I hear the car door closing from the phone and sit down on my couch. “Eva.” I hear his voice, tight and worried, my hands shaking uncontrollably. “Where are you?” I shake my head. “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he reassures me softly. “It’s going to be okay.” The tears just pour down my cheeks without a way to stop them. “Everything is going to be okay. Whatever it is.”
“No, it’s not,” I whisper the words.
“What happened?” he asks and my stomach gets tight.
“I got a call from Lisa’s neighbor,” I start as my eyes close and two tears run down my cheeks, dripping off my chin.
“Your sister?” His voice is calm. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t think so,” I say, getting up. “Where are you?”
“Around the corner,” he states, and I grab my bag and rush out of the front door, down the two steps toward the street. I look right and left until I see two headlights turn onto my road. He pulls up to the curb, putting the car in park, and rushing out of the driver’s seat. His black hair looks like he ran his hands through it. His blue eyes that are usually clear look like they are clouded over, no doubt with his worry for me.
He pulls me into his arms without even thinking twice. “We have to go to Lisa’s house,” I sob into his chest, my arms by my sides.
“Let’s get you in the car,” he mumbles as he puts his arm around my shoulders and walks me to the passenger side of the car. He opens the door for me and slowly puts me in the seat, reaching across to buckle me in. “Put her address in the GPS.” All I can do is nod at him as I look over at the middle part of his dashboard and press buttons while he walks around to the driver’s side.
He gets in and all I can do is look at him. “Thank you,” I whisper, my voice cracking. He grabs my hand in his, not saying anything. I turn my head to look out the window, replaying the past twenty minutes. “The police are waiting for me,” I say, not turning my head. “They need to talk to me.” The lights go by in the distance as my eyes try to focus on one, but it zooms by. “It can’t be good.” He never lets my hand go, and when we pull up to Lisa’s apartment complex, I see two police cars parked in front.
“No lights are on,” I observe when his hand slides out of mine and he turns off the car. “That’s good, right?”
“Let’s get in there,” he urges, getting out of the car and jogging to my side to help me out. He puts his hand in mine again as we walk up the sidewalk. The same walkway I use every other Monday night when we have dinner. It’s every other week because we take turns. We also do it on Monday because it’s my day off, so I don’t have to rush.
I pull open the glass door with my free hand before walking up the stairs on the right. I make it to the fourth floor before I stop and look at her door. The mat in the front says Welcome. I look over at her neighbor’s door, wondering if I should go there first. I don’t have time to ask before the door is pulled open. Her neighbor, Gwen, stands there, her face streaked with tears, pretty much how mine looks.
“Eva,” she whispers, “come in.”
I walk in, looking to the right where the living room is. Two uniformed police officers are standing up, while two officers wearing suits are sitting down. A woman who has a briefcase in front of her sits at the table. “This is her sister,” Gwen states, and my feet move without me even knowing they are moving.
“Ms. Crinkle,” one of the suited police officers says, getting up. “I’m Detective McCaby.”
“Ms. Meyers,” I correct him, while Levi squeezes my hand in his. “Where is my sister?”
“I’m afraid we have bad news.” The detective puts his hands in his pockets, staring down at the floor before looking back up. “There was an accident involving your sister.”
“Is she at the hospital?” I ask hopefully, but even my brain knows it’s worse than that. My brain is aware of why they are here. It’s my heart—my heart is not sure I can survive another heartbreak. The other three officers avoid looking at me. Levi drops my hand and steps closer to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“There was an accident,” the other detective starts. “Drunk driver sideswiped her, and she lost control of her car. The truck didn’t see her.” I gasp, but my ears start to buzz at this point, and I’m not sure I’m hearing what I’m hearing. “She didn’t make it.”
“Where is Cici?” I ask of my nine-month-old niece, her full name is Selena but since she was four hours old we’ve called her Cici, my knees getting ready to buckle with the news. Gwen quietly sits sobbing beside me with her hand in front of her mouth. The sound of a baby fills the room, and I wonder if I’m having an out-of-body moment. I wonder if I’m hearing things. I look around the room and Gwen rushes to her bedroom.
“She was alone in the vehicle.” I don’t even know who says it, my eyes go to Gwen’s room.
“Oh, thank God,” Levi says from beside me. I watch Gwen come out of her bedroom with Cici in her arms.
Her cheeks rosy from sleeping, I walk out of Levi’s arms and go to Cici. “Hi, Stinky,” I say to her and her face fills with a smile before she reaches out for me. I grab her under her arms and bring her to me, kissing her neck like I know she likes. “Someone is stinky,” I lie. She smells like the lavender baby lotion I know Lisa always puts on her.
“Ms. Meyers.” The woman who is at the table stands up. “My name is Josephine and I’m with Child Protective Services.” My hand goes to Cici’s back as she says this. “I’m going to have a few questions for you.”
“Okay,” I answer her as Cici puts her head on my shoulder, snuggling down.
“From what we found in the system, there is no father listed on the birth certificate.” I don’t know if she is asking me or telling me.
“No, there wouldn’t be,” I confirm, “she went through the sperm bank and did IVF.” I rock side to side with Cici and I’m not even aware I’m doing it. “I didn’t think it was a good idea to put his case file number on there, so she opted to leave it blank.” The memory comes back to when she was filling out the papers in the hospital. She looked like she went through war, but she also never looked more beautiful and happier in her life. “Why are you asking this?”
“The law requires that the baby be placed in CPS care until things are straightened out,” Josephine explains, and it’s Levi who steps up.
“What do you mean, things are straightened out?” he asks for me.
“Well, does your sister have a will?” Josephine asks me.
“She must have a will.” I defend Lisa. “She wouldn’t have had a baby without a father and then not have a will.”
“Since there is no father,” Josephine starts, “it’s the law that a will is produced to see what the wishes were of the parent.”
“I’m the only one she has,” I say and I know they must know. “My sister was in the system her whole life. In and out of foster homes. You must know this, obviously.” My tone is of anger, at everyone.
“Right,” Josephine agrees. “The good news is that once the will is processed and we can affirm it is the only will on file, then we can proceed. But until then—” She wrings her hands. “We are going to have to place the baby in emergency foster care.” The minute the words are out of her mouth, I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“There has to be something we can do,” Levi argues for me because all I can do is rock back and forth. “She’s her sister. Her only next of kin. There has to be something we can do. I don’t know, maybe give us a couple of days.”
“I’m aware of that,” Josephine says, “but the law.” Her voice trails off, and I can’t even imagine how hard her job is.
“How long?” I look at Josephine. “How long until I can get her? How long until all of this is taken care of?”
“It’s hard to say,” Josephine sidesteps, “it could be a month.” I gasp, holding Cici even closer to my chest. “Or longer.”
“What about shorter?” Levi asks her. “There has to be, I don’t know, some fast pass somewhere.”
“The best thing to do would be for you to get the will. She would have had a lawyer,” Josephine advises.
I look over at Gwen, handing Cici back to her. “She has a bag,” I say to Josephine, knowing it’s not her fault. It kills me to admit this, but I will have to let her go, but I tell myself it won’t be for long. I look over at Gwen. “Is her door open?” She nods, and I walk out of the room. Of course, Josephine isn’t far away from me. But right behind her is Levi, who is watching everything. I walk into the house and see the toys on the floor mat, knowing Lisa probably said she would clean it up later, right before she walked out only to never return. I go to the nursery, turn on the light, and see the pink room come to life. I walk to the corner of the room and grab the diaper bag from the closet. “She has special pj’s and a sleep sack.” I grab the white folded sack that is hanging over the crib. “She has a stuffy she likes to hold on to when she is rocked, but don’t put it in the crib because she could suffocate.” I take the stuffy from the bed and put it in the bag as tears flow down my face. I wish I could stop them. I wish I could be strong, but I’m not. I have to get through this, then I can have my breakdown. “She takes a bath every night before bed,” I tell her. “And she puts on this lotion. It’s supposed to make them sleep longer.” I hold up the purple bottle. “I don’t know if it works, but we do it anyway.”
“Eva.” Levi says my name softly, and I look over at him. “I can get the stuff.” He comes to me, putting his hand around my waist. “You can sit with Cici for a bit.”
“She has a special formula,” I continue, walking out of the room to the kitchen. “We don’t know if she’s lactose intolerant yet, but the other formula gave her tummy aches,” I inform her, grabbing the can that is right beside the fridge and putting it in the bag. I walk over to the fridge and grab the two cans that are on top of it.
It’s when I’m grabbing the second can that I see the lawyer card in the middle of the fridge. I put it in the bag and look at Levi. “Can you take this card?” I ask, motioning with my chin toward the fridge. He walks over to it and grabs the card, putting it in his pocket.
We walk out of the apartment, going back over to Gwen’s place. She is holding Cici in her arms. “Is there a car seat?” Josephine asks me and I look back at her.
“In the car,” I state, and she just nods.
“I’ll go and get mine,” Josephine says to us, “and give you a chance to say goodbye.” I glance over at Levi, who looks at me.
“You want to make a run for it?” I ask, and he nods.
“I’m game if you are.” He puts his arm around my shoulders.
Gwen comes to us and hands me Cici. I walk over to the side with her, looking outside. “I know you miss your mom,” I soothe as she looks at me and smiles with a big old dollop of drool. “It’s going to be weird for a bit, you’ll be with people you don’t know, but I promise you that I’m going to get you back. I’ll do it as fast as I can, but you’ve got to be tough, baby girl.” I pull her to me and she sinks into me. “Promise you, I’ll come and get you.”
When I turn around, I see Josephine is there with a car seat. Gwen is sobbing into a white tissue and Levi looks like he’s about to literally take the baby and run. I walk over to the car seat and put her in as her feet start to kick in excitement. “Be good,” I tell her, leaning and kissing her cheek.
“Where will you be taking her?” I ask Josephine and she smiles tightly.
“I’m not allowed to disclose that,” she shares, walking over to her bag, “but this is my number and that is the case file.” I nod, looking down at the card in my hand.
“The lawyer will call you tomorrow,” Levi assures her. “We’ll also be getting our own attorney.”
“Good idea,” she says, picking up the car seat.
I pick up the diaper bag and look over at Gwen. “I’ll pass by tomorrow sometime.” She just nods at me. “Call me if you need anything.”
Levi takes the bag from my hand as we follow Josephine down the steps toward her car. We buckle Cici in and watch her drive away.
“Are you okay?” he asks and I just shake my head.
“I’m one hundred and seventy-five million percent the opposite of okay.” I wipe my nose. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck?” I look over at him and ask him, “Like what the fuck have I done in my life that this shit keeps happening to me?”
“Let’s get you home,” he urges me, ushering me to his car. It’s only then that I notice the police cars are gone. “I have three cards to give you,” he says once he’s driving me back home.
“Do you want me to stay?” he asks when he pulls up in my driveway.
“No,” I tell him, reaching out to the door handle. “I need some space.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
I nod at him as he hands me the three white cards. My hand grabs them as I get out and walk back into my house. I walk straight to the kitchen, open the freezer, and take the tequila out. I don’t even bother with a glass; instead, I take a gulp, swallowing and choking before looking down at the cards.
I take my phone out of my pocket and pull up one of my clients who has been with me since the very beginning, she is the one I go to for any law questions.
Me: Hey, it’s me, can you call me tomorrow from the office?
I press send, looking down to see it’s just after midnight and I’m wondering if I should have just waited until the morning.
I take another sip of tequila before my phone pings, and I think it’s Levi. Picking it up, I’m surprised it’s Alice.
Alice: Is this official business?
Me: Sure is.
Two seconds after I send the text, my phone rings. “Hello,” I answer, closing my eyes. “I’m so sorry, did I wake you?”
“Yes,” she answers honestly, “but it’s a part of the job.” I hear the sheets rustle from her side of the phone as I walk over to the couch. “Are you home or have you been arrested?”
“I am home,” I tell her and the tears come. “There was an accident and my sister died.”
Even saying the words are surreal.
Alice hisses, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Shit.”
“I have a nine-month-old niece,” I inform her. “What would it take for me to get custody of her?”
“Does she have a will?” is the first question she asks me.
“Probably, she was on top of things,” I tell her. “There was a lawyer card on the fridge. I’m assuming she left it there in case of…” I close my eyes and lean back on the couch.
“We have to see what it says in the will,” she advises. “Where is the child now?”
“CPS has her,” I tell her, and this is when Alice groans.
“Fuck,” she curses. “She’s going to be in the system now, no matter what.”
“What?” I say, sitting up shocked. “She didn’t tell me that.”
“Well, of course she isn’t going to tell you that,” Alice says. “They have to look at the will and see what that says, but…” She trails off. “Now that she’s with the State, there will be follow-up and spot visits to make sure the child is okay. Listen.” Her voice goes lower. “I love you. You know that, right?” I don’t say anything as I wait for her to finish because nothing good can come from a “you know I love you but” chat. “Off the record, and this is not me talking, but
it would sure look better if you were married on paper.”
I sit up and shriek, “What?”
“Listen, I know it’s the twentieth century and all that, but you go into this married, it’s just easier.” I put my hand on my head.
“She went to a sperm bank!” I yell. “She was able to do it all alone, and now you’re telling me that if I was married, it would be easier for me to get my niece from the State? Even though there is no other family?” I shake my head. “This makes no sense. That’s crazy, there are single moms out there. Trust me, I know, half of them come to my spa.”
“There are, but those single moms out there,” she says, “weren’t granted a baby through their family members. They created them with whatever means they chose.” Okay, fine, she has me there. “Just think about it.”
“Think about what?” I ask, shocked that maybe I misunderstood and laugh bitterly.
“Is there an app out there I don’t know of that has a husband for hire?” I don’t know if it’s the booze I drank, the shock of losing my sister, or I’m just going insane.
“Oh, that could be a good idea,” Alice replies. “I bet it would be successful.”
I close my eyes, knowing I might regret asking the next question. “Okay, let’s talk about the husband idea. What does that entail?”
