Adams dropped into the seat next to me and put a pint glass in front of me. “You look like you need another one of these.”
I curled my fingers around the sweaty glass and smirked. Or at least tried to. “Thanks.”
“What’s going on with you and Crawford?”
“What? Nothing? Why?” Did he know we’d messed around?
He shot me a strange look. “We usually need a crowbar to pry you two away from each other, but you’ve hardly said a word to him all night.” He waved his hand at the booth where Jax sat with some of our teammates.
We tended to take over the back section of Red’s. The booths were big and comfy, but you could only cram so many ball players into them before someone inevitably fell out. Thankfully the teams at Rutherford had a long-standing tradition of which bar they called their own, so we didn’t have to worry about the place being overrun by athletes.
Red’s was a weird cross between a sports bar and a dive bar. The carpeted floors were worn and always felt sticky. The wood paneling had probably looked great when it had been installed in the ’80s, but it had seen so many coats of paint it was in a sad state of disarray. The booths and chairs had decent padding, but the tabletops were worn and scratched to shit.
I liked it. The staff knew us, and the crowds were usually on the lighter side. Mostly students, but since it was a little bit away from campus and student housing, it didn’t draw the same numbers as the closer, trendier places downtown.
It wasn’t pretty, but they had cheap beer, greasy food, and weren’t strict with IDs, so none of us complained.
“You’ve barely looked at each other all night. You fighting?”
I relaxed. So he didn’t know about us.
My relief made me pause. I’d never given a shit if people thought we were boning before. Why did I suddenly care now that we’d hooked up?
“We don’t do everything together.”
He shot me a the fuck you don’t look.
“We don’t have to do everything together,” I amended.
“We get worried when you’re not attached at the hip.”
“We?” I took a sip of the beer.
After my first drink, I’d switched to water when no one was looking. It was early enough I could have had a few and been fine for the workout, but I wasn’t feeling it.
“The team. Your bromance is the reason we’re going to dominate again this year.” He downed a third of his drink in one go.
I quirked an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know this.” He smirked. “You two work like you have ESPN or something.”
“You mean ESP?” I stifled a grin.
“Whatever.” He waved dismissively. “You may have a golden arm, but even you gotta agree that Crawford brings you to the next level.”
The sip of beer I’d taken went sour in my stomach.
Adams wasn’t wrong. I was a good pitcher, great even. I’d gotten over a dozen offers at graduation for full-ride scholarships all over the country. I’d chosen Rutherford because it was a small school with a damn good team and a solid academic reputation. And it was far enough from home I didn’t have to visit unless I had to, but not so far that it made traveling annoying when I did.
Jax was an incredible catcher, and his instincts were spot on. He’d also gotten a crap ton of offers, but Rutherford was the only D1 school that had made it worth his while to commit to them. It was messed up, but if you wanted to be scouted for the pros, a D1 school was your best choice.
The real difference between us was that Jax could catch for anyone. He owned the plate, and it didn’t matter who Coach put in. Jax called the right pitches, knew exactly when to use our plays, and had a Zen-like calm around him that kept his pitchers in the zone when they struggled.
The few times Jax had to sit a game out and Chase had stepped in proved I was a one-trick pony. My stats nosedived when I wasn’t teamed up with Jax. Thanks to my years of training, I did well enough that Coach let me stay in, but it was a struggle.
“I’m just saying that if you two are having a fight or a rough patch or whatever, you need to get over that shit before the season starts.”
I gritted my teeth and let go of the glass so I didn’t squeeze it. “We’re fine. We’re just not sitting at the same table for a few hours. No reason to get your panties in a bunch.”
Adams laughed and slapped my shoulder hard enough to sting. “Good to know.”
A burst of laughter from a table to our left drew our attention. Hayes was sitting on the floor with Petey standing behind him, howling and holding a chair.
“Yeah, Coop’s about to cut them off.” Adams chuckled as our captain jumped up from his seat and strode over to our drunk teammates, looking less than amused.
“Glad that’s not me. I’m already on his shit list.”
“I’m sure he’ll let that go… eventually.” Adams snickered into his glass.
Hayes stood next to Petey, both looking at the ground sheepishly as Cooper lectured them like naughty toddlers.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about.” Adams nudged my arm hard and nodded to where a crowd of girls stood near the door.
“Better check their IDs if you’re interested.” I grimaced. “They look young.”
He squinted. “Yeah. Guess I’d better go investigate.” He nudged me again. “You coming?”
“Nah.”
“Shove over.” Big D knocked his hip against mine. “It looks like some freshmen are in need of some senior guidance.”
Rolling my eyes, I slid out of the booth, then slapped his ass as he came out after me. “Check IDs, dude.”
“Yes, Dad.” He motioned for the other guys at the table to slide out too.
The five of them walked away, leaving me with a table of half-eaten fries, nachos, and empty beer bottles.
“You okay?”
“Fuck!”
Jax snickered as I shot him a glare.
“How are you so stealthy with such a big ass?”
“I don’t walk on my ass.” He pursed his lips, clearly still amused. “They bail on you?”
I pointed to where our teammates were crowding around the group of girls.
“Yikes. Is it just me, or do they look young?”
“It’s not just you.” I sighed.
“Want to bail?”
“You done?”
“Been done for a while. Just putting in the face time.”
Not with me.
Ugh. I needed to stop being weird. First that whole jealous outbreak when Jax mentioned Damon. Then I’d spent the whole time he’d sat at the other table pouting like a big baby. No wonder he’d wanted some space.
Or maybe he was giving me space because of what had happened and he didn’t want the team to know? Or did he think I didn’t want the team to know?
“Want to stay?” he asked.
“No, let’s head out.” I caught Cooper’s eye and motioned to the door. He waved.
We waved back and walked to the exit, Jax falling into step beside me.
“The house or my room?” he asked.
“Your room. I think everyone except Alex is home tonight.”
He pushed the door open, then followed me through it.
The chilled air hit me like an anvil. I shivered and shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket.
We walked in silence for a few blocks.
Did I care if the team knew Jax and I had hooked up?
I’d already come to terms with the fact that I was bi. I hadn’t wrapped my head around how I couldn’t have known until now, but it didn’t bother me or anything. Not anymore.
I liked dick, or at least I liked my best friend’s dick. What we’d done had felt good, and I wanted more. But Jax hadn’t made a move, hadn’t brought it up, and hadn’t offered more.
The past week, I’d tried to figure out a casual way to tell him I did, but for the first time since I’d known him, I was feeling shy.
He’d also put a fuck ton of effort into making me know I was firmly in the friend zone. He’d insisted we hang out at the house with my roommates and not in his dorm room, and he’d gone home every night. He also didn’t touch me like before. No hands on my back or casual arms over my shoulder, not even a playful slap on the ass like all ball players did.
He didn’t even sit close to me anymore, making sure to keep space between us when we studied or hung out.
Was this his way of telling me it was a mistake? Was he pulling away from me? Had I fucked up the best friendship I’d ever had because I’d been impulsive and goaded my best friend into blowing me?
“What’s going on with you?” Jax asked softly.
“Nothing,” I mumbled and walked faster.
He hummed and kept pace with me.
We needed to talk about this, but not here. Not outside. I’d grow a set when we got back to his room. Decision made, I slowed to a normal walking pace. I needed to stop being so weird around him.
“Did you hear about the bet Hayes and Petey have going?” I asked.
“Which one.” He snorted. “The last one I heard was about who could eat more hot wings tonight.”
I chuckled. Hayes and Petey always had some ridiculous bet going between them. “Petey’s going to regret winning that one in a few hours. They’re doing a double or nothing to see who can out-press the other tomorrow.”
“Those idiots are going to hurt themselves one of these days.” I didn’t have to look at him to know Jax was rolling his eyes.
We chatted about stupid stuff as we made our way to jock hall. Jax used his ID to open the door and held it open for me, and I slipped in.
A group of guys from the hockey team was in the lounge and waved to us. We called our hellos. Rather than bother with the elevator, we took the stairs to the fifth floor, then made our way to the other end of the hall to Jax’s room.
When we were inside, we shrugged off our jackets and tossed them onto his desk chair. I perched on the edge of the bed, and Jax sank onto the mattress a few feet from me. “What’s going on with you?”
“I…” I licked my dry lips and dropped my eyes to his mouth.
His nostrils flared. “Matt.” A hint of warning.
“I’m bi.”
He froze. Then his expression melted into one of understanding. “You are?”
I nodded. “It’s kind of obvious now.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Fine. Feel a bit like a moron for not realizing it sooner, but whatever.” I shrugged. “I’m not exactly great with introspection. I shouldn’t be all that shocked my dumbass didn’t realize it.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Figuring out who you are and what you like is a process.”
“You’ve known you like guys for years.”
“Yeah, but I only like guys. It’s easier for those of us who are on one end of the spectrum or the other to figure it out.”
“I always thought being bi meant you liked both equally.” I sighed and leaned back on my hands. “But everything I read said it’s not like that. Some people do, but most lean toward one over the other. I like girls, and I’m pretty sure I like girls more, but I like guys too.” I blew out a breath. “Or at least I think I like guys.”
“What do you mean?” he asked carefully.
I snorted. “Watching guys get it on gets me hot, no question. Thinking about doing that stuff doesn’t.”
He pursed his lips, a telltale sign he was stopping himself from saying what he was thinking.
“I want to try all this stuff because it looks like it feels good, but the thought of actually doing it freaks me out.”
“Is it what we talked about?”
I nodded and lowered my gaze to the plaid bedspread. “Hooking up with girls is enough pressure. At least I know what I’m doing with them. With a guy… I just can’t see myself being able to relax enough to enjoy it. You know me. I’d spend the entire time in my head. Then I’d suck because I was in my head.” I bit my lip. Should I tell him what had happened the other night?
“What is it?” he asked softly. “You know you can tell me anything.”
“I tried to use the toy you got me.” My cheeks prickled with heat as I traced the squares on the bedspread with my finger.
“Tried to?” he prompted when the words got stuck in my throat. “You didn’t like it?”
“I don’t know.” I blew out my breath. “I felt so awkward and couldn’t relax. I… I couldn’t stay hard while I was… inserting it.” I glanced up. Jax’s face was neutral, but his eyes were soft and encouraging. “If I can’t even keep it up when I’m alone and doing something I want to do, how the fuck am I supposed to be with someone else?”
He nodded slowly. “And I’m guessing the more you struggled, the more you got stuck in your head and berated yourself?”
“Yup.” I sighed.
“You didn’t have any trouble when we… did what we did.”
“Because it’s you.” I swallowed hard. It was now or never. Time to buck up and tell him what I wanted. “I trust you. I’m comfortable with you. I know that if I make a weird face or do something wrong or even go soft, you won’t judge me. You… you make me feel safe.”
Jax’s eyes darkened, his pupils dilating until the green was nearly swallowed up.
“I know you probably don’t want to deal with my shit.” I looked back down at the bedspread. “I’m a mess, but you’re the only person who gets my dick up.” I laughed, the sound hollow to my ears. “You’re the only person I can think about.”
“Matt.” His voice was a low rasp.
“I get it,” I said quickly. “We’re friends, and you probably didn’t like what we did anyway. I know you don’t want more, but I just need to tell you why I’m acting so weird. I’ll get over this. I will. Just don’t leave me.” My lip trembled as my voice cracked.
Strong arms yanked me against a warm and solid chest. His scent, spicy and sweet with an undertone of something musky, enveloped me. A ripple of calm broke through my building panic.
“Shhhhh,” he whispered in my ear. He hugged me so tight I couldn’t pull in a full breath. “I’ve got you, babe.”
I closed my eyes and breathed him in, sinking into his warmth. A sense of rightness and home settled over me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured, rocking us slightly. Warm lips pressed against the side of my neck. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you, okay? I promise.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and crushed him against me. He’d pulled me so I was practically on his lap and there wasn’t an inch of space between us.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his shoulder.
“Nothing to be sorry for.” He kissed my neck again. His hot breath tickled my skin, and a shiver of desire spread through my chest. “I was trying to protect our friendship. You mean the world to me. I wasn’t pulling away, and I’m so sorry I made you think I was.”
“I’m so confused,” I whispered.
“I know. But we’ll figure this out. Tell me what you need. You know I’d do anything for you, right?”
“Are you attracted to me?”
Fuck, could I sound any more pathetic?
“Yes.” He pulled away just enough that he could look at my face and I could see his eyes. “I am. That’s another reason I pulled away. I didn’t want to fuck things up between us. I thought what we’d done had messed you up and that’s why you’ve been different. It never occurred to me you were struggling for other reasons.”
“I didn’t tell you.” I dropped my gaze to his mouth. To those full lips and strong jaw and the tiny cleft in his chin. I’d always thought Jax was handsome, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say my world was a bit brighter when he was around.
Now that I knew what he tasted like, how those lips felt against mine, he wasn’t just handsome. He was fucking sexy.
Impulsively, I leaned in and kissed the cleft, just a quick little peck. The scrape of his stubble tickled my lips. A pulse of heat spread through my junk.
“Matt, babe,” he rasped.
His heavy-lidded eyes were filled with desire and something dark and possessive.
“I like when you call me that,” I whispered. “I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
He swallowed. “Tell me what you need from me. What do you want?”
“I want you.”
His nostrils flared, and his grip around me bordered on painful. “You want to fool around more?”
“Yeah. I know you’re worried that sex will mess up our friendship, but what if we both promise it won’t? I want you, and you seem to want me—”
“Oh, I want you.” He dropped his gaze to my mouth. “That’s never been an issue.”
“Then what’s stopping us? We know what this is going into it.”
Jax’s gaze closed off for a second, just a quick shuttering I wouldn’t have seen if we weren’t so close and literally staring into each other’s eyes.
He let go of me and sat back. A shockwave of cold moved through me at the loss of his body. I tried to keep my expression blank and not show I was so turned on it felt like my skin was two sizes too small.
“We need to set ground rules, and I can’t think when you’re that close.”
My dick was so hard I ached. I took a quick look at his lap. A thrill shot through me when I saw his answering bulge.
“Okay.” I pressed my hand against my dick and concentrated on the pressure and not on how turned on I was.
He groaned. “Not. Helping.”
I grinned despite myself as he did the same.
“Rule one is that we need to be completely honest with each other. If you want something, tell me. If you don’t or something doesn’t feel good, you have to tell me in the moment so we can stop.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I will. But the same goes for you. I don’t want this to be one-sided or for you to go into this thinking I’m using you as some sort of gay sex-ed lesson. I want us both to enjoy it. I trust you, and I don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass or feel like you need to check in with me for every little thing.”
He let out a shaky breath, his eyes boring into mine like he was trying to search out the answers to whatever questions were in his head.
“Okay.” He raked a hand through his dark hair. “Rule two is that this ends the second it complicates our friendship.”
“Okay. Rule three is that we don’t mess around with other people for however long this goes on for.”
Jax didn’t hook up often, but the thought of him being with another guy while we were messing around made me feel physically ill.
“Deal.” His lips tilted up in a smirking smile. “That was my next rule too.”
“Do you have a rule four?”
He paused. “I don’t think so. Other than we can add more rules if they come up.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“What about around other people?” he asked, his voice hesitant. That smirky smile faded.
“What do you mean?”
“Like, do you want to keep this on the DL?”
“Do you?”
“I think we should from the team.” He chewed on his lip. “There’s enough pressure on us. We don’t need people scrutinizing every conversation we have or being all up in our business like that.”
Adams’s questions came back to me, and I nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably best. Maybe we should just hide it from everyone. Shit gets around fast here.”
“What about your parents?”
“What about them?” My dick deflated in record time.
“What would they say if they knew you were bi?”
“No clue. I’m sure Mom would be fine with it. She’s got a ton of gay friends. Dad would probably be pissed because of baseball. He’d tell me to hide it so I didn’t fuck up my chances at the pros or screw up my career, but I can’t see him disowning me or anything. Not because I liked dick.” I snort-laughed. “But I’d be out of the will so fast if being bi fucked up baseball.”
“I thought of a fourth rule.”
“What’s that?”
“This ends as soon as it interferes with baseball.”
“You think it will?”
“No clue. I’ve never messed around with a teammate before. But if it does, then we go back to how we were before. We’ve worked way too hard to let sex mess up our plans.”
My stomach clenched as unease curled through my chest. “Sure. Rule four.”
“I need some of that honesty you promised me.” He leveled his gaze at me. “What are you ready for?”
“Pretty much everything except anal. I’m not there yet.”
His gaze darkened, and his breathing hitched. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I told you I’m not made of glass, and I’m not icked out by any of this. I want it, want you.”
His iron-clad self-control slipped and his gaze went from restrained to molten. He grabbed me by the back of the neck and yanked me toward him, the touch possessive and dominating.
I caught myself on his thick thighs, squeezing the muscles tight as he covered my lips in a hot, hard kiss. I’d always liked looking at his legs, especially during a game when the muscles would pop and stretch his too-tight baseball pants to the max. I’d assumed it was because of how muscular they were compared to mine. That I’d admired his body because I wanted to look like that too.
Was it possible I’d always been attracted to him but hadn’t recognized it for what it was?
The sweet slide of his mouth on mine forced out a moan from deep in my chest. Fuck. I liked kissing him. Everything from his firm lips to the scratch of his stubble was so fucking hot my dick was rock hard again in only seconds.
I sighed against his kiss, then gasped as he took advantage of my parted lips to dip his tongue between them. He stroked it against mine teasingly, then nipped at my bottom lip with his teeth.
Shamelessly, I threw my weight back. I wanted to feel all of him on top of me, to have his big body press me into the bed as he owned my mouth.
He came with me, using his hands on the mattress to guide us down so we didn’t have to stop kissing. I spread my legs and arched into him as he settled over me.
The hard ridge of his cock pressed against mine. Heat and desire spread through my balls and up my shaft. He was hard because of me. Because of what we were doing.
Needing more, I wrapped my legs around his thighs and locked our bodies together. He sucked on my tongue and ran one hand up and down my side while he fisted the other in my hair.
He kissed me like he never wanted to stop. My head spun with both pleasure and delight. I’d never been kissed like this, and it was everything I’d never realized I’d been missing. Confidence and desire rolled off him in waves as he owned my mouth. I sank into the bliss and ran my hands over every part of him I could reach. He rolled his hips, and his cock dragged against mine. Stars exploded behind my eyelids.
“I want to blow you,” I managed. He kissed my jaw, his breathing as ragged as mine.
He froze over me.
“Please,” I added before he could ask me if I was sure or some other bullshit.
He rolled onto his back, his chest heaving, and stared up at me with lust-glazed eyes.
I crawled over him and straddled his thighs. He looked so big and powerful, and a thrill shot through me when I saw the spots of color on his cheeks and the flush on his neck. He wanted me.
His bulge pushed against the material of his jeans. I stared at it for a few beats. Need pulsed through me as the memories of how it had felt in my hand and against my ass filled my senses.
Tentatively, I pressed my hand against it. He was hot and hard under my palm. I rubbed him, mindful that the denim might not feel that great if I used too much pressure.
He groaned and lifted his hips, pushing into my touch.
“How do you like it?” I flipped open the button of his fly.
“Just do whatever you think will feel good, and it’ll be amazing.”
“I like it when you tell me what to do.” I slid the zipper down, revealing a pair of silky black briefs. My excitement grew. “I want this to be as good for you as possible.”
“Watch your teeth, and I like it hard. You don’t have to go deep. The head is the most sensitive part for me. Pay it lots of attention, and I’ll blow like a landmine in no time.”
I rubbed him through his briefs, then gripped his shaft. His dick throbbed in my hand, and a little wet spot spread on his tip.
“Help me get these down.” I snapped the waistband of his briefs against his taut stomach with my other hand.
He laughed and lifted his hips. He shoved his jeans and underwear down so they were tucked under his balls and ass. His cock slapped his abs.
It should have been funny, especially since my fucked-up brain added a cartoon-like sound boing effect. But it wasn’t. Laughing was the furthest thing from my mind as I looked at his perfect dick.
I’d seen it last time, but I’d been so overwhelmed with everything I hadn’t been able to focus on it. His flared head was dusky red, his shaft thick and pink. It bulged in the center, then tapered down a bit back near his base. Fuck. How would that feel inside my mouth and pushing down my throat? Would it hit my prostate just right when he fucked me?
Wait, what? When he fucked me?
“Babe?”
I shook my head and gripped his base. “You have a really nice dick.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Thanks. It likes you too.”
I squeezed his shaft and smiled, the momentary shock from before gone. “Of course it would be huge. Couldn’t have a starter sized one for me, huh?”
He laughed and propped his hands behind his head. “Go big or go home. Isn’t that what athletes are all about?”
I slid my fingers under his balls and rolled them, strangely fascinated. The skin was velvety soft, warm, but not hot, and I loved the way he locked his thighs, like he was trying to keep still, as I played with them.
I leaned down and licked the seam of his sac.
“Fuck.” He grunted.
“Do you like having them played with?” I looked up the line of his perfect body. His gaze was locked on my face, his eyes dark with lust again.
“Yeah,” he rasped.
I sucked one ball into my mouth and gently tongued it. The texture was strange but nice. He smelled good, dark and heady, and that musky undertone was stronger now. He tasted like clean skin.
“Jesus, babe.” He lifted his hips. I squeezed his base tighter and sucked the other ball into my mouth.
His dick throbbed in my hand, and he groaned loudly.
I let it fall from my mouth. “Feel good?”
“Really fucking good,” he rasped.
Confidence bloomed in my chest, and I shifted so I was over his cockhead. I licked his slit. I’d tasted him the other night, but again, I’d been so overwhelmed I hadn’t been able to focus on it.
An intoxicating mix of sweet and salty exploded on my tongue, and I swallowed his head with a low moan. His girth stretched my lips as I struggled to keep my teeth covered.
Fuck, he was big. Thank fuck he’d told me I didn’t have to go deep. I’d never be able to fit more than half of him into my mouth without putting way too much faith in my untrained gag reflex.
Fingers trailed over my cheek and ruffled my hair as I sucked on his head and used my hand to stroke what I couldn’t reach. I opened my eyes. When had I closed them?
Jax’s eyes blazed with lust. “That’s it, babe. Just like that,” he rasped. “You feel so good.”
I preened at his praise and sucked harder.
He gently scratched his blunt nails over my scalp. Tingles exploded deep in my body, lighting me up from the inside. I moved faster, bobbing over him, stroking in time with my mouth.
The wet slurps should have embarrassed me. I was being too loud. The blow job was messy and wet and most definitely unskilled, but Jax never took his eyes off mine. His breathing picked up, and his face screwed up in pleasure.
“Fuck, babe. So good,” he choked out. “Twist your hand a bit. Fuck, yeah. You’re gonna make me come.”
I concentrated on working him with both my mouth and hand. I wanted him to come. Wanted to taste him, to see him go over the edge and know that it was because of me.
“Matt.” His entire body tightened, his muscles quaking under me. “Fuck. I’m coming.”
He let go of my hair, presumably so I could pull off. I didn’t. I sucked him harder and rubbed my tongue against the little notch under his head. He rewarded me by grabbing my hair in both hands, his grip gentle as he let out a strangled cry.
The first spurt hit the back of my throat and triggered my gag reflex. I fought it as his hot release flooded my mouth. The taste wasn’t bad. In fact, it was damn good. Not used to trying to coordinate the two moves, I struggled to find a rhythm so I could swallow and breathe. Jax flopped back onto the bed, shaking and shuddering as his cock pulsed and kicked with his orgasm.
“Fuck.” Strong fingers stroked through my hair.
I let his cock fall from my mouth and licked my lips. “You taste good.”
He groaned, then laughed as his spent dick twitched. “You’re trying to kill me.”
I grinned and dropped another kiss on the tip of his dick. “Maybe.”
He grabbed the front of my shirt and hauled me down. I landed on his chest hard. His mouth covered mine in another of those commanding kisses, and my cock throbbed in my jeans.
I’d been so into blowing him I hadn’t even thought about my own arousal. I rubbed against him, needing some friction.
He rolled us over and lifted his hips off me. “Too sensitive.”
I dragged him back down for another soul-searing kiss. As much as I wanted his mouth on my dick, I wanted this more.
I spread my legs wide, needing… Fuck. I didn’t know what I needed.
“Do you want my finger?” he murmured against my mouth. “I can play with your spot while I blow you.”
“Fuck, yeah.”
He pulled back and knelt over me, his eyes dark with lust.
Instead of feeling self-conscious under his scrutiny, I felt beautiful.
The word stuttered in my mind. I knew I was considered conventionally attractive, but no one had ever made me feel beautiful. Like they didn’t just want my body, but they wanted all of me.
Jax knew everything about me. All my quirks and weirdness and the things I hid from others. He saw me, and he wanted me despite everything.
“Get naked while I get the lube.” He dropped a quick kiss on my lips. “Want me to take my clothes off too?”
I nodded and tugged on the hem of my shirt. Gratitude filled my chest. He’d anticipated that being nude while he was fully clothed would have pulled me out of the moment.
He climbed off me, rooted in his nightstand, and tossed the small bottle onto the bed. I shucked off my clothes and dropped them onto the floor, then sat cross-legged and awkward, my cock so hard it peeked up from between my legs comically.
Jax’s gaze roamed over my body as he stripped down so he was naked too. His dick was half-hard again, and the last of my nerves disappeared when his eyes met mine.
“Lie down and let me make you feel good.”
I did, and a flutter of anticipation rippled through me as he settled between my legs.
“You look so hot, all spread out for me.” He pushed my knees up, then out so my hips were angled toward the ceiling and I was completely open to him. “I can’t wait to taste you again.”
I groaned. My dick pulsed, and a rivulet of precum slid down my shaft.
“I… I didn’t prep.” I fought the urge to close my eyes in embarrassment. “And I ate—”
“It’s fine.” He rubbed his big hand over my stomach. “It’s just a finger. I’ll only go deep enough to get to your spot.”
“I’m sorry.” I covered my eyes with one hand. “I want this. I just don’t want it to be gross for you.”
“I’m gay, babe.” He pulled my hand away from my face. “Dicks and asses are kinda my thing. Nothing we do could ever be gross. Just relax and trust me.”
I nodded and blew out a breath. I could do that.
“Next time I’m going to rim you.” He grinned wickedly and ran the tip of his finger up my length. “You haven’t lived until you’ve had a tongue on your hole.”
My lower body clenched as a vision of Jax with his face between my cheeks flashed in my mind. I wanted that.
“But we’ll work up to that.” He gave me a light stroke. “Tonight, I’m going to teach you the wonders of the prostate.”
Please let it feel good.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about how I hadn’t really felt much when I’d tried, but I bit the words back. Even if I didn’t see stars or whatever, I still wanted to try.
He flipped open the cap of the lube and slicked up one thick finger. Fuck. Everything about him was big and strong, and while it turned me the fuck on, it was intimidating as all hell too.
“Relax your body when you feel pressure. I’m not going to push in right away. Just work you open for a bit and let you get used to it.” He stroked my dick slowly, his grip way too loose to do anything more than tease. “When I do, breathe in and bear down. It’s going to feel weird, but it shouldn’t hurt. Tell me if it does, and we’ll find a different way to do it.”
I nodded.
He gripped my balls and gave them a gentle tug. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” I rasped, my throat tight and my chest heavy.
Jax bent over me and sucked my dick into his mouth, encasing it in velvet heat.
“Fuck.” I grunted and gripped the bedspread. His suction was perfect. Hard enough to feel amazing but not so much it brought me to the edge.
Something wet and blunt rubbed my hole. I clenched instinctively at the foreign sensation.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
He popped off my dick and gave me a serious look. “No apologies. However you react is exactly the right way. I’ve got you.”
I relaxed at both his words and his soothing tone.
“You can hold my hair, pull on it. Fuck my face, whatever you want. Remember, I like it rough. I want you to let go and enjoy this without worrying about anything.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Now, breathe deep and clear your mind. Think only about how I’m making you feel. That’s it. Sink into it and let me take control.”
He wrapped his perfect mouth around me again. I did as he said, then closed my eyes.
This is Jax.
I carded my hand through his hair, the glossy strands thick as they slipped through my fingers. He hummed around my cock, and a flurry of pulses and zings shot through my entire body.
Something blunt pushed at my hole. I breathed out and forced my lower half to relax.
This is Jax.
He worked me with both his mouth and his finger, taking his time and keeping me right on the edge as he sucked and lapped at my cock. He did this thing where he curled his tongue around my shaft and teased just the underside, and I saw stars.
The tip of his finger pressed against me, then pushed in.
“Fuck,” I croaked. He breached me, then pulled his finger away and sucked on my cockhead like a lollipop.
He kept doing that, pulsing his fingertip inside me. The tease felt incredible, but it wasn’t enough.
Gripping his hair, I spread my legs as wide as I could and moved back on his finger. He hummed appreciatively and slowly pushed inside me.
It felt… strange. Not bad, but not great either. The attention on my dick helped keep me in the moment, and I focused on that as he worked his finger deeper.
He crooked and twisted his finger, and my entire body came alive.
“Holy fuck!” I slapped my hand over my mouth.
Mindful that we were in the dorms and people were all around us, I bit down on my palm to stop the cries from bubbling up in my chest. I’d never been a loud lover, but then again, I’d never felt anything like this.
I rolled my hips instinctively, pushing down on his finger, then shoving my dick into his mouth. Jax ran his free hand up my stomach and cupped my pecs.
Pleasure and need coiled inside me, my mind spinning as my orgasm sliced closer. Jax pinched my nipple, and I was done.
I came in an explosion of pleasure. Shooting so hard he choked as my ass clenched around his finger. I was shaking and shuddering, nearly convulsing. I bit my hand so hard my jaw ached to keep me from screaming.
Jax pulled off in that millisecond before pleasure turned to pain, then gently slipped his finger out of me.
His fevered eyes met mine.
I lay on the bed, twitching and boneless, my legs spread wide and limp. My brain was broadcasting static, but I had enough wherewithal to reach for him.
He came willingly and lay next to me. Using the last of my energy, I rolled into him. He gripped me around the waist and shifted so I could press my flushed cheek against his strong chest. He kissed my hair as I panted and blinked. I threw one leg over his hips, and his hard dick poked my thigh.
“Holy goddamn fucking shit,” I muttered.
He chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair. I practically purred and leaned into the touch. “Good?”
“I think you broke me.”
“Sorry not sorry.”
“I didn’t know it could feel like that. When I tried, it was okay. But nothing like that.”
“It’s different when someone else does it for you. And it’s even better when that someone has your dick in their mouth.”
I laughed, even as my chest tightened. He’d told me he was a top and didn’t like to bottom. Did he like being fingered?
“I can practically hear the wheels grinding in your brain.”
“Do you like it?”
“Getting blown?”
“Fingered.”
A pause. “Depends.”
“On what?”
“I do it to myself when I want to feel a little something extra, but don’t let other guys do it.”
“Why not?”
“Mostly a control thing. And a trust thing. I don’t like being vulnerable in front of people I don’t have a connection with. Letting someone do any sort of ass play makes me feel vulnerable.”
“But you do it for others?”
“Sometimes. If they want it.” Another pause. “I don’t usually fuck the guys I hook up with.”
“Really?”
Jax and I didn’t keep secrets from each other, but we didn’t talk about what we did in bed. I’d always kept it vague in deference to him not being into women and assumed he’d done the same because until recently, I hadn’t been into guys.
I’d casually mentioned my performance anxiety, but that was more to explain why I didn’t hook up as much as other guys seemed to.
“Yeah. Sometimes I do if they’re into it and have prepped, but it’s not something I enjoy when it’s spontaneous, not with randoms. Hands or mouths are just as good.”
“Would you let me?”
“Fuck me?”
“I was thinking finger you, but would you? I know you don’t like it.”
“If you wanted to, sure.” He chuckled. “There’s very little you could ask for that I wouldn’t give you.”
My chest squeezed.
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t think so.” I pressed my face into his chest. “I like the idea of doing what we just did if you’d enjoy it and actually want it, but no. Fucking you is hot as a concept, but only because it’s you. Does that make me a bottom?”
“Does that bother you?”
“No?”
“No?”
“I feel like it should. I mean, guys are supposed to be the aggressors and take what they want. We’re supposed to do the fucking. But that’s kind of a straight way to think about things. What’s that word… heteronormative?”
He hummed and sifted his fingers through the hairs at the back of my neck.
“I’m talking in circles. Ignore me.”
“You’re processing.”
“And you’re hard.” I pushed my thigh against his cock, which hadn’t gone down while we’d been talking.
“Keep doing that, and you’re going to end up with a sticky leg.”
Grinning, I circled my thigh over him. My cock chubbed up, and I pressed it against his hip.
He groaned. “You want to come again?”
“Yeah.”
“Get on top of me.” He gripped my hips and pulled me so I was lying on him, our dicks lined up. He reached between us and held our shafts together as he gripped them in his hand. “Fuck my fist so I can feel that big dick against mine.”
I buried my face in his neck and rocked my hips, finding a rhythm. He moved with me. We rutted together like animals, both of us grunting and moaning.
It was dirty and sexy and so fucking hot I came way too fast. He came too, only seconds behind me. Wetness pooled between us as I lay on him, limp and heavy from my second mind-blowing orgasm in ten minutes.
“We should clean up.” He slapped my ass playfully. “Good thing your butt isn’t as big as mine, or I wouldn’t be able to breathe.”
Disappointment clawed at my chest, but I tamped it down and climbed off him. I liked this part almost as much as the sex. He was right. Cuddling was too intimate to indulge in for long. Time to go back to bestie mode.
