“We’re not finished yet,” he said low into my ear from behind me.
My whole body, and probably even my spirit and soul, shivered in anticipation. Even if I’d just experienced the best orgasm and quite possibly the most passionate moment of my life, my body wanted more.
I needed more.
Somewhere along the way, my body parted from my mind and decided Jax was the ally, and common sense was the enemy.
Now, it seemed to be in survival mode, ready to tap into energy reserves just to keep him close, to keep experiencing him over and over again.
My body rebelled and aligned with the enemy. I was an addict, feeding off Jax as if he were a drug.
The situation went from bad to worse when I spread my legs further apart, like I wanted him to continue.
His hand slid up my thigh and rubbed the inside of it with his thumb. Back and forth. Back and forth. Like he used to do so many years ago.
The touch triggered me. “Jax, if you want to fuck me, just do it.”
His hand left my thigh and before I could ask what he was doing, his whole body overtook me when he wrapped a hand around my neck.
While I gasped for air, he thrust so hard into me, I just barely caught myself before slamming into the window.
He didn’t pull out but rolled his hips as he tightened his grip on my neck and used his other hand to push my back further down. “Fuck you like this? That what you wanted?”
His cock stretched me so much, I almost whimpered. If someone were watching, I knew it would look bad. He had me bent to nearly a ninety degree angle in front of a window, while he just barely let me breathe, fucking me just the way he wanted.
I had no control in the situation, I was at his mercy and his disposal.
Yet, it was the most liberated and alive I’d felt in so long. My heart pumped blood under his thumb on my neck, and I swore it pumped stronger than it ever had before. My skin tingled where he pushed at my back, and I could feel his breath on my shoulder, the air around us shook with tension.
I could feel every little thing.
The colors of the cityscape and lake vibrated to life in front of me. The world was brighter, louder, and so freaking beautiful.
When he pulled back and loosened his grip on my neck, I sucked in deep and it made me feel even more alive.
When he slammed his cock into me even further this time, I swear I felt the blood rushing all the way down to my toes in my pumps.
Together, we lived and burned brighter than my life could ever be without him.
He rolled into me harder but loosened his grip to get an answer, “You like this don’t you, Peaches?”
“Yes, yes, God, yes.”
He pulled out of me and spun me around to face him.
I leaned against the window and took every inch of him in. The man, whether he would ruin me or not, was the perfect specimen.
He’d trumped every other male in the world with just the way he looked at me. The dominance and hunger in that stare was enough to make me sacrifice everything.
His breathing had picked up enough that his chest expanded under his dress shirt over and over. His cock hung from his pants, bigger than I could remember it being and so hard I licked my lips. I knew firsthand that wrapping my mouth around it wasn’t a chore.
He grabbed it and pumped it once in front of me. “Keep staring and I’ll make you do more than just that.”
“I want to do more,” I said, without even thinking.
He moaned. “You’re starting to drive me crazy.”
“Just starting to?” I questioned as he stepped close again, smoothing some of my hair behind my shoulder.
He grunted. “You know I’m already crazy fucking insane when it comes to you.” He gripped the back of my thighs as he lifted me.
I wrapped my legs around him. When he thrust into me this time, he spun so that his back was against the window and I could take in the view while he ravaged my neck and pounded into me.
The lake constantly shifted from each wave and the skyline stood tall with little movements all around it. I lost myself in it, got swallowed up by how enormous it all was and how small I must have looked in it.
He’d choose this over me and over anyone. Anybody would. With that thought, he pushed me over the edge again as his hands gripped my ass when he came in me.
My world spiraled down deep into a place where only Jax and I mattered, where I lost my ability to talk sense into myself or think logically.
Jax nestled into my neck. “Bed?”
I closed my eyes and wrapped my limbs tighter around him. “Mm-hmm.”
He carried me, without removing himself from me for a second to his bed. As he did, I took in the sleek lines of the penthouse, the granite countertops, the marble tiles. I noted every black-and-white picture, meticulously hung symmetrically throughout. “Did you decorate?”
He stopped mid-stride and glanced around. “What? You don’t like it?”
“Well, it’s beautiful, of course.”
He chuckled and bounced me a little on his hips by squeezing my butt. “You choosing to be polite when my cock’s still in you, Whitfield?”
I left one arm around his shoulders but moved the other to poke him in the chest. “I’m being nice, you ass!”
“Nice?” He surprised me by slapping my butt cheek and continuing to walk to the bedroom. “I’m going to start punishing you for being nice.”
He threw me on the bed and that was the moment we both realized the mistake we’d made.
His cock stood to attention in front of us both like we hadn’t just had sex. As I stared, I was ashamed to admit I got wet all over again even knowing what I did.
“Shit, Peaches, I’m clean. I swear …”
I closed my eyes to shield my embarrassment as I scrambled to sit up and gather what pride I had left. “Have you been tested since you slept with Isabel or whoever?”
He buckled his pants back up and I scrambled to wrap the gray quilt he had over his bed around me. “Are you kidding me?”
“It’s a legitimate question, Jax. Just last week, I saw a magazine at Walgreens that—”
He stepped up and grabbed the sheet I’d tied at my chest to undo my tie. “You know damn well those magazines don’t mean anything.”
“What are you doing?” I practically yelled over him and scrambled to retie the quilt.
“And I could ask you the same question about your dear friend, Roman, but I’m not.” He grabbed both of my wrists to hold them hostage under one hand while he untied the quilt with the other.
I struggled, but it was no use.
He looked at me pointedly. “I’m not asking because, either way, you belong here with me.” He ripped the quilt from my body. “Naked, in my bed.”
The cool air against my bare skin felt like vulnerability as goose bumps formed all over. I didn’t shiver or shrink into myself though.
Standing in my heels before, he drank in every inch of me, and my body discovered a new addiction. Jax couldn’t pull his eyes away to dominate or calculate his moves. He looked ravenous and starved, and I knew his appetite was just for me.
I slid my hands to my hips and his eyes trailed my exact movements, when I cleared my throat, his eyes met mine in a tumultuous sea of blue. “We have to lay ground rules if we are going to keep doing this, Jax.”
He took a step back like he needed the space to operate. “Fine. You have a minute to lay out whatever the fuck you want.’
His tone had my thighs rubbing together. “If we sleep with someone else, we need to at least get tested before—”
“Not happening. You with someone else while we’re doing this …” He growled and ran his hands through his hair. “Don’t do it, Whitfield. I don’t handle jealousy well when it comes to you.”
“Jax, be logical,” I tried.
He stepped up to me so his dress shirt lightly rubbed against my breasts. “Fine. Logically, I’m territorial of you. Even though it was six years ago since you were exclusively mine.” He unbuttoned his shirt standing against me, his knuckles rubbing my torso.
I shivered.
Then, he pulled the shirt from his shoulders, and I got a look at the expansive, muscled chest I’d spent so many nights laying on so long ago. “Logically, I only want to fuck you even in the midst of fucking someone else …”
I gasped at his admission but he kept stripping, unzipping his pants again.
“Logically, the idea of you fucking someone even if you are thinking of me makes me see red, Sweet Sin.” He dropped his pants and pushed his body against mine to walk me back into his bed. “Logically, you’re mine and I don’t share.”
“Jax, that’s not logical at all.”
He hovered over me and smirked. “Are you on birth control, baby?”
“Yes, and I’m clean but—”
“Minute of ground rules is up.” He plunged into me again.
The aftershocks of what we’d done hit hard minutes after coming down from another explosive orgasm solely because a ringing sounded throughout his house. When I looked at him, he just shrugged and said, “Answer the phone, Alice.”
“Okay, it’s your brother calling most likely about your last text,” a woman’s voice responded.
I eyed him with questions. He whispered, “New app we’re trying.” Then louder, he asked toward the ceiling, “What do you need, Jett?”
“I need you to release my client so she can come work over her investment portfolio with me.”
I shot up in bed, feeling exposed and embarrassed all at the same time. I couldn’t figure out if his voice was coming from the ceiling, the walls, or some device. Jax’s hand went to my hips to steady me and he pointed to a little speaker installed into the wall.
“Jett, she needs to reschedule.”
My eyes bulged. I couldn’t possibly cancel on Jett. I knew how busy he was. Clients waited months for a meeting with him, he was highly sought after.
I glared at Jax but he didn’t glare back. His eyes held a look that didn’t waiver, didn’t bend, and the look was so serious, I knew I would crack.
“Aubrey, you there with my brother?”
I scrunched my nose and squeezed my eyes shut wanting to die from embarrassment. “Yes, I’m here,” I basically whispered and then wondered if he could hear me mumbling into the pillows.
“You want to reschedule?”
Well that answered the question of how much he could hear. I tried not to rustle the sheets at all when I replied, “I think I will have to. I am so sorry for the in—”
Another voice cut in. “You rescheduling our dinner and night too?” Jay’s voice sounded somewhat dejected, but also like a warning.
I could feel my cheeks turning red. I jumped from the bed and started looking for clothes. “Of course not! I am just on my way out of here. Jax and I were just talking about my investment project. Time got away from me. I can meet you both in five minutes.”
Jett answered this time. “I’ll fit you in later this afternoon. Just come to my office when you get a chance. You can talk with Jay later about the relationship you have with Jax. He seems to look like he needs an explanation. Anyway, I have to go, I have another meeting.” With that, Alice announced that the call had ended.
“How can he possibly have another meeting when he was supposed to…” I trailed off somewhat baffled.
“You’d be surprised how often Jett double books.”
I found my dress and started zipping it up. “Seems unhealthy.”
“Or driven.”
I didn’t argue because no one could argue work ethic with Stonewood men.
Instead, I gave him a look that I hoped conveyed exactly what I felt. They all needed rest, to be healthy, to be taking care of themselves.
“I don’t work half as much as him.”
I shrugged, “Okay.”
“I haven’t seen you disagree with me like that in years.”
“I didn’t disagree.”
“No, you placated me without sharing your true feelings.”
I sighed and looked over at his view again. “It’s a beautiful place to work a lot if you’re going to do it.”
He stood and came to look with me. “If I worked less, would you come to see me more often?”
I raked my hands through hair, feeling guilty that I’d ditched my meeting and was condemning myself for not feeling worse when I eyed Jax, still bare chested next to me. “I didn’t come to see you. I should be meeting with your brother.”
He smiled. “Next time, you’ll come to see only me.”
I groaned because his voice sounded so damn gravelly, I almost leaned into him. “No, this should stay casual, Jax. I know we said things a moment ago …”
“Things I meant.”
“You mean them right now, at this moment, but later it won’t be the same,” I said it, hoping it wasn’t true, and knowing it needed to be all the same.
Talking to Jett and Jay had burst our little bubble.
We couldn’t do this, not again. Not with what he did, where he lived, who he was, who I was. We were so far apart from compatible, it seemed ridiculous to even consider it.
“I could have said those things to you a year ago, in high school, today, tomorrow. The time wouldn’t matter.” His voice shook me from my thoughts.
“The timing always matters, Jax. Our timing will never be right. This could be perfect for us. You and me, getting over each other by keeping it casual and—”
“I’m already starting to hate that word,” he groaned.
I wrung my hands. “You have your demons, and I have mine. We couldn’t possibly do well tied to each other exclusively. You have to know that, considering all your relationships.”
“What relationships are you referring to?”
“Well, Isabel is a perfect example.” I turned away and started for the door, not really wanting to talk about her at all. Thinking of him with someone else struck something feral in me that I wasn’t proud of.
“She works my PR and knows me having a girlfriend works well for the media. We’ve never been exclusive and no feelings are involved. We’re nothing.” He grabbed my elbow to turn me and stop my beeline for the door.
I glared, weighing his words, wanting them to be true and knowing it didn’t matter at the same time.
I’d never be able to deal with the PR. Or the media. Or him visiting my father. “It’s fine if it’s something. That’s what I am saying. What we have is nothing.”
He stepped back as if struck with the finality of my words.
I continued trying to convey my point. “What we should have is a casual, no-strings relationship and beyond that, hopefully, we’re friends and getting over whatever we were under in the past.”
He flexed that chiseled jaw like he was grinding steel between his teeth. I almost winced.
“If you think this is casual—” He trailed off as he stared into my eyes.
We let the silence take over, he knew our chemistry didn’t need him defining anything more.
Everyone wants to believe they can overcome that type of chemistry, that they can listen to reason. I physically felt nauseous as I tried to do just that. My body just rebelled as if it knew the only thing it needed to survive was Jax.
“Why are you fighting this so damn much?” He ran his hands through his hair and left it sticking up as he took a step closer to me. “Just stop thinking about it and see where we go.” His last word was a whisper. “Please.”
I whispered back, “How? How can I see where we’d go when where it went before wrecked me? You go to see him still, Jax. And every time you go, it nearly kills me. There are so many unknowns and so many questions.”
“Then ask what you want to know. The wheels turning in your head never help. So ask, Whitfield.”
“You’ve never been willing to answer …”
“Try me,” he replied.
Even I was surprised when I retorted, “I don’t want to.”
His eyes narrowed, “Why?”
I closed my eyes, embarrassed. Honesty was difficult. I was starting to understand why my mother never shared some parts of her childhood with me.
When faced with the ugly reality, it was hard to admit that I’d lied to myself for so long. I’d acted like I wanted to know what he was doing with my father but that wasn’t the truth.
When I looked at him, I knew I had to be honest. “Because I’m afraid of the answers. Or afraid you won’t answer at all, and then I’ll be stuck imagining the worst like I have for years.”
“What if I said it’s almost over?”
I sighed. “Then, maybe us being casual will last until then.”
“Then what?” he pushed.
I shrugged. “Are you doing something illegal with him? Will I hate you after it’s done?” My question was a whisper.
“It’s not illegal.” He held my gaze. “And, I don’t know.”
I nodded but didn’t attempt to respond because my throat closed and my eyes watered. I’d thought of talking to him about this for so long, and for some reason it felt wrong and crushing.
He sighed and the fight in his eyes was there again, warring with itself. “Peaches, you had this childhood where you met the enemy of your life early on. You overcame that monster.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t.”
He reached out to touch my cheek. “You did. You overcame him every day by surviving him and being there for your mom. I met my worst fear and that monster when I was eighteen, running into that fire. Before that, I’d only been scared to let my dad down or scared my mom would ground me for some shit. One day I was living an easy life, the next I was standing between you and death.”
I nodded like I understood but I couldn’t understand that struggle because mine was so different. I was still struggling, trying to figure out if I’d been there for my mother or made it worse.
“I chose to save you.” He hesitated for only a second. “I chose to let him die too. It just ended up being your mother who we lost instead.”
I shook my head, trying to relieve him of the guilt. “No, you just acted in an emergency, Jax. You told everyone how you—”
“I lied.” He drew out those two words to make sure I heard them. He didn’t stutter or hesitate.
I shrugged, “So what?”
When he realized he wasn’t going to get more of a reaction from me, his eyes widened. “I lied, Whitfield!” he practically shouted. “I left Frank to die in that room. I did it on purpose.”
“I know.”
He stumbled back. “You don’t know. I’m saying I decided he didn’t need to live. I fucking wanted to kill him.”
His admission was one the cops and my father’s lawyer had looked for but had never received from him. He never, ever admitted to anything when called to the stand or asked by the press.
I placed my hand on his chest and felt his heart thundering. “Father always kept the keys on him, and you’ve never—not once—done something without calculating the odds. I knew, Jax.”
“But that summer, you never said anything.”
“I didn’t care.” I corrected myself, “I don’t care.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Part of me is fucked up from that.”
I rubbed his chest wanting to soothe him but not having the right words.
“Fucked up not because I was capable of it but because I didn’t accomplish it.”
“Does it make me fucked up that I still want him to die too? That I still want to conquer him in some way after all these years?” I whispered.
He sighed. “You don’t have to conquer him, Peaches. I don’t want you fucking near him. I want you to forget he exists.”
It was my turn to sigh. This Jax I rarely saw anymore. He was calculated when it came to his emotions, so much so that people thought he didn’t have any. I knew though, he wanted to protect what he loved, not thinking of anything more or less. “I never asked you to do that. I didn’t want that from you ever. I just wanted—”
“I know,” he whispered, like it pained him. “It wasn’t just about knowing you could move on without facing him because I couldn’t. It started out like it was about you, and now, it’s an addiction to bring him to his knees, to leave him with nothing.”
His words spiraled around me. My mind spun too fast to keep up with all the emotions, yet the one I could ultimately decipher out of the mix was doubt. “Jax, that’s not possible.”
His eyes snapped to mine, and in them, I saw a fire so blue and so cold, it would burn whoever looked long enough at it. “Yes, it is.”
I wanted to push more, argue more, be consumed by him more.
I just wanted more.
I grappled to find the control I needed though. The look in his eyes told me I wasn’t getting more and I needed to digest what he’d given me anyway.
As I zipped my dress, I heard him from behind, “You always hated fitted dresses like this.”
I sucked in a bit of breath. “You remember that?”
“You were so stiff at that charity event back in high school. I couldn’t understand why. I thought you were scared to disappoint your parents. Turns out, you were just uncomfortable in the dress.”
I hid my smile as I grabbed the last of my belongings. “I’m sure I was a little scared too.”
“Were you scared to come here today?”
“I’m always a little scared to face you.” It was an admission I wouldn’t have given him before.
He grunted. “The dress is lethal. It somehow hides and shows everything.”
I smiled outright this time. “Mission accomplished.”
“One day, when this is more than just casual, I’ll burn it.” Casual rolled like acid off his tongue.
“If we become more than casual, Jax, and that’s a big if.” With that, I walked out, knowing his jaw was ticking behind me.
