I hear Avery ask the question, and my heart speeds up so much in my chest, I can’t even describe it. I try to swallow, but the lump has formed in my throat and nothing happens. Then I try to say something, but when I open my mouth, nothing, and I mean nothing, comes out. I blink away the tears forming in my eyes, but then Stefano looks at me and then back at Avery, saying the three words that will forever change this moment. “I’m your dad.” I feel as if I’m having an out-of-body experience as I look at Avery while she listens to his words. This, this moment right here, this is the moment I’ve dreamed about ever since she asked me about her dad. I should be happy, but there is a little bit of sadness to this moment.
Avery sits there in her new princess dress and looks up at him with matching eyes to her father. “Did you get lost?” Her voice comes out soft.
Stefano chuckles at her question before he puts his arms around her. “A little bit.” He looks at me next. “But I’m here now.”
“Are you going to visit?” I can’t even imagine what she is going through. I hope this moment is a moment she will always remember.
“No.” He shakes his head, and my whole body feels like it’s drained. I thought I was ready for this conversation. I played it over and over in my head so many times over the past four years, but it’s nothing like I imagined. “I’m going to live here.” I don’t know who gasps out in shock first, me or Avery, who now jumps off the couch.
“You can sleep in my bed.” She grabs his hand, pulling him off the couch. “Come see my room.”
“Um…” I voice to his retreating back. He laughs, looking over his shoulder but goes with her as she pulls his finger toward her bedroom.
I get up from the floor but don’t follow them. Instead, I sit on the couch, and my head hangs forward. “I wanted a princess bed,” Avery starts to tell him, and I look toward her bedroom, “but Momma said maybe when I turn five.” I sit back on the couch, putting my head back.
“That sounds like a good present,” Stefano replies.
“I don’t think you can fit in my bed,” Avery finally declares to him, and all he can do is laugh.
“No, I have my own house,” he replies as they come back out of the bedroom. The sound of her plastic shoes echoes throughout the room.
“Do you have a princess bed?” Avery asks him, and he shakes his head.
“Not yet, but I think I will soon,” he tells her and I stand, hoping my legs don’t give out on me.
“We should get dinner,” I start to say when my doorbell rings.
“That should be dinner,” Stefano states, walking to the door and pressing the button. “Who is it?”
“Delivery for Stefano,” the man replies, and he presses the button but doesn’t move from the door. He waits for the guy to knock on the door and then looks out the peephole.
“You know who it is,” I tell him, and he just looks over at me.
“And I wanted to make sure,” he says, opening the door just enough for him to grab the food and then he closes it back with his foot.
“Who’s hungry?” he asks, and Avery tries to jump, but she’s afraid her shoes will come off.
“Me!” she shouts, walking over to the round dining table in the middle of the living room/dining room. “I’m very hungry.”
“Why are there three pizzas?” I ask as I make my way toward the table. He puts the three boxes on the table and then takes the brown bag that is on top of the boxes off.
“I didn’t know what toppings you like on it,” he admits, a bit flustered, “so I got one that is just cheese.” Taking the first box off the pile, he goes on, “Then a pepperoni, and I got one that has everything.”
“I like cheese,” Avery says as she tries to get onto her chair. One of her plastic shoes falls to the floor. “Did you get french fries?” she asks him, looking up at him.
“I did,” he confirms to her and all I can do is stand here, stuck in my shoes as if there is cement inside them.
“Yay!” Avery claps her hands.
“I’ll get the plates,” I finally say, walking over to the little kitchen counter and opening the cupboard. The four flat plates are piled next to the four soup bowls that sit next to the four small plates. I grab three plates and turn back around to put them on the table before walking over and grabbing three forks and two knives.
“You have to cut my pizza,” Avery tells him as he opens up the first pizza box, “’cause I can’t use the knife yet, or I’ll cut my hand off.”
I close my eyes, really wishing she would stop repeating the things I’ve told her. “I’ll cut your pizza,” Stefano says softly to her. “Which one do you want?” He looks at me as I pull the chair out that faces him and I sit down.
“Anything is good,” I reply, my mind still reeling this is happening, that he is actually here and it’s not part of a dream.
“Momma,” Avery calls me. “Can I have some water,” she asks me, “in my pink cup?”
I get up and walk over to the dish rack near the sink, grabbing her pink sippy cup. “Um, would you like some sweet tea?” I ask him over my shoulder.
“Is it special sweet tea?” he asks, and it makes me chuckle. “If so… no.”
“It’s not Billy’s sweet tea,” I assure him. “We keep that at the office.” I turn to put Avery’s pink cup on the table and then two glasses before walking to the fridge and grabbing the jug of sweet tea and the pitcher of water.
I sit down and the table has never been so full of food before. “Um, we should clear some room.” Stefano looks up at me. “How about I move the pizza to the counter?” I grab the three boxes of pizza, picking them up and turning. “There, that is better.”
I sit down and look over at Stefano, who is cutting Avery’s food as if he’s been doing it for her whole life. “This looks good, Momma,” Avery says to me. “I love pizza.”
“It does look good,” I agree, waiting for him to finish cutting her food before starting to eat.
“This is good,” Avery says, picking up a piece of pizza with her fork. “The best pizza ever.”
“I’m glad,” Stefano replies, as he cuts a piece of pizza for himself and pops a piece in his mouth. “Did you have fun at school today?”
“Daycare,” Avery corrects him. “I go to school when I turn five.”
“Oh,” Stefano says.
“She went to preschool,” I fill him in, “but it’s summer, so it’s daycare until September when she starts kindergarten.”
“I’m going to school,” Avery tells him. “They don’t have naps at school.”
“You don’t like naps?” Stefano asks her and all I can do is cut my pizza in my plate and push it around. My stomach is in my throat after today, and I’m afraid if I do eat, it’ll just come right back up.
“I like naps sometimes,” she tells him, “but sometimes I don’t like it, but they don’t make me nap if I don’t want, they give me books.”
“That’s good,” Stefano returns, eating up every single word that she is saying. “Reading is good.”
“It makes me smart,” she declares, then looks at me and smiles. “Right, Momma?”
“Yes,” I reply, nodding at her. I don’t know what else they talk about because I’m in my own head.
“Momma,” Avery says, “I’m done.”
“Okay.” I look at her plate and see she ate it all. “Go brush your teeth and get your pj’s on.”
She nods at me and starts to go down the hall before she looks over at Stefano. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“I will.” He smiles at her and she smiles back at him.
She slips back on the plastic shoe that fell off her before. Only when it’s on does she go to the bathroom. I hear her dragging the stool to the counter. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, turning back to him, “just—”
“Oh, I know.” He leans back in the chair; the black shirt pulls against his chest. His green eyes are a bit darker than they were when he got here, but it’s also because the light is dim. “That was—”
“Brutal,” I fill in for him as I finally drop my fork.
“I thought I was going to throw up,” he admits to me and I can’t help but be a little relieved.
“Good,” I say to him, and his eyes go big. “At least it wasn’t just me.”
“Have you told your parents about me?” he asks the question, and it shocks me for a minute. I think about lying to him, but it’ll only be a matter of time before he knows the truth.
I look over to the bathroom door, hearing the water running before I tell him, “I don’t speak with my parents.” I want to say, after all this time, it doesn’t bother me, but it does. I think it will always bother me.
He looks at me shocked, and I know he’s going to ask me why, so I just tell him, my voice going very low. “When I found out I was pregnant and told them.” I look down at my plate, not wanting to look at him when I say the next part. Except my pride gets the best of me and I lean back and put my shoulders straight. “It was either get rid of it or do it on my own. So I’m doing it on my own.”
His jaw goes tight and I see his hands ball into fists on the table, his eyes moving back and forth as he looks into mine. “Mommmmmmm, I’m done!” Avery shouts from the bathroom. “Can you come and help me?”
“I should get in there and wipe up the water she must have spilled all over the place.” I get up. “I’ll come back and clean up.”
“I’ll clean up,” he offers, getting up. “You go take care of that.” He motions with his chin for me to go to the bathroom. I walk away from him before he sees how much this whole day has affected me. “Did we brush our teeth?” I ask when I walk into the bathroom and step into a puddle of water.
“I did,” she confirms, looking at me and showing me her teeth. “My dress got wet.” She looks down at the pink dress.
“It did,” I say, grabbing a towel and putting it on the water puddle so she doesn’t slip. I sit on the edge of the bathtub before I pull the dress off her. “I’m going to hang this,” I tell her of the dress. “How about we take off all the jewelry?” I grab her hand, taking off the rings and putting them on the counter before I grab a washrag and wash the sauce off her face. “Did you like the pizza?”
“It was good,” she replies, not the least bit fazed that she met her father for the first time.
“It was,” I agree with her as I take the bandanna off her head and grab the brush to brush her hair. “Go get your nightgown on,” I tell her and she hops out of the bathroom and toward her room.
I hang her dress on the back of the door and finish cleaning up the bathroom when I hear her yell, “Stefano, do you want to read me a story?”
I close my eyes and push away the little tinge of sadness I have because it’s always been me putting her to bed. It’s always been me telling her the bedtime story. It’s always been me and now I’m going to have to share her. “Of course I want to read you a story,” I hear Stefano say, and I have to be happy he wants to do all the things. I have to be happy he didn’t fight he was a father. I have to be happy he didn’t just walk away from us without looking back. I walk out and turn off the bathroom light, seeing all the food has been put away and the dishes washed and in the dish rack.
I walk over to her bedroom door, leaning on the doorjamb while he sits on her small bed, his feet sticking out of the end of the bed, his back to the wall as he reads her Cinderella. She’s on her side and already sleeping, but he doesn’t stop until he reads the last word. He closes the book and looks down at her.
“She’s asleep,” I tell him and he just nods his head.
“Can I kiss her?” he asks me, and I can’t help the tear that rolls down my cheek. “Or will it wake her?”
“You can kiss her,” I say as I quickly wipe the tear away. He bends over and kisses her cheek. Getting up and tiptoeing out of the room, little does he know she can sleep through a party.
“I’m going to get going,” he says softly as we walk back into the living room and toward the front door. “I’ll call you later and we can talk.”
“Okay,” is the only thing I can say because I have no idea what else to say. “Sounds good,” I agree as he walks out the door.
“Lock up,” he urges, waiting at the top of the stairs. “I’m not leaving until I hear the lock.”
“I thought it was rude to close the door in your face,” I reply, a tad annoyed, “but if that’s the case.” I close the door and lock it. “Goodbye!” I shout to the closed door.
“See you tomorrow, Addison,” he replies back to the door. I just put my head to the wood, closing my eyes, wondering what in the hell am I going to do.
