Midair
“Mind if I sit?” Pax asked as he stood next to my empty seat.
I took off my headphones and let them drape over my neck.
“Since my girlfriend just stole your seat, I feel like I have to say yes,” I told him and moved over.
We were thirty thousand feet over the Pacific and only a half hour from LAX and reality. At least we were in the Wilder Enterprises private jet. With twenty of us on board, it was crowded enough. One good thing about having two weeks off from the cruise would be the luxury of space.
“You look happy,” he said, clasping the seat belt as I did the same. We’d hit some wicked turbulence an hour ago that I had no wish to repeat.
“Is this where we have the epic man talk?” I asked.
“Nawh,” he said. “I’m just glad you two worked your shit out.”
I looked ahead and over to where Leah and Rachel sat, deep in conversation. The past two days had been perfect—not just the sex, but the feeling of commitment, the idea that we just might make it…if I didn’t fuck it up.
“That remains to be seen,” I said quietly.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I swallowed the fear that had been knocking at my door since the moment she told me she loved me back on Fiji. “I meant to tell her…before.”
“Before what?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.
“Don’t be stupid,” I snapped.
His hands went up to his shoulders like he was under arrest. “Okay. For fuck’s sake, you’re testy for someone who finally got laid.”
“Seriously?”
“Come on. She’s all mellow, and you’re looking at her like she’s a cake you can’t get enough of. You two fucked.”
I cringed. “Don’t…” I shook my head. “Unless you want me talking about Leah like that, just don’t.”
His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “Fair enough. I’ve just never known you to be sensitive on that shit.”
“Yeah, well, it’s Rachel.”
“Understood. Now what has you freaked out? What the hell didn’t you tell her?”
“Why I left.”
His eyes widened. “What? She knew it was for the competition, right?”
“Right. But she doesn’t know why.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he said, sliding his hand over his face. “You fought with that girl for the better part of two months and you never told her?”
I shook my head. “She was so pissed. If I told her to start with, I never would have gotten within a hundred yards of her. She might have left…and taken Leah with her.”
“Oh no, you do not tie Leah to this. I made that mistake and it almost cost me her in the first place. As a matter of fact, you saw what me keeping shit from her almost cost me. How the hell can you be so stupid as to repeat my mistake? You’re the smarter of us.”
“It’s not exactly easy,” I hissed. “All I’ve ever wanted is a second chance with her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved—the only woman I will ever love. So I figured I’d tell her when she started talking to me again. But then she did, and I didn’t want to chance losing her. So then I figured I’d do it when we were in Fiji. That was why I rented that bungalow. I figured if I told her there, we could work it out away from everyone else, and then carry on.”
“But instead you decided to…” He opened up his hands like he was asking me what the fuck I was thinking…because that’s exactly what he was doing.
“Then she told me she loved me, and well…” I opened my hands in the same fashion.
He shook his head. “You know what? I got nothing. How the fuck are you going to clear this up? She’s about to be home in a few hours, and you know how much her parents hate you.”
“I don’t know. I keep trying to open my mouth and just tell her, but…” I raked my hands over my baseball hat. “But I’m terrified of losing her. I know without a doubt that she’s it for me. She’s the only woman I’m meant to be with. What the fuck do I do if she leaves me?”
Pax’s eyes drifted to where Leah sat. “Beg. You get on your goddamned knees and beg. You apologize, and you explain. At this point, it’s not even that it happened, it’s that you hid it from her. That they hid it from her.”
“She’s everything to me,” I said quietly.
“Yeah. I know just how you feel. Grab on tight, because knowing Rachel, you’re not in for an easy time of it once she knows. You’d better just pray that she loves you enough not to cut your ass off.”
I watched her laugh with Leah and cursed myself. Why hadn’t I told her? Found a second to lay it all out? Because you knew it would destroy her, one way or another.
“It’s not fair. No matter what I do, she’s going to hate us both. She’s never felt like she was enough, you know? The way I left her…I don’t know how to mend that tear I put there, and this will just rip her further apart.”
“You’ve got her cornered here, but I’m not sure I want to see her go ballistic in a contained environment. She’s liable to take down the plane.”
The captain’s voice came over the intercom. “We’ve begun our initial descent into Los Angeles. Flight attendants, please ready the cabin for landing.”
“Or I guess now you just pray,” Pax said. He must have seen my general look of dismay, because his shoulders slumped. “Look, man, she loves you. It’s written all over her damn face. You two are a force of nature, and anyone or anything who steps between you gets crushed—believe me, I know. What happened was over two years ago. It’s in the past. You just show her that you are there for every day of her future, and she’ll forgive you. She might not forgive them, but that’s between her and them.”
“Yeah. Thanks, man.” I sat back and watched LAX approach, so lost in my own thoughts that I barely noticed when Rachel took Pax’s seat. Her small hand slipped into mine, and she squeezed.
As the plane touched down, she kissed my cheek. “Welcome home,” she said with a smile.
I turned and held her face, wishing I could pour all of my love into her, that I could somehow make everything perfect. Then I kissed her, praying that she remembered everything I’d told her in Fiji, that we were stubborn enough to see this through—that it was always our decision to make us work.
“I was already home,” I said against her lips. “My home is wherever you are.”
She smiled, and I felt like the biggest bastard on the planet.
We deplaned on the tarmac, where there were cars waiting to take us to our homes. “Want to share?” I asked.
“I know you need to get home. It’s okay. You go, and I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner, right?”
“Right,” I told her, kissing her again because I could—because I was terrified that it might be the last time. “I love you, Rachel. I know we’re home, and that things back here are…different, but no matter what your parents say, or me leaving for Aspen, that doesn’t change.”
“I know,” she said. “Stop stressing. You’re acting like me.”
I laughed. “Maybe I just hate thinking about sleeping in an empty bed.”
She wound her arms around my neck as her bags were loaded into the car behind her. “Well, it’s only for a couple weeks. Then maybe when we’re back on board you can sleep in my bed.”
“Or you can sleep in mine,” I offered.
“After you burn the sheets, ban the camera crew from the suite, and get a new mattress,” she said with a quick grin and a kiss. “I love you.”
“Done deal.”
I gathered her to me, kissing her like my life depended on it, memorizing the feel of her lips, her lavender-and-peppermint scent, her gentle sigh in my ears. I’d tell her tomorrow at dinner.
As long as they didn’t tell her first.
