Nico taps on my shoulder and asks, “¿Papi?” Nico asks.
“¿Qué?”
“Do you like Ellie?”
The question comes out of nowhere, or at least I think it does until I realize who Nico caught me staring at. Ellie hangs out at the bar, looking beautiful in a floor-length tropical dress while the bartender prepares our second round of drinks.
“You keep looking at her,” he adds, unknowingly saving me from having to lie about his question.
I turn my attention to my son. “She’s pretty.”
He grins. “You think so?”
“Yes,” I admit, naively thinking it would get him to stop asking questions.
“Do you want to marry her?”
Thankfully, he didn’t ask that particular question in the middle of me sipping the last bit of my drink, or else he would have been coated in bourbon.
I rub my smooth cheek. “I don’t plan on marrying anyone.”
He frowns. “No?”
“No. Sorry.”
His happiness fades like the sun setting behind me. “Is it because of Mommy?”
Yes, but also because of me. The idea of loving someone enough to commit to them for the rest of my life terrifies me after my first marriage disaster.
I sigh. “Marriage is hard.”
“I know, but if you like someone, you get married. Right?”
“Yes, but not always. And I never said I liked Ellie.”
His eyes roll. “But you said she was pretty.”
“Because she is, but that doesn’t mean I like her like that.”
“Then why do you keep looking at her all the time like Tío does with Dahlia? He likes her. A lot.”
I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence. I knew was Nico smart, but I didn’t think he could make these kinds of observations at his age.
It’s not like you did a good job of hiding it.
I’ve had a hard time keeping my eyes off Ellie tonight ever since she walked out of her room wearing another dress, this time in a shade of teal that brings out the shades of green in her hazel eyes. Finding a flower to match it was nearly impossible, although I tried my best to match the pink one Nico chose for her hair.
My self-control was put to the test during our night attending a traditional Hawaiian luau and tearing my gaze away from her has been a difficult task. When Ellie volunteered to dance amongst the hula dancers a little while ago, I couldn’t stop staring, not even after she caught me twice.
Nico lowers his voice as he says, “It’s okay if you like her. I can share.”
“How generous of you,” I deadpan.
“Do you want me to ask her if she likes you too?”
“Nicolas—”
“I got drinks!” Ellie announces.
“Finally,” I grunt.
My nine-year-old son winks, although it looks more like a twitch. To think that all this time, I was concerned about my aunt being the matchmaker when I should have been taking note of my son.
Nico tips his head back. “Ellie?”
I hand him a glass full of his favorite fruit drink as of five days ago—Hawaiian Sun Pass-O-Guava. “Here. You should drink this.”
“In a minute.” He pushes the tall cup aside. “I’ve got a question.”
“Look, Nico. Why don’t you go check out that chicken over there?”
Ellie shoots me a strange look. “You want him to go hang out with wild chickens?”
I bite back a groan.
“Do you like my dad?” Nico asks in a singsong voice. “Because he likes you.”
Ellie’s eyes collide with mine. “He said that?”
Nico lets out a puff. “Well, no, but he said you’re pretty.”
Her cheeks flush. “He’s never said anything to me.”
“He’s shy.” Nico fails to keep his voice at a whisper.
“Not true,” I say.
“Just a coward then?” Ellie’s eyes spark with quiet challenge.
If she wants me to call her pretty, then I’ll do just that, but later, when my son isn’t present to hear what else I have to say.
After dinner, I drive us out to a lookout spot the resort manager recommended for watching the sunset, since it is our last night in Oahu. Nico loved the idea, only to fall asleep after a few rounds of “I spy.” Ellie and I spend the remainder of the ride listening to the soft crooning of Frankie Estelle, one of Nico’s and her favorite artists.
I park the Jeep in the small dirt lot and hang out near the trunk while Ellie grabs a notebook from her purse and heads to an empty bench facing the sky, streaked with ribbons of orange and pink. Waves crash against the rocks below, creating a soothing soundtrack to listen to while I sift through my thoughts.
My mind and body are at war with one another, with my head warning me away from getting close to Ellie, while my hands itch to hold her and never let go. It’s a battle, wanting someone to the point of pain yet knowing it can’t happen for a multitude of reasons.
She wants to find the one, and I’m not him.
“While I’m flattered you want to stare at me, you’re missing the whole point of us driving out here.” She turns to look at me with an arched brow.
Busted.
With more confidence than I feel, I walk over to the bench and sit. “What are you working on?” When I try to peek at the page, she shuts her notebook.
“A song.”
“Really? I thought you didn’t write music anymore.”
“I’ve decided to give it another try.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
She readjusts the flower I tucked behind her ear earlier tonight before dropping her hands. “I don’t want to stop doing things I love because I’m scared.”
“What are you scared about?”
Her lips remain firmly pressed in a thin line.
Fine. I deserve her shutting down, especially when I’ve been a closed book, but it bothers me. Just like it did earlier when I noticed she had been crying.
That’s twice in one day that I’m finding myself getting annoyed over Ellie keeping me at arm’s length, and I’m not sure what to make of it yet.
Not sure I want to, either.
I snap a photo of the sunset for my family before tucking my phone back into my pocket.
“What was up with Nico tonight?” she asks a minute later.
“I don’t know.” I tried to press him about it when Ellie went to the bathroom, but he didn’t take the bait and moved on to another subject altogether.
“Is it true?” Her eyes flicker with amusement.
“What?”
“Did you say I was pretty?”
My mouth curls at the corners. “Who’s the one fishing for compliments now?”
“I’m curious.”
“Why?”
She glances away, her cheeks turning as pink as the sky. “Forget it.”
I stare at her until she meets my gaze again. “I wasn’t about to tell my son what I was really thinking, if that’s what you were wondering.”
She releases a shaky breath. “What was that?”
“That you looked so damn gorgeous, it physically hurt me to look at you because I knew you could never be mine.”
Her sharp inhale fills the quiet. “Is it because I’m Nico’s nanny?”
“No, it’s because of me.”
