The sound of the buzzer makes me take a step toward the glass door, pulling it open. The door clicks open as I step into the apartment building. The staircase is on one side while brass mailboxes are on the other. Putting my aviator glasses on top of my head, I take the six steps up that lead me to apartment one and two before turning and walking up more steps where I get to another landing, but this one only has one door with the number three on it.
The closer I get to her apartment, the more nervous I get. I spent the better part of the day looking at houses. It was the most surreal experience of my life. Choosing a house, knowing that I’m going to have a child grow up in it. I was worried about the school district. I was worried about parks in the neighborhood. I was even worried about the fucking crime rate in the area. It was as if, overnight, I became my uncles and it suddenly all made sense. All of their overbearing craziness they do, I understood it all.
I take a deep inhale as I come up to the next landing, seeing her door with the number four next to the door that is number five. I stand in front of the brown door and literally psych myself up. “You’ve got this,” I tell myself. “She’s four, how hard can it be?” I take one more deep breath before I knock on the door.
I can hear the sound of little feet running on the other side of the door, and a smile just fills my face. “Who is it, Momma?” I hear her voice. “Is it pizza?”
“I don’t think so,” Addison says, “but we should see who it is.”
“Look inside the hole,” Avery shouts, “in case it’s a killer!”
I shake my head, chuckling at the way she said the word. “Go get dressed,” I hear Addison say to her before I hear her little feet running away from the door. The sound of the locks opening makes my heart speed up a touch faster, my hands get even more sweaty as I hold the bags in them. The door swings open and I see Addison with a smile on her face. “Hi,” she says, holding the door handle. She’s wearing black dress pants that hug her curves and stop at her ankles, her feet are bare. The white button-down shirt flows around her and is tucked into the pants. She looks so professional, and I wonder if she’s as nervous as I am. “Welcome.” She moves aside for me to step inside.
“Thank you,” I say, nodding at her as I walk in and stand on her little carpet at the door, “for having me.” I take a look around at the small apartment that is neat and tidy, but bare and minimal. She has a small two-seat couch with a TV stand with a tiny television on it. The kitchen and dining area are right on the other side of the room.
“What do you have there?” Addison asks me as she closes the door behind me.
“I brought her flowers,” I say, holding up the flowers I picked up right before I got here. “I got pink flowers since they looked like princess flowers,” I tell her, nervously holding them up for her to see them.
“Those are very pretty,” she admires, with a smirk on her face.
“I also bought her a couple of things.” I hold up the two bags of toys I bought her today. “Some toys and some princess things.”
Addison comes over and puts a hand on my arm. “Are you nervous?” she asks me, and I chuckle nervously.
“I have never been this out of my comfort zone before in my life,” I admit to her. “I spent a full two hours at the toy store going aisle by aisle. Picking up things and then putting them down. Then going back over again.” I shake my head. “I’m sure at one point the salesgirl thought I was lying about buying anything because she just left me there.”
“Whatever you chose, I’m sure will be amazing,” Addison assures me, and then I hear the small feet running out from one of the bedrooms. Her hair is flying everywhere as she runs to the front door, her dress swooshing around her legs.
“I know you,” Avery states from beside Addison, her arm wrapped around her leg as she sizes me up. “You called me the prettiest princess in all the land.”
“You do know me,” I say nervously, but excited she remembers me. “I brought you flowers,” I say, handing her the bouquet and realizing it’s maybe a bit too big for her. “I got pink because I think they look like princess flowers.”
“Momma, he brought flowers for me,” she whisper-yells, making me laugh out loud.
“I see, why don’t you say thank you,” Addison tells her.
“Thank you for the princess flowers.” Avery smiles at me.
“I’ll take those and put them in a vase,” Addison informs me, “so your hands aren’t full.” I hand her the flowers and she gives me a smile of encouragement.
“What is in the bags?” Avery asks, pointing at the two bags I’m carrying.
“Well, I went to the store, and I saw a couple of things that reminded me of you.” I smile at her. “I got you a couple of presents.”
“You bought me presents?” she says shocked, as she looks from me to the bag and then back to me, then looks at Addison, who is standing in the kitchen opening the cupboard on top of the fridge to grab a vase. “Momma.” Avery walks over to her. “Is it my birthday?”
“It is not your birthday,” Addison tells her, putting the flowers in the vase. “Sometimes people buy you presents just because, or if they are coming to see you.”
“Oh,” Avery says before skipping back to me, “it’s not my birthday.”
“I know,” I tell her, squatting down, “but it’s the first time I’ve visited you, and I thought I would bring you a little something.”
She claps her hands, and her face fills with a megawatt smile. “Okay.” She jumps up and down. “What is it? What is it?”
“Well, you are going to have to open it up and see,” I tell her, handing her one bag first.
“Open this one first,” I tell her and she gets on her knees as she pulls open the bag.
Her little hands work the bag down from the box, and she gasps right before she squeals. “Momma,” she yells over her shoulder, “I got princess shoes!”
Addison looks at her and then looks at me. “What do you mean you got princess shoes?” She comes over and squats down next to Avery. “Oh my!” she exclaims when she takes in the pink box. Inside the big box are six small boxes and four of the boxes have different colored shoes. One is gold, another silver, then a pink and a blue pair. In the top two are three different types of crowns and then some plastic earrings, rings, and plastic bracelets. “That is a lot of princess things.”
“If she has them, we can always go back and exchange it,” I assure her, and I see Avery shaking her head side to side fast.
“I’m almost afraid what is in the other bag,” Addison mumbles as Avery comes back over to me for the second bag. I give the bag to Avery, who struggles to bring it to Addison, dragging it half the way. “What’s in the bag?”
“Stuff for me,” Avery says, moving the bag away from another pink box with the word princess written on the top of it. She opens the box, and if I thought she squealed before, it’s nothing like it is now. “Dresses,” she proclaims, her whole face lighting up, and I don’t even care how much they cost me or that I spent over two hours picking them out. I would do it over and over again just to see that joy on her face. “Momma,” she says, taking out the yellow princess dress, then grabbing the light-blue one. “Look!” She hands her the dresses she took out of the box before she grabs the silver one and then the pink one.
“Each dress comes with its own hair stuff,” I point out to Avery, but she’s already taking it out of the box and trying to put the bandanna on her head.
“Momma, can I wear one now?” she asks Addison, even though she’s grabbing a dress.
“Sure,” Addison says, “but what do we say to Stefano?”
“Thank you, Mr. Stefano,” she says, standing up and jumping in place. “It’s my favorite.”
“You are very, very welcome,” I tell her as she grabs the pink dress, running to her room to change and then stopping.
“I forgot my shoes.” She comes back and grabs the pink pair before running to her room.
“This is a lot of princesses,” Addison says, looking at the two boxes.
“Yeah, I put back the princess vanity set,” I admit to her, and her eyes go big. “I didn’t know if she had it or not.” I shrug. “I figure you can never have enough clothes or shoes. Or at least that is what my mother always says.”
“You were right on that,” she agrees, standing up. “We should tell her.”
I nod at her. “Do you want to wait and do it while we eat?” I ask her, and she looks over her shoulder.
“How about we order the pizza and then break the news to her,” Addison suggests, picking up the bags and walking over to Avery’s room, putting them inside.
I stand and open my phone, ordering three pizzas since I don’t know what she eats on hers, with fries and some chicken wings. I also order a cheeseburger in case she doesn’t like the pizza. “I ordered the pizza. It should be here in twenty minutes.”
“Sounds good.” Addison nods at me as she wrings her hands in front of her.
“Where do you want to do this?” I ask her, looking around to see if there is a more comfortable place to tell her.
“The couch is good.” She points over at the brown couch, and I walk over to sit down on one end. I look at the pictures hanging on the wall while Addison calls Avery.
I hear the sound of clicking and clacking, and when I look up, she is walking out of her bedroom with her pink dress on, with a red bandanna in her hair and gold shoes. She has one of the plastic earrings on the side of her ear and she is wearing every single bracelet that came with the set. She has five rings on two fingers. “Look at my dress,” she urges Addison as she turns slowly in her plastic shoes.
“You look amazing, now come sit down.” Addison motions with her head toward where I’m sitting. “Mr. Stefano and I want to talk to you.”
She walks over to me clicking and clacking her shoes the whole way. I suddenly really feel sorry for the person who lives under her. I sit at the edge of the couch as she comes over and sits next to me, leaving a little space for Addison. Instead of sitting next to her, she kneels in front of her. I have never in my life felt like this. Ever. My whole chest feels like it’s being crushed, yet it also feels like it’s going to explode.
“Look at my ring.” Avery holds up her hand to me. “Thank you for buying me presents.”
“You are so welcome,” I tell her.
“Honey,” Addison starts, and I can see she is blinking away tears as she sits back on her feet. “Do you remember when you asked if you had a dad?”
“He’s at work,” Avery says, and my heart sinks at the way her voice is, “very far, far, far, far away.” If it was any other time, I would have laughed at her exaggeration.
“He was at work,” Addison says and looks at me. I can see her swallowing the lump in her throat.
“Well, you see,” I start, turning to her, thinking of ways to say what needs to be said. “I was really busy.” I stop talking because none of this makes any sense to me.
But Avery just looks at me, tilting her head to the side. “Are you my dad?”
I swallow down the lump in my throat before I say the words. “I’m your dad.”
