Three hours later, I sat on my couch, staring at the wall.
I’d gone to the gym, taken a long shower, eaten a balanced meal, and chatted with Rain over video call as she told me about her day.
None of that had managed to take my mind off the fact that Alex and Fun were the same person. That I’d not only had phone sex with my presentation partner but had also shared a crap ton of personal stuff with him.
I wasn’t afraid of him using it against me, but he knew shit no one else did. Like my job.
I’d never told anyone I stripped for a living. But I’d told Fun and, by extension, Alex. I’d talked about being bullied, my childhood, and my family.
I didn’t share personal shit with people. Maybe that made me an emotionally stunted asshole, but I had my reasons for not getting involved with people.
My secret, the one I hadn’t even told Fun about, was that I was a jealous, possessive bastard. When someone was mine, they were mine.
My attention could be stifling and obsessive, and I didn’t need my future degree to tell me it was unhealthy.
Until now, I’d never met someone who’d triggered that possessive instinct. Fun had tripped it, and so had Alex.
I still hadn’t fully managed to merge their personas, but now I couldn’t think about Alex without that little voice whispering in the back of my mind.
Mine.
But he wasn’t mine. He’d never be mine.
Knock knock knock.
Who could be at my door at this hour? Half in a daze, I stood and padded over to my door.
Probably one of my neighbors dropping off my mail. Our letter carrier had a habit of shoving handfuls of random letters into people’s boxes.
I pulled the door open and froze. It wasn’t one of my neighbors.
Alex stood in my doorway, his hair wet and dripping onto his cheeks. His sweater was soaked, and his jeans were dark with water.
He looked down at his hands, which were clenched in front of him. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
I moved back, silently letting him in.
He took two steps inside, then stopped.
I reached around him and closed the door, then took a few steps back so I wasn’t crowding him.
He kept his eyes on the floor.
Silence stretched between us.
“I have your phone,” I said.
He kicked the toe of his shoe against the floor.
“It’s a burner. Not important.” His voice was soft, hollow, and hoarse.
“You use a burner phone?”
He shrugged.
“I do too.”
He jerked his head up. His dark eyes were red-rimmed. “You do?”
“I have my main phone and a basic one I use to talk to people from school or work.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a barely there smile. “Same. And for randoms I meet off Kinksters.” His throat worked as he swallowed.
Transfixed, I watched the muscles working, even as jealousy coursed through my veins. “You still meeting people off there?” My voice was gruff and angry.
He snorted. “No. Not since before I started talking with…” He clenched his fists. “You weren’t supposed to be real.”
He glowered at me. “You weren’t supposed to be a real person. Just a voice I could get off to.” He drew in a shaky breath, his entire body tight as a drum. “I hate what you’ve done to me.”
“What did I do to you?”
The little growl he let out shouldn’t have been so hot.
“You made me feel.” He swiped at his wet hair, pushing a few of the strands out of his eyes. “I hate you. I spent the last god knows how many hours walking around in the fucking rain, and all I could think about was how I needed to see you. So you could make it better. I don’t even remember deciding to come here, but here I am. I hate you, but I need you. How fucked up is that?”
“It’s not fucked up.” I stepped closer to him.
His nostrils flared. “It is fucked up. I want to hate you! Why couldn’t the universe let me have that? Why did it have to be you on the other end of the line? Why are you the only one who can make the noise in my head shut up?”
“Because you were made for me.”
“I wasn’t,” he snapped. “I would never have swiped your profile if I’d known it was you.”
“But I would have swiped on your profile if I’d known it was you.”
“What?”
“I know I hurt you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I think you’re hot as fuck. Did you know I fantasized about you? Even when you hated me, I still wanted you.” I leaned in so my lips were next to his ear. “And you want me.”
“I don’t.” He stepped back, hitting the door with a dull thud.
“You do.” I took a half step forward, close enough that our chests brushed every time he pulled in a ragged breath.
“No.”
“Yes.”
I trailed my lips over the wet skin of his earlobe. “Remember how hot I made you? How loud you moaned for me?”
“I hate you,” he muttered, his voice strained and breathy. “I hate you.”
“Maybe, but you still want me. You want this.”
I grabbed his wrists and slammed them against the door. Our chests touched, and our lips were only inches apart.
Alex glared at me, his cheeks flushed pink, his perfect lips parted and shiny and so fucking inviting.
“Stoplight method,” I murmured. “Red, yellow, green. Got it?”
He nodded minutely, just a quick tick of his chin.
“What’s your color?” I scraped my cheek against his, our stubble catching. Zings of pleasure zapped through me.
“Green,” he whispered.
“Mmmmmm.” I ground my dick against his.
He gasped.
Wetness seeped into my clothes, but even the cold rain couldn’t hide how hard and hot he was. He wanted me.
That little voice in my head was loud now.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
“You loved every second of it,” I said in his ear, circling my hips so my cock brushed over his with every swirl. “Do you remember how hard I made you?”
“No.” He let his head fall against the door. Droplets dripped from his hair onto his face.
“You came so hard for me.” I licked up a streak of water from his cheek.
He moaned softly, his body going limp.
“How does it feel to know it was me getting you off? The guy you hate?”
His eyes flashed. The anger from before was back.
Perfect. Fun—Alex—had told me he liked fighting. So did I.
“What are you going to do about it?” I taunted, squeezing his wrists tight. “You’re just going to stand there and take it, aren’t you? Like the good little cockslut you are.”
I was taking a chance by calling him that, but by the way Alex’s pupils dilated, he didn’t hate it.
“No!” He shoved his hips against mine. The suddenness of the move caught me off guard.
Fuck, yeah.
He bucked and twisted, practically hissing as he tried to shove me off.
“That’s right,” I growled. Adrenaline poured into my system as I pinned him against the door with my bigger body. “You’re going to take everything I give you.”
“Never.” He glared at me.
Bracing myself, I yanked him away from the door.
He grunted as his feet slipped on the floor, giving me the leverage I needed to drag him into my apartment.
When I was next to my couch, I stopped. “On your knees.”
“Fuck. You.” He tried to rip his wrists out of my hands.
I chuckled darkly. “That’s not how it’s going to go.”
Heat pooled in his eyes, mixing with the anger.
“On your knees.”
I let go of his wrists and took advantage of his momentary surprise to slide my fingers into his hair. I gripped the strands close to his scalp and used my foot to sweep his right leg out from under him.
He landed on the floor, his knees smacking loudly. “Oof.”
“Now, was that so hard?” I made sure to keep a taunting lilt in my voice.
He glared up at me, his chest heaving as he drew in hot, heavy breaths. “Fuck. You.”
“Nah. But I am going to fuck you.” I tightened my grip on his hair, but I didn’t pull, just held him. “And you’re going to like it.”
“In your dreams.”
“Take out my cock.”
He smirked and planted his hands on my thighs, then gave me a hard shove.
“Bad boys get punished.” I let go of his hair and yanked him to his feet. Using his momentum, I tipped him to the side and shoved him onto my couch.
“Argh!”
He landed hard on his back, his face red with either rage or arousal. Or both.
I swung one leg over his chest, keeping the other one firmly on the floor. “Hit my leg three times if you need to tap out.” I held his gaze to make sure he understood what I meant.
He nodded again, a half smile tilting the corner of his perfect mouth. He slowly, deliberately, ran the tip of his tongue over his full bottom lip.
“Fuck.”
I sat my weight down on his chest and ripped open my pants.
“I can’t wait to get my dick in your mouth,” I growled, fishing my cock out of my briefs. I was wet and slick already, the head a dusky red.
Alex stared at my cock hungrily, all pretenses of fighting gone.
I grabbed one of his wrists and pinned it to the arm of the couch.
“Open that pretty mouth for me.” I gripped the base of my shaft and pumped my hips, forcing my cock to slide through my hand.
“Never.” He glowered at me.
“Come on, princess. Open your mouth.” I poked at his lips with the tip of my dick. “You know you want to.”
“Get off.”
I paused, giving him a chance to let me know if he wanted to stop or if this was part of his fantasy.
He grinned, dark and feral.
My heart pounded in my chest, and my vision tunneled in until all I saw was Alex. Usually, I could maintain a certain level of detachment when I did role-play. It allowed me to keep on top of the situation and tailor my act to whatever my partner wanted me to be.
Not with him.
He was all flashing eyes and pouting lips under me. He looked perfect. He looked like mine.
This wasn’t real, but it felt real. Fighting him as his dark eyes flashed with anger was beyond hot. It triggered that primal part of me that liked the idea of taking what was mine.
“Open your mouth.” I pulled my dick up so it rested against my abs, then let go. It swung down and slapped his lips.
He wiggled under me but didn’t put much effort into throwing me off.
“Open your mouth and suck me.”
“No.” He clenched his lips together.
“Here’s what’s going to happen, princess. First, you’re going to get me nice and wet. When I’ve had my fun, it’ll be your turn. I’m going to make you writhe for me. Scream for me. But I won’t let you come. Not until you’re wrapped around my cock. Then I’m going to fuck you, and you’re going to like it.”
“No.”
“Yes. You’re going to take everything I give you. And you’re going to thank me.”
“Never.” He widened his eyes, and his pupils dilated the slightest bit.
Oh, he liked that.
“You will. Now open that pretty mouth. Use those dick-sucking lips.” I held still. Had that crossed a line?
He parted his lips, his eyes never leaving mine. The anger was there, but so were heat and desire.
“Fuck.” I pinched his chin and pulled it down, then slid my cock into his waiting mouth. He didn’t resist. “Suck.”
He closed his lips around my cockhead but didn’t suck.
“Now.” I thrust my hips forward and groaned softly as my shaft slid over his tongue.
How he managed to smirk with a dick in his mouth was a mystery, but he did, blinking at me innocently, his challenge clear.
“Brat.” I gripped his cheeks, holding his face still. “Guess we’re doing this the hard way.”
As I let go of his face and held his hair again, he moaned.
“That’s right.” I tilted his head back the slightest bit, enough so he’d feel completely immobilized. My dick slipped out of his mouth.
“Open that pretty mouth for me.”
Annoyance filled his eyes, but he parted his lips and didn’t fight as I pushed into his mouth.
“There you go.” I bit back a moan. “Suck me good. Get me nice and wet for you.”
His annoyance shifted to defiance, then to something I couldn’t read. He sucked hard, hollowing his cheeks.
“Holy fuck.” I groaned.
He stared at me as he worked my dick, his cheeks hollowed and his eyes bright with challenge.
“That’s it. So fucking good.” I gripped the armrest with both hands and braced myself over him. “Relax your throat.”
He glared at me but did as I told him, letting me thrust into his mouth.
Fuck, he felt good. And having him under me, at my mercy, was so fucking hot.
“Look at you, taking it like you were made for it.” He swallowed around my cockhead, and I let out a little grunt. His eyes were still defiant. Time to fix that.
Pulling out of his mouth, I wiggled down his body so I was sitting on his thighs. Alex was panting, his eyes bright and his cheeks flushed red. His lips were wet and swollen and so fucking inviting.
Shit. I hadn’t kissed him yet.
Kissing wasn’t exactly part of CNC role-play, but it felt wrong to continue without tasting his lips. Alex wasn’t some random I’d made an agreement with. He… I had no idea what the fuck he was, but he meant something to me. I liked him, and that primal part of myself was itching to claim him in every way possible.
“Oh!” Alex gasped as I slammed our mouths together.
The angle was off, and his skin was cold and wet, the smell of rain and ozone surrounding him. It should’ve been awkward and weird, but as Alex’s lips molded to mine, he let out the softest, sweetest sigh.
That sound was my undoing. As much as he might hate me, he still wanted me.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
Shoving that voice to the back of my head, I shifted so I was lying over him.
The kiss was hard and hot, all lips and teeth and swiping tongues. He wasn’t surrendering, and I didn’t want him to. Strong hands raked down my back, and his nails dug into my muscles through my shirt. He parted his legs and angled his hips so our cocks lined up. He whimpered when I kept still over him.
Fuck. I’d known he’d be responsive in person, but even my fantasies had nothing on the real thing.
Cold hands slipped under my shirt and ran up and down my back, grabbing, squeezing, and kneading my muscles. He shifted his hips, forcing me to rub against him.
I let him, sinking into the kiss as we battled for dominance.
Alex was whimpering now, a steady, constant stream of needy sounds. My dick ached. As much as I wanted to keep kissing him, to own his mouth so completely I’d be branded on his brain forever, I needed more.
With a strangled sound, I tore my lips from his and kissed a trail over his jaw, then down his neck. Alex wiggled and moaned as I peppered his skin with wet, hungry, openmouthed kisses.
Alex stilled under me, and I looked at his face. Was he still with me?
He blinked and shook his head like he was trying to clear it.
Right. Fun—Alex—had told me about his concentration issues. His wet clothes were probably distracting him.
“You want to move to my room?” I asked, breaking the role-play.
His eyes were wide and frustrated.
“Answer me when I ask you a question.” I added a bit of a command to my tone.
He immediately relaxed and nodded.
I climbed off him and offered him a hand so I could help him up.
He looked timid and off-balance. Was that from our kissing or the break in the action?
Not wanting to give him a chance to overthink things, I grabbed him behind the neck and dragged him to me for another wet kiss.
He moaned into my mouth, gripping my hips tight enough he was going to leave bruises. Good. I wanted them. Just like I wanted to mark him, bruise his pale skin. Leave love bites all over his beautiful body. So anyone who looked at him would know he was mine. And more than that, I wanted his marks. I wanted him to brand me. I wanted to carry the proof of his desire long after we parted ways.
My heart clenched at the thought that this might be the only time we hooked up.
Alex’s reasons for hating me might seem trivial to most people, but after talking with him online, I understood him. Or at least I thought I did.
He was hypersensitive to rejection, and not only had I rejected him when I hadn’t texted, but his girlfriend had rejected him for me as well. That was a lot of pain for someone to process, and he’d told me how his best friend didn’t have time for him anymore.
That meant he was dealing with all these emotions alone.
He might not hate me anymore, but I was still a constant reminder of that night a year ago. That night at the party, and he was also dealing with the emotional fallout of discovering that the guy he’d been having phone sex with was yours truly, the guy who’d hurt him.
That was a lot for anyone to process.
Alex buried his hands in my hair and gripped the strands tight, then kissed me hard, desperate, and crazed.
I held him against my body and played passive, letting him get out whatever was in his head. He bit and swiped at my lips with enough force it turned the kiss into something punishing and painful.
When he finally tore his mouth from mine, we were both panting hard. His eyes were dazed.
“Color?” I asked softly.
“Green,” he whispered. “You taste good.”
Groaning, I shifted my hands and grabbed his inner thighs.
As I lifted him, he let out the cutest squeal.
He wrapped his long legs around my waist and gripped my shoulders. “Holy shit.” He blinked and looked around.
“Never been carried before?” I asked, unable to keep the pleasure out of my voice.
He shook his head.
I adjusted my hold on him, dragged his mouth down for another kiss, and slowly made my way toward my room.
When I was standing beside my bed, Alex was cupping my cheeks, his lips soft and pliant.
Carefully, I lowered him to the bed, laying him on his back. He blinked up at me, adorable and dazed.
Planting one knee on the bed beside him, I yanked him up and pulled his hoodie off. His T-shirt got caught around his neck. I tossed the hoodie aside, then untangled his shirt.
He fell back onto the bed, panting, his eyes wide. As I ripped open his jeans, I half expected him to fight me, but he lay passively as I tugged them down.
The wet material kept getting caught on his thighs, but the view of slowly peeling off his jeans and revealing his long, shapely legs was one hundred percent worth the extra effort and struggle.
I’d always had a thing for legs and asses. Thick thighs, curvy calves, and round butts were my kryptonite. They didn’t even have to be bubble butts, just have enough extra padding they jiggled when I spanked or fucked them.
Alex’s legs were incredible. His entire body was perfect. His long, lean muscles were tight in all the right places, and the tiny little pouch of skin just under his belly button made my mouth water.
I had no clue why, but that little bit of softness among tight, toned muscles was so hot. Abandoning his jeans, I pressed my cheek against that spot, rubbing into the softness like a touch-starved cat and pressed soft kisses against it.
“Oh fuck,” Alex breathed, burying his hands in my hair.
My chin bumped against his dick, still covered by his briefs.
I lifted my lips from his stomach and looked up at him. “Do you usually wear underwear like these?”
I traced my finger over the waistband of his briefs. The black material over his junk was opaque and soft to the touch, but it was the sheer, peek-a-boo panels over his hips that my dick appreciated.
Half of what looked like a phoenix tattoo peeked through one panel. He must have edited it out of his pics on Kinksters.
He nodded, his cheeks pinking a little bit more.
“So hot.” I dropped a kiss on the tip of his dick.
“Wrong…” he breathed.
Pressing another kiss to his dick, I tried not to get jealous. It was stupid to be jealous of myself, but that primal part of me hated that Alex was picturing me as his phone sex buddy.
We were the same person, damn it. Why did it bother me so much?
Pushing those thoughts out of my head, I sat up. Bracing myself with my knee, I slipped my hands under Alex’s body and positioned him so he was in the middle of my bed.
“Put your hands behind your head. Clasp them together.”
He shot me a glare but did as I said.
“Keep them there. If you move them, I’ll stop. Got it?”
He nodded, desire and lust flaring in his eyes.
“Do you want me to finish taking your jeans off?” I broke the role-play again. “Or can I leave them on for a bit?”
“Leave them,” he whispered.
“Now, lie back and breathe for me. I want you to breathe in to a count of four and out to a count of six. If you stop, I stop. Got it?”
He nodded and pulled in a deep breath. Hopefully, giving him something to concentrate on would help him relax.
Slowly, teasingly, I ran my fingertips down his chest, across his stomach, and over his hips.
He moaned and shifted his hips as I stroked the visible part of his tattoo, gently rubbing over the soft material of his underwear. Needing more, I hooked my thumbs under the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down until they rested under his balls. His cock bounced free and slapped his stomach.
His tattoo was beautifully done in watercolor-style, the shading so detailed it made it seem 3D. But the workmanship wasn’t what made me pause. That would be the semicolon inked next to the phoenix.
I tore my eyes away from his tat and focused on his dick. It was perfect. Long and hard and already wet with precum. He wasn’t especially thick, but he had a sexy-as-fuck vein running down the length of his shaft.
I leaned down, sucked the head of his dick into my mouth, and swallowed.
”Holy shit!” He arched his hips and shoved his dick down my throat.
I let him fuck my mouth for a few beats, then used my hands to pin him to the bed.
Alex was panting and moaning and mumbling nonsensical words as I worked him over with my mouth.
I loved watching a guy come apart as I blew them. Edging was one of my biggest kinks. Something about being completely in charge of someone’s pleasure just did it for me. Bringing someone close, then backing off while they protested and whined was just as hot as having someone go down on me.
I pulled off his dick and idly licked around his crown, keeping my touch light and teasing
“Wrong, please,” he begged.
Another rush of jealousy shot through me at the sound of my handle on his lips. It was stupid and irrational, but I wanted him to be fully present. I wanted him to not only see me but also to remember I was the one who’d gotten him off.
Determined, I swallowed his cock, sucking hard and fast as I bobbed over him.
He cried out, his breathing forgotten, as I worked him over.
When he was trembling and babbling about how close he was, I pulled off.
“Fuck!” He bucked his hips, staring at me with sex-crazed eyes.
“What?” I asked innocently, using one hand to push his hip down.
“You cocktease,” he grumbled.
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet,” I said darkly.
He widened his eyes, and as I leaned down and licked his slit, some of the fight left him.
“Fucking come on,” he whined.
I did it again. “Nope.” Another lick. “This is my show.” Two licks. “You’re going to lie there and take everything I give you.” A slow lick. “Don’t make me tie you up.”
I slowly stroked him, and he gasped, anticipation flashing in his eyes.
I took my time teasing him, using my mouth and hand to bring him right to the brink of orgasm, just to pull away and taunt him as his body calmed down. He writhed and whimpered and cursed me.
“You’re so hungry for it,” I said. “You can have my cock, but only if you ask for it.”
He whined and let out an irritated huff, then opened his eyes and glared at me.
“It’s cute you think that works on me.” I sat on my heels and grabbed his jeans.
I yanked them until they were around his ankles. It took a second to rid him of his shoes and socks, which were also sopping wet. Then his clothes were on the floor, and he lay before me, naked and perfect.
A blush painted his cheeks.
It didn’t escape me that I was fully clothed with only my dick out while he was nude, and the power imbalance did things to my insides.
Alex parted his legs in a silent invitation. As much as I wanted to bury myself in his ass, I needed to finish prepping him.
“Flip over.”
He bit his lip, indecision marring his features.
“I said, ‘flip over.’”
A tiny smile tilted one corner of his mouth. “Make me.”
Growling, I grabbed his hips, flipped him onto his stomach, and angled his hips up so his hole and dick were completely exposed.
“Oh shit,” he mumbled, rubbing his face against the comforter.
Not giving him a chance to get used to the new position, I licked a stripe over his hole. His cry was loud enough to wake the dead. Hopefully, the old man who lived next door was already in bed because I wasn’t about to tell Alex to quiet down.
Alex was nearly sobbing as I split his cheeks and ate him out. I loved rimming, and Alex’s enthusiasm was a huge turn-on.
He bumped his hips back, forcing my tongue deep inside him.
“Please, please, please, please,” he begged.
I sucked my thumb into my mouth and sank the tip inside him.
“Yes,” he breathed.
He was loosened up from my teasing, but I needed lube.
“Don’t fucking move.” I grabbed his hips and held them still.
He whimpered in protest but obeyed as I dug through my bedside table and found my lube and a condom. He looked amazing. All helpless and waiting for me. His round, full ass high, his dick so hard it was nearly purple as it hung between his spread legs.
He was mine. All mine.
“Put your hands behind your back.”
He looked over his shoulder, a smirk on his lips, and slid his hands under his chest.
“Brat.” I smeared some lube over his hole.
He grinned wider as I slicked up my fingers.
The smile fell from his face and was replaced by a look of pure rapture as I grabbed his upper arms with my dry hand and forced him to put his arms behind his back.
Gripping his wrists, I slid one finger inside him. Holy fuck, he was tight. His muscles clenched around my digit as he fought the invasion.
Was that because of his history? Or maybe because it had been a while since he’d taken a dick?
I took my time teasing him open, moving my finger in and out of him as gently as I could.
He whined as I rubbed his spot. I pulled my finger all the way out, then slowly pushed back in a few times.
“More,” he demanded.
Silently, I added a second one. As much as it was killing me, I kept my pace slow and even, holding his arms in place to keep him immobile.
“I need more,” he begged.
I added a third. His ass looked amazing, swallowing my fingers. I watched raptly as I finger fucked him, still moving too slow to give him any sort of relief.
“Kai,” he mumbled. “Need you.”
The roar that filled my ears knocked me momentarily senseless. He clenched around my fingers. Shit, I’d stopped teasing him.
Carefully, I pulled my fingers out of him. I grabbed the condom, tore it open with my teeth, and thumbed out the latex. Using one hand, I suited up, not letting go of his wrists.
When the condom was nice and slick, I shifted closer to him, lining my cock up with his waiting hole. Moving slowly, I rubbed my cockhead against him a few times, then gently pressed in.
The sharp hiss of his breath told me he wasn’t ready for more, not yet.
“That’s it,” I said softly. “Relax for me.”
He whimpered, his body still locked up tight.
I didn’t want to hurt him, not with his history. I leaned over his back, covering him with my body.
He relaxed slightly, and I pushed in until the resistance came back.
“You have no idea how much I want to fuck you,” I murmured in his ear. “How many times I’ve thought about fucking your perfect ass.”
He moaned, relaxing slightly.
“You’re so tight, so hot.” I kissed the spot just under his ear. “Do you want that? Do you want my dick in your ass?”
“Yes,” he mumbled dazedly.
“Yeah, you do.” I pushed in a little more. “You’re going to look so hot with my dick splitting you open. You want that? You want me to fuck you?”
“I want it.”
His voice was faraway and dreamy.
“Breathe out and bear down,” I whispered. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”
His body locked up tight for a few beats, then relaxed.
I slid the rest of the way inside him and paused when my thighs were pressed against his ass.
“That’s it. You’ve got all of me.”
Fucking hell, he felt amazing. His walls gripped my cock in the most perfect way. I wanted to move, to slam into him as hard and fast as I could, but I held back.
This was his first time in years, and I’d meant what I’d said. I didn’t want to hurt him. Pain with pleasure, or pain as pleasure was one thing, but I could do some real damage if I wasn’t careful. I’d never betray his trust by causing him pain without setting clear boundaries first.
“Kai,” he moaned, clenching around my dick. “You need to move.”
“Do I?”
He huffed out a frustrated grunt. “Move!”
“Why should I?”
I licked the shell of his ear as he wiggled under me, desperately trying to force me to move. My body was tight, and my muscles ached with the effort it took to hold still.
“Kai!”
“What?”
“Fuck me!”
“You asked for it.”
I settled back on my knees behind him, pulled almost all the way out, and pushed back in nice and slow.
He was beautiful, all spread out for me, his cheek pressed against my comforter, his eyes closed, and that blissed out look on his face. My dick looked obscene, so hard and red, as it slid into his tight hole, the paleness of his ass cheeks creating the most alluring contrast.
Still gripping his wrists, I set a deliberately slow and steady rhythm.
Alex was moaning nonstop, his body limp. I had to support him under the hips with my other hand to keep the angle. Would he enjoy being suspended?
“Kai,” he whined.
“What?” Somehow, I managed to keep my voice casual and nonchalant and not at all like I was right on the edge of snapping.
“I need more.” He panted.
“Yeah?” I pulled all the way out.
“Argh!” His hole clenched. The sight was so sexy I had to look away and center myself.
I also had issues with concentration, but not in the same way as Alex. I didn’t get distracted, I became laser-focused on my partner until reality melted away. The room, building, even the world around us could have fallen away, and I wouldn’t have noticed.
“Kai!” He bumped his hips back.
“What?”
“Fuck me!”
“Say please.”
“No.”
I chuckled and ran my free hand over the swell of his ass. “Yes.”
“You’re annoying.”
“You like it.”
“Kai.” His voice was sugary sweet now. He was up to something.
“What?”
“Don’t you want to fuck me?” He looked over his shoulder. “Don’t you want to make me come on your cock?”
“Brat.”
He grinned serenely. “Come on. You know you want to.” He wiggled his ass. “I’m so wet and ready for you,” he purred.
The surge of arousal that shot through me set my entire body on edge.
“I’m lying here all helpless.” He licked his bottom lip. “You could do anything you wanted to me. And I’d have to let you.”
The cry that tore from my throat was loud and primal and inhuman.
I sank back into him and set a steady pace.
“Yes,” he muttered.
As much as I wanted to drill him into the mattress, I still had enough self-control to hold back. He might have gotten the upper hand, but I wasn’t ready to concede.
I tightened my grip on his wrists and held his ass open with my other hand, watching as my cock disappeared inside him over and over again.
He was moaning up a storm, that blissed out look back on his face.
“You want to come?” My balls drew up and hugged my dick. I was too close to keep edging him.
He didn’t answer, just clenched around my cock.
“Fuck,” I snarled, slamming into him with zero finesse.
We were being too loud. The bed hitting the wall with every punishing thrust, and the cries we let out wouldn’t have been out of place in porn.
“Come for me, Alex,” I gritted out.
“I can’t,” he sobbed, fighting against my grip on his wrists.
I would have loved to see if I could make him come hands-free, but I was too fucking close. Keeping a grip on his wrists, I reached under him and stroked him in time with my thrusts.
Alex’s entire body seized up, then relaxed as he screamed, the sound filled with relief and pleasure.
I fucked him through his orgasm. His walls rippled around my dick, setting off my own. Burying myself as deep inside him as I could, I emptied my load—and what felt like my consciousness into the condom.
A soft whimper brought me back to reality.
I was lying on him and mouthing the back of his neck, worrying the soft skin between my teeth. His spent dick was in one hand, and the other was tucked under his racing heart.
Carefully, I pulled out of him.
He whimpered at the loss.
Kissing the nape of his neck, I slowly moved off him.
He lay on the bed, his legs spread, his ass on display, moaning softly.
I stripped off my clothes and tossed the condom into the trash, then grabbed a blanket out of my closet.
I climbed into the bed and carefully rolled him onto his back so I could check his eyes. They were glassy and unfocused; his breathing was shallow and quick.
“Come here,” I murmured and pulled him against my chest.
One of his hands landed on my happy trail, and he sifted his fingers through the hairs as he settled his head against my pec.
I arranged the blanket over us, making sure to trap in the warmth from our bodies.
“You’re okay, Alex,” I whispered, running my hand through his hair. “I’m here. You’re safe. It’s okay to let go.”
He mumbled something unintelligible and moved his hand lower. Loosely, he held my soft dick in his hand.
I kept whispering to him, holding him tight as I played with his hair. The strands were still wet, but at least his skin was warm.
He came back to reality, and I tightened my grip on him. His body tensed.
“Let me go,” he whispered.
He was still holding on to my dick, and he wasn’t fighting or using his colors.
“No.” I held him tighter. “You’re not running away, not now.”
“I need to go.”
“You need to stay here and let me take care of you.”
“You’re not real.” He nuzzled into my chest, relaxing. “You were never supposed to be real.”
“I know.” I kissed his hair. “You were never supposed to be real either.”
“I hate this.” He bit my pec.
I jumped at the sting of pain.
“I hate that you know all this stuff about me.”
“Do you still hate me?” I asked softly.
“I want to. Fuck, I want to.” He gripped my dick a little tighter. The move wasn’t sexual. It felt more like a security thing, like it was grounding him.
“But do you?” I pressed.
“No.” A deep sigh. “You’re too damn perfect to hate.”
I chuckled at his petulant tone. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not okay with you knowing all that shit about me either.”
“No?”
“No.” I kissed his hair absently. “I told you stuff I’ve never told anyone.”
“Same.” He pulled in a deep breath. “You’re a stripper?”
He lifted his head, his eyes wide and filled with shock. I laughed. The effect was hilarious. He looked like a surprised meerkat.
He glared at me.
“Shut up.” He untangled himself from me, and settled next to me.
“You just now remembered that I strip?” I asked teasingly.
“It’s a lot of information to process. I mean, I know Wrong strips, but it didn’t click that you do until just now.”
I rolled onto my side so I was facing him. He did the same, his eyes clear and his face relaxed.
“Where?” he asked. “Is there a strip club in town? Is it one of those places that do lap dances?” He narrowed his eyes adorably.
“I drive into town. There’s an all-male club I work at. And no. My club doesn’t do lap dances. We can bring people on stage, but there’s a strict no-touching rule.”
“Oh.” The pleased look on his face made my stomach swoop.
He traced the outline of my jack-o’-lantern tattoo with his fingertips. “Did you get that for Rain?”
I nodded.
“What do the orange flowers mean?”
“They’re marigolds. They’re her birth month flower, but they’re also a symbol of positive energy and emotions.”
He smiled. “Is that the only one with meaning?”
I shook my head. “A lot of elements in the piece are things I asked for. He just worked them into his design. The swallows are for my family, three of them, three of us. The raven is for the pursuit of knowledge, and the hawk is for my darker side. The lotus flowers remind me to rise above the shit that drags me down. The vines are for strength, and the daylily is for my mom. To represent the sacrifices she made for me.”
“What was your first tattoo?”
I pointed to the spot over my heart. “This one.”
“A footprint?” He ran his finger over the small tattoo nestled among one of tangled ropes.
“Rain’s.” I sighed as he put his palm over the footprint, his skin hot and soothing. “I was in a bad place when mom was pregnant with her. I was just out of school and lost. I worked on a construction crew and made decent money, but I drank most of it away.”
Alex’s dark eyes met mine, open and curious and soft.
That softness was what made me keep talking.
“I was pissed at the world, and a stupid part of me resented that Mom was having another kid. It felt like she was replacing me. Like I’d been her starter kid, and now that I was grown, she was having a do-over.
“That anger only intensified when we found out she was a girl. Mom was over the moon, and I know she didn’t say it to hurt me, but the excitement and her overt happiness at having a daughter made everything worse.”
Alex’s hand was still pressed against my heart, and I stared at his long fingers, so pale against my inked skin.
“Her birth wasn’t an easy one. Mom ended up having an emergency C-section, and Rain spent a week in the NICU. I moved back home to take care of her while Mom recovered, and the first time I held her, saw those big blue eyes staring back at me, the world… settled.”
Alex made an encouraging sound.
“All that anger I was carrying around at people from school, about my situation, seemed so stupid. I was letting my past dick me around, and I’d forgotten what was important. Family.”
“Is this part of it too?” He traced the infinity symbol that cut through the footprint.
“Yeah. To remind me that love is infinite and family is forever.”
He pulled his hand away, rolled onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling.
“What does the phoenix mean?” I asked.
“The same thing it always means. Rebirth, rising from the ashes, yada yada yada.”
“And the semicolon?”
“Same thing as always,” he whispered.
“Tell me.”
He sighed. “I got it to remind me that even the worst moments of my life are just moments. That my story isn’t over, even when it feels like it is.” He slid his gaze to mine. “That shit I told you, about my ex… whatever he was.”
I nodded.
“It really fucked me up. I don’t handle rejection well, and I… fixate on people. When he rejected me, it tore me apart. The shit he said stuck with me. I still hear his stupid voice in my head.”
“What does it say?”
“That I’m not worth it. That no one will ever put up with me. That no one will ever love me.” He looked away and stared at the ceiling again. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“This. You and me.” A sigh. “You know all this stuff about me, stuff no one else does. And what happened between us, it’s never been like that for me. I don’t know what to do with it.”
“You don’t have to do anything.” I stamped down the flare of jealous anger that shot through me. I wanted to tie him to my bed and tease him until he was screaming that he belonged to me.
Pushing those creepy thoughts aside, I gave him what I hoped was a lazy smile. “You never thanked me.”
He snort-laughed. “Really?”
“Really.” I leaned up on one arm so I was looming over him.
His breath caught, his eyes flashing with something dark and desperate.
“I was nice enough to give you my cock. You should thank me for it.”
“Thanks for the dick.” He grinned mischievously. “It was passable.”
“Oh, you’ve asked for it now.”
Diving onto him, I dug my fingers into his armpits.
Alex squealed, bucking up as he tried to get away.
“Ready to thank me properly?” I asked as he heaved in heavy breaths, still laughing.
I wasn’t even tickling him anymore, but every time he wiggled or moved, he forced my fingers deeper into his muscles.
“Never!”
Straddling him, I pulled my fingers out of his armpits and caught his wrists. “Now?” I pinned his hands next to his ears.
“No.” He slowly scraped his teeth over his bottom lip.
“Keep looking at me like that, and you’re going to end up with my dick in your mouth,” I warned.
“Maybe I’ll even thank you this time if you do a good job.”
“Brat.”
He blinked up at me, the picture of innocence. “I have no idea what you mean,” he said serenely.
“Open your mouth.”
“Make me.”
His smile was big and playful. My chest tightened with a pang of longing. He was perfect, but he wasn’t mine. He’d never be mine.
“If you insist.”
I leaned forward and pressed the tip of my cock against his lips.
Alex rolled his lips inward, making a big show about not obeying as his eyes laughed at me.
Fuck, yeah. This time I wasn’t going to go easy on him. And by the look on his face, he didn’t want me to.
