Knock, knock.
I looked up from my textbook. Who was knocking at this hour?
I closed the book with a snap and tossed it onto the couch. I strode toward the door, unlocked it, and pulled it open.
“Alex?”
He stood in front of me, his eyes on the floor and his shoulders stooped. He looked utterly defeated.
“What’s wrong?” I took his elbow and steered him inside, then closed and locked the door.
He shook his head and tried to pull out of my grasp.
“Alex.” I tightened my grip. “What happened?”
“It’s just too much,” he whispered, the fight leaving him.
“What’s too much?” I kept my voice soft and loosened my hold on him.
“Everything.” He looked up, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.
“What happened?” There had to be a trigger. Something had set him off.
“It’s all falling apart.” His lower lip quivered.
“What’s falling apart?”
“My life.” His face crumpled into a scowl. “Everyone always leaves me.”
“What happened?” I repeated.
“My grandmother is going away for Thanksgiving. I thought Beck would invite me to spend the weekend at his parents’, but he and Finn are going to visit Finn’s brother.”
“Is this something you usually do?” I asked carefully, biting back the invite that had been on the tip of my tongue for days. Now wasn’t the time to “solve” his problem. Alex needed to process what he was feeling before he’d be open to solutions.
“Yeah. It’s too expensive for me to fly home for a weekend, so Beck usually invites me to go with him. He’s from Seattle. He has a huge family, and his parents never minded having an extra person around. But he told me he’s not going home. I called my grandmother, but she made plans to visit my aunt and cousins.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He sniffled.
“Are you in love with Beck?”
His eyes widened, all traces of sadness replaced with shock. It would have been funny if the situation weren’t so serious. “What?”
“Are you in love with him? It’s just that sometimes, the way you talk about him makes me wonder.”
Anger flashed in his eyes, but he didn’t pull away or tell me to go fuck myself.
“No.” He looked at the floor, his shoulders slumped. “He’s my best friend. Pretty much my only actual friend. I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”
I wanted to ask if he was sure but held back. The possessive asshole in me liked his answer.
“I had a bit of a crush on him when we first met, but he’s not my type.” He snorted and met my eyes. “And I’m definitely not his. I know I sound like I’m obsessed with him, but I’m not. I’m happy for him. I just hate that I can’t let him go.”
“Can’t let him go?” I dropped my arms now that he wasn’t a flight risk.
“It’s my stupid brain.” He growled and crossed his arms over his chest. “I fixate on people. I don’t mean to, but I’m just so used to everyone leaving me, of getting sick of me, that I latch on to the ones who stick around. Beck is the one person who never seemed to care about how much work it is to be my friend. I thought we’d be close forever, but it’s not his fault I’m an asshole who can’t share.”
“I’m an asshole who can’t share either.”
He gave me a surprised look. “But you hook up with your friends. Being a third is the definition of sharing.”
“That’s because they’re friends. When someone is mine, they’re mine.”
Alex’s pupils dilated.
“I like that you fixate. That you put all your focus on things that matter to you. But you know what I don’t like?”
I was taking a chance and showing all my cards. But I was sick of pretending like Alex was just a… whatever we were. He felt like mine, and my hindbrain was done pretending otherwise.
“What?”
“That you’re not fixated on me the way I am with you.”
He parted his lips like he was going to say something, then closed them again.
“I haven’t been able to think of anyone else since that first night on the phone. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” he whispered.
“You fucked me up. Then we got paired up in class, and even though you hated me, I was still drawn to you. It confused the fuck out of me how I could be into two guys at the same time, but once I learned it was you on the other end of the line. I knew for sure that you were supposed to be mine.”
“I…” He licked his lips. “I was confused too. I hated you because I wanted you. And I wanted him.”
“And now that you know it was me all along?”
“I still want you.” He swallowed and dropped his gaze to my mouth. “But you’re going to get sick of me too.”
“No.”
“You will.”
“I won’t.”
“You can’t promise that.” He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You don’t understand how hard it is to be my friend. I’m needy and high maintenance. I’m impulsive, and my moods are all over the place. I’m exhausting.”
“Not to me.”
The hope shining in his eyes, along with the utter devastation, broke my heart. He’d been hurt, that much was obvious, and I hated that he thought he was a burden.
“I like how needy you are. And you’re not high maintenance.”
“Aren’t I? It’s not like I’m normal.”
“What’s normal? There’s no such thing. Especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. And there’s nothing wrong with the way you are.”
“Normal is not needing someone to tie me down to make my head shut up. Normal is not getting off pretending I’m being forced or fantasizing about being used by strangers.”
“Everyone has kinks. Even the most vanilla, boring people have something that gets them hot and bothered. You think I’m messed up because I like tying you up? Or that I got off on pretending to force you?”
“No.” His voice was soft, seeking.
“So why would you be messed up because you like it too?”
“Because…”
“Do you want to be mine?” I took a step closer.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“Do you want me to be yours?”
His nostrils flared, and heat filled his eyes. “Yes.”
“Do you want me to help you get out of your head for a while?”
As much as I wanted to focus on the fact that he’d agreed to be mine, he wasn’t in the right headspace for that conversation.
He nodded.
“Come to my room. We’re going to do something different.”
He took my offered hand and allowed me to lead him down the hall.
When we were beside my bed, I gripped the back of his neck and crushed our mouths together. He whimpered and melted against me. I kept the kiss soft and sweet, teasing his lower lip with my tongue as I held him close.
Kissing Alex felt right. Like coming home.
I’d always felt a disconnect with my partners. It was one of the reasons I was so good at reading people and playing the part they wanted. Slipping into a role was comfortable, and it allowed me to keep a distance between myself and whatever was going on.
I couldn’t do that with Alex, and more than that, I didn’t want to. I wanted him as focused on me as I was on him.
He was mine, and I was his.
Alex’s soft whimper went right to my dick, and I was hard and leaking in only seconds. He pushed his erection against mine, his lips eager as I swiped my tongue against his, then sucked it into my mouth. He moaned and shuddered in my arms.
Taking care to move slowly, I kept kissing him deep and wet as I gently peeled his sweater off. When it was on the floor, I focused on stripping him of his T-shirt. Alex let me undress him, his kiss hungry and his moans loud.
When he was naked, I tugged him against me and ran my hands over his skin. I teased his back, his sides, and the swell of his ass, worshiping his body as I ravaged his mouth.
By the time I pulled away for some much-needed air, Alex was panting and shivering under my touch.
“Lie down,” I said through ragged breaths.
He did, his eyes never leaving mine.
I stripped off my clothes and tossed them aside, raking my gaze over his incredible body.
He smiled coyly. “You like what you see?”
“I do.” I crawled over him and draped my body over his. “You like what you feel?”
“I do.” He swallowed. “I like everything about you.”
“You do?” Fuck, could I sound any more insecure?
“Yeah. I didn’t want to, but I do.”
“I like everything about you too.” I pecked a kiss against his lips. “And I’m going to show you exactly how much.”
“Yeah?” he asked breathlessly.
“Yeah. Do you like being on top?”
He blinked. “Oh, um. Sure?”
“You don’t sound sure.”
“I don’t hate it, but that usually means I’m the one doing all the work.”
I grinned. “Yeah, that won’t be happening.”
His answering smile was so bright and genuine it stole my breath. Pissing him off was fun, but making him happy, seeing that smile, and knowing it was because of me, did things to my insides.
I was falling for Alex. Fuck, who was I kidding? I was already there. But he wasn’t ready to hear that. Who knew if he would ever be?
Rather than focus on that grim thought, I gently rolled us over so I was on my back and against my pillows and Alex lay over me. I shifted one of my legs under him so he was straddling my thigh, then slid my other knee up the bed to create space for him to spread his legs. He did, his hard cock nestled against my skin.
“Hold me tight,” I whispered. “And let me take care of you.”
He moaned and relaxed on top of me, his body limp and heavy. Perfect.
I pressed my lips against his neck, kissing and nibbling the sensitive skin, and ran my hands over every part of him I could reach. I moved slowly, sensually. This wasn’t foreplay. This was me showing Alex how much I cared about him.
All our encounters had been hot as fuck, but they’d lacked tenderness. He needed that tonight, and more than that, I needed it. I wanted to worship him. And I did.
Time and space ceased to exist as I focused on Alex, loving how much trust he was showing me by allowing me to hold and tease him. We were both hard, but the urgency and desperation that was usually between us weren’t there this time.
I’d never been one for slowing things down. Even with the partners I’d had regular things with, the sex had always been about getting off. I couldn’t be sure, but I had a feeling Alex had never had this kind of sex either, and the part of me that had claimed him loved how I got to be the one to make him feel worshiped and, hopefully, loved.
“Kai,” he breathed against my neck.
“Yeah, baby?” I kissed just under his ear and gently squeezed his ass.
“This feels so good.”
He sounded pleasure-drunk, like he was already deep in subspace. The possessive asshole in me was pleased.
“You feel good,” I whispered. “You’re so beautiful.”
He made a noise that sounded like he didn’t believe me.
“You are.” I swirled my hands over his back. “Do you know what I thought when you bumped into me that day in class?”
“What?” he mumbled.
“I thought you were so damn pretty. Even when you were glaring at me, I couldn’t stop thinking about how hot you were.”
He moaned and nuzzled into my neck.
“But you’re not just beautiful on the outside.”
He tensed. “Kai.” His tone held a note of warning.
“Shhhhh, baby. Just relax and listen to my voice.”
He did, his body once again growing heavy on mine.
“You’re kind.” I kissed his neck. “And sweet.” Another kiss. “And funny.” Two kisses. “And you fit with me.”
He sighed.
I kept whispering to him, telling him all the things about him that I liked. I wasn’t sure he was listening, but I kept talking as I slid one hand over the swell of his ass, then pressed my finger over his hole. He moaned and spread his legs wider.
Shit, I should have gotten the lube before we’d started. Oh well, time to improvise. I sucked my finger into my mouth, getting it nice and slick, then returned it to his hole. Still talking to him, I gently rubbed my finger over it, then dipped the tip inside.
Alex was moaning up a storm, his body lax and his breathing slow and labored. Switching between whispering sweet nothings to him and kissing his neck, I teased his hole with my finger. I took my time, not wanting to rush things. This wasn’t about prepping him. Not yet.
“Kai.” He groaned low in his throat and spread his legs wider.
“I love when you say my name.” I dragged my tongue over his neck. “I love knowing I make you feel good.”
“You do,” he mumbled, a dreamy quality to his voice. “No one else ever has.”
I wanted to ask him to elaborate so the possessive asshole in me could hear all about how I gave him what no one else had, but I held back. Now wasn’t the time for a discussion.
“You make me feel good too.” I gently sucked on his neck.
Alex whined and tilted his head, silently asking for more.
I pressed my lips to his skin and sucked harder. He moaned and pushed closer, his breath hot against my neck. Adding the slightest bit of pressure to his hole, I rubbed slow circles over it, making sure not to push in.
“Kai, please,” he mumbled. His hole clenched, and I dipped my fingertips inside. “Yes.” He nibbled on my neck, gently worrying the skin between his teeth.
“That feels good, baby,” I rubbed my free hand over his ass, kneading and squeezing the full globes.
He bit harder, and I didn’t bother holding back my groan of pleasure.
“Can I suck you?” he mumbled.
“You want to?”
“Mmmm-hmmmm.” He nuzzled into my neck.
I pulled my fingers away from his hole and let go of him, waiting to see what he would do.
Alex wiggled down my body, his hard cock dragging over my skin and leaving a trail of precum in its wake. He kissed and licked my body as he made his way down my chest, across my stomach, then over my hip. He settled with his cheek on the spot between my hip and my dick.
“Shit, baby.” I ran my fingers through his hair.
He hummed and gripped my base with his hand, then tilted my cock toward him. He licked around the head, his pace slow and languid.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
“Mmmmm.” He wrapped his lips around the head and suckled it, making little happy sounds deep in his throat.
No one had ever just teased and tasted me, and somehow it was even more intense than deep throating. His movements were gentle and soft, like he was drawing comfort out of them.
“That feels so good, baby,” I whispered, brushing his hair back from his face.
His eyes were closed, and his grip on my cock was light as he sucked a little harder. The pull felt amazing, and little pulses of pleasure shot up my spine.
“I love your mouth.” I made sure to keep my voice low and soft. “I love how good you make me feel.”
He made a little sound of encouragement and sucked harder.
“I love sliding inside your tight hole. You’re so hot, and you grip me so perfectly. But you know what I like more than that?”
He made a curious noise and drew half of my dick into his mouth.
“I love seeing your face as I take you apart. I love when you beg and when you tease. I love bringing you right to the edge and not letting you tip over.”
“Mmmmm.” He shifted so he was able to bob over my dick. His movements were slow and shallow, but his suction was tight and incredible.
“I love when you fight back and when you submit. You’re so beautiful when you let go, baby. And I love that I’m the one who makes you feel good.”
He opened his eyes, sucked me all the way down to the back of his throat, and swallowed around my head.
“Holy shit.” I resisted the urge to grab his hair and keep him there.
He slowly pulled almost all the way off my dick. His glazed and blissed-out expression was affecting me almost as much as the blow job itself.
“Have you ever been able to do this?” I smoothed his hair back from his face. “Just take your time and play?”
A little niggle of… something, shot through me. Alex wore his hair long enough it brushed his earlobes and covered his eyes when it fell forward. He looked completely different when it was pushed back.
Shaking off whatever that was, I cupped his cheek and let his hair fall over his face.
He pulled off my dick and shook his head.
“You can do whatever you want to me.” I brushed my thumb over his cheekbone. “Explore, tease, taste. Whatever you want, baby.”
He licked his lips, his eyes flashing with something dark. “Really?”
I nodded.
“I wanna rim you.”
The little smile that tilted one side of his mouth was playful and mischievous and so damn sexy it sent a flutter of affection through my chest.
I let go of his cheek. “How do you want me?”
“On your stomach.”
I waited as he slid off my leg, then flipped over. Alex didn’t move, so I ended up with my legs spread wide to accommodate his shoulders as he lay between them.
The position was foreign. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but knowing Alex was behind me helped me relax.
“Wanna see your cock too.”
Groaning, I reached under my body and pushed my dick so it was angled down and pointing toward him.
I’d only ever been rimmed once, and that was by a girl I’d had a casual thing with. It had felt okay, not especially great, and I hadn’t been inclined to do it again.
Alex wiggled closer and split me open with his hands. He slowly swirled his tongue over my rim.
A zing of pleasure shot through me.
“Shit,” I mumbled.
“Mmmmm,” he moaned and pressed his tongue over my hole, then lapped at it.
The contact was incredible. Little pulses of electricity danced on my skin as nerves deep in my abdomen sparked to life. Shit, it hadn’t felt this good last time.
Alex took his time exploring my ass. I buried my face in my arms, not bothering to keep quiet. I wanted to let him know how much I was enjoying it.
No one had ever taken the time to tease me. Mostly because I was a bossy fucker and took charge before the other person could do more than give me consent to keep going.
I hadn’t always been like this, though. Back when I’d been younger and experimenting, I’d hooked up with both guys and girls, and none of them had wanted to do more than suck my dick and enjoy getting fucked.
I’d never realized just how amazing it felt to have someone want to please me. To make me and my pleasure their entire focus.
Alex pulled his tongue away from my hole, then licked the seam of my sac.
“Shit.” I lifted my hips the slightest bit and pushed back against his tongue.
He did it again, then pressed a line of openmouthed kisses down my dick.
“Jesus fuck,” I muttered.
My body tightened as he toyed with me, raining kisses and licks all over my dick, balls, and hole. I’d never felt anything like this, and while it wasn’t enough to get me close, the constant teasing was driving me crazy with desire.
“Have you ever bottomed?” Alex pressed a kiss against my taint.
“No.”
“Have you ever tried with toys or anything?”
“I used a plug a few times, a small one.”
“Did you like it?”
“It was okay.”
That was mostly the truth. Putting it in had been awkward and weird, and I hadn’t liked that part at all. Same with pulling it out. But it hadn’t been terrible while it had been in.
“We should put a plug in you one day while you’re fucking me.” He licked a stripe down my dick.
He dipped the tip of his tongue into my slit, and I jumped. “I’d be down for that as long as you’re the one to put it in.”
“You’d let me?”
“I’d let you do anything to me.”
“Would you let me top you?”
“Yes.”
I’d never once considered letting anyone fuck me. I couldn’t promise I’d enjoy it, but if Alex wanted a turn at my ass, I’d let him.
“Do you want to?” When he didn’t move or say anything, I looked over my shoulder.
“No. But it means a lot that you’d let me.”
“Like I said, you can do whatever you want to me.”
He grinned and lowered his mouth to my ass.
“Shit, baby.” I buried my face in my arms and lifted my hips to push back against his incredible mouth.
He pressed the tip of his tongue inside me, and the sound I let out was inhuman and way too fucking loud.
Alex chuckled, his hot breath tickling my thighs. His strong hands pulled my ass cheeks as far apart as they could go. Then he went to town on me. His tongue was hot and slick and so fucking perfect as he ate me out. He licked and lapped and speared inside me.
A constant stream of sounds fell from my lips as I rocked my hips. The friction from the comforter paired with his incredible tongue was overwhelming, and I had to fight the urge to flip over and get him under me so I could fuck him until we both came.
“Baby.” I panted.
“Hmmmmmm?” He pulled his tongue out of me and kissed my rim.
“That feels so good. Do you want to make me come, or do you want me to fuck you?”
“Fuck me.”
I looked over my shoulder, and our gazes locked.
His eyes were glassy and bright, his expression blissed out, and his cheeks flushed.
“Get the lube and sit on my face so I can prep you.”
