Tap tap tap tap.
I put my hand on my leg to stop it from bouncing as I sat on the edge of my bed.
It was twenty minutes to six, and I was nervous.
I wasn’t nervous about seeing Beck. But this was my first date since high school, and my first with a guy.
I had no idea what he’d planned, what to expect.
Tap tap tap tap.
With a frustrated sigh, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and FaceTimed Dex.
“Hey, little bro.” His smiling face filled the screen.
“Are you busy?”
“Nah. Just killing time before meeting some people. What’s up?”
“I’m going on a date, and I’m freaking out.”
He pursed his lips in that way that told me he was thinking carefully about what to say next.
“Why are you freaking out?”
“Am I talking to my brother or my therapist?”
“Who do you want to talk to?”
“My brother.”
He nodded. “Okay. So, who’s this person? You’ve never mentioned anyone when we’ve talked.”
“My roommate.”
“The one who was your wingman a while ago?”
“The very same. Things between us have been complicated.”
“How so?”
I sighed. “He’s not out.”
Understanding flashed in Dex’s eyes. “That has to suck.”
“It did. Does. For a while there, he wouldn’t even tell anyone we were friends.”
“That’s not okay, Finn. Hiding his sexuality is one thing, but anyone who won’t acknowledge your friendship isn’t a friend.”
“I know. And I was twisted up about it. But we talked it out, and he’s made a real effort to change.”
“That’s good,” he said carefully.
“I slept with him,” I blurted out.
Dex winced, but it was subtle. More a tightening of his eyes than a full-on yuck face.
I knew it had nothing to do with us both being guys and everything to do with Dex still seeing me as a little kid.
“Was he good to you?” he asked, his voice measured.
“He was, but I actually topped him.”
“TMI, dude.”
I grinned, unable to help myself. “Just being honest.”
“So you like the guy, you’ve already had sex with him, and he’s being good to you and making real change.”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re nervous because?”
“It’s my first date in three years. And my first ever with a guy.”
“What’s freaking you out? Is it the date part?”
“I guess so? I just don’t know what to do. He’s not out, and he planned the date. Do I act like we’re just two bros hanging out and doing date-like things, or can I act like we’re two guys on a date?”
“I can’t answer that for you.”
“I know.” I huffed. “I’ve wanted this for so long, but now that it’s here, I’m afraid I’m going to fuck things up.”
“I can’t be sure, but something tells me your guy is going to be just as nervous, maybe more so, then you are.”
“Probably.”
“So talk to him about this. Get on the same page.”
“Won’t that kill the mood?”
“Pretty sure setting boundaries will be less of a mood killer than spending the date in knots and not enjoying yourself.”
“You raise a valid point.”
“You said you’re friends with him, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So fall back on that friendship and talk to him. It’s not like he’s some stranger off an app you have no connection with.”
“Even in brother mode, you’re way too good at solving my problems.”
Dex grinned. “That’s what big brothers are for.”
A lump rose in my throat.
Our parents hadn’t been an active part of our childhoods. They’d micromanaged us from afar while they’d been busy with their careers. We’d had a rotating roster of nannies and housekeepers who’d filled their roles. When we got too old for a nanny, house staff and assistants had taken over.
Dex had been forced to grow up fast. He’d fallen into the role of not just my brother but also my protector and my pseudo-parent. He’d been the one to go to my parent-teacher interviews and had cheered for me at my robotics competitions. He’d bought me my first telescope and always encouraged my love of space when our parents had told me to get over my obsession and focus on what was important.
He’d been my one constant growing up.
He’d even done his undergrad at UCLA and turned down a full ride to Georgetown, his dream school, so he wouldn’t be far while I’d been in high school.
He’d given up his childhood to make sure I had mine.
“Thanks, Dex. For everything.”
“You know how you can really thank me?” he said, his voice and eyes serious.
“How?”
“Stop living for them.”
“I can’t. I’m not you.”
“No, but you’re you. You’re not them. You hate law. You hate econ. You’re miserable, and you’re setting yourself up to be miserable for the rest of your life. Don’t you think you deserve better?”
“I’m already two years into this degree. Changing now would fuck up graduation. I’d probably have to take an extra year.”
“So? What’s an extra year in the grand scheme of things? Would you rather do five more years of this crap to be a lawyer or eight to be an astronomer?”
“Astronomer,” I whispered.
“What are you really afraid of, Finn?” he asked softly.
“That I’ll lose them. They’re not good parents, but they’re all we have.”
Dex had no contact with our parents by choice. The thought of losing the only other family I had scared the shit out of me.
“I understand you’re not ready to lose them, that you might never be ready. But you can’t live your life for them. You only get one. Don’t you want to be happy?”
I swallowed hard.
I hadn’t been happy in a long time.
I’d thought I was, but I’d just going through the motions. The only times I was truly happy were when I was with the people I cared about.
“And they’re not all you have. You have me. I’m not them, but you’re always going to be my little buddy. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I’m going to start crying, and my date is going to be here in five minutes,” I mumbled, overwhelmed and feeling so damn raw my chest ached.
“I’m sorry to dump this on you now. But it’s been eating me up for years. You were such a bright light as a kid. Your enthusiasm, your zest for life and learning. That light is so dim now it hurts to see you this way.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, silently cursing the few tears that fell.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I know you don’t need to hear this now.”
“No. I did. I really did.” I sniffled. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Are you going to be okay?”
I nodded.
I really was.
“Have a good date. I hope this works out for you. You deserve someone who makes you smile the way you do when you talk about him.”
“Thanks, Dex.”
“Call me later and let me know how it went?”
“Sure.” I grinned. “But it’ll be tomorrow because I’ll be busy all night.”
“Ugh.” He rolled his eyes. “I guess I deserve that for breaking you right before your big night out.”
“You so do.”
“Later, Finn.”
“Bye.”
I ended the call and drew in a shaky breath as I tucked my phone back into my pocket.
Knock knock knock.
As soon as I opened the door, Beck cupped my face, and looked into my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just had a talk with my brother.”
“Did you fight?”
“No. He just told me some things I needed to hear.”
“Do you need to cancel?”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. Just needed to process.”
“Okay.” He gave me a look that said he didn’t quite believe me. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
He stepped back so I could lock my door.
He looked incredible.
His jeans were so tight they fit like a second skin, and he’d put on a dark purple hoodie with “Mariners” in big, bold letters on the front in yellow.
“You look hot.” He leaned in and kissed me.
I’d agonized for hours before settling on my black skinny jeans and an indigo hoodie that was super soft on the inside.
“You do too.”
I followed him down the stairs to the main floor.
Alex was on the couch with a beer in one hand and his nose buried in his phone.
“Have fun.” He winked at us as we passed him.
I nearly choked on my spit, but Beck just smirked. “We will.”
“Am I crazy, or does he know?” I whispered when we were outside.
“He knows.” Beck pointed to the driveway. “We’re taking his car.”
“How? Did you tell him?” I asked in the car.
“He figured it out.” He started the engine, looked behind him, and backed out of the driveway. “We had a chat earlier. It was eye opening.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He put the car in Drive and pulled away from the house. “I feel better, a lot better. He knows, and the world didn’t implode. And I was hurting him. I knew that. I just never realized how badly.”
I looked out the window.
“And you’re hurting Anna, aren’t you?” he asked softly.
“Yeah.”
“You should tell her.”
“Are you sure?” I turned to him.
“It’s not fair for you to hide this from your best friend. This is my issue, not yours, not hers. I don’t want to be the wedge between you.”
“Thanks,” I said thickly.
“What did you and your brother talk about? You don’t have to tell me, but you seemed pretty upset.”
“He just bitch slapped me with some truths. I’m not going to get my econ degree. And I’m not going to be a lawyer.”
Beck grinned. “Really?” He gave me a sidelong glance.
“Yeah. It’s scary as hell. But I’m going to make an appointment to see an academic counselor next week. It’s early enough in the semester I can withdraw from my classes without losing my tuition. Hopefully, I’ll be able to register in new ones. If not, I can audit for the semester. It’ll be tough to catch up if they do let me re-register, but I’ve taken enough science courses I should only lose a year if they let me switch.”
“Do you think it’ll be an issue to change your degree?”
“I hope not. My grades and all the stuff I did in high school should count for something. I meet the requirements for a physics degree.”
“Are you scared?”
“Terrified.” I sighed and ran my finger over my thigh. “I know my parents are going to lose it. Especially my dad. He’s a man’s man, you know? He has no issues with me being gay, but he’s old school and thinks he’s the boss of us just because he made us. My grandfather was the same way. He ruled with an iron fist, and Dad did the same with us.”
“That doesn’t sound like a healthy way to live.”
“It’s not. But first Dex told him to shove it and didn’t follow Mom’s footsteps. Now I’m going to do the same thing and not follow in his. We’ve both bucked the plans they made for us.”
“What about your mom?”
“She’s going to be disappointed, which is almost as bad as his temper.”
“Do you think they’ll cut you off?” he asked.
“Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. I have a scholarship that should transfer with me if I change programs and don’t have to take the semester off. If it doesn’t, I have a trust fund that’ll pay for school all the way through my PhD.”
He shot me a surprised look.
“My parents didn’t start from nothing. They worked hard to get where they are, but they were born on third base, the same as I was. Dex and I both have trust funds our grandparents, my mom’s parents, set up for us. They always encouraged us to be our own people, and I think they knew we’d need help getting away from our parents’ control when we were adults.”
“Were they doctors like your mom?”
“Gran was an heiress to a furniture store empire. Grampa ran the company until he retired and sold it. My family has generational wealth. Especially on my mom’s side.”
“Just how rich are you?” he asked cautiously. “Not that it matters. I always figured you had money. You went to private school, and your parents are in high-paying careers. But I guess it never clicked that you could be rich rich.”
“We’re not one-percenters, but we’re close,” I said honestly.
I never talked about how wealthy my parents were, partly because I didn’t want people to judge me, or worse, use me for my money. But mostly because it didn’t matter. It was my parents’ money, not mine. I had my trust fund, but my parents weren’t the kind to share their wealth with us. They believed in tough love and making it on your own. They supported me by paying for the part of my tuition my scholarship didn’t cover and my room and board, but they didn’t give me an allowance or anything. All the money I had came from my grandparents.
“Shit.”
“Are you mad I didn’t tell you?” I asked.
Anna was the only other person at school who knew the truth about how much money my family had.
“No. Just processing.” He bit his lip. “I’m going to be paying off my student loans for decades, even being a state local. I just don’t want you to think any of this”—he motioned between us—“is because of your money.”
“I know that.” I reached across the middle console and took his hand. “You didn’t even know until just now.”
“Right. But…” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
I squeezed his hand. Hopefully, my little truth bomb hadn’t derailed our date.
“Can you tell me where we’re going?” I asked when the silence dragged.
“Are you hungry?” He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss against my knuckles, all traces of his shock gone.
Butterflies exploded in my stomach at the casual intimacy.
“I could eat.”
“Good. Because we’re getting sushi. Then we’re going to the lake.”
“The lake?”
As far as I knew, there were dozens of lakes within driving distance of school.
“Yup.”
“But it’s October.”
“We’re not going swimming. You can relax.”
“I’m a Cali boy. As much as skinny dipping with you would be awesome, the cold would kill me.”
“We’ll have to add that to our list for the summer.”
My heart fluttered.
He thought we’d still be together this summer?
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He squeezed my hand, which he’d dropped into his lap.
“Is this a date date?”
“Yes?”
“I mean, are we allowed to act like it’s a date? Or are we just two dudes getting sushi and going to the lake in October?”
“It’s a date date. I told you I didn’t want to keep hiding. It’s not on campus or anything, so it’s still a bit of a cop-out, but I want to be open with you tonight.”
I grinned and looked out the window. “So, how far is this place?”
“About ten more minutes. And before you ask. No, I didn’t choose it because it’s far away. I chose it because it’s a hidden gem only locals know about.”
I laced our fingers together.
“Can’t wait.”
The sushi restaurant was a little hole-in-the-wall place that only did takeout. Instead of ordering, they had coolers filled with prepackaged options with the time they’d been made stamped on them, so you knew how fresh they were.
We loaded up a basket with more sushi than we could probably eat, and after Beck had paid—at his insistence, since he’d been the one to ask me out—we got back in Alex’s car and drove to a lake about twenty minutes away.
I had no clue where we were, but the area was deserted and only accessible by a single road.
Beck parked the car in a small clearing scarred with tire treads and handed me our bag of food.
He popped the trunk and told me to wait until he had everything set up.
It was a gorgeous spot. The lake was small, and the woods around it were thick and lush.
The sun had started to set when we’d been driving to get our food, and it was dark by the time Beck knocked on the window.
I climbed out of the car and shivered. The wind was chilly by the water.
“Come on.” He took my hand and tugged me down the path to the small sandy area.
“Holy shit.” I stopped dead in my tracks.
He laughed.
He’d laid down an open sleeping bag and a couple of lanterns that flickered in the breeze. A pile of blankets sat on one corner of the sleeping bag.
“I thought we could have a starlight picnic,” he said, his voice shy.
“This is… wow. Beck. This is amazing.”
We sat on the sleeping bag, and Beck grabbed one of the blankets and wrapped it around my shoulders.
“You okay? Too cold?” He settled next to me, pressing his big body against my side.
“I’m perfect.”
We dug into our food, chatting about random stuff as we ate with our hands. Beck even fed me a few pieces of his favorite kind.
It was as sweet as it was romantic.
When we were stuffed, he packed up the containers, then grabbed the rest of the blankets and lay down on the sleeping bag, patting the spot beside him.
I lay down, and Beck covered us with a few layers of warm fleece so we were toasty warm.
“So, Mr. Astronomer, tell me about the stars.” He slipped his arm under my head.
“What do you want to know?” I snuggled up to him.
The night sky was beautiful, clear and bright. We were far enough away from civilization there was no light pollution.
“When did you first know you wanted to study them?”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that conversation?” I poked his side. “You know how I like to babble.”
“Babble away. I love listening to you when you talk about your passion.”
My heart constricted, and warmth filled my chest.
No one had ever been so supportive of my love of science before. Beck wasn’t even a scientist, and that made it all the more special.
“When I was little, we used to go to my grandparents’ summer house as soon as school was over. Dex and I and our nannies would take the plane and spend two months away from everything.” I sighed. The memories washed over me, as warm and familiar as a blanket. “I was seven the first time I looked through my grandpa’s telescope, and I was hooked.
“Dex bought me a bunch of kids’ books about the stars and space, and my nanny took me to Griffith Observatory every weekend for a year when I was eight so I could go to the planetarium. I loved it there. The staff got to know us because we were always around, and they answered my endless questions. I fell in love with space because of them.”
“That’s really amazing,” Beck whispered, kissing the top of my head.
“It’s always been my dream to study it. Did you know we’ve observed less than five percent of the universe? There’s so much more to learn about, to discover.”
“And now you’re going to get to be part of that.”
“Yeah.” I shivered as a deep sense of calm and happiness settled over me.
“Can we see any planets right now?”
“See that really bright light, like a big star just off the moon?” I pointed to where I meant.
“Yeah. I see it.”
“That’s Venus.”
“Wow.”
“And see that tiny red dot on the other side of the moon, almost in line with Venus?”
“Yeah. It’s really faint, but I see it.”
“That’s Antares. It’s one of the largest known stars.”
“How far away is it?”
“Almost five hundred fifty-five light-years.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. It’s a red supergiant.”
“Doesn’t that mean it’s dying?”
“Yup. We expect it to create a supernova within the next ten thousand years.”
“That’s really soon in space-time, isn’t it?”
“Very. It’s the heart of the Scorpius, or Scorpio constellation.” I traced the outline with my finger. “See those stars, how they connect?”
“I don’t see a scorpion, but yeah, I see what you mean. What else is up there?”
“Do you see that bright bluish star? It’s almost right above us.”
He leaned close and followed the line of my arm. “Yeah, I do.”
“That’s Vega. It’s the fifth brightest star and about twenty-five light-years away. NASA has observed that it has a debris disk around it that could be similar to regions in our solar system.”
“Wow. That’s really cool. What else?”
“That star just a little lower and to the left of Vega?”
“That one?”
I leaned over to follow where he was pointing. “Yeah. That’s Deneb. It’s one of the farthest stars you can see without a telescope.”
“How far away is it?”
“We don’t know. Some predictions say it’s fifteen hundred light-years away, but others have said twenty-six hundred and three thousand. It’s a blue supergiant, and it’s about two hundred times bigger than our sun.”
“Doesn’t that mean it’s one stage away from being a red supergiant?”
“It does. But we predict that it still has a few million years left before it becomes a supernova.”
“So one star is going to die soon, and the other is going to be around for millions of years.”
“It’s crazy to think about, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. What else?”
“See that bright star below them? The three of them make a triangle shape.”
He leaned up to look up the line of my arm as I traced the triangle. “I think so.”
“That’s Altair. It’s the twelfth brightest star in the sky. It’s sixteen point seven light-years away. It’s a main sequence star, which means it’s in the stable part of its lifespan. We predict it has about two billion years left.”
“Something tells me you pointed all three of those out for a reason.”
“I did.” I snuggled into him. “They make up the Summer Triangle. Now, the really cool part is there.” I pointed to the triangle and traced the area I wanted him to focus on. “See that swath that runs through the triangle?”
“Yeah. What is that?”
“That’s the galactic plane of the Milky Way. That means we’re looking toward the center of our galaxy when we look at it.”
“Holy shit.”
“Right?”
“No wonder you love the stars.”
“Thank you, Beck. Not just for tonight, but for listening to me go on and on about space.”
“I already told you I enjoy listening to you. I never realized how interesting space is. It’s really not a hardship.”
“Still. It means the world to me.”
I felt rather than heard Beck swallow.
“You mean the world to me, Finn.”
He rolled us over so he was half on top of me. He sifted a hand through my hair near my temple.
The flickering lanterns created enough light I was able to see his expression, which was so filled with affection and tenderness I could barely breathe.
“You mean the world to me too.” I wrapped my arms around him. “Beck?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Will you fuck me?”
“Here? Don’t you want your first time to be special?”
“I’m under the stars after having a starlight picnic with my boyfriend. I can’t think of anything more special.”
Instead of answering, Beck lowered his head and gently slotted our mouths together.
His kiss was slow and languid. His tongue dipped between my lips and brushed against mine, sending little shockwaves of pleasure through me.
He shifted so he was fully on top of me, our hard cocks nestled together. I spread my legs and arched up, needing to feel more of him.
He moaned against my lips and gently thrust his hips, dragging his dick against mine.
The world around us melted away as Beck continued to kiss me, deep and with so much passion my head spun. I didn’t feel the cold or the slight wind that ruffled our hair.
All I felt was love and warmth as my boyfriend kissed me.
After what felt like an eternity, Beck slowed his kisses until he was sipping at my lips, rubbing a hand over my scalp the way he knew I liked.
“More, Beck. I need you,” I whispered.
Groaning, he pulled away and sat up, taking the blankets with him.
A blast of cool air hit me, and I shivered.
“Do you want to go to the car?” He dug into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.
“No. I want to be here, outside.” I sat up. I didn’t bother saying I was pretty sure Alex wouldn’t appreciate us getting freaky in his car. “It’s too cold to get naked. We can do it like this.”
I wiggled and flipped onto my hands and knees.
“Are you sure?” He ran one hand down my spine and cupped my ass.
“I’m sure.” I looked over my shoulder at him. “You can make love to me next time. Right now, I want you to fuck me.”
He let out a sexy growl and gripped my ass hard. “You’re so fucking sexy when you get bossy.”
“Yeah?” I bumped my ass back. “Then you’d better do something about it.”
He let out another of those sexy-as-hell growls and reached around me to undo my pants.
He yanked them down so they sat just under my ass.
The cold air on my bare skin made me shiver, but it only added to my arousal. I was so turned on nothing short of a sasquatch interrupting us could dampen my need.
Beck split me open with his hands. A moment later, his wet and hot tongue dragged over my hole. “Holy shit!”
“Yes!” I cried. I could be as loud as I wanted here. “So good,” I sobbed.
I’d never been rimmed before. My assplay experience was limited to fingering and using toys on myself. I’d known it felt good by how much Beck had enjoyed it, but I’d never thought it would feel this good.
As he licked and tongued my hole, nerves deep in my body crackled to life. A steady stream of words fell from my lips, culminating in a loud cry when he shoved his tongue deep inside me.
I had no idea what I was saying, and I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting all of Beck inside me.
He reached between my legs and stroked my leaking cock.
“More,” I demanded.
The dual sensations made my legs shake, and I had to grip the sleeping bag to keep from falling over.
“Now, Beck. Please. Give it to me,” I begged when he licked a stripe down my shaft.
“You want my cock?” he asked, his voice a sexy purr, and slowly rubbed his finger over my hole.
“Yes!”
“Soon, baby. Let me open you up first.”
I huffed out a frustrated noise. The sound of crinkling plastic rang out in the silent night.
Something wet and hard pressed against my hole. I bore down and pushed back, needing more.
“Holy shit, Finn,” he groaned.
He sank his finger inside me and slipped his other hand under the back of my hoodie so he could stroke my skin. “You’re so fucking tight. I can’t wait until it’s my dick inside you. You’re going to feel so fucking good.”
“Yes!” I slammed back on his finger. “Give me another.”
He did, still stroking my back as he pumped them inside me.
“You want three?”
I was tempted to tell him to just get in me, but I didn’t. Beck wasn’t huge, but he was bigger than any toy I’d played with. I’d need the extra stretch.
“Yeah.”
He worked a third finger in and corkscrewed them, opening me up a little more. A sting of pain shot through me, and I drew in a hissing breath.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. You have big fingers.”
He chuckled. “My cock is bigger.”
“I know.” I pushed back on his hand. “I’ve been dreaming about this.”
“Yeah? Tell me what you’ve dreamed.” He slowed his pace, moving in and out of me teasingly.
“The one I had last night was so hot. I woke up hard and had to jerk off.”
“Tell me.” His voice was a low growl.
“I’m in your room waiting for you to come home. I’m naked and on my stomach, asleep.”
“What next?”
“You come in, crawl up the bed, and start licking my hole. I wake up slowly, and you keep rimming me. I don’t say a word, but you know I’m awake and I want you. I spread my legs wide, and you climb over me and run your dick through my crease.”
“Shit.” He squeezed my ass. “That’s fucking hot. Then what?”
“You slide your dick inside me. I’ve already prepped, and you fuck me hard. So hard you have to put your hand over my mouth to muffle my cries.”
“Jesus. What else?”
“One time I dreamed we were at Prism during club night, but we found a back corner, behind a table. Everyone around us is so busy dancing they don’t notice that you’ve pulled my pants down and opened your fly. You’re fucking me in the middle of a crowded club, and no one notices.”
The sound he let out was strangled and crazed.
His fingers disappeared from my ass.
“Yes!” I arched my back in invitation.
“Fuck,” he snarled as he leaned over me, his dick pressing against my hole. “Ready?”
“Yes! Do it.”
He shifted, then pressed into me.
I bore down, and he popped through my outer ring.
The sting of pain that shot through me felt amazing. He pushed in a little bit farther, then paused to let me adjust.
I breathed deep and pushed back on him, forcing him all the way into me.
I wasn’t as ready as I’d thought, and real pain lanced through me.
“Goddamn, you feel good,” he rasped in my ear. “I could fuck you for days and not get tired of this.”
“Promise?” I gasped.
He reached around me and gripped my cock. “You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, Finn. You have no idea how close I am already.”
I groaned and gave a little test thrust to see if the pain was gone.
It was.
“Fuck me,” I demanded.
He let out a strangled sound and pulled almost all the way out, then slammed back in.
“Yes!” I cried. “So fucking good,” I sobbed as he fucked me hard and fast.
“That’s it, baby. Squeeze my dick while I stroke your cock. You like feeling me inside you? You like when I fuck you?”
“Yes, so much!”
“You want more?”
“Yes!”
“Tell me. I want to hear the words,” he growled.
“Fuck me harder.”
He growled again and moved off me, his weight disappearing from my back.
Gripping my hips, he held me in place as he pounded me harder than I thought possible.
Pleasure rolled through me, stealing my breath and thoughts, and I gave myself over to the sensations. I was babbling again, but I was too far gone to care about what I was saying.
Beck grabbed the back of my hoodie and yanked me up.
I went willingly, letting him haul me back until I was pressed against his front.
One arm circled my waist as his other gripped my chest.
I grabbed his wrist that was on my chest, tugged it up, and put his hand to my throat.
Choking was one kink I’d only ever indulged in with Beck, and that had been when we’d been dancing. I wanted to feel it now while he was fucking me so good my prostate was pulsing with every hard thrust.
He tightened his hold, not cutting off my air but pressing hard enough that I had to work for each breath.
The lack of oxygen heightened my senses, and the pleasure inside me intensified until I was nearly delirious.
I was so close I didn’t dare touch my dick and instead reached behind him to grip his hip, needing to keep him close.
“That’s it,” he rasped in my ear. “You’re mine, Finn.”
I tried to tell him he was mine too, but he didn’t let go of my throat.
Instead, I pushed back against him, holding him tight against me as he gave me the fucking of my life.
“You going to come on my cock?” His rough voice broke through the overwhelming pleasure. “You going to shoot that load for me?”
I nodded and pressed against his hand, wanting a little more.
He moved his arm from my waist and gripped my aching cock.
He stroked me in time with his thrusts, and I shot like a geyser, a silent scream falling from my lips as he squeezed tight enough to cut off my air.
My orgasm didn’t just hit. It slammed into me as waves of the most intense pleasure I’d ever felt washed over me. My vision blacked out just as he let go of my throat.
I pulled in ragged breaths, clinging to him. He stroked me through my orgasm, still fucking me hard and fast.
My prostate was oversensitive, each thrust sending a ripple of nearly painful pleasure through me.
I didn’t want it to end.
“Fuck!” Beck bit down on my hoodie, and his hips stuttered.
Then he was coming, filling me with his load. He lost his rhythm, pounding his hips against my ass.
We fell on the sleeping bag in a sweaty, panting mess as aftershocks rolled through us.
He pressed kiss after kiss against my neck, and I sank into the softness, purring in contentment.
“I’m definitely vers,” I mumbled when I was able to form coherent thoughts.
Beck laughed against my back. “Me too.”
I groaned as his softening dick slipped out of me.
He nuzzled my neck, then pushed himself up off me.
I lay there, boneless and spent. Something slightly scratchy wiped over my ass.
“Sorry, all I have is napkins. I didn’t plan for this.”
“S’okay,” I slurred, still out of it.
He finished cleaning me, then pulled up my pants. I was still on my stomach so he couldn’t do them up, but he covered my ass, protecting me from the cold.
He gathered me in his arms and arranged the blankets over us.
“What’s going to happen next year?” I asked after a long silence, my voice small and hesitant. “I mean, if we’re still together.”
He pressed a kiss into my hair. “Have you been thinking about that?”
I nodded against him.
“I have too.”
“What if I transferred to a school in Seattle for my master’s?”
“You’d do that?” he asked.
“Yeah. I chose Rutherford because it’s small and a good school, but I never planned on doing my graduate studies here. I’m sure I could easily get into at least one college in the city.”
“Or you could choose a school because you want to go there,” he said softly. “I know I keep talking about moving home, but the more I think of it, the less I’m feeling it. I love it, and it’s a great city, but there’s no reason I have to live there. I could stay here and work while you finish your degree. Make some money and look into coaching or whatever I decide to do.”
“Are you sure? I’d hate for you to put your life on hold for me.”
“I wouldn’t be. It’s like you said, I have time to figure out my future. I want you to be happy. And I don’t want you to center your life around me. Go to the best school you can get into, get your dream job, wherever that is.”
I snuggled into him, happiness and affection heating me from the inside.
“How did I get so lucky?” I asked softly.
“I can ask the same thing.” He hugged me tighter.
“Do you think coaching is what you’ll end up doing?”
“I think so. Probably not right away, but it’s the only thing that makes me happy when I think about it. Working at some company to make my boss rich or even working my way up the corporate ladder to be rich doesn’t appeal to me. I love hockey, and I like working with kids. I’d rather be happy and struggle than miserable and well off.”
“You know money will never be an issue between us,” I said carefully. “If that’s your dream, I’m happy to support it.”
“I know. And maybe I’ll take you up on your offer when I know for sure what I’m going to do. But I’m not with you because of your money. It’s yours, not mine.”
I didn’t push because I knew Beck was still processing our wealth gap.
The truth was I had more than enough for us to live a comfortable life, no matter what we did for work. NASA was one of the better government agencies to work for, but it didn’t pay well compared to the private sector.
I appreciated and admired that Beck wanted to make it on his own, but I was happy to help him realize his dreams, just like he was so supportive of mine.
“Want to stay here for a few more minutes?” He pressed a kiss against my hair.
“Yeah.” I snuggled closer, looking up at the incredible sky.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I loved him, but I bit the words back.
It was true, but right after sex wasn’t the time to say the words for the first time.
I had no idea if he felt the same for me, but I was utterly and totally in love with Beck.
A flutter of happiness went through me as I listened to his heartbeat.
Maybe he didn’t feel the same about me, but that was okay. I was in love for the first time in my life, and I could wait until he figured things out.
He was my everything.
And it was like he’d said.
I was his, and he was mine.
