The next few weeks melted into a blur of schoolwork, parties, and messing around with Finn.
Our course loads kept us busy. And I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with him as I wanted to. And it was all my fault.
I wasn’t ready to attend any more LGBT club events.
For one, I was positive everyone had witnessed me groping Finn on the dance floor, and it was hard to pretend to only be an ally when I’d had my tongue down his throat when the lights had come up.
Cora and Mina hadn’t said anything when I’d seen them around campus, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t seen us.
Finn understood and went to the events alone to meet up with his new friends, and I attended the usual parties with Alex and sometimes Matt. That meant we only saw each other for a few hours at night during the week when we’d study together in my room and during the day on weekends.
Finn had come up with a creative way to help me study for econ that involved lots of blow jobs and kisses when I got answers right. It was fun, but I was craving more.
I usually had no trouble asking for what I wanted, and Finn had shown on more than one occasion that he was happy to go at my pace, but something was holding me back.
I didn’t know if it was because our status as friends who fucked kept a barrier between us or if it was because I wasn’t ready to take the final step, even though I thought about it constantly.
Fantasizing about fucking Finn had become my new favorite jerk-off fodder. I loved the idea of it, but would the actual act be too much?
It was stupid and made zero sense, but my fucked-up brain couldn’t take that final leap.
“Beck!”
I turned my head. “Katelynn, hi.”
She scurried toward me, her arms full of books.
“How are you?” she asked brightly, falling into step beside me.
“I’m good. How have you been?”
“Good. Busy.” She made a face. “College is so different from high school. So much more homework.”
“You get used to it.”
“I hope so.”
We walked in silence.
“So, I turned eighteen last weekend.”
Her words were casual, but their meaning set off alarm bells in my head.
“Happy belated birthday.” I gave her what I hoped was a friendly smile.
“Thanks.” She bit her lip. “Maybe we can hang out now?”
I stopped walking. “That’s a really sweet offer, but I don’t think so. Not like that.”
“Oh.” Her face fell. “Sorry. I just thought… never mind. I’m going to go die now.” She darted away, but I caught her arm.
“I’m flattered, really. But I’m seeing someone.”
I snapped my mouth shut. I’d been about to tell her I wasn’t looking for anything right now and that even though she was eighteen, we were in different places in our lives, so it wouldn’t be smart.
Instead, a vision of Finn sitting on my bed last night, gesticulating animatedly as he explained how the moon had formed, had flashed in my mind, and the words had spilled out of me.
We might not be anything official, but he meant something to me. We’d never talked about exclusivity, but the idea of being with anyone else right now held no appeal. He was the only one I wanted, and I was tired of lying to everyone about him.
Alex and Matt had noticed how much time we spent together and had asked what was going on between us a few times.
I’d just painted on a fake smile and said Finn was a fun guy and we were becoming good friends. Matt had accepted my answer and let it go.
Alex hadn’t argued, but his eyes told me he didn’t believe me.
That had sent me into a tailspin, and every time he asked what I was doing or who I was hanging with, I lied to him.
I was terrified he’d figure it out, and I wasn’t ready for that conversation. Finn had agreed to keep our friendship secret, but it sucked to pretend he wasn’t more than a roommate when we saw each other at the house.
I hated lying to Alex. He was my best friend, and I was hurting him because I couldn’t get over myself and talk to him.
An irrational part of my brain was convinced people would look at me differently. And considering how much time Alex and I spent at the gym or at the beach, I was terrified he’d wonder if I’d checked him out or creeped on him.
Plus, there was the fact that I’d had a crush on him when we’d first met, so I’d have to lie to his face if he asked me if I’d ever been attracted to him.
It was fucked up, but I couldn’t seem to get over my hang-ups and just tell him the truth.
“She’s a lucky girl.” Katelynn gave me a small smile, snapping me back to reality.
I smiled back. Hopefully it wasn’t as tight as it had felt.
“I’ll see you around?” she asked, her expression still crushed.
“Yeah. Take care of yourself.”
She shot me another sad smile, then hurried away, her head down and her shoulders hunched.
I raked a hand through my hair and sighed. I was going to be late for class, but I was too twisted up to care.
I spent my days in a constant state of anxious confusion. The only times I could relax were when I was hanging out with Finn. He was the only person I could be myself around, and I was treating him like a dirty secret by hiding him from the people who mattered to me.
“Fuck it,” I muttered and pulled out my phone. I might not be ready to be open with him at school, but I could do something to show him how much he meant to me.
Beck: do you want to do something together this weekend?
I shoved my phone back into my pocket and picked up the pace so I could get to class before the prof locked the door.
The marketing class felt like it lasted seventeen hours, but in reality, it was only three.
We’d worked on creating a brand and sales strategy for a fake product, so even though my phone had pinged multiple times, I hadn’t had a chance to answer.
When the professor finally called the end of class, I pulled out my phone as everyone around me put their stuff away.
I had a few texts, but none of them were from Finn. I cycled through them, pushing down my disappointment.
Alex: a package was delivered for you
Alex: grab it from my room when you get home
Mom: I hope you like the care package!
I tucked my phone back into my hoodie and headed to the library.
I slid into a study cubicle on the top floor where the foreign language books were housed and flipped open my textbook.
No one ever came up here, so it was nice and quiet.
My phone buzzed with a text.
Finn: where are you?
Beck: library
Finn: me too
Finn: where? I’ll come to you
Beck: back corner of the top floor
Finn: in the foreign language section?
Beck: yeah
Beck: why am I not surprised you knew that
Finn: nerds love libraries
Finn: be there in a few
I put my phone on the table and stared at my textbook, not seeing the words.
Was he coming to tell me we were over? I tried to keep my nerves at bay as I waited for him.
“Hey.”
I jumped as he materialized next to my chair.
He smirked and squeezed in next to me, perching on the table.
I looked up at him, swallowing hard.
“I figured we should have an actual conversation,” he said. “What kind of invite is this?”
“Um…”
“Like are we chilling as friends, or…”
“I… I don’t know.”
The disappointment in his eyes was impossible to miss.
He looked down at his hands. “I want to hang out with you either way. I just need to know what you’re thinking so I don’t mess up.”
“You could never mess up.”
“Humor me.” He met my gaze. “Remember how we agreed to be honest with each other? I need that honesty now.”
“I honestly don’t know. I guess I just wanted to spend some time together outside school,” I said lamely.
He studied me for a moment, his eyes unreadable.
“Okay,” he said eventually.
“Okay? Like, you’re okay with that?”
He nodded.
I didn’t like how blank his expression was, but I had no idea what to say to put his mind at ease.
He glanced around, a little smile tilting his lips. “Nice study corner.”
“It’s quiet.”
“It is.” When he returned his gaze to mine, heat and lust stared back at me.
“Finn?”
“Want to fool around?”
My jaw dropped.
“What?” He smirked. “I thought you were into public stuff.”
Desire flared through me. “I am.”
He licked his lip, then slid off the table.
I packed up my stuff and shoved it into my bag with zero regard.
“Come with me.”
I took his offered hand and let him pull me off my chair.
He led me toward the back of the stacks. The sensor lights clicked on as we moved through them until we were in the back corner of the last row.
It was as secluded as we could get while still being in public.
“Put your hands on the shelves.” He let go of my hand, a gleam in his eyes, and placed his bag on the floor.
I dropped my bag next to his, a rush of anticipation shooting through me.
Playful Finn was a beautiful thing, but confident Finn was a sight to behold.
Most of the girls I’d dated or hooked up with would be considered cute. Lots of playful flirting and blushes. The type who giggled and loved it when I took charge.
Finn was as far from cute as you could get.
I fucking loved it.
He made a little “turn around” motion with his finger, that smirk still on his perfect lips.
I did as he said, gripping the shelf in front of me. What would he do?
A soft hand slid down my spine, the touch hot and possessive. A shiver of need shot through me.
“So fucking hot.” He pressed against my back, his lips next to my ear. “Spread your legs for me.” He slipped a hand under my shirt and pressed it against my stomach.
I bit back a groan.
“It’s too bad we’re in public.” He stroked my happy trail and slid his other hand over my ass. “I’ve had a recurring fantasy ever since we danced.”
“What?” I rasped.
“We’re just like this,” he whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear and sending another flurry of tingles through my body. “And I’m stroking you off while I slide my dick through your crease.” He lightly scratched his nails across my stomach.
I shuddered.
“You’re so tight I can barely stand it, but I hold back. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
Holy shit, his dirty talk was going to kill me. I was already so hard I ached, and the urge to press back against him so I could rub my ass over his cock was overwhelming.
“Because as much as I want to come all over you, I want to tease you more. Let you feel what it’s like to have my cock brush over your hole, slicking it with my precum.”
I shuddered and let out a low moan, tightening my grip on the shelves, and widened my stance.
Fuck, I wanted that.
“I wouldn’t push in. I know we’re not there yet. But I’ve been dying to play with your hole. To tease it open. To slip my finger inside and find your spot. Have you ever played with yourself?”
“No,” I choked out.
I’d been curious but hadn’t had the guts to do more than pay it a little extra attention when I washed.
“You don’t know what you’re missing. There’s no feeling in the world like having your spot played with while you’re being jerked off. Or blown.”
He trailed his finger over my crease. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. The contact felt amazing, even through my jeans.
“It makes you come so hard.” He brushed his lips over the juncture where my neck met my shoulder.
“Fuck, Finn.”
“Can you imagine how hot it would be to do that here? Where anyone could come up on us at any second.”
I bumped my ass back against his crotch, needing more.
“The thrill makes it so much better. That fear and adrenaline sets your nerves on fire. I bet I could make you come in under five minutes.”
“You’ve done that without any of this,” I managed in a shaky voice.
“True.” He kissed my shoulder. “You want my hand or my mouth?”
“Mouth.”
He chuckled softly and ran his hand over my stomach. “Turn around.”
“Can… can you do what you said? With your fingers?”
He went still behind me.
“You want me to?”
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it too.”
He groaned and nipped the skin of my neck.
A spark of pain, mixed with one of pleasure, shot through me.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“You like that?”
I nodded, then choked back a cry as he bit down hard enough I was sure he’d leave a mark.
Biting was one of my kinks I’d never indulged in. Mostly because the first girl I’d asked to do it had wrinkled her nose and told me that was weird and a red flag. My request had ended that budding relationship, and I’d kept my dirty secret to myself ever since.
Until now.
Something about that pain/pleasure combo set my nerves on fire, and I was so hard I was leaking.
“You’re going to make me come before I even get my hand on my cock,” he whispered. He reached around me, deftly undid my pants with nimble fingers, and unzipped my fly.
I clenched my lip between my teeth to stop myself from moaning, but when he stroked my erection through my boxer briefs, I bit so hard I tasted blood.
“Hmmmm, so hard for me.” He cupped me. “Do you want to take it up a notch?”
“What do you mean?”
The sensor light above us had long since gone out, and the darkness was making this so much hotter.
“Did you shower this morning?”
I nodded. Where was he going with this?
“Do you want my tongue on your hole before I finger you?”
I nearly swallowed my tongue.
Over the past few weeks, I’d watched an embarrassingly large amount of gay porn, and rimming was something I’d watched for hours. The act was so foreign to me I’d wondered how it could feel good. But the guys in the clips had loved it, so there had to be something to it, right?
“We don’t have to.” He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a little squeeze. “It’s okay if you’re not there yet. If you never get there.”
“No. I want it.”
“Look at me.”
I turned my head, my eyes meeting his serious ones.
He studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. Stay just like this, and try to keep your voice down. We might be alone, but I really don’t want to get busted for indecent exposure.”
I huffed out a laugh and turned back to the shelves. “Yeah, getting arrested would kill the mood.”
He tugged my jeans down so they sat under my ass, then ran a hand over my cheek, right over my underwear.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve pictured this. How many times I’ve come just from the thought of getting my tongue in you.”
I shuddered and dropped my head until it rested on the books in front of me.
He yanked my underwear down, knelt behind me, and ran his hands over my asscheeks.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
His teeth nipped at one, then the other.
I let go of the shelf with one hand, pressed it to my mouth, and bit down on my finger. Not only to stop myself from shouting as he spread my cheeks but also to give myself a little added pain to distract from the fact that Finn was only inches from my ass.
As hot as it was, this felt weird, and I clenched involuntarily.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Don’t be sorry.” He let go of my cheeks and pressed a kiss to the right one, then the left. “This is new and not exactly a low-stress environment. We don’t have to—”
“I want it. Please.”
This time, when he parted me, I forced my body to relax and not think about the awkward position we were in.
Instead, I focused on his hot breaths on my skin, the strong and confident way he held me open.
Something hot and wet ran over my hole.
“Fuck!” I jumped and slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my cry.
Goddamn, it was sensitive, the nerves right there under the surface.
He did it again, and I pushed my ass back, needing more and not caring that I was essentially bent over and silently begging him to keep licking my asshole.
It felt amazing, and I sank into the sensations as he gently circled it, laving it with his tongue.
It was impossible to concentrate, and I hoped to god Finn was paying attention to the noise around us. I loved the threat of being caught but had no desire to actually get caught.
His nimble tongue pressed inside me.
Holy shit, that felt good. I squeezed my eyes closed and breathed through my nose, desperately trying not to wiggle or push back in my delirium.
Finn licked and speared and lapped at my hole. Then he shoved his tongue so deep inside me a jolt of pure pleasure shot through me. My knees buckled, but I shamelessly shoved my ass back, forcing him to go deeper.
He did, gripping my hips as he pressed his face against my ass, licking my inner walls in a way that was both completely foreign and so amazing I almost couldn’t stand it.
My dick was leaking and pulsing, desperate for some attention, but all my focus was on my ass and how incredible it felt to have Finn do this to me.
A vision of us in opposite positions flashed in my mind, and I had to bite back another moan.
I wanted that.
“No,” I protested softly when he pulled his tongue out of me.
“It’s okay, babe,” he purred, gently stroking my ass with his hands. “I’ve got you. Just hold still for me.”
I could do that.
I pressed my forehead against the shelf, the crinkling of plastic filling the air.
“Ready?” he asked softly. Something blunt and wet pushed against my hole.
His finger.
Had he used lube?
I didn’t bother turning around to check.
“So ready,” I mumbled.
At this point, I was so turned on I would have welcomed him going in dry.
“Relax and bear down.”
I did.
His finger slid inside me.
Holy motherfucking shit.
I clenched around his digit. My entire nervous system went haywire.
I was so close from the rimming that his finger met little resistance as it sank deeper. He gently massaged my ass cheek with his other hand.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he whispered, and I whimpered.
Fucking whimpered.
“I can’t wait until it’s my dick splitting you open. Do you want that, babe? You want me to fuck you one day?”
Hell, I was half a second away from begging him to do it now.
I nodded and pressed my hand harder against my mouth as a reminder to keep quiet.
Finn twisted his finger, then hit a spot inside me that sent another jolt of pleasure through me. Not like some magic button that set my nerve endings on fire or made them crackle to life or anything, but the heightened pleasure was enough to make my head spin.
Finn continued to tease me, fucking me with his finger, hitting that spot over and over again with deadly accuracy.
I was leaking like a faucet, my cock so hard it nearly touched my stomach. A strange itch formed inside me, a need for more echoing through my body and mind.
He must have been able to tell because he slid in a second finger, stretching me.
The sting of pain made everything feel that much better as he stretched me, toying with my spot and driving me crazy with need.
“More,” I moaned. My legs shook, threatening to give out and send me toppling to the floor.
Finn let out a strangled curse and pulled his fingers out of me.
The sudden loss was disorienting, and I clenched my ass around nothing as my entire body protested.
He grabbed my hips and spun me around, his strength sending another shot of desire and need through me as he manhandled me into position so I was leaning against the stacks.
He yanked my pants down until just above my knees. I spread my legs as wide as I could and angled my hips toward him as our eyes locked.
His gaze was so full of desire, his blue eyes nearly silver.
He looked as wrecked as I felt.
Sliding one hand between my legs, he lowered his mouth and sucked my dick between his perfect lips, then slowly pressed his fingers back inside me.
I had to force myself to stay still and not fuck his throat. I carded one hand through his hair, gently massaging his scalp the way he liked.
He hollowed his cheeks and gave me a hard suck as he rubbed his fingers over my prostate.
This time I couldn’t stop myself from moving, and I thrust into his eager mouth.
Finn hummed around me and held still, letting me fuck his throat as I fucked myself on his fingers.
It was amazing. Too amazing. The dual sensations pinged around inside me, sending coils of need through my entire body.
I gripped his hair with two hands, holding him in place as I thrust my hips. I was being too rough, but Finn only sucked harder, moaning every time I pulled out of his throat, then choked when I shoved back in.
The itch inside me had grown and was now a clawing need to not only come but to fucking explode.
Finn shifted his hand, and the next time I pushed back, a third finger breached me.
The sharp sting of pain mixed with the overwhelming pleasure, and I hurtled over the edge with a strangled cry. My orgasm tore out of me hard and fast as I shot down Finn’s throat.
Shaking and shuddering, I fell back against the stacks. Thank fuck they were up against a wall so I didn’t cause a domino effect and destroy the room.
Finn swallowed every drop I gave him, rubbing my prostate in time with my spurts.
When I finally stopped shooting, he stilled his hand and pulled off my dick, my cock falling from his lips with a lewd pop.
I blinked like a confused owl as my brain struggled to come back to earth.
That had been the most intense orgasm of my life.
Finn slowly pulled his fingers out of my ass. Then he was ripping his pants open.
Still not completely with it, I grabbed him under the arms and yanked him up.
He came willingly, his eyes blazing with heat. I forced him to switch positions with me so he was against the stacks. I dropped to my knees, not caring that my dick was still out, and swallowed his cock.
His grunt was muffled, and I relaxed my throat as he gave a little test thrust.
I’d learned that I enjoyed having my throat fucked just as much as I loved sucking dick, and I held still so he could go to town.
He gripped my hair, tangling his fingers in the strands near my scalp. The stings of pain sent waves of aftershocks through me, and I looked up at him as he thrust hard and fast.
Finn was staring down at me, his teeth dug into his bottom lip, his cheeks stained red and his eyes so bright they were glowing.
He was beautiful.
Finn slammed into my mouth one final time, his cock pulsing down my throat. I swallowed every drop, greedy for it. A single word echoed in my head.
Mine.
When his orgasm finally subsided, he guided me off him. He knelt in front of me and pressed his lips on mine in a deep and desperate kiss.
I tasted myself on his tongue, and the thought that we were sharing each other’s essences was almost hot enough to get me hard again.
Almost.
After that orgasm, I was down for the count. He slowed the kiss until we were kneeling there, breathing each other in.
Slowly, reality seeped into my consciousness, and I remembered where we were.
With shaking hands, I pulled my pants up and tucked myself away. Finn did the same.
“You okay?” He helped me to my feet.
“We’re so doing that again.”
He grinned and grabbed our bags. “You liked it?”
“Every second of it.”
“Do you have class now?” He handed me my bag, and I shouldered it.
“Um.” I fished my phone out of my hoodie pocket and glanced at the time. “In about thirty minutes. I should go. It’s on the other side of campus.”
We walked through the stacks, the lights coming on as we passed under the sensors.
“Do you have class?” I asked when we were in the main part of the section.
It was still empty.
Thank fuck. I’d been too far gone with pleasure to listen for footsteps.
“Not for a few hours.” He headed toward the cubicle I’d been sitting in and tossed his bag onto the desk. “I’ll see you back at the house?”
Not caring that we were completely out in the open and right near the door, I pulled him close and held him against my body in a tight hug.
Emotions and feelings rolled through me, too fast for me to decipher them all.
Finn wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I whispered, and it wasn’t for the orgasm.
He tightened his grip and gently kissed my shoulder.
I could see myself falling for him.
Hell, if I was being honest with myself, I was already on my way there.
