Fiji
Crystal-clear water stretched out as far as I could see as we walked the white sand beach. This was truly paradise.
Now if only I could get my thoughts on the same page. Since I’d come to the revelation that I was in this relationship to the hilt, that there was nothing I could do about being in love with Landon, I’d been a freak show. My emotions were all over the place, scrambling to think of a way to tell him, or a way to keep it to myself in case he fucked something up and left me again.
“How did your other midterms go?” Landon asked as a wave gently lapped over our feet. I lifted the hem of my purple maxi dress so it didn’t get uncomfortably soaked for the skiff back to the Athena. He looked like he belonged here in Fiji, his white button-up shirt rolled at the elbows over his blue shorts and tanned skin.
“Good, I think. I turned in my outline for my research paper, and I’m still waiting on my grade from Marine Life. What about you?”
“All A’s,” he said with a little grin.
“Of course.”
“Don’t hate me because I’m smart,” he said, lifting me from the sand for a kiss.
Our lips met, sending a torrent of flutters to my stomach.
“Are you all packed?” he asked against my mouth.
“For the most part. I figured I’d finish tomorrow while we’re on our way into port. We should head back, right? The charter boat will be leaving in about an hour.” The day had been perfect. No classes, no stunts, no stress. Just us.
“We have time. Want to explore with me for a second?” His eyes lit up as he lowered me to the sand.
“Sure, but if you make us miss that boat, I’m going to flip,” I warned.
“Don’t you worry. I’ll have you exactly where you want to be.”
His smile was enough to stop my heart as he took my hand, leading me down the beach to where a wide wooden path began. It stretched out over the crystalline water, supporting bungalows on either side.
“Are we supposed to be here?”
He shrugged. “We’re just exploring. Let’s take a peek and see if it’s somewhere you’d want to come back for vacation after you graduate.”
I slipped my flip-flops on so the wood didn’t burn my feet and followed him onto the boardwalk. “How about I just say yes now?” The bungalows were everything I’d ever imagined about a vacation—serene, beautiful, and somehow sensual with the waves gently reaching them.
But saying yes meant I saw a future for us. Of course I did—I wanted to—but the real world wasn’t anything like what we’d been living the last seven weeks.
“So what do we do over Christmas?” I asked as we passed several of the little rooms. The question had been nagging at me. Two weeks apart. Normally I wouldn’t have freaked, but the last time we were in L.A. together we didn’t do so well.
“I’ll be in L.A. for the first few days for the holidays,” Landon said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “I’m hoping you’ll come by and meet my parents, though.”
I paused. “We’re meeting parents?”
“Well, I already know yours,” he said with a mock smile.
“Yeah, they kind of hate you.” I cringed. “Was that a little harsh?”
“Nope, you nailed it. They do hate me.”
“Everything is easier here.” I looked over the water, taking in the exquisite beauty that was like nowhere else on earth. It was hard to believe that we’d seen so many amazing places and people, yet there was still so much more to go. But eventually, it would end. Panic crept in at the edges of my serenity. “I mean, when this is over, we’ll be back in L.A. Well, you will. I still have a year at Dartmouth. And you have competitions and tours. Even if we make it through this program intact, how are we—?”
His mouth covered mine in a deep kiss as his hands framed my face. “We’ll figure it out.”
“But what if we don’t?” I asked, needing a certainty he couldn’t provide me.
He picked me up, carrying me with one of his arms tucked beneath my knees as the other supported my back. “Simple. We agree that we will. We decide not to let it fall apart.”
He walked down the wooden platform without breaking a sweat. His breathing was even and steady, where mine was picking up the more my mind spun. “That’s not how a relationship works.”
“Sure it is.”
Did he seriously think it was that easy?
“It’s not,” I argued. “You aren’t just happy because you say you are. Shit happens, Landon. Look at what happened to us before.”
He stopped at the end of the platform, where there was only one bungalow left. “We crashed and burned. We were hit with a set of circumstances that I wasn’t mature enough to deal with. I made the best decision I could with what I knew at the time, and it was the wrong one. That’s what happened last time.”
“What stops it from happening again?” I asked, my heart thundering in my chest. I felt like I stood at the edge of a huge precipice, and I was asking if he had a parachute…or wings.
He set me on my feet. “We do.”
I shook my head. “That’s not good enough.”
He cupped my face. “That’s all I’ve got. When the problems arise, we’ll take them one at a time.”
“That’s like saying, hey, I know this giant tsunami is headed this way, but don’t worry, we’ll devise a plan when it hits the shore!” The panic had moved from the edges of my mind to fully consuming any serenity I’d tried to keep ahold of.
“Rachel…” His eyes went soft, like he was trying to soothe a wild beast, and I realized I was the wild beast.
And my leg was caught in a trap.
“Why are we worrying about this now?” he asked, being all logical and shit.
“We’re going home in a couple days!” I shouted.
“Yes?”
“I’m going to be in L.A., and you’re going to be in Aspen! I’ll be at home with my parents who hate you and will spend the whole break trying to convince me to leave you, and you’ll be snowboarding and acting all Nova-like.” My chest tightened, the pressure harsh and a little nauseating.
He tugged my hand and walked me into the bungalow.
“So you’re worried that we’ll be apart for two weeks.”
“Yes, but it’s more than that, and— Landon, you can’t just walk into someone’s room.” My eyes swept over the bungalow, and I sucked in a reflexive breath. It looked like it had been stripped out of a vacation magazine—dark hardwood floors with mostly open walls and shades, and a giant four-poster bed sat in the center of the room with netting draped over it.
“It’s not more than that. You and I can make this work anywhere in the world because we’re both incredibly stubborn. We’ll decide not to let the petty shit get to us. We’ll work through the issues that come up, and we’ll make the choice to stay together.”
“Landon, the room. Someone’s going to come back.” Anxiety was reaching a critical level here, but I couldn’t tell if it was from the knowledge that we were trespassing, the thought of spending two weeks without him, or that little unspoken L word in my heart. One thing I did know? I had ten thousand emotions all warring for supremacy.
He put one hand on my hip and cradled my face with the other. “Rachel, the room is ours. I know you’re scared. I know this break is going to be a little test. But I also know that I love you—there’s no one else I want in my life, my heart, my bed. We’re going to be okay.”
I blinked up at him, trying to quiet my slamming heart, to draw a breath through lungs that had forgotten how to work, to process everything he said, and went with the first item because the rest was just too much. “The room is ours?”
“Yes.” He smiled and kissed me lightly. “I got it for us when I realized we’d have an overnight here. The ship doesn’t leave until the morning.”
All of those conflicting emotions felt like a rising tsunami in my chest—barely visible on the surface but powerfully deep and capable of so much damage if I didn’t get myself under control. I took in the details surrounding us as a distraction. The pretty linens, sturdy furniture, the glass area of the floor to see into the water. “This must have cost you a fortune.” He’d made plans for us…not just for tonight, but for a possible future. Even before, when we’d agreed to the apartment in L.A., I’d always been the one to push the plan.
“Yeah, I’m not exactly hurting for it,” he said with a small laugh. “We’ve been with Pax, Leah, Penna, and an entire boat full of people for the last seven weeks. I just wanted to have you to myself for a night. Leah packed you a bag and everything.”
That wave of emotion grew bigger, monstrous, until it threatened to swamp me. He’d had a bag packed. Another plan. He wanted me to meet his parents, to see myself in his future. Maybe…just maybe he wasn’t going to walk away this time. Maybe we could really have everything we’d missed out on before. Maybe this was real.
My throat closed as the wave broke over me, washing away what puny defenses I had left against him. All of my emotions, the fear, the mistrust, the excitement, and even the love flowed over me and then stripped me raw—left me vulnerable in ways I hadn’t been since the last time I’d given my heart to him.
It was too much and yet not enough all in the same moment, because I needed the very words, the promises I was terrified to depend upon again. I needed them with a force that terrified me—the same way I needed him.
The lump in my throat made it almost impossible to breathe, and my nose burned, like my body knew it couldn’t contain this hot mess of emotion any longer without combusting.
Oh, hell no. Don’t you do it. Don’t you dare do it!
Then I started crying, and not just dainty, pretty tears. Oh, no, these were gut-wrenching sobs with the most unattractive noises ever.
“Rach. Baby…” Landon pulled me into his arms, holding me against his chest as I sobbed.
“No,” I said, pushing back to stand on my own. “Don’t. Be. Nice. To me.” Oh, great, now I was hyperventilating, too. “I’m like…psycho over here, petrified that we’ll get home and you’ll leave me, and then you go and do this super-sweet thing. And it’s perfect!” I shouted, like he’d done something wrong.
“Oh God, Rach.” He reached for me, and I retreated until I was standing on the perfect deck that overlooked the perfect water in perfect Fiji that my perfect boyfriend had set up for us.
“I’m so sorry,” I cried, unable to stop. “It’s so nice, and just…everything, and here I am losing my shit because I’m so scared of losing you.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” he promised, grasping my upper arms. “We’re never going down that road again.”
“It’s just that all of this… I’ve tried so hard to block you out, to keep my walls up, but it’s like you Trojan horsed me, because you’ve always been there. I never stood a chance. I’ve hated you so much because it was the only thing to keep me from admitting how very much I loved you.” Holy shit, why couldn’t I stop crying? Every word was yelled, ungraceful and ugly, yet raw and so very real.
“Baby.” His eyes went soft and filled with so much joy, so much love, that I started crying even harder.
“Because I am so in love with you, and I want us to work, Landon. I need us to work, because we’re the only thing that makes sense to me.”
And that sounded like a seal barking. Great.
He laughed. “God, I love you.”
“And I love you!” I shouted. “Now, if I could just stop…crying!” I sucked in another stuttered breath that sounded something like a donkey braying. “Make it stop. Seriously!”
He kissed me, swinging me up into his arms. “I can make it stop.”
Then he jumped off the deck into the water, carrying me with him. I took a deep breath just before the Pacific washed over us in a surprising wave of warmth. His lips were on mine as we sank to the bottom of the shallow lagoon.
My legs slid from his arms to wrap around his hips, my breath held in that perfect moment where the world stopped and there was only us.
Once my lungs burned, we kicked for the surface.
I sputtered with my first breath. “Seriously?”
He grinned, more beautiful than I had ever seen him. “Hey, it stopped.”
I kicked back and splashed him, sending water all over his gorgeous face.
“You can’t be mad,” he said, swimming toward me.
“And why is that?” My sundress billowed around me, caught in the ebb and flow of the water.
“Because you love me.” He pulled me to him as he treaded water.
“I do,” I admitted, my voice steady and sure—like the storm had passed over me and all that remained was love and the freedom that came with it. “What are you going to do with it?”
“Everything,” he answered, then kissed me. He tasted like salt water and Landon, and I gave myself over to him, trusting him to keep me afloat. His arms held me tenderly, but his mouth was open, carnal, and a hot contrast to the water around us.
My arms around his neck, I returned his kiss with abandon, letting go of every worry and fear that had held me back. As if the waters had baptized us, I forgave him of every past transgression and gave us a clean slate—a place to start over fresh.
We kissed hungrily, our bodies moving with each other until I was ready to challenge any public indecency laws Fiji might have. I wanted him—needed him—more than I needed air, more than I needed my next heartbeat.
His hand moved to my ass, my dress long having abandoned any pretense of cover, and he played with the edge of my bikini bottoms. As his fingers swept under the fabric, he skimmed my center, close enough to bring the barely banked fire of my constant craving for him to life, but too far for me to do anything but rock back into his hands and whimper for more.
“I need you,” he said, his voice carrying a desperate edge.
“Then take me,” I ordered, our breathing harsh.
Balancing me on his front, he moved the short distance to the ladder and then urged me forward. I scrambled up the ladder, the heat of the deck dissipated by the puddle of water I stood in. I undid the buttons on the front of my dress and had it peeled off by the time Landon reached the top. His shirt quickly joined it in a wet heap on the dark wood.
My stomach clenched at the sight of his honed, lean body as he raked his hair out of his eyes, water sluicing down the carved lines of his abs. His skin was as colorful as the setting around us, his tattoos rippling and moving with his motions as he stalked me across the deck.
I was more than willing to be caught.
How was this man mine? How could someone so perfectly built, so intelligent, so reckless and incredibly sexy only want me?
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said to me, as if he’d read my mind.
I braced myself against the railing of the deck, and then his mouth was on mine, his hands in my hair and his tongue in my mouth. He felt incredible against me, his stomach tensing as my fingers explored him, his breath slightly shaky as he left my lips in favor of my neck, licking and sucking the drops of salt water from my skin.
His hands ran a path from my shoulders, down the sides of my breasts, over my hips and around, until he grasped my ass and lifted me against him. “As much as I’d love to fuck you out here, I’d rather make love to you in a bed, if you don’t mind,” he whispered against my jaw.
“I don’t care where we are as long as I get you,” I told him.
He groaned, and we were on the move before I could lock my legs around his waist.
I felt the shade of our room, but every other sense was consumed by Landon—his saltwater taste, slick skin, and incredible body were all I could register until my back hit the softness of our bed.
He loomed above me, looking down at me like I was something rare and precious. “I didn’t plan this, you know. The room, yes, but the rest…”
My smile was instant. “I want you too badly to care if you did.”
“I love you,” he told me as he brought his lips to my neck. “I’m going to tell you a million times in a million ways.”
“And I’ll love every one of them,” I said, my voice hitching as his thumb ran over my pebbled nipple.
I thanked God that I’d chosen a string bikini as he reached to untie the simple tie that held my top together in the back, and then again behind my neck. Once my breasts were bare, he instantly warmed them with his hands and mouth, sending my back off the bed. The water had chilled my skin but made me so very sensitive to his touch.
My fingers ran through his hair, holding him against me as he used his tongue and teeth to set me on the edge. “I’m going to kiss every inch of you,” he promised, kissing a path down my stomach. His tongue swirled around my belly button, dipping in momentarily and then venturing farther south to the line of my bottoms.
He looked up at me with expectant eyes, and I loved him even more for it. Even though I’d said yes, told him I loved him, that I needed him, he always made a point to make sure I was comfortable.
“Take them off,” I begged, shifting my legs. Instead of pulling them down my legs, he tugged at the string with his teeth, and I watched in fascination as they came undone, sliding free to bare me to him.
His outspread hands ran down my hips, ridding me of the last of my wet swimsuit. “Now you,” I ordered.
He shook his head and instead placed hot kisses to the inside of my hips. “No. If those come off, I’ll be inside you in a millisecond.”
“I’m okay with that,” I said, my hips arching for his mouth. I wanted him with a ferocity I’d never known, a desperation that bordered on insanity.
“I’m not,” he said with a grin. His tongue licked the seam where the front of my thigh met my belly. “I need to see you come apart first, to have you so hot that you’re burning.”
“I’m already burning,” I protested, impatient.
“Not even close.” He laughed darkly, then separated my thighs with his hands and set his mouth on me.
“Landon!” I cried his name, uncaring that it was still late afternoon and there could be people in the nearby bungalows.
“See? I want you on fire,” he said just before his fingers separated me for his tongue.
Oh. My. God. Every nerve ending in my body came alive, and every sensation centered in the aching of my core, the streaks of heat he sent spiraling through me with each stroke of his tongue against my clit.
He circled, sucked, jabbed, laved, brought me to the edge and then held me there while I panted, my hands gripping at his hair, the covers, anything that might hold me to the earth.
“Are you on fire yet, baby?” he asked, his voice the perfect semblance of control and calm.
I moaned in answer, shamelessly rocking my hips against him for more.
The pressure in my belly was tight, coiled, and I rode the edge of my orgasm as he held it back, controlling my pleasure with his hands—his mouth.
“God, you taste incredible,” he said against my flesh.
My inner muscles fluttered, needing him, and I no more than lifted my hips for him than he slid one of his fingers, then two inside me. “So wet. Are you ready for me? Do you need me, Rachel? Because I’m dying for you.”
“Yes!” I cried.
With a crook of his fingers and the sweet suction of his lips, I came apart, my orgasm tearing through me like lightning. I screamed his name as my back bowed, unbelievable pleasure consuming every thought, feeling, and sense.
He brought me down, kicking back the waves with his kisses, until I was sure he’d killed me in the best way possible. “That was amazing,” I said, stretching under him, my body feeling languid, deliciously warmed.
Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly be more aroused, he rose above me, licking his lower lip like he had to savor even the slightest taste of me. The hot, possessive look in his eyes was even more of a turn-on than his hands had been. Boom. That ache returned, another need clawing at me, not just for my pleasure—but for his.
I sat up, pushing my wet hair away from my face, and kissed him. My hands tucked into the waistband of his swim trunks and I pulled. The wet fabric protested, but with his help, I got them off, revealing wet, hot, nude Landon.
His abs cut in serious fuck-me lines down to his hips, and my fingers trailed them until my right hand reached—
“You still have it,” I whispered, grazing the small infinity symbol on his left hip that was normally hidden under his waistband.
“Of course I do,” he said with a smile. “You’re still my infinity. Even when you were gone, you were still here.”
I leaned forward and kissed him sweetly, hoping my lips could convey what my voice simply couldn’t. Maybe it was only one tattoo among so many, but it was mine, and he’d kept it. Kept a piece of me. I hadn’t done the same for him.
He was the perfect model of a man, his muscles tight and firm—powerful without heavy bulk, carved like a master sculptor had chiseled him from stone, which was exactly how hard he was as I pushed him to sit in the center of our bed.
Sliding one knee on either side of his hips, I straddled him. His erection slid through my core until it rested between us, and Landon moaned. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Happily,” I said, then blinked. “Please tell me you brought condoms.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “I learned my lesson the last time you yelled at me. They’re in my bag.”
I sighed in relief, then kissed him like my life depended on it. The rub of my breasts against his chest was exquisite, and I moved my hips restlessly against him as our tongues intertwined. His fingers grew impatient, digging into my hips with a wonderful bite. I loved the feel of him losing control—of being mine.
His breathing grew ragged as I sucked on his lower lip, then caught completely as I reached between us to stroke his length. He was hot and heavy in my hands, and I ran my thumb over the soft head that contrasted to the hardness of the rest of him.
“Rachel,” he gasped. “God, baby. Yes.” His hand stroked up my spine to grasp my neck, pulling me in for a hungry kiss.
As he rocked within my hand, I felt him grow even thicker, and my core clenched in response.
“Are you on fire for me?” I asked, turning his words on him.
Maintaining his grip on my neck, he pulled back to look at me, his eyes burning an intense shade of green. “I have always burned for you. I will always burn for you. You own me like no one ever has, or ever will. Only you, Rachel.”
I knew why he said my name, because he’d been unable to for so long, but instead of reminding me of how many women there had been in the past, it only made me feel needed, powerful. No matter what had happened in the years we hadn’t been together, there was one simple truth: we had always belonged to each other.
After one more kiss, I leaned over the edge of the bed, thankful his bag was nearby. A quick search and a rip of foil later, I rolled on the condom, savoring his intake of breath.
“How do you want me?” I asked, rising above him.
“However you’ll take me. I’m yours.”
His hand reached between us, and his thumb brushed over my hypersensitive clit, the light movement enough to send a jolt of need soaring through my belly.
On my knees, I moved until he was positioned at my entrance, and my breath caught at the enormity of our actions. “I love you,” I told him, not because I needed to hear it back, but because I needed him to understand what this meant to me.
“I have always loved you,” he promised.
He captured my mouth in a scorching kiss as I slid down, taking him inside inch by perfect inch.
“Look at me,” he said, breaking our kiss. My eyes popped open to watch his as I sank farther, stretching to accommodate his size. “I have only ever loved you,” he whispered, his words invading my soul as he took over my body, consuming every spare inch I had to give.
He felt like home.
Our breaths mingled in stuttered pants, our eyes locked, our bodies fused. I rocked, sliding until I completely sheathed him. Once I started, I couldn’t stop, setting a rhythm that he met, his jaw locked in restraint, his eyes dancing with fire.
I kissed him, savoring the way he had completely taken over. “I love the way you fill me,” I whispered. “You feel so damn good.”
As if I’d broken the string of his control, he growled and flipped us until my back hit the bed. Then he grasped my hands, holding them above my head. “That’s because you were always meant for me. Mine.”
“Yours,” I admitted, arching against his measured thrusts.
Each movement brought a higher level of pleasure, and it kept getting better. I wrapped my legs around his hips, and he hit deeper, harder, until I was writhing beneath him, my moans in time with his thrusts.
It was the same as it had been between us, the sweet fire, the desperate need, but it was also different—even better than what I thought had been the best sex of my life.
His muscles were rigid as he kissed me deeply, and I could almost taste the restraint he was using, how tightly he held himself in check.
I swirled my hips, and he groaned. “Fuck, Rachel,” he drew out my name.
Releasing my hands, he sent one to my hip and then lifted one knee so he could take me even deeper. I cried out as he used his hand between us to bring me back to the edge, my body on overload from every sensation.
That tight spiral of need took over, and my orgasm hit me, ripping his name from my lips. I shuddered around him as I came, and his thrusts sent me soaring even higher, until I separated from my body and saw stars.
The minute I fell apart, he snapped, his thrusts even deeper, harder, his rhythm abandoned in favor of the primal need we both felt as he took me over and over again.
His kiss broke into a guttural moan of my name as he came, his body shuddering and then tensing above mine—lust, love, and wonder etched on his face as he looked down at me.
God, I loved this man.
My heart swelled, flooding me with euphoria as he collapsed, then rolled us to his side so I could breathe. We didn’t speak; our eyes did that for us. It was everything I’d been starved for and so much more, a union that didn’t just slake my body’s needs, but my soul’s.
He kissed me softly as our breathing calmed.
“Is it just me, or have we gotten even better at that?” I asked, feeling slightly drunk on pleasure.
His smile was lazy, and all the more gorgeous for it. “Just imagine how good we’re going to get.”
I stroked his face, letting his day’s worth of stubble rasp the skin of my palm. “I’m not sure I can take anything better.”
His forehead puckered. “Are you sure? Because I’ve been dreaming of this for the last two and a half years. I have quite a few ideas.”
“Oh, really?” I teased, my fingers tracing the raven tattoo that flew down his right pec.
“Really,” he promised in a low, sultry voice that already had my exhausted nerve endings waking back up.
The things this man did to my body with just his voice were criminal.
“Like what?” I asked.
“I thought for starters, we’d try out the huge Jacuzzi tub in there,” he said, motioning behind him. “Then I figured it would be night, and I could take you back on that deck and watch you come under the moonlight. But, I mean…only if you’re up for it.” His eyes took on a wicked, sexy gleam.
“Oh, I’m up for the challenge,” I promised.
One bath and an orgasm later, I found out that he could balance me on a railing and take me at the same time.
Given how loudly I screamed his name, I was certain that our neighbors heard us. I was also certain that I didn’t care.
