Nico is still getting ready for our first dinner in Honolulu after spending twenty minutes giving Dahlia, Lily, and my aunt a tour of our suite during their video call, so I take a seat on the sectional and wait for him and Ellie. The stunning view of the ocean should keep my attention, but my thoughts quickly drift back to my responsibilities.
Spending the next two weeks away from work is supposed to be good for me, but I still feel guilty about leaving Julian alone to handle Dwelling while I’m gone. He has enough on his plate with his own business to run, but when I suggested taking a vacation last year, he took it upon himself to call my assistant and ask her to block the time off my calendar.
Two weeks doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but for me, it is the longest vacation I’ve taken in years. Time off was long overdue, although I’m not sure how relaxed I can be knowing Ellie is joining us the entire time.
Like I conjured her up simply by thinking about her, Ellie’s bedroom door opens, and she steps out. Thankfully, she is distracted by something on her phone, which gives me a moment to recover from my shock.
Ellie Sinclair has always been pretty, but right now, she looks absolutely gorgeous in a floor-length gauzy white dress that highlights her soft curves and sun-kissed skin. I can only think of one word to describe her, and it is ethereal.
I become a man fighting against the clock, trying to take in as many details as possible before she notices me staring at her like she is mine.
Fuck.
There it is. That deep feeling of want that I’ve spent the last eight months denying. Ignoring my attraction toward her wasn’t difficult, especially when jealousy was the dominant emotion I felt, but now, with that stripped away, I’m left with something far worse.
Desire.
I felt it at Nico’s birthday party and little sparks of attraction here and there, like when I held her hand, secretly listened to her playing music, or found myself staring for extended periods of time, but now that we are removed from our lives in Lake Wisteria, I allow myself to really acknowledge it.
To feel it.
I will never act on it, but for a few seconds, I pretend Ellie and I are two different people. I’m not some jaded single dad with abandonment issues, and she isn’t my son’s nanny.
In this fantasy, she is a woman who would steal my attention the second I saw her. She would pretend to be disinterested at first, claiming I wasn’t her type, but I’d know better. I’ve seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not paying attention. The way she sucks in a breath whenever I touch her.
She desires me just as much, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not.
“Ellie! Look at my new shoes!” Nico comes barreling out of his room, shattering the illusion.
Ellie looks over at my son with a blinding smile, and I swear my whole world stops for a second.
I shake my head hard, erasing the thought from existence. For a minute, I forgot myself, but as I watch Ellie with my son, I’m reminded of our biggest issue.
She will always be his nanny, just like I will always be her boss. So while I can desire her from afar, acting on my attraction goes against the rules.
Despite how much I want to break them.
The drive to the restaurant is a quiet one, with Nico playing a game on my cell phone while Ellie spends the majority of the trip taking in the view of the beach. I watch her out of the corner of my eye while I drive the Jeep I rented for our time in Oahu, although I force myself a few times to look away.
She and Nico keep the conversation flowing throughout dinner, only stopping to take bites of their fish dishes.
I’ve never seen Ellie so relaxed in my presence. Sure, the two mango martinis she had after I insisted it was fine helped loosen her up a bit, but I’d also like to selfishly believe she feels comfortable because of me.
Ever since she came back last week, I’ve been making an effort to be less…well, less like me, and I think it’s working. Truth is, I’m not sure who I am. After spending so many years trying to become the person I thought people wanted me to be, I am struggling with an identity crisis.
Despite my internal dilemma, even Nico seems happier around me, although I still catch a few flickers of concern from him.
Like right now.
“¿Papi?” Nico asks.
“¿Si, mijo?”
“¿Qué piensas?”
“¿De qué?”
He shoots Ellie an exasperated look. “I told you he wasn’t paying attention.”
I sit up in my chair with a wince. “Sorry. I got lost in my head a bit.”
“Sounds scary,” Ellie jokes, effectively cutting the tension.
I glance over at her, but she is quick to avert her gaze, giving me a side view of her profile and the flower tucked behind her ear.
On our way to dinner, Nico handpicked the flower for her, and the pink petals stand out against her blond hair. I’m pretty sure Nico learned the slick move from one of my aunt’s favorite telenovelas, and it earned him a radiant smile from Ellie.
¿Si, mijo?: Yes, son?
¿De qué?: About what?
¿Qué piensas?: What are you thinking?
For a fleeting second, he made me wish I had thought of the idea first.
I turn to my son. “What were you trying to ask me?”
Nico shrugs while looking down at his plate. “It was dumb.”
“I told you no question is a stupid one so long as you’re brave enough to ask it.”
“I said the same thing.” Ellie takes a sip of her drink.
Nico shoves his food around with the tip of his fork. “I was wondering why you like saving animals.”
His question is innocent and one that he hasn’t asked me before, so I’m taken aback by it.
A ball of tightness grows in my throat. “What brought on that question?”
“Have you not noticed the chickens walking around throughout dinner?” Ellie asks.
Seeing as I was a bit distracted by her, no.
“Oh, right,” I say instead. “The chickens. Who could’ve missed them?”
She spares me a knowing look that I ignore.
“I told you it was a dumb question,” Nico grumbles to himself.
I reach over and uncurl his fist. “It’s a good one, but I won’t answer it if you keep talking like that.”
He looks up. “Really?”
“Yup.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
A swell of panic builds in my chest, but I do my best to shield it…and I think I do until Nico’s eyes flash with concern.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”
I take a deep breath and begin. “You know I love animals.”
He nods with enthusiasm.
“I may not have chickens—”
“Yet,” he interrupts with a smile.
“We’ll see about that.” I continue with my story, “But when I moved to Lake Wisteria, I found something better.”
“What?”
“Cats.”
Nico makes a face. “The stray ones?”
I nod.
“Gross.” His nose twitches.
“Hey. That’s not nice. They’re still animals.”
“Sorry. Abuela told me they have germs and bugs and it’s best to stay away.”
A small grin tugs at my lips. “She’s just scared of them.”
“But you’re not?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“When I was a little older than you, I started saving up my allowance money to buy food for them.”
Ellie’s eyes spark with interest. “Your aunt didn’t mention that.”
“I’m a man of many mysteries.”
“I can see that.” Her mouth pulls up at the corners, sending another wave of warmth through my chest.
“So, it all started because you like cats?” Nico asks with an incredulous tone. His simplistic view of life makes it easier for me to open up, although I hesitate for a whole different reason. Sharing my past with my son is one thing, but doing so in front of his nanny?
It should make me pause, yet I only feel an urge to continue with my story. Ellie’s presence is strangely comforting, although that is a concern for another day.
I push the thought aside. “It was because I felt bad for them.”
“Why?”
Relax, Rafa. “You remember that Tía y Tío adopted me?” We had a conversation about it last year, but I had never specified why I was adopted. Just that I moved from Mexico to Lake Wisteria when I was about his age, after both my parents died.
Nico confirms with a nod.
“My life before I moved to Lake Wisteria wasn’t the best.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know how all the animals have sad stories?”
Nico’s eyes fill with tears, and I hold his small hand within my larger one.
“I had one kind of like that too.”
“You did?” His voice cracks.
“Yeah. My parents had…problems.” Gambling. Drugs. Infidelity. Me. “They didn’t take care of me the way they should have.”
Tía y Tío: Aunt and Uncle
Ellie leans forward and gives my shoulder a squeeze I didn’t realize I needed. I turn to look at her, noting the sympathy pouring out of her in thick waves.
She briefly mentioned her bad dad in passing while trying to make me feel better, but I don’t think I truly processed what she meant until now. We share a matching look full of festering pain that never seems to fully go away, no matter how much time passes.
With every whispered confession, Ellie collects another one of my heartstrings in the palm of her hand, keeping me permanently tied to her.
I’m already struggling with attraction, so if she were to break through my emotional defenses, I’d be a lost cause.
I break eye contact first and meet my son’s watery gaze. “I don’t like to talk about it, mostly because I’m okay now, but that’s the reason I like saving hurt animals. Because I was hurt too, so I know what it’s like.”
My son surprises me as he hops off his chair, crawls onto my lap, and wraps his small arms around my neck. His embrace warms the cold part of my heart that has always dreaded the idea of having a conversation like this with him, in part because I didn’t want him to see me as weak or broken.
I want him to view me as a strong, capable parent who will always be there for him, even in the worst of times.
“I’m sorry you got hurt, Papi.” Nico hugs me.
I return his hug with one of my own. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but I’m still sorry. And sad.”
I look over at Ellie to find her staring at us with misty eyes.
“You’re a real-life superhero,” she says.
I’ve never considered myself to be a hero in anyone’s story, least of all Nico’s, but Ellie’s statement makes me wish I were.
