“Wassuuuuuuup!”
“Jesus fuck!”
Jax came into my room, laughing like a maniac. “You should see your face.”
“Asshole.” I shot him a glare, which only made him laugh harder. “Did I know you were coming over now?”
“Nope. Class was canceled. Can you believe we’re two weeks away from our season opener?” He flopped down onto the bed and put his head in my lap.
I ran my fingers through his hair. “Considering I’m on the team, and you’ve been giving me a daily countdown, yes, I can believe it.”
“Harder.” He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.
Using two hands, I gently sifted my fingers through his hair and rubbed his scalp.
“I’m feeling good about this season.”
“Yeah?” I gently scratched my nails over the back of his head.
He moaned. “Yeah. But I can’t think about baseball when you do that.”
“Then don’t think about baseball.”
“What’s baseball?” He let out another low moan, and my dick, which had chubbed up, was hard enough to pound nails in only seconds.
“Someone’s liking this as much as I am.” He opened his eyes and playfully nudged my bulge with his head.
“Not my fault. It has a mind of its own when you’re close to it.”
He turned his head and rubbed the tip of his nose against my length. “You could always pull it out and let me suck it for a bit.”
I let out a shuddering breath, and he nuzzled my shaft with his cheek.
Shit.
I jerked away from him, my chest tight and my vision swimming. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Matt?” Jax sat up, concern etched into his handsome features. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just… I…” Fuck. I couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t I breathe?
“Babe?” He knelt on the bed next to me and tipped my face toward his. “Deep breath in. You’re okay. I’m here.”
“Sorry,” I gasped.
“None of that. Just pull in a deep breath for me.”
I did, my chest burning like I’d just finished wind sprints.
“There you go. Another,” he said softly. “Good. You’re doing so good.”
The tightness lessened, then faded as we breathed in tandem.
“What happened?” He sat back on his heels. “What triggered that?” He widened his eyes and blanched. “Was it me? When I touched you?”
“No,” I lied. Well, half lied. Him touching me had triggered the panic, but it wasn’t the reason I’d freaked out.
He cocked his head to the side, his eyes serious. “What’s going on? I can tell there’s something.”
“I…” I swallowed hard. “Can you look up what time that Chinese place opens?” I dug my phone out of my hoodie pocket and tossed it to him.
He caught it, his expression shifting to confusion.
“I’m kinda feeling some fried rice and crab Rangoon for dinner tonight. I need to go check something.” I scrambled off the bed and raced toward the door. “Be right back.”
I closed the heavy wooden door and leaned against it, my heart racing as I tried to calm the fuck down.
“Matt?”
Back and Alex stepped onto the landing, their gym bags over their shoulders.
“Hey.” I pushed off the door and tried to act casual. “Just get back from the gym?”
“Yeah.” Alex exchanged a look with Beck. “You okay?”
“Fine.”
“We’re going to watch the game and order pizza in a bit. The Pens are playing. You guys want in?” Beck asked as Alex unlocked his door.
“Um, maybe. I’ll ask Jax.”
“I’ll toss my bag into my room and meet you downstairs?” Beck turned his attention to Alex.
“Sure.” He nodded and shoved his door open.
Beck shot me one last strange look, then disappeared up the stairs. The door to Alex’s room closed behind him, and I was once again alone in the hall.
What the fuck had I done?
The door opened, and I pitched backward, another wave of panic surging through me.
“Shit!”
“Jesus!”
I hit a solid body, and a warm arm wrapped around my middle.
“Matt?”
“I’m fine.”
He let go of me, and I straightened up. Fear lanced through me, and my feet were rooted to the spot.
“Look at me,” he said softly.
I turned, afraid of what I’d see.
“Did you ask me to look up the restaurant because you want Chinese, or so I’d see this?” He held up my phone.
“The second one,” I croaked.
He stepped aside. I walked into my room, my body wooden and my mind stuck in that place between panic and hysteria when everything is going too fast and too slow and the world doesn’t track.
“Babe.”
His gentle voice soothed some of my turmoil, and I turned around so I was facing him.
“Do you like this kind of thing?” He wiggled the phone at me.
“Yeah,” I rasped.
“For you or for me?”
“Me,” I whispered.
Jax licked his bottom lip, his eyes darkening with lust. “That’s hot as fuck.”
“Really?”
“Fuck, yeah. I had no idea I’d be into it, but goddamn. Picturing you in something like that?” He waved at his semi. “Kink unlocked.”
I’d left my internet browser open to a photo of a guy with our build and my coloring wearing a lacy green thong and sports bra set. I’d planned to show it to him and gauge his reaction, but apparently, my brain had decided that panicking and running out of the room was the better choice.
“Is that what freaked you out?” He put my phone on the desk. “Are you wearing something like that now?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He raked his gaze down my body like he was trying to see through my clothes.
“Do you want to show me?” The open hunger in his eyes calmed the last of my fear.
This was Jax. Even if he hadn’t found the photo sexy, he’d never mock me or make fun of a kink he didn’t share.
“You don’t have to. But I’d love to see it,” he said huskily.
“I want to.”
He stepped into my space, grabbed me around the waist, and pulled me against him. His kiss was hot and hard, his lips punishing and desperate.
I sank into the kiss, giving myself over to the moment, to him.
Strong hands ran down my back, gripping and tugging at my sweater. His dick, so hard and hot, pressed against mine. He walked me backward, his hips bumping mine, and stopped when my legs bumped my mattress.
He broke the kiss so we could tear off our sweaters, but when I went to yank off my shirt, he stopped me.
“Let me.”
I dropped my hands and stood still.
Jax slowly lifted the hem of my shirt, his eyes tracking the movement as my abs were revealed.
He tugged the shirt up a little more. Cold air hit my skin, but the surge of fear I’d been bracing for never came.
“Holy fuck,” he rasped. “Matt…”
The purple sports bra and matching underwear had been sitting in a box in the back of my closet since I’d ordered them. They were made for men, so the cups of the bra lay flat against my pecs, and the underwear had a dick pouch and fit snugly around my natural waist. The lacy material of the bra showed my skin beneath it, including my nipples. The silky lining of the underwear cradled my dick. I loved how it felt against my skin, how that softness was like a little secret only I knew.
Today was the first time I’d put them on. I’d thought I’d have a few hours to get used to them and had fully intended to change before Jax had been due to come over.
A part of me felt stupid for not telling him about them earlier, but I hadn’t been ready.
Jax pulled off my shirt, letting out a low growl. His eyes were glued to my chest, and the lust in them was unmistakable.
He was as into this as I was.
“You look beautiful.”
My body flushed hot, and zings of happiness shot through me. I felt beautiful, and it meant the world that he thought so too.
“This color looks amazing against your skin. All soft and pretty next to your tan.” He dragged his fingertip over my nipple, which was already hard and pebbled. “And the lace is so fucking sexy.” He shuddered. “Jesus, I might come before I see the rest of it.”
“You like it?” I couldn’t keep the hope out of my voice.
“I like you in it.” He looked into my eyes, his expression soft but serious. “I know how hard it must have been for you to be this vulnerable in front of me. Thank you for trusting me.”
“It wasn’t a trust thing. I’ve always trusted you with everything. A lot of the fear and stuff about this was me trying to get over all that toxic masculinity that’s been beaten into me since I was a kid.”
He trailed his fingertips down my cheek. “It’s hard to break years of conditioning.”
“It is.” I swallowed. “But I realized something earlier.”
“What’s that?”
“Being with you doesn’t threaten my masculinity. Sucking your dick, you putting your cock in me, none of that makes me feel emasculated or like I’m not your equal. But wearing something that’s traditionally for women did.”
“Do you still feel like that?”
“No. Because it’s you. I wouldn’t have been able to show anyone else this side of me.”
He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “I’m so fucking proud of you. It’s not easy to step outside what makes us comfortable.”
He kissed the line of my jaw, down my neck, and over my collarbone. He tongued the strap of the bra where it met my shoulder, then dragged the flat of his tongue down the material.
I let out a shuddering breath as he peppered my chest with kisses, holding me in place with his big hands circling my waist. He rubbed his cheek against the lace and looked up at me.
“Can I see more?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He straightened up and tugged my shirt the rest of the way off. A shiver of unease shot through me. I was half-naked and he was still fully clothed.
Jax must have sensed the shift, and he quickly yanked off his sweater and shirt in one go. He tossed them aside, his eyes roving up and down my body.
“Holy fuck,” he rasped and gently trailed one finger over the waistband of my jeans. His eyes flared, dark and possessive.
I glanced down. The waistband of the underwear peeked out over the top of my jeans. The contrast between the light purple elastic and the worn denim of the jeans was hot, and it seemed Jax thought so too.
Jax had probably never paid attention to lingerie. I didn’t imagine a lot of dudes on campus were into pretty undies. And if they were, they wouldn’t wear them for a hookup with a near stranger.
Lingerie hadn’t been a kink of mine until I’d learned they also made it for men. Seeing a pretty, matching set on a girl was nice, but her revealing a utility bra or some comfy granny panties didn’t dampen my mood. It wasn’t so much what a girl wore but how she felt in them that mattered to me.
The thought of Jax in a set like mine was intriguing, but it didn’t have the same appeal as me wearing it. I’d never say no to him in some sexy briefs or a jock, but this was something that made me feel good. That I did for me.
“Matt. Babe.” He dropped to his knees and nuzzled his cheek against my bulge.
“Shit,” I breathed and ran my fingers through his soft hair.
He pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses against the jeans, his eyes closed and his cheeks flushed pink. Fuck. He was really into this.
Still kissing my dick through my jeans, he carefully worked the button free with nimble fingers.
I loved his hands. I had pitchers’ hands. Long, slender fingers and a narrow palm. Perfect for controlling spirals but not exactly sexy. I’d had trainers and coaches call them dainty in the past. The word didn’t bother me because they were, especially compared to Jax’s.
His hands were big and strong, with thick fingers and a wide palm, and his callused skin felt incredible against mine. I loved how rough they were. How they could touch me so tenderly one minute and manhandle me the next. He also had big, sexy veins running down the back of them, and his thick wrists gave way to muscle-corded forearms dusted with dark hair.
“What are you thinking about?” Jax ran his finger down the zipper. Goosebumps erupted on my skin at the rough sensation of the teeth pressing into the soft underwear.
“Just waxing poetic about your hands and arms in my head.” I chuckled and carded my hands through his hair.
“You like my hands, eh?”
“I like everything about you. But your hands and arms are right up there. So are your quads. And your back.”
He gripped the slider of my zipper and slowly tugged it down.
“And your shoulders and abs.”
He stopped pulling on the zipper and looked up at me, a playful grin on his lips. “I thought my ass was your favorite?”
“It is.” I chuckled, the levity of the moment chasing away the last of the tension I’d been holding in my shoulders. “But all of you is so damn sexy I can never pick just one part of you.”
“You know what my favorite part of you is?” He stood and cupped my face in his hands.
“What?” I whispered.
“Your soul.” He brushed a kiss against my lips, the contact so fleeting it was barely even a kiss. “You’re gorgeous, no question, but it’s your soul I love the most. You’re beautiful, babe. Inside and out.”
He swiped his tongue over my bottom lip, then gently nipped it.
Curling my arms around him, I pulled him close and deepened the kiss. He moaned into my mouth, holding me just as tight. The kiss was slow and deep and so damn perfect my chest ached.
When he eventually pulled away, he was glassy-eyed and breathless. I imagined I looked the same. He stared at me for a few beats, his expression both intense and strangely blank.
Fear crept into the haze of lust that had descended over us. “Jax?”
He shook his head, just a quick jerk, and his eyes cleared. “Nothing.”
I bit my tongue. That hadn’t looked like nothing, but I let it go.
He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, then dropped to his knees again. Wordlessly, he gripped the slider of my zipper and tugged it down.
His eyes never left my crotch as he slowly revealed the light purple lace of my underwear. His expression shifted from anticipation to wonder, then to hunger.
He pulled the V of the fly open and pressed his cheek against my dick.
“Shit.” I jerked as the soft inner layer slid over my skin.
“So fucking sexy.” He kissed my shaft. “I need to see the rest.”
Slowly, reverently, he slid my jeans down my hips.
“Jesus,” he croaked when they were around my upper thighs and the front of the underwear was in full view. “Damn, babe. Wow.”
The front was my favorite part of the underwear. They were high-waisted, and the lacy material cut up my abs, covering my junk but showing off wide triangles of skin. The inner layer made the lace opaque, and a slight sheen shimmered under the peek-a-boo parts of the lace.
Jax brushed his thumbs over my Adonis belt and licked his lips. Confidence rushed through my chest, and my skin went hot with arousal at the open hunger on his face.
Jax busied himself with tugging my jeans the rest of the way down my legs. I stepped out of them, and he threw them aside and gripped my hips.
“I need to see the back,” he rasped.
The pressure on my hips was gentle, and I let him turn me.
The underwear was thong-style, and when I’d put them on, I’d spent more than a few minutes checking out the view from behind. I loved the way they highlighted the fullness of my cheeks and how the waistband hugged my waist, framing my ass and making it pop.
“Do you want me to be gentle?” Jax’s voice was gruff. “Because I’m about five seconds away from throwing you down and doing all sorts of dirty things to you.”
“Don’t be gentle.”
