Our second official day of vacation goes to hell when I get an emergency call from my assistant, Ariel, notifying me that my ex-wife is attending today’s Dwelling board meeting. Canceling on Nico was the last thing I wanted to do, especially with how excited he sounded about us visiting the North Shore to watch big wave surfing, but I don’t have a choice. Being absent from today’s meeting will only cause me more problems since my ex rarely attends unless she wants something from me.
Unfortunately, my broke twenty-year-old self didn’t fathom ever needing a prenup, seeing as Hillary was the one with money, not me, so a judge had no choice but to award her fifty percent of my Dwelling shares.
Hence her ability to attend virtual meetings like the one taking place right now.
My assistant unmutes her microphone. “Mr. Lopez?”
I snap out of my daze and stare at the webcam. “Yes?”
“Ms. Wilson asked you a question about the recent financial report.”
Pull yourself together.
“Would you like me to repeat it?”
My teeth grind at the sound of my ex’s shrill voice, but I take a deep breath and remind myself that, one day, she will get bored or desperate enough to let me buy her remaining company shares.
I glance out the window overlooking the lagoon and families down below. Nico is probably getting a kick out of watching surfers tackle the ocean while I’m trapped up here, disappointing him.
This whole trip is meant to be about helping create visual memories that he can keep forever, and I’m already letting him down on day two.
He may not understand it, but you’re appeasing his mother for him.
I push any thoughts of Nico out of my mind and face my ex, ignoring the ache in my chest as I take her in.
Hillary’s beauty was never an issue. Her narcissism was, but I was too blinded by her glittering brown eyes and picture-perfect smile to notice until it was too late.
“What was your question?”
“What about the increased profits stated in the latest report?” She fakes a smile for the other staff and board members. Some return it, but Julian remains scowling through his webcam.
For a woman like my ex, appearances are everything, which is the only reason why she started dating me back in high school. I was the popular guy who bent over backwards trying to please everyone, regardless of whether it was healthy or not, and she was the posh new girl from Oregon who was more than willing to put up with my suffocating adoration and chronic insecurities in exchange for attention and increased social status.
Things weren’t always so toxic between us. It all turned ugly once I learned why she stayed married to me despite her growing affections for another man. Sure, infidelity played a huge part in our divorce, but it really was her pretending to be happy with our marriage that screwed with my head.
The only genuine emotion she had during our last year together was her happiness about my company finally going public, and I didn’t need a divorce lawyer to explain why that was.
Money was the reason we got married in the first place, so it was only fitting that it led to our divorce as well.
With a long exhale, I refocus on my laptop screen. Sitting through the meeting and reviewing the latest quarterly report is painful, mostly because I can see the dollar signs in my ex-wife’s eyes. No doubt she will be contacting her lawyer by noon to request a meeting with mine.
My mood quickly devolves into something dark and ominous after we end the call. Julian’s name flashes across my cell phone screen, but I ignore it while I wait for the email I know is coming.
Our divorce settlement dictated that on the first of January each year, my ex-wife would receive a lump sum of five hundred thousand dollars to cover her yearly expenses and child support.
I could fight her on the child support payment since she hardly spends any time with Nico, but I consider it well-spent hush money. Neither one of us wants her to follow through with the court’s split-custody agreement, so funding her expensive lifestyle is a small price to pay for Nico’s well-being and my sanity.
Even if it puts me in the foulest mood for a day or two.
My inbox chimes from a new email three minutes later.
URGENT: Request for Increased Spousal and Child Support.
“So much for today being a good day.”
The dark cloud over my head churns when Nico and Ellie show up three hours later, laughing themselves hoarse as they walk into the suite with a trail of sand in their wake.
I try my best to fake a smile, but it falls flat.
“Are you okay?” my son asks with a big frown.
“Yup.” I shut my laptop and turn in my chair. “How was the beach?” My question was supposed to sound light and carefree, but it comes out stilted instead.
Nico’s shoulders slump. “You never showed up.”
“A few things came up that I needed to fix.” Like your mother manipulating me into funding her shopping addiction and wannabe hedge-fund manager boyfriend.
“Okay. Whatever,” he says with a bit more bite in his tone.
Ellie gives his shoulder a squeeze. “Maybe we can all spend time together now? What do you think?”
“I’m tired.” Nico walks into his room and shuts the door softly.
Ellie’s mouth twists. “I texted you asking when you were showing up, but you didn’t answer.”
“I was busy,” I snap.
She doesn’t even flinch. “He was really looking forward to today. He didn’t stop asking about you—”
“If I wanted to know, then I would have asked.”
She stumbles back a step, as if my words physically injured her.
What I want is to punch myself in the mouth. Actually, screw the mouth. A good kick to the balls is what I deserve for a comment like that.
“So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?” Her brows rise along with her voice.
“Shit. I’m just angry, but that isn’t an excuse for talking like—”
She silences me with a single slice of her hand through the air. I’ve seen Ellie upset and frustrated, but I’ve never seen her look at me like she wants to flay me alive.
“I’m not interested in hearing another one of your apologies because, clearly, you don’t mean any of them.” Her brows pinch together. “For someone who can be such a nice guy sometimes, you sure don’t have any trouble reverting to being an asshole, which is making me question who the real Rafael is.”
“Elle, I—”
She softens for a second before her gaze hardens again. “You know what my biggest issue with your apologies is?”
“What?”
“I don’t trust them.” Like Nico, Ellie disappears into her room, leaving me alone to handle the nuclear-level fallout of my poor choices.
After upsetting Ellie and Nico, I spend the rest of the day in my bedroom, discussing alimony and child support with my lawyer while stewing in self-loathing. In painful summary, unless Hillary gets married again to someone else, I’m stuck paying for her lifestyle, whether I like it or not.
While Nico and Ellie have dinner at one of the resort restaurants without me, misery keeps me company as I evaluate the decisions that led me to this point. Hillary will continue finding new ways to piss me off and ask for more money, so it is up to me to learn how to stop caring.
If I don’t, I’ll keep disappointing those closest to me.
My son. Myself. Ellie.
I’ve worked so hard to create the life I have. I spent my twenties trying and failing to acquire the wealth and security I have now, and what do I have to show for it? Sure, I can afford a fancy hotel and anything my son desires, but what good is any of it if he doesn’t want to enjoy it with me?
When I wake up the next morning, I’m not surprised to receive the silent treatment from my son. It hurts to be rejected after we had a good first day here, but surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me as much as Ellie’s silence during our hike to Mānoa Falls.
Nico is easy to spot from a distance with his colorful swimsuit and hiking shoes while Ellie blends into the tree line with her dark leggings and athletic T-shirt. She keeps close to my son and helps him a few times when he stumbles due to his vision difficulties, all while I walk behind them in case they need me.
Nico is independent to a fault, but he can’t hide how he struggles at times to keep up with us given the low visibility during parts of the hike and the general newness of the trail.
When I catch him stumbling for the third time, an uncomfortable tightness in my chest returns, and I take a few deep breaths and focus on what is within my control.
He is okay.
Ellie has him.
He will only get upset if you try to single him out for being different, I remind myself like a mantra.
We finally make it to the waterfall, and Nico squeals as he rushes toward the water.
“No swimming!” Ellie shouts.
Nico glares over his shoulder. “I heard you the first ten times.”
Ellie laughs, only to swallow the sound when I stop beside her. Outside of asking me a few basic questions about the trail, she’s been pretending I don’t exist. It triggers the old me who hated making other people unhappy, although I’m self-aware enough to know it doesn’t come from an unhealthy place this time.
It stems from my shame at lashing out the way I did and letting her down.
Nico begins chatting with another kid whose family started the hike fifteen minutes before us, sharing all the facts he knows about the waterfall and its famous filming history.
“I don’t know how he does it,” I say to break the silence.
She stiffens at the sound of my voice. “What?”
“He can talk to anyone so easily.”
“Must have picked it up from his aunt or someone likable.” Her eyes flicker over me before shifting back to Nico.
“Listen—”
She gestures toward my son, who is standing thirty feet away. “Is now the best time?”
“Seeing as he is occupied making a new friend and I don’t want to spend the rest of my day in awkward silence, yeah.”
“What’s the point?”
“I have a few things I want to get off my chest.”
She cuts into me with a disinterested look. “I think you said plenty yesterday. Don’t you?”
“I should have never said what I did.”
Her jaw tightens.
I take a deep breath. “I’m ashamed of letting my emotions get to me like that.” My gaze lands on the water crashing against the surface of the small pond. “I don’t know what to do.” My next breath comes out shaky. “Every time I think I’m taking a step in the right direction—that maybe I can finally be happy for a change—something happens that ends up dragging me back into that same dark place.”
I brace myself for her disgust and pity as she turns to look at me, but I’m surprised to see something else entirely.
Admiration?
No. That can’t be right, because who would admire a mess like me?
I look over at Nico, who is reenacting some movie scene for the other child. “I took my anger toward Hil—toward someone else—out on you, and that was uncalled for.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“I know you were trying to make me feel better, and I acted like a dick.”
“That seems to be a recurring theme for us.”
“What if I don’t want it to be?” I ask softly.
“We can want a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean anything if we don’t put in the effort to make any of it happen.”
I stay quiet.
Her sigh of discontent makes my chest twinge. “Listen. We’ve been down this road before, and it always leads to a dead end, so let’s agree to stay in our own lanes and keep to ourselves.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never wanted to be friends with me, and honestly, I used to be offended by that, but now I’m starting to think I prefer it that way.”
I won’t deny how much her words sting, although I do my best to ignore it. I’m not even fully sure why they bother me, but perhaps it is because I thought she was talking about something…more.
I guess whatever I feel about her is one-sided.
She seems to take my silence as an invitation to continue. “You’re angry—and rightly so, based on what I’ve heard about your ex. No one is denying that, but the way you let her affect you matters because it has an impact on everyone around you. So until you learn how to control your emotions and channel them into something else, you’ll always be repeating the same harmful patterns.” Ellie wields her tongue like a blade, cutting me open and exposing my weaknesses.
“How would you know that?”
Her condescending laugh grates on my nerves. “You’re not the only one who has struggled with a toxic relationship.”
My curiosity is piqued. “You’ve been through a bad one?”
She releases an unsteady breath. “No, but I was the result of one, which comes with its own list of problems.”
“Like?”
She chews on the inside of her cheek in quiet contemplation. I can tell she doesn’t want to open up to me, and I don’t blame her, given my struggles with the same issue.
But then she surprises me by speaking up again.
“My biological father, whom I refuse to call anything else, was a terrible person. Like Hillary, he used money to control my mom and forced her to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship because he threatened to leave her with nothing.”
I’m not sure I’m even breathing right now.
“He said he would fight her for full custody, which was the main reason she stayed for as long as she did.”
I recognize the pain in her voice. The guilt.
“It’s not your fault she made that choice.”
Her soft laugh can hardly be heard over the rushing water in front of us and Nico giggling at something the other kid said. “I know. It took a couple years of therapy, but I finally accepted that I shouldn’t feel guilty about my mom’s decision to stay, just like she shouldn’t feel the same way about the choices I made.”
“What choices?”
Her gaze falls to her feet. “Just dumb teenage stuff.”
Her lie is obvious, but I don’t call her out on it.
She looks up. “The point is that I understand your anger more than you think, which is why I know you need to start channeling your feelings into something healthy before your negative emotions consume you.”
“What if it’s too late for that?”
“Do you feel sorry for how you reacted yesterday?” Her question comes out of nowhere.
“Yes. Of course I do.”
“Then it’s not too late for you.” She pauses. “Yet.”
“What do you suggest I do?”
She shrugs. “That’s up to you to figure out.”
“Okay. What did you do?”
A smile, small but so damn beautiful, appears on her face. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Would I be asking if it was?”
“Music.”
