’t even listen in my next two classes because I was planning a way to tell them both.
When the lunch bell rang, Katie and I weaved our way through the halls to the cafeteria.
Taking a table with our lunches proved to be easy as we were early.
Katie’s mile-a-minute mouth was going over our last class when I looked up and saw Jax approaching. A couple girls called out to him but he’d set his eyes on me. I could feel their determination across the room, raking over my face and trying to read me the way he always did.
As he neared, Katie glanced up and then grumbled. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, doesn’t he have a girlfriend? He’s practically obsessed with you.”
“Katie!” I whisper-yelled.
Before she could answer, Jax leaned against our table and set a peach in front of me. “Peace offering, Peaches.”
I would have said thank you. I would have accepted it and we would have parted ways amicably. No lines would have been drawn. No people would have had to witness the war beginning.
Jay had other plans, as he barreled up to us and shoved Jax so hard, he stumbled into the other table.
“What the fuck, man?” Jax roared, stabilizing himself and coming back at him.
No one stepped in between them like I assumed some of their friends would. Everyone around us was fine with these beautiful guys destroying each other’s faces.
“I told you not to fuck with her.” Jay pointed to me, and it seemed everyone’s heads in the lunchroom turned my way. “You gave me your word.”
Jax glanced at me and back at Jay. His gaze hardened as he eyed his brother again. “Well, I’m sorry, Jay. Didn’t know the little pixie was so important to you. If you’d have told me you two had a thing—”
Jay shoved him hard again, but this time Jax was ready and shoved him back harder. They were both strong, too strong and too charged to be in each other’s faces.
Katie must have seen my panic as I slipped out from my seat and jumped between them because as I faced Jax to push him back, she faced Jay and pushed him back.
My hands were on his chest and I felt his heart beating so hard, I rubbed him there like I had the right to. “It’s all right. Please stop, okay?”
His hands flexed into fists and his eyes remained trained on his brother, but Katie had reined him in. She spun around to me and spoke loudly, “Brey, we’re going. Leave these fuckers to their own shit.”
I glanced at Jax again. His eyes were still on his brother. They held something other than anger though. His brows pulled down like he was acknowledging something, like he was worried.
The color drained from Jay’s face as he glanced from Jax and then to me with wide eyes. I lifted a hand to smooth back my hair and realized it had slid from my bun again. My short hair was loose and Jay finally noticed.
Without another word to Jax, I rushed toward Jay.
He’d always known something was amiss in my household. Everyone did. I’m sure he’d assumed but the look on his face right then said his speculations were confirmed. It was recognition, and I knew that if I didn’t tell him today and talk him down, he’d share his suspicions with someone he thought would help.
As I grabbed his arm and stormed out of the back doors of the lunchroom, Katie followed and brushed off anyone who tried to talk to us. When we sat at a secluded picnic table, I started at the beginning.
I confessed that the first time I remember my dad hitting my mom, I did nothing. Every time after, nothing. I ended my excruciatingly long confession with the shame of still not doing anything every time he hit her.
Jay asked about my hair, and I told him I deserved it and that I should have hidden it better because my mom paid a price for my negligence later on. He looked mortified, but Katie nodded her head solemnly, like she completely understood.
That day, none of my stones were left unturned and none of my secrets were left unsaid. Those stones built a wall between us and everyone else in that high school. My secrets fortified our friendship and lifted so much weight off my shoulders that I honestly believed I had enough strength to fly away from the problems I had at home.
Some problems though weighed enough to keep me firmly grounded.
