Jay was three beers in, and I was sure Rome had just as many when we met up with them later that evening at a Korean Barbecue restaurant. With the atmosphere, I knew someone had moved something around to get us reservations. Not one person eyed Jay like he was a celebrity which meant most people who dined here were either always in the company of them or were themselves celebrities.
I normally would have felt uneasy and out of place but Vick and Katie started our celebrations back at the hotel.
While we’d gotten ready, I’d told them how I’d ironed out my finances well enough that I could make a sizable donation to Margie’s too. Although Jett had outright disagreed with the substantial figure in our earlier meeting, calling it a terrible investment that would never pay off, I wanted to celebrate. It wasn’t meant to be an investment, it was meant to take care of those kids.
Katie and Vick wanted to celebrate too. Or they were just happy to be in a big city, getting ready for a night out.
I let Vick blow out my hair, so it looked somewhat untamed and wavy as it fell down my back. She’d done my makeup while Katie worked on cutting the back of a shirt so her outfit looked ravaged.
Vick’s dress glittered and shined just like she wanted.
I opted for an all-black halter top that essentially only had two ties holding it together in the back. My front was covered but my back was bare. Paired with a tight skirt and heels, I could blend but still look a bit sexy.
When Jay saw us, he whistled and Katie plopped down by him to kiss him right on the lips. “I missed your obnoxious ass.”
Jay looked affronted. “Kiss me again and I’ll forgive you for calling me obnoxious.”
Rome rolled his eyes and sipped his beer like he couldn’t stand either of them.
I sat between Rome and Jay at the round table. Jay put his arm around me and I said, “We all missed you.”
Vick clapped her hands together as she looked around the table, “How does this work? Do we get to grill the food ourselves?”
Jay chuckled at her excitement. “Yes, but we have to order it first.”
The waitress beelined for our table, and Jay put in for a round of drinks and enough food for all of us.
When she left, Rome asked what I’d been wondering, “Your brothers meeting us out?”
Jay’s eyes snapped to mine like he had questions. “Neither are coming to dinner. Jax wanted to know where we would be later.” I must have tensed a little because he followed up with, “I don’t have to tell him where we’re going though.”
I shook my head as all my friends’ stares landed on me. “We’re fine! The more, the merrier.”
I took a huge gulp of the wine the waitress had brought over. No one said anything. They all just watched me.
“What?” I caved.
“You’re blushing,” Katie pointed out.
“Blushing like you do when someone would catch us—” Rome started.
I held up my finger. “Do not finish that sentence, Rome.”
“Or I’ll punch your dumb ass,” Jay finished, glaring at him.
I wanted to roll my eyes. Instead, I shrugged Jay’s arm off me and glanced around the table. I took a deep breath and gave them all the confession they were waiting for. “I might have … probably … slept with Jax again.”
Vick jumped up and screamed while she pointed at me, “I knew it! You love each other!”
Jay started coughing on whatever he was drinking and Katie shushed Vick for me.
“We don’t love each other, Vick.” I denied and meant it. The word was reserved only for what I’d felt for Jax a long time ago back in high school. Now, thinking I could ever love him again culminated a fear so stifling, I could barely take my next breath.
Jay massaged my neck like he knew I needed comfort. He leaned in. “We should talk someplace more private.”
“Fuck that,” Katie blurted. “She put this out on the table for all of us. We’re discussing it together.”
Then, she looked at Rome who hadn’t said a word. She elbowed him and said, “Right, Rome?”
He glared at her. “There’s nothing to discuss.”
Katie’s eyes widened. “Are you kidding? You slept with her for over a year and you don’t have an opinion about her sleeping with the guy that wrecked her?”
The left side of his mouth turned up but he didn’t look happy. “Sleeping with someone doesn’t mean I have an emotional investment in who else they sleep with, Kate-Bait.”
She glared and didn’t say anything.
Vick broke up their silent-glaring conversation. “Okay, aside from the mess happening between those two,”—she gestured between Katie and Rome—“can we focus on what Brey is going to do to keep Jax around?”
Katie started to respond but I slammed my hand on the table. “Stop.”
Jay’s hand fell from my neck as he eyed me warily.
“Rome is right,” I announced as Katie blew a raspberry. “There’s nothing to discuss.”
Jay started to object.
I cut him off. “No. I’m serious. We’re keeping it casual. You’re all right. I never got over him. I didn’t get closure. So, I need this.”
They were all silent, none making eye contact.
Vick was the only one brave enough to ask the question. “Is closure really what you want? To keep it casual and let him go?”
“I think it’s what I’m capable of right now.”
Jay sighed and I think that sigh was how the table universally felt.
He raised his glass. “I guess we’ll toast to you getting closure and us getting seriously fucked up tonight.”
Rome lifted his beer bottle, fully on board. “To that last part.”
We all lifted our glasses and downed our drinks.
Jay took over then, salvaging the night by announcing we all had to do a round of shots. We drank probably the same amount we ate before we left for the club. The decisions didn’t get any better as the night continued on.
The club Jay took us to couldn’t compare to a small-town bar or even a college town’s best night spot. It radiated money, luxury, and a loss of inhibitions. The crowd of clubgoers moved in waves to the beat of the music. They let the music consume them, flow through them, it owned their bodies. With alcohol in my veins, I felt myself move with them rather than shrink away.
Once we made it to the stairway to get to the VIP section, security took over pushing away some fans of Jay’s. We entered a room that was wall-to-wall glass panels, giving us a perfect view of the crowd. We felt a part of it but were above it, literally and figuratively.
People in the VIP area were recognizable figures in one way or another. Jay waved us over to introduce two tall, gorgeous men, both with dark curly hair and brown eyes.
“Caden, Bastian, meet my crew from back home.” He lifted his chin to introduce all of us. When he got to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, “Brey’s my on-and-off lover according to tabloids.”
I tried not to roll my eyes as I reached my hand out to shake both of theirs. “I’m a childhood friend. Probably the only one he’ll have left soon enough with his personality.”
Bastian’s hand held mine while he searched my eyes for something. I wasn’t sure what. “It’s a pleasure to meet someone who knocks Jay, or any Stonewood, down a notch for a change.”
Rome snorted near me and grumbled, “Or all Stonewood men.”
I glared at him and glanced back at Bastian who still inquisitively looked at me like I had the answer to a question he hadn’t bothered to ask me. I smiled and pulled my hand away, his gaze remained on me as we moved on to meet others and get a drink.
Vick and Katie immersed themselves in conversations, but I found myself staring out at the waves of strangers, moving, flowing, partying together.
Bastian walked up behind me. “A sight when we’re up here and they’re down there, huh?”
I didn’t answer at first. He was right, but I hated the feeling that I wasn’t a part of it. I didn’t want to be separate from the crowd or hide for once. I wanted to feel the energy they all had and lose concern for everything else.
Maybe it was taking a leap with Jax or maybe it was the idea that my mother never took a leap away from my father, but I wanted to push my limits. I wanted to lose my control a little.
I turned to Bastian, wanting an escape. “Why are we up here?”
He squinted a little at me. “You mean why aren’t we down there?”
I glanced back at my friends who were all enjoying themselves. “Sure,” I shrugged. “Shouldn’t we get lost in the crowd like everyone else?”
His lips lifted slowly, like warmed molasses, as a smile formed across his face, and just like that molasses, my body warmed to him. “Finally, someone who’s speaking my language.”
He turned to yell to Jay, “I’m taking this girl down to the real party.”
Caden groaned from the seat he was sharing with some blonde. “Do you always have to do the opposite of what our security asks?”
Bastian chuckled and told me to ignore him.
Jay walked over. “Bastian, my man, I told you she was my girl. He trying to steal you, Brey?”
“More like saving me. I want to go.”
He eyed me curiously. “You sure?”
I held his gaze. “Sure.”
He nodded at Bastian and we moved around him. Bastian whispered into my ear as we walked toward the steps, “That was easier than I thought.”
Reading Jay was my specialty though. I looked up at Bastian, held up my fingers, and whispered back, “Three, two, one.”
On cue, Jay appeared in front of us again. “I know all your secrets, Bastian. Remember that when you’re with her. And, Vick!” he yelled, searching our tables. She popped up from Caden’s other side, smiling wide. “Go with Brey to dance for a while.”
She glared for a second, and I protested by saying I already was going with Bastian, she rolled her eyes like she knew this dance by heart. “Got it,” she singsonged and wove her way toward us.
Bastian was laughing at this point, so I decided not to make more of a scene by rolling my eyes.
When Vick met us at the stairs, he swung both his arms around both of our shoulders and proclaimed, “I’m not going to complain in the least about having you both here with me.”
Adopting his carefree attitude worked for both of us as we laughed at his blatant flirtation.
Security eyed Bastian more than once as we passed, like they weren’t sure they wanted him to move into the crowd with us. As the beat hit, the lights strobed faster, fast enough that making out each other’s faces got more and more difficult.
We moved with the wave of people and Vick grabbed each of our hands to throw them up in the air. She whipped her hair and immediately a guy was next to her while Bastian moved to wrap an arm around my waist.
The next beat hit, and we smiled, jumping into the frenzy that it was.
He spun me. He dipped me. He lifted me. He danced and danced with me.
Vick leaned in to say, “Jay would tell me to save you and rip you away from him, but no one wants to be saved from that. He’s to die for.”
On one slower song, Bastian leaned in, “Okay, I concede. You could dance forever, and I need a break. Come to the bar with me.”
He pulled me through the crowd and people’s eyes shifted as they moved toward him. It registered then that he probably wanted off the dance floor for a very different reason. When someone yelled his name, I saw it register on his face.
He was well-known in some circle I wasn’t aware of. His fame caught up with us, and I hadn’t realized we weren’t as protected as we should have been. When he made a sharp turn into the crowd again, I followed quickly at his side. We got lost in the anonymity of the masses long enough to get to the bar where he placed me right on a stool. He wedged himself between me and a man who didn’t seem at all interested in him.
The bartender appeared in front of him immediately. “Bastian, you braving the masses already?”
He waved off the bartender’s comment and ordered a beer while I looked at him. His forehead had just the slightest sheen, his dark curly hair was disheveled but his eyes danced like he’d been ready to play in the crowd all day. “What’ll it be, little dancer?”
The crowd closing in brought it all back, and the drink I didn’t ever want slipped from my lips instinctually, “Macallan on the rocks.”
The same look he’d given me in VIP, he gave me again. “I’ve decided something about you.”
As the bartender walked away to make our drinks, I replied, “Really? What is it you’ve decided?”
He put his hand on the back of my stool and leaned in close enough for me to smell some subtle mix of soap and cologne. “You don’t belong in Chicago.”
I smiled but it was a sad one. His words walloped a firm reality back into place for me.
I didn’t belong there, I didn’t belong in the middle of a crowd, losing myself. Instead, I lived a tightly-wound, lockstep life that didn’t push me from my comfort zone at all. I turned my head to see where my drink was. “You’re right. I don’t belong here.”
He stayed close. “Where do you belong then? I want to know so I can be there.”
Butterflies erupted in my stomach and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. My reaction should have been to his words.
I didn’t react to other men though.
I felt his cold blue eyes on me from afar and knew if I turned, he’d be heading our way.
Suddenly, mint and sandalwood surrounded me. I felt his abs up against my back as he pressed right into me and leaned far enough forward that his arms enclosed me as he set his hands on the bar.
By doing so, he’d nudged Bastian back, and they stared each other down, neither willing to speak at first.
Bastian, like most, conceded first. “It’s never a pleasure, Jax.”
Jax didn’t respond, and I turned a little to elbow him back and away from me.
His body, hard as steel, just leaned in closer. “Where’s your security, Bastian?” His voice barely registered it was so low.
Bastian sort of shrugged off the question. The bartender took that exact moment to deliver our drinks.
Jax eyed mine and connected the dots as fast as only he could. He whispered into my ear, “You all right?”
I nodded and tried to hide my drink. “Of course.” I sat up straight and looked at Bastian. “We’re all just trying to have a good night out, Jax.”
Bastian smirked at me and looked over at the bartender to hand him some cash for our drinks.
Before he could though, Jax spoke loudly across the bar, “The drinks are on the house, Ricky.”
Our now named bartender smiled and shrugged at Bastian before he nodded toward Jax and walked away.
I saw Bastian tweak his neck a little one way as if trying to rid himself of irritation. “Leave it to Jax Stonewood to always one up a man even when it comes to buying a girl a drink.”
“She’s not a girl. She’s the girl. My girl.” His words should have embarrassed me but goosebumps flew up my arms and my heartbeat picked up speed.
“Come on, man. I saw you walk in with Isabel.”
Bastian’s words snapped my eyes to Jax’s to see if his statement was true. When he visibly flinched, I tried to stand up but his hand flew from the bar to my thigh and held me down.
Bastian sighed like he didn’t want the drama. “What’s your angle? As Brey said, we’re having fun.”
I nodded and started to say I agreed with him, but Jax cut me off. “Go have fun with someone else.”
“There isn’t anyone else I’d rather be having fun with.” Bastian’s eyes were on me, and I felt his attraction. If Jax hadn’t been there, magnetizing all the attraction I could have in one lifetime, I probably would have felt something more for him.
With that, I knocked back some of the drink and let it burn all the way down. I must have swayed a little on my stool because his arms flexed to keep me steady. Bastian tried again, “Jay introduced Brey and me. I got the rundown on you all being childhood friends.”
“Not just friends.” Jax enunciated each word and looked at me like I’d disappointed him. “Never were we just friends.”
His voice, his stare. Everything drew me to him. And I just knew, us together, we were this magnetic force that repelled anyone else. Jax alone was a force to be reckoned with, but our energy was impenetrable.
Bastian stepped back after a second. “You have my number, little dancer. Call me when this ends.”
I gulped, not knowing what to say. My meek, “Sorry,” didn’t seem good enough.
I reached for my drink but Jax reached quicker and set it two feet from me. “You’ve had enough.”
I glared over my shoulder at him. “How do you know? I could just be getting started.”
“Fine. I’ve had enough of seeing you drink. So, now you’re done.”
His eyes were a blue so brittle, I thought they might shatter into a million pieces. “I don’t answer to you.”
He smiled and his teeth looked bigger, meaner, ready to devour. That smile ran shivers down my spine all the way to my toes.
“I didn’t come here tonight for you to test and bait me, little dancer,” he sneered at the name.
“I’m not baiting you, Jax. I’m being honest. I don’t answer to you or anyone.”
He hummed against my neck as he moved so close to me, I felt swallowed up by him.
His hand on my thigh slid higher, and I sucked in a breath when I felt his tongue touch my collarbone.
When his hand slid even higher, my breathing got shallow. “Jax, this isn’t the place.”
He bit my neck and whispered, “Humor me.”
With those words skittering over my skin, I shivered and didn’t think twice about parting my thighs just enough to give him access.
Never one to hesitate, his fingers slid right to my center.
“Fuck, Peaches,” he swore swiftly in my ear when he found I wasn’t wearing any underwear again.
I rushed out, “The dress didn’t allow for it.”
“Bullshit,” he spit out as his thumb rubbed me back and forth. “You this wet for me or for him?”
I didn’t answer, just looked right and left but the dark club lighting hid mostly everything. Jax’s figure stood between me and the world, blocking anyone from seeing anything.
My body listened to Jax more than it listened to me. I let myself indulge. My heart raced to the beat of the up-tempo music, and I forgot about my fear of the crowd around me. Jax stole an orgasm from me like an experienced art thief stealing a painting from a museum. No alarm sounded, no one knew anything happened, no one even took a second glance.
I sat there like the hollow statue an art thief would have replaced a priceless solid-gold piece of art with. He’d depleted me of every feeling except ecstasy. When I came down from my explosive high, he was already whispering in my ear, “Go clean up. We’re leaving.”
I turned to disagree but he’d already disappeared into the crowd.
Without the shield of Jax, I knew I looked disheveled. As the music and the crowd faded back into my view, I saw the bartender wink at me. I loosened my white-knuckle grip on the bar enough to push myself up. I straightened my skirt and tried to smooth away the wrinkles and my embarrassment.
In the bathroom, I patted down my hair. Staring hard at my reflection, I tried not to chastise myself too much. I wasn’t a child, and people probably did this sort of thing all the time.
I thought about his hands between my legs in the crowd again though, and the flush on my cheeks, the sparkle in my eye gave just a bit too much away.
Smirking a little to myself, I washed my hands and was about to leave the bathroom when Isabel walked in. Women like her aren’t born that way. She had spent copious amounts of hours perfecting her look, her wardrobe, and her character. When she smiled at me, the calculation was evident.
“So, you’re the reason for his little speech that he had with me tonight,” Isabel stated.
I replied with the truth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She leaned over the sink and smoothed her hair as if this conversation meant nothing to her. “He reminded me that we’re casual and convenient. That I’m only here tonight for the media.” She looked out of the side of her eye and smirked at me again. “We’ve always had a relationship of convenience. I guess it’s casual now too, considering he wants to make your history a part of his present life.”
Casual.
The word I repeated over and over to him.
Casual.
It was what I wanted our relationship to be before I left this afternoon.
Casual.
It was what I couldn’t fathom him having with somebody else. When she said the word now, directly from her lips, it was like pouring acid into my ears. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to tell Jax that he was mine and only mine.
Pride and fear stopped me. I guess my mother had a point in not always being honest.
