I slam the car door shut and rush up the front steps. The guilt has been running through me and eating at me since he called. Fucking phone was on do not disturb, the minute I saw that, I wanted to throw the fucking thing against the wall, I was so pissed at myself. She needed me and I wasn’t there, again. I finished my client and then told Raquel to clear the rest of the afternoon. Luckily, I just hired someone new who was starting next week to help me out, so it will be a huge weight off my shoulders.
I open the front door, looking over at the couch. Literally everything in my body stops. The two of them are on the couch sleeping, Levi’s legs crossed at his ankles, the television watching the two of them. He has jumped into this whole parenthood thing with me with both feet, not even a look back. Every single day I see him with her, I’m more amazed at how wonderful he is. It also stings just a touch when I think about how good of a father he’s going to be to his own children. He may have said he is never having children, but knowing how good he’s been with Cici, I have no doubt he’s going to change his mind. I push down the bile that wants to come out of me, not ready to fully think about him having a child with someone else. Not willing to think about how this is going to be in a year from now. Not willing to admit to myself just how much I need him.
As quiet as I can, I close the door behind me, turning the knob so it doesn’t click. I kick off my heels, placing them right next to Levi’s shoes before I tiptoe into the house. Cici is on her stomach on top of his chest with her two hands fisted at her sides, the pacifier hanging loose in her mouth. Her cheeks are red and I reach out to touch her forehead softly. My eyes go from her to Levi, whose eyes now open. “Is she still hot?” he asks quietly and without moving.
“No,” I answer him with a soft smile, as he blinks his eyes a couple of times to wake up.
“I gave her Tylenol,” he informs me and then his face smiles, “she took it like a champ. I didn’t give her a bottle after because I was afraid it was going to upset her stomach. But she did have water, because, well, I thought it was a good idea.” The fullness fills in my chest again.
“I would have done the same,” I assure him.
“Have you tasted the Tylenol?” he asks and I shake my head. “It’s sweet.”
“You tasted it?” I ask, shocked. “Why would you taste it?”
“I wanted to know if it tasted bad,” he replies and stops moving when Cici stirs on his chest, but she just turns to her side, cuddling more in his chest than anything.
“I’m so sorry, Levi.” My voice shakes as I talk to him.
“For what?” he asks and I can see his eyes searching mine.
“You didn’t sign up for this.” The words come out before I can stop them and a tear also escapes one eye. I tried to be strong the whole time I was driving home. Tried to tell myself that these things happen. Tried not to beat myself up that I fucked up big-time by not taking the daycare’s call.
“Hey,” he says, “I’m only good with one woman in my life crying at a time.” He tries to make a joke out of it. Knowing he is trying to make me laugh, I give it to him. “The doctor said if she still has a fever by tomorrow, to call him back.”
I know right away he’s pissed. His whole demeanor changes. His eyes go hard, his jaw gets square as he bites down, and the vein in his forehead looks like it’s going to explode. “You need a new fucking doctor.” He looks down at Cici, making sure he didn’t wake her. “What if she has an ear infection?” he asks and I don’t have an answer for him. “Or a sore throat?”
“Or it’s nothing.” It is at this moment when he glares at me that I know I should have not said a word. I hold up my hands sort of like a truce. “I’m just passing along the message.”
“I’m going to call him myself,” he grounds out between clenched teeth while he whispers.
“When she gets up, I’m going to FaceTime Addison and ask her what she would do. She’s the only other person I know who has had a child.”
“I approve,” he agrees and this time I can’t help but laugh out loud, the sound shocking Cici who jumps at the noise. He immediately wraps his arms around her, bringing her even closer to him. “Go away,” he whisper-hisses.
I hold up my hand. “I’m going to go see if I can move my appointments tomorrow.” I get up.
“I can do it.” He looks down at Cici, making sure she is still sleeping. The pacifier now dropping out of her mouth.
“I’m not traveling, so I can stay home with her.”
“Are you sure?” I ask as I hold my hands together, and he nods.
“Worst-case scenario.” He smirks at me. “Things go bad and I call you.” He tilts his head to the side. “That is, if you take off your do not disturb.” Now I’m the one glaring at him at the same time I put up my hand and flip him the bird.
His chest moves as he tries not to laugh, but Cici pops her head up and looks at him. His eyes that were glaring at me not even two minutes ago are now filled with softness. “Well, hello, girl.” His voice is also soft. “Did you have a nice nap?” She uses his chest to rub her nose back and forth. “I’m going to say that is a yes.” He kisses her head and all I can do is watch the two of them. My heart is melting at the sight in front of me, knowing it’s going to be a memory I will forever have.
It takes Cici a second to look over at me. “Hello, baby girl.” My hand comes out and she smiles so much at me that a whole dollop of drool just comes out of her mouth. “That’s a lot of drool.” I’m waiting for her to lean toward me but instead she just stays there in Levi’s arms, not even bothering to move. She just looks at me as he wraps his arm around her.
“You going to call Addison?” he reminds me and I just nod my head at him because, for some fucking reason, there is a lump in my throat.
I pull up Addison’s number and press the FaceTime button. The ringing has Cici stick her head up. “Oh, you wake up for that,” I say to her, smiling as the ringing stops and as the white circle goes round and round when it says connecting. Her face fills the screen a couple of seconds later. “Hi.” She smiles at me and then looks over to the side. “It’s Eva,” she tells whoever is beside her.
“Hey,” Stefano greets as he sticks his head into the phone, “what happened with Cici?”
I look at the phone, wondering how he heard. “I was in a meeting when the daycare called,” Levi informs me and again I look up at the ceiling, trying not to feel guilty but failing miserably.
“She has a fever—” I start to say.
“One hundred and one,” Levi cuts in and I stare at him. “I’m just letting her know.”
I look at the phone, seeing Addison rolling her lips as her eyes stare at the phone super big, just watching me. “What other symptoms does she have?” she finally asks me.
“Fever and drooling, running nose.”
“It sounds like she’s teething,” Addison assesses. “Teething sadly can last a long time and there really isn’t much you can do for them.”
“What medical school did she graduate from?” I hear Levi mumble to Cici who just chews on her pacifier, kicking her leg up.
“Did she break through yet?” she asks and my eyebrows pinch together.
“Break through what?” I ask, confused.
“Her gums, can you feel the teeth?” I turn, going to sit on the couch next to Levi and Cici.
“Hi, guys,” Levi says, holding up the hand that is cradling Cici, but only for a second.
“You need to feel her gums to see if you can feel teeth,” Addison instructs and I just look at Levi.
“I’m not doing that,” he retorts, putting his other hand over her face. “Leave her alone.” I hear Stefano laugh and see Levi glare at him. “What if I hurt her and she hates me?”
“She’s not going to hate you,” Stefano and Addison say at the same time.
“Why are you even talking?” Levi yells. “You weren’t there when Avery was teething, so you get no say in this. I’ll call you when she turns five and wants to borrow a tiara.” Stefano can’t help but throw his head back and laugh. I try not to focus on him saying he’ll call him when she turns five. “You’re on the girls’ side.”
“I’m not on anyone’s side.” He holds up his hands in a peaceful way.
“Fine, I’ll do it.” I’m not really sure I want to do it. Because what if Levi is right and it hurts her, what if she hates me for it? “I’m just going to feel your gums,” I tell Cici, who just looks at me.
I pull down her lower lip. “Her gums look white,” I observe, trying not to freak out, but Levi is the one who is freaking out.
“Is that normal?” he asks, looking like he’s going to escape from my touch. “Quick, you need to google.”
“I’m on the phone,” I remind him as I hold up the phone. “How do you want me to google?” All he can do is glare at me. I ignore him, sticking my finger into her mouth and feeling her bottom gum. My eyes fly to Levi’s. “Oh, I think I feel it.”
“I want to feel it.” He moves his hand up and he’s about to put his finger in her mouth, but he stops. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You just saw me do it,” I point out to him. “Did she cry? Just touch her bottom gum.”
He looks at Cici. “I’m only doing this because she told me and not because I want to.” I roll my eyes at him as Addison and Stefano chuckle from their end of the phone. He moves her lower lip down, looking down as he sticks his finger in her mouth, moving it gently on her bottom gum. “I think I feel it,” he says to me with shock all over his face. “It feels hard.”
“Check and see if it’s white,” I ask to make sure I saw what I saw.
“No.” He shakes his head as he wipes his wet finger in her shirt, not even caring.
“I’ll check.” I try to show him that it’s no big deal. “What is wrong with you?” I look up at him as he glares at me. I move her lip down and I can see two round puffy white marks on her lower gum.
“What helped with Avery,” Addison offers, “is teethers.” I look at Levi.
“Are you not taking notes?” he asks. “Like get a pen and paper so we can remember.”
“That you need a pen and paper to remember teethers is beyond me,” I snap at him. “It’s like teeth and ers.”
“What helps is putting them in the freezer so she can chew on them.” Addison tries to break up our little tiff.
“How long does this last?” Levi asks her.
“Avery started drooling at six months old and only broke through the gums at a year.”
“Six months!” Levi yells. “That isn’t normal.” Addison just laughs at him.
“Also, if you wet a facecloth and put it in the freezer for thirty minutes, that will help, too.” Addison smiles at me. “Definitely not a fun part of parenting.”
“No shit,” Levi mumbles, “six months. That’s like a lot of days.”
“That is like a lot of days,” Stefano repeats what he just said, shaking his head. “You’re a forensic accountant and don’t know how many days are in six months.”
Levi just stares at me, his jaw getting tight and the vein in his forehead really throbbing now. “Hang up on him,” he growls between clenched teeth.
If he wasn’t so upset right now, I would laugh in his face, but I know he sounds like he is teetering on the ledge, so all I can do is roll my lips and try not to laugh in his face. “Okay, well, thanks for helping,” I tell Addison, who is just shaking her head.
“Call me if you need anything.” She looks at me and then looks over at Levi. “Have fun, you two.”
