“and I didn’t think it’d go this way; can I please have one more minute”—Heaven’s Not Too Far by We Three
Colin
My parents are both seated on Eira’s bed as I walk into the room.
My mother holds her hand, her eyes barely open. She’s trying her hardest not to cry.
It’s what Eira wanted.
“I don’t want to die watching you all cry, ¿vale?” Had Eira said so many times, it’s carved right into my brain.
I lied. I lied to Lily when I said my sister is cancer free. She never was. She never had a chance to survive this.
My family knew it though. We had years to prepare for Eira’s death. Years to make more memories with her and say goodbye.
But no matter how much time you have to prepare, losing someone you love to death is never not going to hurt.
Eira gives me a weak smile as she spots me by her door. She blinks so slowly, she might as well keep her eyes closed for ever any second.
She tries to reach a hand up but is too weak to do so.
I walk over to her, take a seat next to her on the bed as my father frees some space.
Taking Eira’s hand in mine, I can feel how close she is to death. She’s cold, colder than her hands were yesterday after skating for hours.
“Gigante,” she says, her voice so weak, so quiet…I barely recognize her.
“Enana.”
She giggles, though it’s less of a giggle and more of a really heavy breath.
“I printed out a picture for you,” she says weakly. “Of me.”
I chuckle. “Of course you did.”
“You’re going to take care of Lily for me, won’t you?” she asks, attempting to squeeze my hand.
I shake my head. “I think you’re more likely going to have to do that for me.”
Eira attempts to shake her head. “She’ll live.”
With a soft smile on her lips, Eira looks at our parents, her breathing getting weaker with every second.
I can feel my fucking heart break. I am so not ready to say goodbye to my sister. I don’t think I’ll ever be.
I knew this was going to happen. I knew Eira was going to die. But it’s only now getting…real.
“Sin lágrimas.”
My mother rolls her eyes. “Vale, lo prometimos, nada de lágrimas.”
No tears.
The room quiets down just as Eira whispers, “I love you.” She takes her last breath, eyes closing…and they never open up again.
-♡–
It’s been two days since I’m home, my childhood home. Two days since I’ve left Lily in my own house, all by herself.
But two days later also means…it’s October 8th. Lily’s day of death.
I’m certain after what went down on Wednesday, Lily will go through with her original plan, that being her death.
I haven’t answered any of her texts or picked up her calls. To be fair, I also didn’t see them until right now, when I finally pick up my phone and see I’m left with only one per cent battery.
Truthfully, I had my bets on it being completely dead at this point. How the hell did it last two whole days?
“You’re leaving?” My father stands by my bedroom just when I finish getting dressed. He leans against one side of the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What else am I supposed to do here? Watch Mamá cry? Listen to another round of you trying to explain to Reece why Eira isn’t coming back home anymore?”
My father shakes his head slowly, sighing as he does.
“We knew Eira was going to die, and we all knew it would be pretty soon. Eira wouldn’t want me putting my life on hold over her death, not when she was way too excited to go on a new adventure. So staying here for the next week until her funeral is no option,” I say.
“The team’s been asking why practice is off since Wednesday. I know you didn’t tell them about Aiden, but you will have to say something about Eira. As far as I’m concerned, they all adored her.”
I chuckle. “Dad, they loved her. You remember Eira’s quinceañera? They went nuts planning it for her.” Then I pause, sighing softly. “I’ll tell them, just not over the phone.”
“I’ll keep coaching the team for the rest of the school year. You don’t have to be alone when you tell them. That is, if you want me to be there with you.”
I nod, appreciating his offer.
“Did something happen between you and Lily? The whole hour before you arrived Eira has been hoping you would bring her.”
I take a seat on my bed, looking down at the floor. “Dad, Lily is suicidal. She didn’t even know Eira was about to die. I felt bad about telling her, was worried that it would somehow guilt trip her.”
“I understand,” he says as he walks into my room and takes a seat next to me. “You’ve spent a suspicious amount of time with this girl. I figured something must have been up. Well, either that or you fell in love.”
Without having to look up for a confirmation, I know my father has a slight smile on his lips. I also don’t have to say the word, he knows option two is also quite the reason.
“I have no idea what to do. Aaron doesn’t know about her condition. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him, which is so stupid, I know. I’ve done the same mistake with Aiden. And now I’m not even sure Lily will be alive when I get back home.”
“Colin, Aiden’s death wasn’t your fault. You were nineteen. Kids that age often joke about death, even when you shouldn’t. Of course you didn’t take it seriously, especially knowing that Aiden was the type to say, ‘might just die instead of doing this assignment’ whenever he was doing homework.”
I don’t answer. Dad has been trying to tell me this for two whole years.
Plugging my phone into my charger, only long enough for me to be able to call someone in case of an emergency on my way home, I skim over a few messages Lily sent me yesterday and the day before.
Lily: Are you okay? You haven’t been answering me all day. Please just give me one sign that you’re alive. I’m really worried.
Lily: Okay, it’s the next morning. Aaron said you’d be with your parents. He mentioned something about Eira. Colin, I am so sorry…
Lily: I tried calling your house telephone, your dad picked up. He said you made it home in one piece. At least now I know you’re alright, physically. My deepest condolences to you and your family. If you need anything…I’m here for you.
“You didn’t tell me Lily called yesterday?”
“Well, your sister died, so forgive me for that.” I don’t think he meant to come across that harsh. “You also didn’t tell her you were here, or even just let her know you didn’t get in an accident on the road.”
He’s right. I had plenty of free moments to send her a quick text. But then again, I didn’t really think Lily would have cared, not after the way I left her.
“Do you want me to take Reece with me? Give Mamá and you some space?” I ask.
Given that my mother hasn’t stopped crying Wednesday, I figured maybe taking Reece home with me will give her at least something less to worry about.
Dad stands up from my bed, taking a few steps toward my door before saying, “No, I think it’s good that at least one of your mother’s kids is still at home.”
He might have a point.
“Colin—” he pauses and turns around “—give Aaron a call and tell him everything there is to know about Lily. You won’t be home for another hour. One hour can change everything. Even if you risk losing your best friend, and possibly the woman you love for opening your mouth. Saving her life is more important than risking some hatred.”
My father disappears just as quick as he appeared.
Once he is no longer in sight, I make my way down the hall as well, right to my little brother’s room. The only sibling I have left.
His room door is open, it always is. I mean, he is only three.
Reece smiles at me brightly when he spots me watching him from his door. He always smiles. I know eventually his smiles will get less the older he gets, that’s how life goes. But for now, his smiles are still present and never seem to run out.
“Eira went to the beach,” he tells me, giggling. “Mamá is sad because enana left, gigante.”
Stepping into his room, I sit down beside him on the floor, offering a half-smile. “Very sad.”
“Daddy said she visits Aiden now.”
I nod, pulling Reece in for a much-needed hug. He doesn’t understand any of what happened yet, nor does he know what happened to Aiden or why he never truly got to know him.
He has also only ever seen Aiden on pictures and heard stories.
Again, Reece is three years old, of course he doesn’t have a clue what is going on.
“But Eira comes back like you do.”
Sighing, I press a kiss to his head, holding him against me just a tiny bit tighter. “Yeah, bud, she will come back eventually.”
Is it cruel to tell a three-year-old his sister died and will never ever come back again? I think so.
He will understand it eventually, once he’s a bit older. But for now, Reece doesn’t understand the whole concept of death, so why take his still present happiness from him earlier than necessary?
“Can we go to the park?” he asks, pushing himself out of my grip.
“Tomorrow, alright? I have to go, but I will be back tomorrow and then we’ll spend all day at the park, okay?”
He nods, quick and hysterical. “And Lilybug?”
If Reece wasn’t my so much younger brother, I would probably get pissed at him for using the same nickname as me, but I actually find it adorable.
“I’ll ask her to come.”
