After our chat in the bathroom, I didn’t see Finn for two days.
We’d exchanged a few text messages, but he was busy with schoolwork and spent his evenings in the library. My courses were starting to pick up too. I understood, but I missed him.
My entire life felt like it was imploding, and it was my fault.
Finn didn’t have time for me. Alex was barely talking to me unless we were hanging out together in the common areas.
He’d offered to help me study for macro multiple times, but I’d had Finn and his creative reward system to help, and I knew that brushing him off with no explanation hurt his feelings.
I was being a dick to the people I cared about.
All because I was too chickenshit to admit the truth.
I honestly didn’t know what was holding me back. I knew my family would be fine with it, but I wasn’t so sure about my friends.
Especially the ones from high school.
I’d barely spoken to Mike since the summer, only exchanging a few texts here and there. How was I supposed to tell him I was bi?
He’d never said anything homophobic, but he came from an incredibly religious family and was a devout Christian. Daisy too. It was one of the reasons they’d gotten married right out of high school.
Most of the guys on my hockey team had always made jokes about everything being “gay” and dropping f-bombs, and I didn’t mean fuck, every other sentence. Our coach called us “ladies” when he was displeased. The locker room talk had been eye opening, and a few of my teammates had shown their true colors and made enough comments that I knew for sure they were homophobic.
I didn’t hang out with them much, only during the summer when we were all home, but we kept up with each other through social media. How would they react if I started posting snaps with a boyfriend?
I didn’t have big plans like Alex. He was dead set on being a multimillionaire by thirty and had his entire future planned from the day he graduated until he became the CEO of whatever Fortune 500 company he decided to work for.
My plan was to move home after grad and try to figure out what the fuck I was going to do with my life.
How could I do that if I lost all my friends?
Seattle wasn’t a small place, far from it, but starting from zero as an adult after growing up there would be hell. It was pathetic, but the thought of losing all my childhood connections scared the piss out of me.
I didn’t even know where Finn’s head was at with everything. Maybe he really was busy with school. I’d seen his desk calendar, and it was packed with color-coded reminders.
Did he want more? He’d said he was looking for a boyfriend or a hookup. But that had been weeks ago. Was he still okay with us sneaking around?
I needed to talk to him, but I was too chickenshit.
What if he told me he wanted to focus on finding someone he could date and be open with? He’d been going to a lot of events with the LGBT club. It was only a matter of time before he found an out guy he clicked with.
Was I being a selfish asshole by keeping him tied up when he could have more with someone else?
We’d agreed on exclusivity, but I’d been the one to bring it up, not him.
Had he just agreed to placate me?
“Ugh.”
I dropped my head against the wall and closed my textbook with a snap.
I’d been staring at the same page for the last twenty minutes, and I still had no idea what it said.
I grabbed my phone and texted Finn. It was early evening, so he’d be done with his classes.
Beck: are you home?
Finn: on my way
Beck: come to my room when you do?
He didn’t answer, and my heart constricted.
Inviting Finn to hang out this weekend had been a start in showing him how much he meant to me, but ignoring him at the house after our little tryst in the library had erased all meaning behind the invite.
I needed to show him in a way that held no room for confusion.
An idea formed in my mind, something I’d been thinking about for a while now.
Butterflies exploded in my stomach. Could I do this?
“Fuck it,” I muttered and quickly typed out another message.
Beck: never have I ever had sex with a guy
The three dots appeared, then disappeared.
That happened a few more times, and my nerves grew with each passing second.
Shit.
Had I read the room wrong?
We’d talked about having sex, but that had always been in the heat of the moment during the dirty talk we both loved.
Had it just been sex talk?
We’d started this whole thing because I’d wanted to help him find someone to be with so he could lose his virginity.
But now the thought of someone else being his first made me stabby.
I wanted to be that person for him.
And more importantly, I wanted him to be that person for me.
I might have had sex with women, but I wanted Finn to be my first guy so we could share the experience.
But I was only one-half of this equation.
Would Finn really want to fuck the guy who’d been ignoring him and made him hide their friendship?
A text popped up in the thread.
Finn: ill be home in 30
I waited to see if he’d say something else, but my screen went dark without another message.
Tossing my phone aside, I jumped off the bed and grabbed my shower caddy. I had half an hour to get ready.
A flutter of anticipation went through me, then one of nerves.
Hopefully this didn’t fuck things up even more between us.
Thirty-two minutes later, I sat on my bed in a pair of loose sweats and an old T, my stomach tied in knots.
Should I have dressed up a bit? Maybe put on some actual clothes instead of my loungewear?
Would that come off as desperate? Finn was used to seeing me in sweats when we hung out.
But maybe I should have put some effort into this. I would have dressed up if I’d invited a girl over.
But Finn wasn’t a girl.
He was my friend, and he’d already seen me at my most vulnerable when I’d been bent over and begging him to tongue fuck me in the library.
That had to mean that my clothes didn’t matter, right?
Ugh.
I dropped my face in my hands and scrubbed my palms against my skin like I could wipe away my thoughts.
I was in my head, and I was spiraling.
Knock knock knock.
“It’s open,” I croaked.
The door opened, and Finn came in. He closed the door, then flipped the lock, his face grim.
Not exactly the look I’d hoped to see when I invited him over to have sex.
“Hi,” I said lamely.
“Hi.” He crossed the room and sat on my couch.
The butterflies that had been circling in my stomach took flight and were replaced with what felt like pterodactyls.
“We need to talk.”
My heart dropped.
This was it.
This was the moment I lost not only the guy I was crushing on but also my friend.
God fucking dammit all to hell.
“We do?” I tried to go for breezy and casual, but my throat was so tight the words came out in a rasp.
“We do. Why did you write that?”
“Um…”
My message was clear, wasn’t it? I stared at him, my mind blank.
“I need to know why you want to have sex now,” he said.
“Because I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since the library.”
It was the truth, but not the whole truth.
Finn had asked me for one thing: honesty.
It felt disingenuous to leave out that I was terrified of losing him. Or that my possessive jealousy was back, and I wanted us to be each other’s firsts.
How could I explain that to him without sounding like a complete nutbar?
He slowly nodded.
“Do you not want to?” I asked, hating how small my voice sounded.
“Oh, I want to.” His voice dropped to a sexy purr as he looked at me with heated eyes. “That’s never been an issue.”
“Then what’s stopping you?”
“I need to know where your head is at so I can adjust my expectations.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“No, you don’t. And that’s okay.” He sighed, all traces of his lust gone. “The reason I never had sex with any of my hookups was that I knew I’d get attached. I’m not one of those people who can treat sex as a casual thing. If I’m going to be with someone, to share the most intimate parts of myself with them, then I need more than just some mutual attraction and the desire to get off.”
Snippets of our past conversations came back to me.
Finn had never come right out and said so before, but he’d inferred it several times.
“And it’s okay that you’re not like that. Not everyone is. But we’re not in a good place right now, and I’m worried that sex will make our friendship implode. I’m not ready to lose you as a friend. You mean too much to me to risk it.”
My heart swelled at the same time a pit formed in my stomach.
That he valued our friendship so much hit me like an anvil. He meant something to me too, and I hated the thought of not having him in my life.
Hell. He didn’t just mean something.
He was everything.
“I’m not ready to come out. Not yet, but I think it’s pretty obvious that this”—I motioned between us—“is more than just buddy fucking.”
He bit his lip, his eyes guarded.
I searched for the words to articulate what I was feeling.
“Eventually, I’m going to have to tell people. I know that. I’m not planning to spend the rest of my life in the closet. I’m just struggling with doing it now.”
“And that’s okay,” he said softly. “Only you can decide if and when you come out. I’d never put pressure on you to do it before you’re ready.”
“I know. I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m ready for more between us.”
He widened his eyes, the hope in them clear.
“It’s pretty obvious we’ve been dating without the label.”
“That thought has crossed my mind,” he said, his voice cautious, like he was choosing his words carefully.
“And it’s not fair to either of us for me to keep pretending like this is just a casual thing.” I drew in a deep breath. “I like you, Finn. Not just as a friend.”
“I like you too,” he whispered, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.
“I’m not the playboy you think I am, that everyone thinks I am.” I sighed and leaned back against the wall, rubbing my palms on my thighs.
He kept silent, his gaze encouraging.
“I guess I got the reputation because I spent so much time with Alex. It’s true I’ve messed around with a lot of girls, but I didn’t sleep with most of them. Dancing, making out, using hands, or some oral if our connection was strong, but I don’t have sex with random people. I’m not saying that I never have, just that it’s not my MO like everyone seems to think it is.”
Now that I’d found the courage to come clean, the words tumbled out of me.
“In high school, I was a hockey player on a championship team. Everyone expected me to be like most of the other guys on the team, making their way through the girls in our school like they were trying to win a prize.
“That wasn’t me. It’s never been me. Then I got to college, and I started going to parties every weekend. And not just frat parties.” My cheeks heated as the memories flashed in the forefront of my mind. “Some of the parties were… let’s just say people didn’t care that they were in public and there were zero limits.”
Finn widened his eyes.
“You think dancing with two guys was risqué?” I chuckled mirthlessly. “Try watching a girl go down on two guys three feet away from where you’re sipping your beer.”
“That’s…”
“Yeah. Even though I didn’t ever do anything at these parties, I still got the rep as a fuckboy because I was there. It’s the same with Alex. Sure, he hooks up, but he doesn’t have the revolving door of chicks everyone assumes he does.”
“I never thought you were a fuckboy.”
“I know. But a lot of people do. I never did anything to change their assumptions because I liked it.”
The words spilled out of me like water falling from a faucet.
“It was the same rep I had in high school. It didn’t matter that I only dated three girls. Or that I only slept with two of them. No one thought twice that my best friend was openly religious. He and Daisy waited until their wedding night, even though they’d been together since sophomore year.
“It made me popular. I wasn’t a star player or anything, but I was good, and we were a championship team. We were treated like gods at school. Then I came to college, and I fell into the same role. It’s comfortable for me because it’s all I’ve ever known.”
I pulled in a shaky breath.
“I get that,” he said softly. “I’m a nerd. I’ve always been a nerd. I don’t drink much, I’m too shy to go to parties unless I have someone to cling to, and I like learning. Is that all that I am? No, I don’t think so. But it’s hard to shake society’s expectations. People expect you to be a fuckboy because of your past and who you hang out with. People expect me to be a nerd because of how quiet I am. Even though I’m smart, I hate my classes, and I have to put a hell of a lot of time into my studies. My best friend is an artist. And as I’ve learned, I have zero chill and trip people’s gaydar when I’d thought I was good at hiding my sexuality.”
Silence descended.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand how confusing this is for you. That it’s not only your identity as a bisexual man you’re coming to terms with but also how the future you’d pictured for yourself has been irrevocably altered.”
He was hitting every single nail on the head.
“Things aren’t going to be easy when you come out,” he said. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it or try to make it seem like it’s all sunshine and rainbows once you do. Some people will care. Almost everyone will look at you differently. Most will just process it and keep treating you the same, but some won’t. You’ll lose friends, and your private life will never be completely private.
“Same-sex couples are still an anomaly, and people stare. Sometimes in support, sometimes out of envy, and sometimes they’re just plain curious.
“But there will be times when it’s out of animosity or hostility. It’s better than it was, but slurs are still a thing. Bashings still happen. Discrimination against us isn’t even unilaterally illegal. And with the way shit is going with the government, there’s a very real possibility we could lose a lot of the rights our elder generations fought so hard for.”
“I’m scared of losing the people I care about,” I said softly, my voice cracking.
“I know. I wish I could tell you it won’t happen, and everyone will be cool with it. But the odds aren’t in your favor. That’s why I’ll never put pressure on you to come out. You’re not me. I’m a nerd no one notices. People might look twice if I walked through campus holding hands with a guy, but I’m such a nonentity around here that most people forget about me within ten minutes of meeting me. I’d be old news before I even made the front page.
“You’re different. You have a reputation and a ton of friends, and people know you. This is a way bigger deal for you.”
“I wish it wasn’t.”
“We all wish that. But it is. And it’ll continue to be. Remember when I told you that you’re never fully out? That’s something you’ll have to deal with. When to tell people in your life. If you should. But I get that it’s going to be harder for you. I’m gay. I’ll only ever be with or date men. It’s harder to hide when you only have one choice.
“You’re bisexual, and biphobia, especially against men, is a very real thing. Not just with straight people but also within our community. That adds layers to your experience that I’ll never understand.”
“You seem to have a better handle on what I’m going through than I do,” I said wryly.
He smiled, the first one since we started our conversation. “I’ve had years of practice at being out. And you’re not the first baby bi I’ve known. You all go through different struggles, but the core issues are universal.”
“Sometimes I forget that you’re younger than me. You’re so… wise. Is that a weird thing to say?”
“It’s not weird.” He leaned back against the couch, all traces of seriousness gone. “My brother is studying to be a clinical psychologist. He’s been psychoanalyzing me and forcing me to talk through my issues for years. It’s given me a unique perspective on things. Anna says she doesn’t need therapy because she has me to tell her all the stuff she’d be paying someone two hundred bucks an hour to dish out.”
“I wish I had a sibling like that.”
“Are you worried about what they’ll say?”
“Not really. I mean, I know the teasing is coming, but I’m sure none of them will actually care. Same with my parents. My family are good people. I know it’ll take some adjusting, but I can’t see it being an issue.” I paused. “Well, my immediate family. I’m not so sure about my aunts and uncles or my cousins.”
“And your friends?”
“Some of them will care, and I’m not sure about a lot of them.”
“What about Mike?”
“I have no idea. We might not be close now, but I’m hoping that’ll change when I move back home after grad. I miss him, and the thought of him turning his back on me because I’m bi terrifies me.”
He nodded.
“But I can’t let that fear stop me from living my life here, you know? I’m so tired of second-guessing everything I say or do. It’s exhausting to always be hyperaware of how I’m acting around people. And it sucks to pretend like you’re nothing more than a casual buddy.”
He looked away. “Yeah, that part sucks for me too. I know I agreed to it, but it hurts that I barely get a hello or a second glance when we see each other in the house. I’m okay with hiding our bedroom activities, but it stings that you don’t even want people to know we’re friends anymore.”
“I’m going to change that,” I promised. “It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to me either. We’re friends. Hiding you is wrong. And I hate that I’m hurting you.”
“I didn’t mean to change the rules.” he said quietly, looking at his lap.
“I’m pretty sure we both changed the rules.”
He swallowed and looked up at me.
“Do you want to go on a date?” I asked.
His jaw dropped. It would have been funny if I weren’t so nervous about everything.
“Like a date date?” he asked.
“Yeah. And not at a student event or anything. Just you and me.”
“I’d like that.”
A faint blush painted his cheeks, and my stomach swooped.
Yup.
I was falling for Finn.
We fit together in a way I’d never felt with anyone else. He was the calm before the storm, that soothing moment when everything felt right in the world.
He was my happy place.
A wave of need and desire washed over me.
“Come here,” I said huskily.
Finn pushed off the couch and crawled onto my bed. I shifted so I was sitting in the middle of the mattress and not against the wall.
His hand landed on my shoulder and shoved me down.
I went willingly, sighing happily, as he climbed over me and pressed his warm, solid body against mine.
He sifted his fingers through my hair, playing with the strands. He looked down at me, wonder and desire written all over his handsome face.
Beneath his lust was something that looked a whole lot like possession and ownership.
I fucking loved it.
No one had ever looked at me like that. I’d always been the aggressor. The one to show my partners how much I wanted them while they lay back and enjoyed my teasing.
That had worked for me, but I loved it when Finn took charge. When he was the one to take care of me.
“We need to press Pause for a second,” he said, his eyes serious as he brushed the hair near my temple.
“What? Why?”
“I need to go take a shower. There are things I need to do to… prepare.”
“Did you shower this morning?”
He nodded.
“Then that’s all the prep you need to do. I… I took care of things while I was waiting for you.”
His expression shifted to one of shock, then confusion.
“You mean you want to bottom?”
“Yeah.” My cock pulsed against his stomach at the thought of him filling me.
“Are you sure?” He licked his lips, dropping his eyes to my mouth for a brief second. “I don’t want you to do this as some sort of sacrifice. I want us both to enjoy this. I’m good in either role.”
“It’s not a sacrifice.” I gripped his hips and rubbed my aching dick against him. “Can’t you feel how turned on I am?”
He let out a low rumble and ground down against me. “I feel it.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. I loved what we did in the library, and I want to feel more of that.”
“A dick is different from fingers.”
“I know.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. “I’m being one hundred percent honest here. I want you to fuck me.”
He shuddered.
“And I’m totally game for doing it the other way too.” I grinned. “But next time.”
“You’re full of surprises, Beck Andrews.” He brushed his fingertips over my forehead, his eyes shining.
I opened my mouth to tell him that he was too, and he took advantage of my parted lips to kiss me.
I melted against him. He slid his tongue into my mouth, taking greedy draws from mine.
Fuck, I loved kissing him, and I gave myself over to the sensations as he kissed me like I was his source of oxygen and it would hurt him to stop.
His hands gripping my hair sent little zings of pain through my system that heightened my arousal.
I was leaking and so hard I ached, but the need to rush things wasn’t there. I was happy to lie under my man and kiss him.
Our kisses picked up, our lips sliding together as our tongues battled. Finn was moaning against my mouth as he gently thrust his hips so we frotted together.
It was too much and not enough. My head was spinning but in the best way possible.
He broke the kiss long enough to yank his shirt off. Then he was helping me with mine, our hands fumbling as we tugged it up and eventually off.
He crashed his lips back down on mine and threaded one hand through my hair. The other traced over my torso, mapping the lines and planes of my muscles.
I couldn’t stop touching him.
I ran my hands over his back, his sides, his ass. I cupped his cheeks and spread my legs wide so his dick was nestled against mine as he continued to dry hump me.
“More,” I mumbled against his lips.
He pulled away and pressed our foreheads together, both of us panting like we’d just finished sprinting.
“Let’s get you naked,” he said, his voice a sexy purr. He pushed off me and straddled my thighs.
He grabbed the waistband of my sweats and gave them a tug. I lifted my hips. It took a bit of shifting, but he managed to pull them off me. He yanked off my socks, leaving me in only my boxer briefs.
“You’re so hot.” He ran his hands over my abs, then teased one finger down my happy trail, stopping just above my underwear.
I stared up at him as he explored my body.
“Fuck!” I bit my lip when he dragged his nails over my thighs, right below the bottom of my underwear.
He grinned and did it again, digging in deeper.
He was going to leave marks.
I wanted them.
“Take off your pants,” I said. “I want you naked too.”
“Soon.” He bent his head and drew one nipple into his mouth.
“Holy shit,” I muttered, biting my lip to stop from crying out.
He teased and tortured me, using his mouth on one and his fingers on the other until I was writhing under him, frotting against him.
I was dizzy with desire when he finally pulled away from my nipples, but instead of moving back to my mouth, he dropped a line of wet kisses down my chest.
He stopped just before he reached my underwear.
“Finn,” I groaned. “Stop teasing.”
“No.” His smile took the sting out of the word. “This is my first time too, and I want to play.” He ran one fingertip over my covered cock. I shivered and arched into his touch.
I loved this side of him. Watching my quiet and reserved boyfriend brimming with confidence as he played me like a fiddle was incredible.
My brain stuttered on the word boyfriend.
It was stupid, but that silent acknowledgment solidified my feelings for Finn. We were boyfriends.
“You okay?” He tilted his head.
“Perfect.” I reached up and grabbed him behind the neck.
He let out a surprised sound as I dragged him down and kissed him, hard and hot.
He kissed me back and slid one hand into my underwear.
He gripped my cock, and his lips on mine were the only thing that stopped me from shouting.
I was moaning up a storm under him as he stroked me.
This time, when he pulled away, I let him.
He sat over me, and our eyes locked. The intensity and desire in his gaze were staggering, but it was the tenderness that rocked me to my core.
This meant as much to him as it did to me.
“Let me suck you,” I begged.
“I need to prep you.”
“Later. I want your dick in my mouth.”
He groaned and shifted so he was straddling my chest.
“This okay?” He ripped open his pants and pulled out his cock.
It was flushed red and shiny with precum.
Instead of answering, I leaned up and sucked his tip into my mouth.
His taste exploded on my tongue.
He let out the sexiest grunt, planted his hands on the mattress above my head, and leaned over me, pushing in until his cock bumped the back of my throat.
I tilted my head back, opening for him so he could face fuck me.
He didn’t.
His thrusts were slow and deep, but not hard. I used my tongue to tease the underside of his shaft and swallowed around his head the way I knew he liked.
The sounds he made were beautiful. The little moans and whispered words sent my arousal into a tailspin.
Then he started talking.
“That’s it, baby,” he purred, slowing his hips until he was hovering above me. “You feel so fucking good. Your mouth is so hot, so tight. So perfect.” He shuddered, his eyes fluttering closed as I gave him a hard suck.
“Fuck, yeah.” He opened his eyes and looked down at me, the blue of his irises completely overtaken by his pupils. “I can’t wait until it’s your ass around my cock. It’s going to feel so good to stretch you open. To sink into you and feel you tighten around me as I fuck you.”
It was my turn to shudder, and I moaned around his cock, knowing the vibrations would feel amazing.
“Fuck.” He pulled out of my mouth and sat back on my chest. “Any more of that and I’ll blow before we get to the good part.”
“That’s no fun.”
Using his thumb, he wiped under my bottom lip, getting rid of the spit and precum that had gathered there.
The tenderness behind the move made my heart swell, and the last of my nerves dissipated.
“I’m glad it’s you,” he said softly. He gripped his shaft, squeezing the base tight.
“I’m glad it’s you too.”
He shimmied down my body so he could kiss me again.
It was tender and sweet, soft and so full of emotion and meaning it made my chest ache.
He kissed down my body, dragging his lips over my stomach as he followed my happy trail.
He didn’t kiss my dick. Instead, he ran the tip of his tongue over it. The rough pull of cotton against my skin made my spine hitch as I tried to get more of that delicious friction.
“Spread your legs for me.”
I did. He settled between them, his head over my straining dick.
He gripped my underwear and gave them a tug. I lifted my hips so he could slide them down my legs and toss them aside.
It wasn’t the first time I’d been naked in front of Finn, but something about him still wearing his jeans while I was completely nude did funny things to my stomach.
Without saying a word, he gripped my cock and sucked me into the wet heat of his mouth.
My hands slid into his hair of their own volition as I arched into him. Only his hands on my hips kept me from thrusting deep into his throat.
I lay under him, panting and staring up at the ceiling as he sucked me. Need and pleasure rolled through me in waves, pulling me higher and higher until the edges of my orgasm hovered right there under the surface.
“Too close,” I gasped.
Grinning wickedly, he ran his tongue over my crown, then sucked one of my balls into his mouth.
I slammed my eyes shut, hoping that would somehow stop me from shouting when he rolled it against his tongue.
“Get your legs up.”
I grabbed the backs of my knees and tugged them up, opening myself to him.
This time I knew what to expect and managed to keep quiet as the first drag of his tongue sent a ripple of pleasure through me.
Finn ate ass the same way he sucked dick, with all the confidence of a guy who’d reduced me to a whimpering, blubbering mess with only his mouth.
He sucked and licked and speared at my hole. The little moans of arousal he let out were sexy as fuck. I loved how much he enjoyed doing this for me, and I couldn’t wait until it was my turn to rim him.
Finn shifted his body and reached one hand under him, his shoulder moving like he was stroking himself.
“More,” I demanded, my voice clear and commanding.
He pulled his tongue out of my hole, a sexy smirk tilting one side of his lips. “Bossy.”
“That’s what happens when you spend ten minutes with your tongue in my ass.” I released my legs and let them fall to the bed, caging his body in.
Chuckling, he sat up and crawled over me to reach into my bedside drawer.
“Do I need this?” He held up a condom, his expression serious.
“Not unless you want to wear it. I haven’t been with anyone else since my last round of tests.”
His eyes darkened, his tongue licked over his bottom lip leaving behind an irresistible shine.
He tossed the condom back into the drawer.
I shivered. I’d get to feel all of him.
He rolled off the bed, shucked off his pants, and tossed them aside.
He gripped his shaft and slowly stroked himself, watching me hungrily.
He was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
I spread my legs, my invitation clear.
He descended on me, crashing his lips into mine.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him, needing that closeness.
It was happening. I was about to have sex with Finn.
I wasn’t afraid of him hurting me, but I also knew I was going to feel some pain, and I wasn’t sure if it would be the good kind or not.
Finn seemed to sense my nerves and slowed his kisses until they were long and languid, chasing away any lingering trepidation.
He grabbed the lube bottle, and I let my legs fall onto the bed.
I was ready for more.
He took his time prepping me, sliding one lubed-up finger inside me, then another. He gently worked me open until I was pushing back on him, my hands clawing at the comforter as desperation took over.
“Give it to me,” I demanded breathlessly.
He scissored his fingers inside me and brushed my prostate. The jolt of pleasure stole my breath.
Finn grinned, that sexy half smile he wore when he was pleased with himself.
“You have no idea how hot you look, all spread out and begging for my cock.”
“Then do something about it and fuck me.”
“Soon.” He pressed three fingers against my hole. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I wanted to tell him to go ahead and hurt me, but I understood why he needed to go slow.
Instead, I breathed through my nose and jammed my hips down so his fingers slid right into me.
The sting of pain wasn’t the good kind, and I couldn’t stop the hiss that escaped my throat.
“Shhhhh.” He rubbed my happy trail with his free hand. “I’ve got you, baby. Lie back and let me take care of you.”
I melted against the mattress and spread my legs as wide as I could, tilting my hips to give him the perfect angle.
Watching Finn’s expression as he stared between us sent flutters through my chest that had nothing to do with arousal or pleasure.
He was concentrating so hard his teeth dug into his bottom lip, his eyes filled with desire and need but also something soft and sweet.
When I was seconds away from begging, he pulled his fingers out of my ass and sat back on his heels.
“Ready?” He grabbed the lube and slicked up his cock.
“So ready.” I reached for my knees but stopped. “How do you want me?”
He tossed the lube aside.
“Lift your legs and put them on my shoulders.”
I did, feeling vulnerable and open as he leaned over me, bending me in half.
“You’re flexible.”
“Hockey.” My brain was too busy focusing on the fact that we were about to have sex to be more eloquent.
Something hot and broad poked at my hole.
His cock.
A flutter of nerves and something else shot through me as I clenched in anticipation.
If I’d ever had any doubts I was a bottom, they disappeared in that moment.
I wanted this more than I wanted my next breath.
Using one hand, Finn positioned himself against my opening.
“Breathe out.” He pushed in.
I bore down.
“Harder,” I encouraged when he paused, concern written all over his face. “I can take it.”
He groaned and shifted his hips, changing the angle.
That seemed to do the trick, and the head of his dick slid into me, splitting me open as he pushed in again.
A sharp sting of pain, the bad kind, ripped through me.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No, keep going,” I gritted out.
I’d been prepared for this.
He let out a shaky breath and pushed in slowly, moving inch by inch.
I tried to keep my body relaxed, but I kept clenching at the foreign pain and pressure. I felt full, and it took everything in me not to push him out.
“That’s it, baby. Let me in,” he whispered. “I know it hurts now, but it’s going to feel so good when I’m all the way in. Imagine how amazing it’s going to feel when my cock hits your spot.”
He drew in another shaky breath and pushed in a little more. “That’s it. You’re doing so well.”
His praise lit me up inside, and I was able to relax enough for him to sink the rest of the way into me, his thighs brushing my ass.
“That’s it. That’s all of me.” He held still, his face a mask of concentration. “Fuck, you feel good. So tight and hot.” He chuckled. “I’m not going to last.”
“Yeah, you are.” I reached between us and stroked my dick. Hopefully, it would help distract me from the pain.
It still hurt, and that fullness hadn’t faded, but the need to push was gone.
“That’s right. Stroke that big dick for me.” He bent over me a little more. “Get yourself nice and close while I fuck you. But no coming. Not yet.” He pulled out, then pushed back in.
I huffed out a strangled laugh. “No promises.”
He chuckled and paused, giving me time to adjust.
“Again,” I demanded. “Give it to me.”
He groaned and planted his knees on the mattress so he could put force behind his next thrust.
Pain rippled through me, but it was steeped in pleasure.
“You like that?” He did it again, harder.
“Fuck, yeah.” I stroked my dick faster, the dual sensations unlike anything I’d ever felt before.
I wanted more.
He gave another shallow thrust, but I pushed back on him, forcing him to go deeper. “Harder.”
With a strangled cry, he sat back on his heels and gripped my thighs tight. He held them against his chest as he snapped his hips, thrusting into me hard and fast.
The cry I let out didn’t even sound human as he nailed my prostate. My hand faltered, and I let go of my cock so I could focus on Finn sliding in and out of me.
“Yeah, you like that.” He quickened his pace, his dark hair falling over his eyes. He stared down at me like I was the most perfect thing in the world and he wanted nothing more than to fuck my brains out.
My breaths came out in ragged pants as he pounded into me.
It hurt, but in the best way possible, and I couldn’t stop moaning as he nailed my spot over and over again.
He pulled out and slapped my hip. “Turn over.”
I flipped onto my hands and knees.
It felt weird to be in this position, but Finn’s hands on my hips and his cock sliding back inside me distracted me enough I stopped caring about how I looked or what position we were in.
This was Finn’s show, and I was happy to go along for the ride.
He fucked me like a man possessed, slamming into me. At the same time, he yanked my hips back to meet his thrusts.
Just when that spot inside me started to itch again, he pulled out, leaving me empty. I cried out in protest.
“Up.”
His command was sharp and loud, and I scrambled off the bed.
He grabbed me and dragged me over to my desk. I let him manhandle me, loving his aggression.
He shoved my chest down so it landed on the wood surface. I gripped the edge and arched my back in invitation.
Crack.
The sharp sound of his hand connecting with my ass startled me almost as much as the spank itself.
I’d never realized I was into that, and a ripple of pleasure shot through me.
He fucked me against my desk, leaning over me so his thrusts were long and deep.
I grabbed my cock, but he pulled out again.
Strong hands yanked me off the desk and shoved me toward my couch.
I climbed onto it, scrambling to get on my knees as he pressed against my back.
“Lean back on me,” he whispered and slid back inside me.
The sensation of his strong, sweaty body behind mine was just as intimate as it had been when we were face-to-face.
He wrapped one of his hands around my middle, holding me in place, and slid the other around my throat.
He didn’t push down, just loosely circled my neck.
“Bite me,” I begged.
He sank his teeth into my neck, right under where his hand still held me.
A jolt of pleasure shot through me, and I jerked as though I’d been electrocuted.
“More, please. Fuck. Finn. Need it,” I babbled.
He ground his teeth into my skin, my nerve endings coming alive with each bit of pressure, then pressed down against my throat, only a little so I could stop him if I wanted to.
I didn’t.
He released my skin and soothed the mark with his tongue. This time, he did press down so my air was cut off.
It only lasted a few seconds. Then he let go, but the blast of awareness from not being able to breathe heightened my arousal to a level I’d never experienced.
He did it again, only squeezing for a few seconds, but it was enough to make me nearly delirious with need.
He bit me again hard, then let go of me and pulled out.
“On your back on the bed. I want to finish face-to-face.”
On shaking legs, I stumbled over to the bed and flopped down on it. I went to shimmy up, but Finn grabbed my hips and yanked me down so my ass was hanging off the end.
He bent his legs to fix the height difference, then slammed back into me.
I rested my legs on his shoulders and gripped the edge of the mattress as he went to town.
I couldn’t stop looking at him. His cheeks were flushed, his hair was damp against his forehead, his eyes were dark and crazed, and he was panting from the exertion of fucking me so hard I had to grip the mattress so I didn’t slide up the bed.
He was beautiful.
And he was mine.
That itch inside me became unbearable, and I grabbed my dick.
“Need to come,” I gritted out.
“Come for me. Shoot all over yourself,” he rasped and slammed into me, holding himself deep inside me.
He rolled his hips, circling them as he ground against me.
That was my undoing, and I came with a cry.
My back arched as I slammed my head against the mattress. The most intense and delicious pleasure I’d ever felt shot through me.
I came like a rocket, shooting so hard and far that a spurt of cum hit my chin while even more landed on the bedspread next to my head.
Finn let out a strangled cry, his body shuddering and shaking.
His cock pulsed, and he emptied his load deep inside me.
The sensation of his cum filling me, so hot and thick, triggered another mini orgasm, and my brain blinked out.
Finn collapsed on me. We were covered in sweat and breathing hard. I’d never felt more satisfied in my entire life.
We were half on the bed, our position precarious. I pushed him off me so we could climb up to the pillows.
The second we were on the bed, I grabbed him and yanked him on top of me.
He chuckled and nuzzled into my chest, holding me just as tight as I was holding him.
“I’m definitely a bottom,” I muttered when my brain finally came back online.
He huffed out a laugh and moved so he was cuddled up against my side.
“Yeah?”
“Mmmm hmmm.”
“I’m definitely a top.” He threaded one leg through mine. “But I’m still thinking I’m vers. That looked amazing. I really want to try it.”
“It was.” I kissed his sweaty hair. “I think I’m vers too. I can’t wait until it’s my dick in your ass.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“Only in a good way.”
“Beck.” His voice was serious.
“It hurt at first, but I expected it. The rest of the pain was the good kind.”
“I’m glad.”
“The no-condom thing is a bit messy, though.”
“Stay here.” He pressed a kiss against my pec, then untangled himself from me and stood.
I followed him with my eyes as he tugged on his jeans and went to my door. He unlocked it, peeked out into the hall, then slipped out of my room.
I lay there, wincing as a wet spot formed under me.
Now that the adrenaline had worn off, I was sore, and I was sure the tenderness would last a while.
“Totally worth it,” I whispered, smiling into the empty room.
A few moments later, Finn came back, two wet cloths in his hands.
He gave them to me, then politely averted his eyes as I cleaned myself as best I could.
I tossed both cloths into my hamper.
“Do you want to sleep here?”
He stilled. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed. “I want you to stay.”
“Then I’ll stay.” He glanced at the time on my phone on my bedside table. “But I think it’s a bit early to go to bed.”
“Probably.” I sat up. “Want to watch something?”
“Yeah? Like a show?”
“I thought maybe we could watch that documentary, A Brief History of Time.”
He blinked. “You want to?”
“Yeah. I thought it would be fun to watch it with a physics nerd. Maybe you can explain the stuff I don’t get. That way I’ll be able to actually talk to Bella when she tells me about work.”
His eyes shimmered as he swallowed hard.
“Finn?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Just feeling a bit emotional after…”
I nodded. I understood what he meant.
I felt just as raw and flayed open.
“I’ll get you something more comfortable to wear.” I stood and pulled on my sweats. I went to my dresser to grab a pair of sweats for him.
While he was putting them on, I took my laptop from my desk.
When I turned around, Finn was on my bed and against the wall. He patted the space between his spread legs in invitation.
I sat between them and leaned against his solid chest. I opened my laptop and set to queuing up the movie.
He wrapped his arms around me and put his chin on my shoulder.
This felt right, and the prolonged intimacy was exactly what I needed after sharing the most intense and meaningful sexual encounter of my life with my boyfriend.
