Ever since Nico told me he apologized to Paisley after being so damn rude to her the day Erik attacked her, the tension between us has eased. I prefer it this way. I mean, who wouldn’t. Nico Quivez isn’t just a friend I can pull to the side and pep talk whenever shit goes down, he’s my business partner here at Fearless Fitness and so it’s important to create a good work-life balance with him that doesn’t affect business. While Nico can be a pain in the ass, I’m glad he had the balls to acknowledge his faults, and we can all move forward.
I mean, I did threaten Nico’s life if he didn’t, but according to Paisley, it was a genuine apology and that’s all I ever wanted. I know Paisley well enough to know she won’t tell her father about the way Nico acted toward her, but it still isn’t fair. She sent me a text earlier on this week thanking me regarding Nico’s apology. It made me smile because Paisley’s such an intelligent woman… she totally sensed I had some involvement in putting Nico straight.
Ever since her text, we haven’t stopped messaging. It’s been four days. Four. And my heart still spasms whenever my phone buzzes with her name. We talk about everything and anything.
It’s been hard having to act as if she doesn’t mean a single thing to me whenever Alaric’s around. Paisley and I vowed to explore each other’s lives more after she graduates soon, but we never determined the limits. As guilty as I feel regarding Alaric, the thrill of the chase fuels me with adrenaline I only used to feel before a boxing game or riding my Harley. This untamed desire bursting at the seams, destined to come undone and clasp what I truly desire. And crashing my mouth against Paisley’s gorgeous plump pink lips is what I truly desire lately.
I wanted it like crazy bad, wanted to taunt and suck on those beautiful lips for every time she teased me whenever she bit them, and I felt my hardening cock pulse. What’s going on between Paisley and me is something I can barely describe. We’re walking that fine line between friends and wanting more. God knows I’ve been close to making a move and kissing her already. Like the night at the cemetery when I was holding her so close, or when I brought Mercedes over to dinner, or when she was dressing my wounds the other day. I’m hanging on by a bare fucking thread.
Thirteen years ago, I would have given her the world, but demons of my past fuck with my subconscious and scar my reality with flaws deeper than the Atlantic. I’m not a man to love. That I know. But fuck, whatever Paisley has in mind… I want to know. I don’t know what this promise we made after her graduation entails, but I’m so fucking curious and desperate. Desperate to unravel just how far this can go… because I care for her more than she knows.
She’s made it clear to me more than once how she feels about me, but Paisley is a romantic. She deserves all the happiness and a happily ever after. I can’t give her that, so starting something I’m not going to finish isn’t fair, not for her. But right now, I don’t give a fuck about fair.
All I know is that she’s taken over every inch of my mind.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
“LISCONTI!”
My attention snaps toward Nico, who’s staring at me with a raised brow in the middle of our Fitness Studio. An amused smirk grows on his lips when he crosses his boxing-pad-covered hands over his chest and gives me a ‘what took you so fucking long?’ look.
My brows knit. Huh?
It’s only when I glance around that I realize why Nico’s looking at me. Oh shit. Two dozen pairs of eyes stare back at me, and it all comes back to me. Bootcamp, 5:30 a.m. I literally fucking zoned out in the middle of demonstrating with Nico the next set of drills.
That’s what Paisley does to me.
Here at Fearless Fitness, not only can members come in and work out, but we train clients one-on-one, offer a diverse range of fitness classes, HIIT, and boot camps. We have a fast-growing, successful community, and I’m just fortunate to have sensational members who simply laugh off what just happened and Nico, who only encourages them.
Rubbing my stubbled jaw, I let out a breath between and chuckle. “Jesus. Did I just blank out?”
Nico can’t stop nodding. “I was calling you for a solid five minutes, wasn’t I, guys?”
Laughter heightens in our industrial-styled fitness studio, and I shoot them all an apologetic smile. “Sorry, guys. That won’t happen again. Let’s continue where we left off.”
We all retake our positions and I deliver alternative jabs, explaining the technique of each precise movement as I go. After the demonstration, Nico and I watch on as members split up in pairs of two and begin their drills. The gym is thriving, super busy this time of morning, as usual with people all over.
Concentrate this time, Lisconti.
I cross my arms over my fitness uniform T-shirt and stay focused.
Fearless Fitness is located on 21st St. in Sacramento midtown. Tall, tinted doors open to a lobby that leads to a massive industrial open area gym with distressed white painted exposed brick walls, steel finishes, gym mirrors, televisions, black rubber gym flooring, and elite fitness equipment like rowing machines, treadmills, weights, and battle ropes to say the least. The classic white alongside moody grays and dark color pallets with beautiful architectural features and three rows of twelve thirty-two-inch metallic LED triangular chandelier lighting in black that screams luxury.
One of my favorite touches is the inspirational affirmations and quotes on certain sections of the walls in cursive white neon signs. My personal favorite…
‘Rise and grind’.
The right side of the fitness studio is specifically assigned to boxing and MMA training, as it’s a passion both Nico and I share and envisioned here. Punching bags, boxing balls, gloves, kick pads, and skipping stations fill the space. My favorite section is the boxing ring where I get down and dirty professionally training clients to build their strength and endurance and be their fiercest, best selves.
Seven large private fitness rooms with floor-to-ceiling frosted glass walls align the left wall. Each holds allocated fitness classes such as spin class, yoga, self-defense, Pilates, cardio dance, aerial silks, and pole dancing with dedicated certified trainers. By the last room is a hall that leads to a staff room and kitchen on the left and on the right high-end wood tiled shower rooms with matte black accents, saunas, and ice baths to recover after a hardcore workout.
I wonder what Paisley’s doing right now seeing as finals week is over.
I shake my head to myself. So much for not thinking about her.
Stop thinking.
I attempt to get Paisley out of my mind, but it isn’t so easy. I get caught in a song pumping from our music sound system and furrow my brows. What the hell? How did this get into the playlist?
It’s some song by John Mayer that was a hot hit at the start of the year, “Moving On and Getting Over”. It’s definitely NOT the type of song we usually have pumping in the gym. It’s nothing against Mayer, but slower songs don’t match the fast momentum while working out. Music is important to me; it was my way of keeping level-headed when I used to train and box professionally. There was nothing like listening to an upbeat tune like something from Bon Jovi moments before stepping in the ring. I want to create the same experience with clients in this gym. Music and rhythm, that’s my thing.
Not only isn’t it a typical song of ours, but the lyrics taunt me, reminding me exactly of what’s going on between Paisley and me. My jaw grinds as John Mayer sings about two people who can’t be together and are not the friends they once were, yet still are unable to not think about each other. Even when they want to move on, aspects of the other person remain.
I’m grateful when the song ends and “Life of an outlaw” by Tupac comes on.
Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
I step behind one of the women I’m training, Liz, and straighten the tension from her shoulders to ease her jabs with more precision. She smiles over her shoulder at me, fluttering her lashes, and continues punching away.
Nico arches a smug brow when I’m back beside him. We talk lowly, making sure nobody else hears as he leans over and says, “I’m not going to say anything, but I’m also not not going to say anything. She’s into you.”
“This is a fitness studio, man, not some speed dating bar. Plus, I’m not interested.”
“Saint Lisconti not interested? Okay. Fine. You’ve already got a girl then, huh?”
Paisley’s face flashes in my mind.
Swallowing thickly, I shake my head. “No girl, just want to keep things professional at work. My priorities have changed. They’re not what they used to be.”
Correction: There’s only one woman I care about. A woman I can never truly have.
“What changed?”
Paisley. That’s what changed.
I shrug. “Life.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look, can we not talk about this now? We’re kind of in the middle of something.” I gesture around the fitness studio. “If you don’t remember…”
“Oh, I remember. Don’t worry about me.” Nico smirks and rubs a slow hand over his chin as if in thought. “Okay. Fine. Let’s say you have changed. That only means one thing… who’s the girl who changed your mind? You haven’t been having any casual relationships lately. It must be because there’s a woman you can’t stop thinking about and you’re trying to polish up your character to impress her.”
Holy shit. Who is this guy? Bond?
I feel my heartbeat in my ears as I glance away from Nico, a little freaked out he hit the target. Liz meets my eyes and shoots me her pearly whites in a bright grin. She doesn’t stop staring until I give her a small smile and a courteous thumbs-up. It’s only then that she returns to hitting the pads another woman is holding.
I turn back to Nico and the motherfucker’s smirk has grown wider. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
My eyes narrow. “No, you’re not, you piece of shit.”
“Oooo, I’m so right! Who is it? That Mercedes chick?”
“God, no. That ended weeks ago. Besides, it was only for a weekend with her.”
“Who’s the woman you can’t get out of your mind then?”
I sigh and look at him. “There honestly isn’t anybody. Trust me, man. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Nico stares at me long and hard before eventually nodding. “All right, I’ll stop pushing your buttons now.” He smiles and slaps my back. “I trust you. You’re many things, but you’re not a liar.”
He walks off to help a member who’s struggling to keep up with the group and I remain standing here with a strangled breath, completely taken aback at what just happened.
It’s crazy… crazy because Nico trusts me enough to just dismiss it after being so persistent. Crazy because there is a woman I can’t get out of my head, and no amount of John Mayer can fix my wildflower clouded mind. Crazy because Nico believed I would never lie to him, and yet…
I just did.
PAISLEY: Do you also have a blackout, or does the world just hate me tonight?
I smile at Paisley’s text. Neither of us can stop these late-night texts. It’s exactly two weeks since we promised each other to be more open, and now that her graduation is tomorrow, the smoke behind our heated tension is on the verge of clearing.
Paisley knows what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to tempt the beast within me. Paisley’s becoming bolder. I’m becoming a more stripped-down version of the man I used to be. But being that type of man feels so damn natural and pure and right.
So far, I’ve been almost caught by Alaric… once. It was when I was over at his house the other night and I caught a glance of Paisley’s gorgeous ass bent over as she sorted through the kitchen cupboards, adamant to bake some sweets. I almost choked on my whiskey at the fucking sight of her and had to pretend my cock wasn’t pulsing in my jeans when I returned my gaze to the movie and Alaric’s eyes snapped from the television to me.
When it was safe, I subtly glanced her way, only to find Paisley smirking my way in the kitchen. Caught. Now, the thoughts keep on circling as I stare at her text, well aware it’s 2:33 a.m. and her dad left just over half an hour ago for his hospital shift. It’s the first time Paisley has texted me this late. Right now… it’s just her and me and the unfiltered white noise.
SAINT: World just hates you, wildflower.
PAISLEY: Gee, wow, thank you. That’s one way to get a woman’s confidence back…
SAINT: Kiddin’. I’ve got no power either… It’s after 2, shouldn’t you be asleep?
PAISLEY: Shouldn’t you? 😉
I smirk.
SAINT: Who says your text didn’t wake me up?
Those three dots dance and dance and fucking dance and then they drop.
Nothing.
I pull down the bedsheets and swing my legs to the edge of the bed. Stretching my neck from side to side, I decide she probably doesn’t know how to respond. Cute.
Cute?
What the fuck was that and since when did such a word enter my vocabulary?
Raking a hand through my hair, I lie back down on the edge of the bed. It’s the first week of summer in June and already it’s freaking boiling here in Sacramento. While I usually love the warm weather, this heatwave is beyond uncomfortable for sleep. To add to the shit, the electricity is out, and the only source of fresh, breezy air is slaughtered.
SAINT: For the record, it didn’t wake me up, Scaredy Cat.
PAISLEY: Oh. Were you preoccupied?
A second text comes through.
PAISLEY: A woman?
SAINT: No, not a woman, you creep. Can’t sleep. Too fucking hot. What’s keeping you up?
PAISLEY: Well, you know how I’m graduating from high school tomorrow?
SAINT: Mhmmm.
PAISLEY: Well, I’m just stressed about my high school diploma. So, when I can’t sleep, I need to listen to some calming sounds like rainforests and birds chirping like I told you. But the app I use doesn’t work without the internet and my data isn’t working, so… here I am.
Smirking harder, I bite back a laugh.
SAINT: And you thought the most logical solution was to message the guy next door?
PAISLEY: I can feel you smirking, asshole.
Fuck. I can’t help but let out a chuckle.
SAINT: I am. Love how your brain works, Pais. Why don’t you try reciting some of those flowers?
PAISLEY: I have, but it hasn’t helped.
SAINT: Impossible. Come on, you’ve got this. Also, don’t stress about tomorrow, it’ll be smooth sailing, I promise. I’m sure you’ve been preparing yourself for it since you learned how to tie shoelaces. If I ask Alaric, he’ll probably second that.
PAISLEY: Ha. Ha. Very funny.
SAINT: It’s true. Don’t sweat it or overthink it. I believe in you, you know that.
PAISLEY: Aww, thank you, I really appreciate it! It’ll only be my father at the Commencement Ceremony tomorrow… so I guess that will be a bit less pressure without my mom in a way. It sounds odd… but I always imagined she’d be back for it, you know?
SAINT: It’s her loss, Pais. She doesn’t know what she’s missing seeing such a beautiful, intelligent, and brave woman grip life by the horns and still win. She’s not worth it, Pais, not after all the shit she caused you.
PAISLEY: You’re so right… I couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s just crazy knowing she’s worlds away. Sometimes you can grieve for somebody while they’re still alive… How fucked up is that!
Paisley’s words drag an invisible knife down my throat, the tip digging and digging until the skin is punctured beyond repair. Fuck. Her words shouldn’t affect me as much as they do, this much I know, but as for the rest… I have no fuckin’ clue of the reason why I can’t put my thoughts together and remain composed.
I clutch at my chest, at that little spot just above my heart, and shut my eyes. Letting go of my phone, the other hand rests by my core, my fingers spreading against the grooves of my abs as I inhale and exhale rapidly. Too rapidly. Slowing my breath, I let out a curse and re-grip my phone.
Get it together, Lisconti.
SAINT: I learned a long time ago that you can’t change people. Sure, you can attempt to sway their actions, but changing somebody to suit your needs only paralyzes your own desires.
PAISLEY: Wow, I’ve never thought about it that way. Powerful words, Santo.
Santo.
My heart pounds recklessly.
SAINT: It’s Saint.
PAISLEY: Sorry, yes… Saint.
She sends another text.
PAISLEY: Can I ask you something?
SAINT: Why do you need permission to ask me something now when it’s what we’ve been doing?
PAISLEY: Because… it may be too personal.
SAINT: Then call me.
My heart beats wildly as I hit send.
It’s past two in the morning.
I should be asleep.
She should be asleep.
We shouldn’t have even noticed the blackout. Yet we did, and we’re talking. It’s like our minds are synced and it’s fucked up, but that doesn’t stop me from answering her call on the first freaking ring.
“It’s weirder like this.” Are Paisley’s first words.
I chuckle. “What is?”
“Asking you what I’m about to ask you.”
“Preferred it without hearing my voice? Did it make it less real?”
“Mhmmm.”
“Too bad, this is how we’re gonna do it, Paisley… and no, don’t roll your eyes at me.”
She gasps, her voice a soft daydream. “How did you know I did that?”
“Just did.” I laugh softly, resting my left hand behind my head on the pillow. “All right, ask me.”
“Okayyy.” Paisley sighs. “Why don’t you like being called by your real name? Did something happen?”
Dio.
My eyes fall shut and I feel my throat closing up, only a deep sigh easing it. “Yes, something happened.”
“Oh, okay, you don’t need to tell me what. I was just curious and maybe should have never asked. Sorry, it just slipped, and you know me, once I’m thinking something I can’t help but ask. I won’t call you it again.”
“Thank you.”
White noise invades the line before Paisley’s soft voice shines through. “Whatever it is that made you close up to the world around you, just know that you’re entitled to happiness too. I’ve only seen you smile a handful of times and I just… well, I want to know if you’re okay.”
Whatever it is that made you close up to the world around you, just know that you’re entitled to happiness too.
“Yeah, I’m all right, Pais.”
A sad smile breaks through as I come to terms with how much the warmth of her voice resonates in my chest. Sure, we started off on the wrong foot—literally, I stepped on her damn flowers—but then on her eighteenth birthday she ran into my arms, and everything changed.
“Saint? You still there?”
“Still here.”
A lifetime passes before she murmurs, “Who hurt you?”
“Nobody hurt me.” I suck in a deep, uncontrolled breath. “I hurt myself… I hurt myself loving her… Loving Lea.”
“You loved her?” Paisley asks, her voice so breathy it kills me physically.
It’s crazy how natural it feels to talk to Paisley about Lea if I just allow myself to.
“I did, with everything I had, enough that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I loved her until she gave me reasons not to and I don’t need to be deceived twice to step away. She was mentally unwell and…” My throat swells as I swallow thickly. “It just hurts, you know?”
“I know. I don’t want you hurting. Do you think you could ever move on from her?”
“I have moved on from Lea. I did a long time ago when boxing took over my life. It’s why I started, to escape reality. I’ve moved on from her, but it’s the feelings I took away from the relationship that have stayed with me and molded me to be… scared of seeing the beauty of the world, just like you said.”
“That makes so much sense now. Thank you for talking to me about her. I know it isn’t easy, but I find the more we talk about hardships, the easier it gets in the long term.”
“I agree. I’m sorry to be unloading all this shit on you. I really don’t feel like talking any more about her now. I know you should be sleeping for your graduation tomorrow and—”
“Don’t be silly,” Paisley says, but it comes out so damn sexy. “You know everything about me and my fucked up life and struggles. I want to support you like you support me.”
She’s so curious.
So determined.
So beautiful.
“Paisley, do you know who I am?”
“Yes, of course I do. You’re a former champion professional boxer in one of the most notoriously dangerous sports. Now, you’re a fitness trainer. You’re my father’s best friend. The mysterious guy next door. A man I’m supposed to know nothing about, but in these past months that’s changed, and I know you feel it too. You hide yourself away from how you truly feel. You walk around with intimating blue eyes, rarely smile, used to knock men out cold. Yet, at the same time, you know the most delicate of flowers and are always here to support me. I’m not scared of you, Saint. You’re always here for me and I know you won’t hurt me.”
“You’ve got some confidence, Pais.”
“No, I really don’t. I’m sinking in a world that’s swimming.”
“You’re not alone in that feeling.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m not scared.”
“And maybe that’s exactly why I am scared. You understand me so fucking perfectly and I’ve… I’ve never had something like that before, you know. Maybe we’re just crazy…”
“Maybe… Or maybe we’re two broken souls trying to find a way to perfect our flaws together, while ocean waves crash against our bodies and cleanse our hearts. Maybe we were supposed to meet, and you were supposed to step on my lilies that day. Maybe we were supposed to have this crazy connection and at the same time, be complete opposites.”
“Maybe.” I smile softly. “Now, I’m going to let you go because it’s late. This conversation stays between us, as always. Good night, Paisley.”
“Night, Saint,” she whispers, and I hear the hint of a grin in her voice too.
Just as I’m about to hang up, I murmur, “Enjoy every single moment of tomorrow.”
And maybe, just maybe, if Paisley reads between the lines, she’ll realize that’s all she’ll ever need to know and understand about me.
I’m not the type of man to crave connection or love.
I don’t deserve it.
Not in this lifetime.
SAINT: Happy graduation in advance, wildflower. Don’t make a fool out of yourself with your father watching up on that stage… unlike I did at mine. 😉
PAISLEY: Aww, thank you so much! Oh, you definitely need to tell me about that story one day… 😉 Dad has a work emergency at the hospital. A patient is critical and wants him to stay on, so he’s going to be there for a couple more hours and pull a double.
What?
I come to a halt across the street to my fitness studio.
Alaric’s missing her graduation?
My brows draw close together as I slip my black duffle bag from my shoulder and reread the text.
SAINT: What do you mean? He’s going to miss your graduation?
PAISLEY: Inevitably, yes. But it’s okay. He says he feels bad, but I completely understand. His patients need him, you know.
It’s a fucking double-edged sword, because as true as it is that Alaric’s patients rely on him… this is Paisley’s graduation. It only happens once in a lifetime. Today is supposed to be a special day surrounded by the people who support and care for you. My heart breaks that she’s not going to have anybody there.
SAINT: Where are you now?
PAISLEY: About half an hour early to my graduation… I’m so nervous!!!
SAINT: No need to be nervous, Pais. You’ve got this!
PAISLEY: I hope so. Fingers crossed.
SAINT: They’re crossed… toes too. HAHA!
PAISLEY: LOL! Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon. xx
SAINT: Talk then, tesoro. x
An idea crosses my mind.
Sliding my phone into my back shorts pocket, I glance across 21st St. at my fitness studio doors. Nico is walking up the other side of the road and hasn’t seen me yet. He heads toward Fearless Fitness’s tinted doors, pulls out his phone, and comes to a halt.
Come on, man. Walk in!
But of course with Nico being Nico, he doesn’t. At least his back is to me. If he stays where he is and doesn’t see me… maybe I can actually pull this shit off.
I’m meant to host a mixed boxing and MMA training boot camp with him this morning. While last week we alternated between training boxing and jiujitsu drills, low and high intensity cardio, weights and conditioning, this week we’re focusing on wrestling, kickboxing, pad intervals, strength, and live situation. I know I can’t bail on him or my clients now. There are a good twenty minutes until our boot camp begins… and yet…
Slinging the duffle bag strap over my shoulder, I pivot in my Nikes and jog toward my Maserati’s parking spot. Just as I reach for the car handle, Nico’s damn voice booms from across the street.
Well, shit.
“Hey, Lisconti! Where the hell are you going? Left your pride in the car or something?”
I turn to Nico and rub a hand over my stubbled jaw. I was so damn close.
“No, man.” I nervously chuckle. “I, uh, I just need this morning off.”
“Seriously? Bootcamp’s going to start in twenty. What the hell am I going to tell our clients? Nobody else can fill in for you. There needs to be another trainer with me.”
“Tell them it’s a personal emergency. Promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“Is something wrong with family?”
I shake my head softly. “No, man. It’s just personal.”
Nico’s eyes narrow down on me, but whatever he’s searching for, he won’t find.
I’ve got nothing to hide. Except for the fucking reason I’m going to skip work this morning, even though I’m the co-owner.
I know Nico. He would give me shit if I told him the real reason. He’d tell me to get my priorities straight. But he also knows how focused and dedicated I am to my work. Hell, I founded the damn place with him. It’s the same reason Nico seems to trust my word and begins walking backward toward our fitness studio with a curt nod.
“All right.” Nico gestures toward me. “But you fucking owe me, Chihuahua.”
I flip him off with a chuckle. “You’re the best, man.”
“Go already, you sneaky shit!”
