Inevitable: Chapter 26

When my Sunday night redeye landed in our hometown, I expected there would be bridges I would have to mend. The walls I’d torn down and destroyed with Aubrey were probably fucking resurrected the moment the media leaked coverage of my visit to the prison.

I called her again and again on my way back.

When I didn’t get an answer, I tried to call Jay.

He ignored the call and texted me.

I pocketed my cell, deciding he could fuck off. He was just reinforcing her resurrected wall by not helping me get to her.

I needed to call Isabel to figure out how to spin the media with Aubrey in it. Yet, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel right calling her. The more I thought about our relationship, the more I realized she’d been a stand-in girlfriend for me along with a PR agent over the years.

Not that I had to answer to anyone about my relationships, but if I didn’t want Aubrey sleeping with her friends, I damn sure couldn’t be sleeping with mine.

I should have resorted to working on my app or trying to get the sleep I was sure wouldn’t come but the damn woman permeated my every thought. I could barely think of anything else.

I called her again, knowing it was too late.

When she didn’t answer, I told myself that she probably shouldn’t. It was for the best. Reaching her would be toxic and most likely end in both of our destruction.

I knew it then just like I’d known it when I’d left her that summer after high school.

So, I didn’t call or text her again but let the idea of her haunt me.

I changed into some shorts and put on my running shoes to go for a midnight jog.

When I hit the pavement, I tried to focus on exercise even though the thought of her consumed me.

Kissing her in her kitchen had taken me right back to the days of wanting to write about her, muse about her, yearn for her, and sing for her. She ignited those raw feelings of jealousy and hate and love within me. With her, my emotions ran wild and let me make my only real music.

I couldn’t let that happen now. I’d left the music industry for that reason. The emotion and intensity of it all nearly consumed me. I’d exposed myself, and the world looked at all my emotions with a kaleidoscope, dissecting each one, changing and distorting it.

There was a damn good reason musicians walked away from the industry or built fortresses around themselves to disappear. I’d done the same thing, sort of. I’d turned my attention to investments and apps. I still utilized my old music for it, but I didn’t have it in me to get lost in the emotions of my music all over again.

Getting lost in her and in writing the music surrounding those emotions without knowing whether I would have her again or if I wanted her again was like taking a bullet wound to the stomach. It penetrated my insides in a hot flash, the trauma acute enough to trick my mind into feeling no pain at first, just long enough to believe I might make it; then, as my brain adjusted to reality, I’d be left unable to ever forget the scorching, searing pain inflicted by my own reckless abandon.

For some damn reason, my body didn’t shy from the pain. I’d seen her in that kitchen with a man I knew was playing games with me and jumped at the chance to use it.

I pushed myself harder as I jogged, trying to burn off my frustration.

My mind knew indulging in her wasn’t the smart thing to do. I prided myself on making those types of deductions and calculating the most likely of the outcomes.

The end for her and me should have been when I walked out on her a long time ago. Unfortunately, both of us were tied to the man that had set our lives aflame. He’d held a trump card for so long, I couldn’t back away until I’d beaten him at his own game and taken every card he held, including the one he held over my head and hers.

I still couldn’t figure out if I was doing that for her or for myself.

So when I stopped in front of her apartment, out of breath from my run, I didn’t immediately knock on her door.

I didn’t have a good reason to keep seeing her or to run here in the middle of the night to bother her.

She would ask me why I visited her father and I wouldn’t give her an answer. Part of me wanted to knock on her door for that reason alone. So I could see her light up with anger and lose herself a little. She needed that. Without unraveling a little, she would wind herself up so tight, she’d continue to have panic attacks like she’d had at Jay’s premiere.

Immediately after I knocked, the door swung wide open and the bane of my existence stood there.

Katie’s smile looked a little like a maniac’s when she said, “You here to see someone?”

I just stared at her.

She scoffed, “She’s not here, and I don’t think she’ll be back tonight.”

I felt my jaw tick before I could catch it. Her smile widened.

“Where is she?” I said, practically growling. I knew the answer.

Katie just laughed and started to swing the door shut.

I wedged my running shoe between the door and the wall before she could fully slam it though. “Answer me.”

Katie’s eyes narrowed and her smile turned so saccharine, it was evident she was out for blood. Looking as if she was about to storm away, she stomped her heel so far into my big toe I’m certain my guttural cry could be heard through the whole complex.

“What in the flying fuck, Katie?” I yelled.

She didn’t even turn back around, just said over her shoulder, “Do not fuck with her anymore.” Then, she slammed the door.

I pushed off the wall and bent down to rub my foot through my sneaker. “Jesus Christ,” I muttered.

“She got you with one of those heels, huh?” Rome leaned against the doorframe of what I assumed was his apartment.

I nodded and stood up, trying to bite the bullet and talk to the man I knew had been fucking my girl. “Roman.”

His mouth stretched into a smile, “You can just call me Rome.”

I sucked on my teeth. “You happen to know where I might find Aubrey?”

The full blown smile told me all I needed to know.

“She know I’m out here?”

“I wasn’t going to wake her.”

If we’d been back in high school, when I considered her mine, I would have broken his jaw.

I wasn’t proud to admit I still considered it.

“She wouldn’t be happy,” he stated as if he could read my mind.

I raised my eyebrows in question.

From the looks of him—his wide frame and stance, the way his muscles bunched under all the tattoos, and the way his eyes watched my fists—he could probably read when a man was ready to come at him.

He’d put up a good fight, that was for sure.

He nodded at my hands like he knew I wanted them to connect with his face. “Brey’s never liked fighting.”

“Your point?”

“You’d make her more unhappy than you’ve already made her.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and let him continue.

“You’re here looking for forgiveness, and she’s not going to give it to you if you break my nose.”

“I was thinking jaw.”

His dark eyes sparked with a little life, like he might enjoy it, but he didn’t move toward me. Instead, he rocked back on his heels. “I know that look you have.”

“What look is that?”

“It’s the same one I had for a girl I thought was mine, who I thought I had under my control. Turns out, she owned me and the chaos surrounding us couldn’t be controlled at all.”

“Well, there’s the difference. I’ve always been able to control even the most fucked-up chaos.”

“Might be true, Jax. But I know Brey, and she’ll never choose to come anywhere near you if you keep talking to her father.”

I pushed off the wall and looked at his door one last time. Then I directed my gaze toward him, making sure he heard me very clearly. “You might know her, but you don’t know her with me. You assume she has the choice of coming near me in the first place.”

It was his turn to raise his eyebrows in question, looking like he may be ready to fight me finally.

I held up my hand to stop him and explain. “You assume I have a choice in keeping away from her too? She and I have never had a choice. We’re drawn to each other whether we like it or not.”

He scoffed but there was no reason to indulge in the conversation any further. “You want to tell her I’m here or you want me to break down your door?”

He contemplated it for about five seconds.

It was long enough for us to size each other up again. The man stood to just about the same height as me. I commanded attention in a room but he did too. I could see why he might appeal to Aubrey but couldn’t see her with anyone but me.

He smiled wide like he’d come to some conclusion. “If you hurt her again, I won’t have to break your neck.”

I shrugged, not promising him anything.

He continued. “Katie and Jay will skin you alive before I find you. You better believe I’ll help hide the body though.”

With that, he headed toward the exit door of the complex and said over his shoulder, “Just try calling or knocking to wake her up instead of breaking down my damn door and ice that toe of yours. Katie’s heels are mean motherfuckers.”

I should have broken down the door just to make a point, but he was being relatively helpful under the circumstances.

I’d learned over the years that I could make a point pretty clearly by navigating my social relationships the right way. I’d be navigating him the fuck out of her life and her into my bed soon enough.

Instead of knocking, I leaned against the hall wall, stared at Roman’s door and called her cell.

I heard it ring on the other side and imagined her groggily reaching for it. She’d never been one to wake up happy, so I didn’t expect her to answer on the first call.

It went to her voice mail. I hung up just to dial her number again.

It would have been rude to ignore a second call and I knew some of the politeness she’d been taught as a child was still there. She cleared her throat before speaking, but her hello was still full of sleep and sounded a lot like how I remembered it sounding after I’d slept next to her years ago.

“Polite of you to answer a call this late, Peaches.”

“Impolite of you to call this late, L.P.” she said back, using my nickname to grate on my nerves.

I heard rustling and even though I knew she was in another man’s bed, my body wanted to be right beside her.

Normally she and I would battle with each other, but tonight I battled with myself. I should have walked away from every damn feeling. She had me angry as hell that she wasn’t mine. The memories of us had me longing to be next to her again. And hearing her over the phone had me walking right up to Roman’s door wanting to be next to her.

“Can I see you?”

She stuttered, “Why?”

“Because we should talk.”

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“We do,” I corrected. “Can I see you right now? Are you busy?”

She hesitated. “It’s really late, Jax.”

“But you’re up.”

“What time is it?”

“Late. I’m outside your door. Let me in.” It was a cheap way to make her forget our real issues and worry about the fact that she wasn’t in her apartment.

I heard more rustling and it made me wonder if she was putting her clothes on.

Did she sleep naked with him? Did she let herself unwind that much or had that only been with me a long time ago?

She sounded a little out of breath when she responded with, “Jax, it’s three in the morning.”

I smiled a little because I recognized the tone she used when she wanted to be nice but was getting rubbed the wrong way. The girl I used to know couldn’t keep up a front that long. Her annoyance and emotion bled through.

I had lived for those moments.

“Yeah, it’s late.”

“Look. We don’t have anything to talk about, but I can do coffee tomorrow if you want. Would you like to do that?”

“Would you like to open Roman’s door?”

She sucked in a breath.

“On his way out he mentioned where you were sleeping.”

“Great,” she said. Then she hung up.

I promised myself I would only wait about another minute before I walked away but I knew if it took her longer than that, I’d probably break the door down. I had invested too much of my night to not see her now.

When the door swung open only seconds later, I took in the woman I’d fought like hell to make just another notch on my bedpost. Her dark hair laid on her shoulders and spilled down her chest in messy enough curls that she’d either been sleeping or rolling around in bed.

The idea made me want to toss her curvy little ass into a box that only I had the key to. Then, when I wanted to explore all the shit she made me feel, I’d let her out to play. She was my toy, not anyone else’s.

“You’re wearing gray again, I see,” I started.

“Yep. It’s a nice, bland look. You know I don’t like to draw attention even if I was on the news earlier today.”

I crossed my arms, ignoring her attempt to rile me and tsked as I looked her up and down. “Peaches, anything you wear that is that short and tight on your ass is going to draw attention.”

She rolled her lips between her teeth, and it was like my enemy showing me their weakness. It egged me the hell on.

“Did Roman tell you he was only looking in a nice, friendly manner?”

Her green eyes narrowed just a little. “I’m tired, Jax. So, if you don’t have anything important to say …”

Damn, she’d gotten so much better at holding that temper.

I wondered how much longer it would take to light her up and get a rise out of her.

I also wondered why I was here in the first place.

That had me holding back, knowing we had to figure out this pull between us.

“Let’s talk.”

She stared at me like I’d morphed into a creature she didn’t understand.

“Peaches, let me in so we can talk, okay?”

She rubbed her eyes and stepped back.

I walked in and closed the door behind me.

When I turned to her again, she didn’t look up from her phone and typed away to someone else.

“Something important happening on there?”

“Rome said he won’t be back for a while and …”—she cleared her throat again, showing another nervous habit of hers—“that he hopes we can work through some things.”

“How friendly and thoughtful of him.”

She set her phone down on the table a little harder than I’d seen her do in the past. “Well, Jax, he is a good friend.”

“Hmm.” I stepped toward her. “You sleep in all your friend’s beds?”

When she rolled her eyes, I saw a little heat from her temper seeping through that quiet façade.

“How do I get to that friend level?”

Her hands went to her hips. And then, she unleashed. “I just can’t. It is the middle of the night and you, what?” She looked me up and down. Then she motioned to my running attire. “Jog over here to annoy me after you spent the weekend having conversations with my father? Are you completely out of your mind or just a total fucking asshole?”

“Watch that mouth, Whitfield. You used to hold that tongue a lot better. It’s new you can’t do that.”

“‘New’?” Her eyes shone so bright I saw only green fury swimming all around me. “You think me swearing is new! News flash, Jax, everything about me is new to you! I’m a totally new person. The girl you knew years ago broke down and died after a summer of hell and a summer with you. Although, hmm …” She tapped her chin dramatically. “That was pretty much one and the same.”

This anger, this raw emotion was what moved me, moved us, made us who we were. I tried to step up to her, I wanted to experience this outburst as closely as I could.

She stepped back and moved to stand on the other side of the apartment’s small kitchen island. “You think that helping with some class, taking a few little jogs, and trying to make me feel good on a kitchen counter one day is going to change the fact that you and I are oil and water? Or worse yet! We’re like two chemicals that when mixed together create a bomb.”

“Ammonia and chloride.”

She waved her hands at me. “Whatever. I don’t want to be woken up at three in the morning by you after you went and did stuff you knew would bother me all weekend.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. “Fair enough.”

Her eyebrows went up in confusion. She wanted a fight. I did too. My body buzzed for another battle with her but seeing her let go like this reinforced what I already knew.

“We need to come to some conclusions tonight, Whitfield.”

Her head tilted to the side a little. “I am coming to some conclusions.”

“Are you now?”

She held up a finger. “One, I don’t want you bothering me outside of studying.”

I leaned into the counter, letting her ramble on while I used one foot to slide off one sneaker.

“Two.” She held up another finger but looked at my feet like they were letting out all her steam. “Once this class is over, we don’t talk unless you want to talk about my father. Because quite frankly, until you do, I have nothing to say to you.”

I pushed the other shoe off and shoved them both aside as I started toward her, ready to be done with the counting.

“Three …”

“The only conclusion is you and I are going to keep bumping heads until we get each other out of our systems, Peaches.” I kept my voice soft, trying to coax her into understanding as I cornered her in another kitchen that reminded me very much of the one we were in just a few days ago.

“What?” Her question was a whisper on her lips, so quiet I barely heard it.

“It’s been years but my body still remembers exactly how your skin feels up against mine.”

She licked her lips, “Jax …”

“I’m not saying you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

The fire lit up in her eyes again. “Are you ser—”

“And I’m not saying I’m the best you’ve ever had. But our bodies connect. When I see you, I want to be inside you. I want to fucking own you. Nothing else.”

Her breathing picked up.

“It’s more of a primal instinct. Maybe it’s something about what we went through together or maybe I just cut that summer too short.”

She looked over my shoulder like she wanted someone to run in and break this up, like making any more eye contact with me would pain her. “You leaving me that summer wasn’t my fault. You did that.”

“Peaches, I know that. We both needed to move on.”

“Move on to this?” she yelled and threw her hands up. “This, right here between us? We’ve moved on to what? The connection neither of us can shake?”

I boxed her in by putting both my hands on either side of her hips on the counter. I made sure my lips were only an inch from hers when I said, “We can shake this. Let me shake it from you from here on out. No strings. When I’m here, helping you with your class and getting ready for my app launch, you let me get you out of my system and allow yourself to let go enough to get me out of yours.”

I saw her mind working as she slid her hand over her hair. “And when you go back to the city and visit my dad? You expect me to just wait here for you?”

She framed her question to drill home a point and with it, she struck one of my nerves. Before I could hold my tongue, I shot back, “You obviously have a comforting system here. How many times did you fuck Roman while I was gone?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I shook my head, attempting to shake off the jealousy I finally had to admit I was feeling. “Let yourself go with me, Whitfield. Get me out of your system.”

“I don’t have you in my system, Jax.”

She stood tall, her head tilted up at me, like she meant every word she said.

I knew different.

I knew this stance better than any. She wanted to run. She wanted to wave a white flag and go back to some comfort zone where she could lick her wounds, build her wall back up.

“If you don’t, prove it.”

“How?”

“Play along for two minutes. If you want me to stop, just say so, and I’ll walk away.”

The fire in those emerald eyes of hers burned with fear.

If she walked, I’d find someone else to be with, I reminded myself.

Something in me screamed I would never find someone like her.

I silenced that scream as best I could and stared at her like I’d walk away right then if she asked me to.

I knew better. I just hoped she didn’t.