“Love, in all its shapes and sizes, is timeless. Nobody is ever ready when it comes.” – Clarissa Wild
X
Saturday, September 14th, 2013. 1:00 a.m.
Truth. Such a strange word. There’s no such thing. Everyone has a different notion of what’s right and wrong, so truth is a blurred emotional opinion. On her part, she thinks she knows the truth now. From my side it’s completely different. She remembers only a few parts, only our flirting and fucking, but she still doesn’t even remember my name. She knows nothing about the horrible things my family used to do to people her father deemed a threat. She doesn’t know the full extent of my obsession with her. That the first thing I did when I came out of the hospital was find her. I followed her day and night, planning my revenge.
She has no clue about that. She has no idea about the horrible things I’ve done. Like killing her mother.
I walk down the aisle and grab a few bottles of liquor. As I near the end of the store, I notice a clerk spying on me from behind the counter. Narrowing my eyes, I contemplate whether I’m going to behave or blow his brains out.
Taking a deep breath, I choose the highroad and place the whiskey and wine on the counter. He gazes at me with a perplexed look on his face, his fingers shaking as he takes the bottles and bleeps them. I fish a few dollar bills from my pocket and slam them on the counter. “Keep the change.”
I jerk the bottles from his hands and saunter out of the store. The zoned-out clerk follows me out with his eyes. Is it that fucking strange to pay for something once in a while? I could’ve killed him. He should be happy he got another day to live. Whatever. He can eye me all he wants, I don’t care. I would shoot any other guy who did that, but I’m in a good mood.
I get back to the car and step inside. Jay is still here. The doors weren’t even locked. It doesn’t matter anymore; she won’t run. There’s no going back to where she came from. Now she knows why.
“Here,” I say, handing her a bottle of wine. I take out my keys and unscrew the cap. Placing the tip to her mouth, she drinks eagerly, her thirst insatiable. Damn, that woman can drink. With a smug face I open the bottle of whiskey and hold it up.
“Cheers.”
“To this fucked-up world.”
We drink to the pain until we’re smashed and drunk from laughter. I feel myself caring less and less about what happens to us. This night is all about forgetting, and I’m quickly forgetting everything I promised myself to do to her as well as the one behind this all. It all just seems so futile. Now that I have her … now that she remembers the extent of our history … why go through all the trouble of hurting the one who took everything from me? I’ve already got what I want.
Turning my head, I place the bottle down between us and look at her. She’s beautiful. I love and I hate her so much. I don’t know why, but for some reason I can’t let go of either. This is so fucking unlike me. I don’t fucking get attached to anyone. She is an exception. A girl who kept escaping me, kept taunting me to take her, even though the consequences were severe. So severe I came to hate her for it. Yes, I blame her for everything. Maybe it’s unfair. Too fucking bad. Life isn’t fair. The moment they took my sanity was the day hatred was burned into my very being. I don’t even think I’d be able to survive without it.
She throws the empty bottle behind her. I guess replacing one addiction with another isn’t so bad. She gets to enjoy the numbness and not feel the craving for drugs. I get to forget about my need to punish. However, I just can’t seem to let go of the thought of ruining her.
Fuck, this is really fucked up. I used to care about her, but somewhere along the line caring turned into contempt. She should have known that camera was there, and that her father was watching her every move. She tricked me into fucking her. She tempted me like the seductive little bird she is. She’s my enemy, and yet I still can’t help but want her.
Sighing, I lift my hand and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. It’s no longer a case of just wanting to have her body and fuck her any way I want. It’s more than that. I need to own her. I will have her until I die.
I still want to punish her. I will never lose that lust for blood. I will always want to see the fear and the pain. I was born in it. I was raised with it. It’s all I know. All I’ve become. A monster in love with pain and death. How pathetic.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks in a haze.
I snort. “I should be asking you that since you just remembered pretty much everything.”
“I know …” She blinks a couple of times and frowns. “I’m not sure how I feel. I can hardly believe it’s all true, but it’s in my mind, so it must be.”
“Is it hard to believe you once wanted me?”
She cocks her head. “No, but—”
“More than I wanted you?”
She gasps. “Pig.”
I smirk. “That’s sir pig to you.”
She snorts so hard she has to cough.
I laugh. “You know, the noises you made when I fucked that pussy of yours for the first time were quite the turn-on.”
“Fuck you … that’s not fair.”
“It is now that you remember.”
“I only remember flashes, not my complete history.” She swallows. “There’s a lot I don’t remember at all. Like my mother, for example.”
I slam my mouth shut. For a few seconds I contemplate forgetting she mentioned her mother. However, something in the back of my mind tells me she has to know. If I’m going to make her stay, she has to believe I’m speaking the truth. I have to be honest with her. It’s the right thing to do, even if it’s just once.
My breathing slows down. “Your mother is dead.”
Her jaw drops, her eyes flashing to me like she just saw a dead man walking.
“She fell down the stairs.”
“What? How do you know?” she asks.
“Because you were right. We do have a history together, you and I. We used to play together in your father’s house. When they were busy talking we used to run after each other a lot, playing catch. One time your mother came out the door right when I took a turn. I didn’t see her and then…” I sigh. “I killed her.”
Her face turns from pure shock to revulsion. I expect her to try and hit me. Instead, she picks up the bottle of whiskey and drinks it until she almost chokes.
“Hey, take it slow,” I say, plucking the bottle from her hand before she drowns in it.
“Like you fucking care,” she spits.
I laugh. She sounds just like herself again. I was worried she might’ve lost her spark after everything I did to her, but I see it now. It’s still there. Everything she was, everything she is. She’s right here, right in front of me, ready for the taking. What I wanted so long ago is now my reality. I have her completely to myself, and she isn’t running from me anymore. This is too fucking perfect. Especially considering the fact that I just told her I fucking killed her mother.
“I do care, actually,” I say, putting the bottle away. “I will not lose my property to alcohol.”
She snorts and smashes her lips together, nodding. “Property. Right.”
I grab her chin, nudging it softly. “You are mine, Jay. You always were. You were never anyone else’s. You didn’t even permit yourself to think of anyone else but me, despite being a slut.”
“Oh, fuck you. You might have my body, but you won’t have my heart.”
I cock my head. “Do you really believe that?”
She gazes at me in complete silence for a few seconds before turning her head away from me again. She knows what I mean. What I said was true. I do love her. She knows this. She knows I would risk anything to keep her. She also knows she can no longer resist the feelings tucked inside her. I’ve seen it too. Her eyes can’t stop begging me to hold her, to kiss her, to fuck her. She’s always struggled with the idea of giving in to me, because she feels it’s wrong; she’s been taught to fight and fend for herself. When that choice was taken away from her, she realized she didn’t need it anymore. All she needed was love. It scares her that I offer it to her. That, and the fact that she probably never expected to like all of the kinky fucking.
Now that we’re past that, I wonder if I can truly make her mine. Make her see that she wants me just as much as I want her.
I clear my throat. “You know, it was an accident. You never remembered. I never forgot. Your father blamed you for it.”
“No wonder he likes me so much.” She rolls her eyes in disgust.
“I do.”
She laughs. “You? Like me?”
“Hmhm … contrary to what you may believe, I think we make a great pair.”
“You just told me you killed my mother. It’s your fault. And now you’re telling me you like me? I’m sorry, I don’t even know how to fucking respond to that.”
“Actually we were playing and I bumped into her. It wasn’t intentional.”
“And that’s supposed to make it all okay?” She shakes her head. “Never mind, I don’t even know why I care so much. I never knew her anyway. It’s not like I feel anything.”
“It doesn’t. I did many things that anger you.”
“You did.”
I lean in closer, placing my hand on top of her leg. “I did. I punished you. I whipped you until you were red and sore. I tasted your blood. You tasted fucking delicious.” I smile. She tries to lean away, but can’t, because this is a car after all, and there’s not much space. “Tell me, in all honesty, that you didn’t like any of it.”
Slamming her mouth shut, she diverts her eyes and balls her fists.
“I know you won’t, because it isn’t true. You do like it. Years ago you even begged me to do it to you. You crave the wickedness. It’s in your veins. You waited and waited for something you didn’t even know you needed: me.”
I plant a kiss on top of her cheek, sliding her hair to her back. Shivering, her breathing speeds up, and her lips quiver.
“All I ever wanted was you. All I ever got was pain. Now you know what it feels like,” I whisper in her ear.
My hand drifts closer to her inner thighs, moving up to the warmth between her legs. She shudders as I place a kiss on her jaw, dragging it to her lips. With my other hand I nudge her chin toward me.
“Stop fighting it, little bird. Ignore your conscience. It makes you unhappy. Let me make you fly.”
When I lock my lips on hers, she closes her eyes and lets me in. I kiss her softly and slowly, adding more pressure to her thigh as our kiss grows deeper. She tenses when I slide my hand closer to her pussy, but relaxes when I peck her softly on the side of her lip.
“Be mine, little bird. Give yourself to me. Let yourself go,” I whisper against her soft skin.
Her lips quiver as she sucks in the air. “I need … love.” The words come out in a slur.
I caress her cheek with my index finger. “I know, little bird. My love is what you get as well as my fury. But you can handle it. You’re a strong girl.” I press my lips to hers as they part, allowing me entrance. I cup her face and kiss away the fears she has left. Now is not the time to think. Now is not the time to be angry or remorseful. Now is the time to let go and enjoy each other’s company. It’s all we have.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she kisses me back, licking my tongue. It feels riveting. My cock bounces in my pants, eager to feel her soft flesh again. Connecting with her gaze, I watch her chestnut eyes turn into a blazing fire.
Leaning in, she throws her legs around mine and inches closer. My hands drift to her tits as I lazily pull them from their holsters and play with her nipples. I tug and pull, alternating harsh with soft as she moans in my mouth. I love the sounds she makes when I’m a little too hard on her. Her pain brings me pleasure, and her pleasure brings me pain. I need both right now.
My mouth is desperate to feel her again. I remind myself why I loved her all those years ago, how much I ached to touch her but couldn’t. Screw the fucking rules. I’m throwing everything out of the window now.
Lust overtakes me as I plunge my fingers down her folds. Silencing a squeal with my mouth, I ravish her, fondling her pussy until she’s swollen and wet. My cock thickens, straining my pants. Fuck, I’m so hard for her. My lips travel from her mouth to her neck and down to her nipples, where I cover them with my mouth. Swirling my tongue around, I sink my teeth into her skin and pull until she screams with delight.
She doesn’t fight me. Her hands are still around my neck, her fingers digging into my skin. My back burns from her scratch marks, but it only makes me hornier. So I play with her nub and push her to her limits before I pull her completely into my lap. Probing my finger inside, her snugness is what makes me mad with wantonness.
“Oh … fuck …” she moans as I circle around inside her, nipping at her tits at the same time. Bite marks are all across her chest and neck area, like a beautiful necklace to accompany that beautiful body of hers. I want to make her mine so badly I can’t stop thinking about marking her everywhere. Knowing that she is mine and mine alone is what drives me to do the things I do.
I rip down my zipper and take out my cock. But before I have a chance to lift her up, she grabs my face and kisses me full on the lips. It surprises me. I never expected her to succumb to me so quickly. Her neediness takes me aback, and for a moment I’m left wondering if she’s just in the moment, if she really wants me, or if she’s too drunk to care. Either way, I’m rolling with it.
Her hand drifts down her body as she gives in to the moment we’re having. Her fingers find their way to her clit, rubbing it with fervor. Licking my lips, I slide my hand up her tits and grab her by the throat.
“Yes, little bird. Make that pussy even wetter for me. Go on.” I clasp her throat tight, and she looks down at me with equal thirst. She’s hungry for my power, eager to gain my approval. Her gasps come in short breaths as I tighten my hold on her neck, staring into her eyes as she flicks her nub.
“Do it,” I whisper. “Make yourself come. I want you to spill it all over me. Show me how much you want this.”
She rubs and rubs, her fingers crazy from excitement. Her eyes roll into the back of her head, her lips part to make an O, and her voice turns into a high-pitched noise. A moan slips out and then she bucks her hips, her body shuddering to the touch of her fingers. I groan and grind my teeth like an animal. I’m so fucking ready to blow inside of her.
“Well done, little bird.”
She shudders, drawing in a lip-sucking breath. “Thank you, sir.”
I grin. “Now take my cock like a good girl.”
The muscles in her legs tighten around mine, and so I take the opportunity to raise her and lower her onto my pulsing cock. The anticipation is visible on her face as she scrunches her brows and purses her red lips, making me want to kiss her. I can feel her heartbeat through her skin, increasing its pace as her body trembles above my cock. Eager and on edge. Exactly how I like it, and how she needs it.
Her expression is a mixture of agony and bliss as I bury myself into her snug pussy, coating my cock with her wetness. She has never felt this good before, so willing, so open to take me. Her skin is coated in a thin layer of sweat, drops rolling down her plump tits. I suck them off and circle my tongue around the crown. She moans, taking my cock even deeper. We’re riding on the waves of ecstasy, fucking for the sake of fucking, but I’m loving it so far. I bet she doesn’t give a shit either right now.
Sweat breaks out on my forehead as I plunge deeper into her. She bucks her hips, enclosing me around her as she rests her head on my shoulder. I grab her ass with both hands and pump into her again and again. Slapping her ass, I make her ride me like a good little slut. Finally she gives me what I’ve been craving all along. Her willingness. Obedience. Desire. Everything.
We’re both in the place we want to be. Both our needs fulfilled. My domination and her freedom. It’s all in this one moment of mindless sex.
Her screams fill the car, fogging up the windshields as I bang her quick and dirty. No words are needed. She knows I am her only pleasure, her only release from this tainted world. She knows I give her an escape when she needs it the most. Fleeing isn’t what she wants; she wants my cock to make her forget everything around her. We’re both users. Two sides of a coin.
“That’s it. Fuck me, little bird. Use me for your pleasure like I used you,” I whisper in her ear, nibbling it, biting down hard.
Her finger traces a line down my tattoo, fixating on my nipple piercing when she reaches it. “Yes …” she mutters.
“Hmm … I know you want to. Ride my cock, Jay. Ride it because it’s yours, like that pussy of yours is mine.” My tongue moves back to her other tit so I can give it a good lick. I roll her nipple between my fingers, tugging and squeezing until she moans in my ear. Then I suck on it and bite down again, creating two identical red marks.
I move my hands back to her ass, spanking her with a flat hand. She bounces up and down each time, the extra friction a delight to my cock. Her skin heats up underneath my hand as I keep hitting her. Her brows draw together and she bites down on my shoulder in pain. I fucking love it.
“Fuck me …” she murmurs.
“Yes, Jay, let me fuck that pretty little pussy of yours. Keep riding that cock. Make me proud and I’ll let you come again.”
She leans back, planting her hands on the dashboard. She slips her wet little pussy over my cock with ease. So eager. I can’t even fucking believe it.
“Hurt me then,” she says.
I can’t fucking believe my ears either.
“Give me the pain. I can handle you,” she says.
I’m done for.
I rip my tie loose and throw it around her neck, holding both ends. I tie it around again and pull it, squeezing her throat. She gasps, her breath faltering from the pressure building on her neck.
“Yes, Jay, feel the air leaving your body as I fuck you hard. I want to see the blood leave your face while you come.”
I caress her with the pain she desires so much. She struggles to keep going as I tug on the leash around her neck, but she still does. The innate desire to please me is too strong for her.
I slap her tit and jerk her nipple, her screams disappearing into nothingness as the air fails to push through her lungs. I bounce her on my lap, pushing her to her limits, her eyes darting all around, delirious from the high.
She is slick and hot as we cross the line between this world and the next. The sensation of being inside her, feeling her body against mine while she allows me to hurt her is riveting.
“Come for me, little bird. Show me how much you want to please me. Show me how much you love this cock buried deep inside you while I take your breath away.”
The muscles in her pussy start rippling, arousing me to my core. Her eyes roll into the back of her head. And right at that moment, at the peak of her pleasure, I let go of the tie around her neck and pull her toward me, crashing my lips into hers. My tongue probes her mouth as she falls apart in my arms, convulsing heavily. Her heavy orgasm pushes me to the brink of ecstasy. Groaning, I come undone. A hot jet of seed spurts into her pussy. My release is edgy and fulfilling. As I unleash my load into her, I moan in her mouth, and she responds with a heavy sigh, filled with emotions. My cum seems to come in streams as it spills out of her pussy and onto my pants.
“Thank you …” she whimpers.
It sets the fire in me ablaze.
Panting, I wrap my arms around her warm body and press her tits to my chest. She’s snug against me, her head resting in the nook of my neck while my spent cock slips out of her. Her skin is covered in marks; red, blue and purple. Colors I created. Mine. All mine.
I don’t know why I care so much. I never did care for any of the girls except her. I suppose, even after all these years, she never left me. Not my heart.
I realize this could be my downfall. I am in love with her. I always was. It’s exactly why I despise her so much. She made me weak, and in that one weak moment I faltered and was punished for it. I died that day my mother burned my eye. And Jay is the one who caused it all.
But having her in my arms like this, like a little girl, wanting to be loved … she can undo me.
Even after all the things I’ve been through for her, no matter how many times she’s hurt me, I still need her. Denying it is futile. I’ve already fallen into her clutches.
I hate her. I love her. Those emotions cannot coexist. What follows now will be the end for us both.
