After soaking in the bathtub for a little while longer, Paisley and I decided to have an actual shower to wash the day away. Not that anything needed to be washed away. We were all smiles, hands gliding over each other’s body with lathered soap and with all our strength had a legitimate shower.
I think one of the things I love most is now that we’ve been intimate, there’s this glimmer in Paisley’s eyes whenever she glances my way, and I’m sure as hell there’s that same glimmer in my gaze too. It’s as if we understand each other on another level. Are more connected. There’s not a part of my life I don’t feel comfortable sharing with Paisley Reign right now as we step back into the kitchen at 1:32 a.m.
I love that I’m scooping Neapolitan ice cream into two bowls while the rest of California is sound asleep. Okay, that was probably a long shot considering Los Angeles is 408 miles away and between Hollywood and high-end parties at multimillion-dollar residences, but I know what I meant.
It isn’t lost on me that there’s no time for us to make it back to Sacramento before the end of her father’s hospital shift at 3:00 a.m. The fact that Paisley hasn’t said anything… the fact that she wants to stay with me here in Stinson Beach—such an important place for me—means a lot to me.
Paisley’s sitting on the marble kitchen island, watching on as I place the ice cream tub back in the freezer and open the cutlery drawer in search of two spoons. She’s wearing nothing but her black lace panties and my faded dark gray Harley T-shirt that reaches her mid-thighs, her long legs and hard nipples that stab through the fabric stealing my attention.
God, I’d love to push those panties to the side and fuck her into tomorrow.
My karma comes when I blindly reach for the utensils and end up placing two knives into each ice cream bowl instead of spoons. Great. Just great. Swearing, I correct myself and grab the two spoons instead, all while my cock doesn’t get the memo because I’m already semi-hard again after that breathtaking sex.
Paisley grins over at me. “Concentrate, Lisconti.”
“Yeah, concentrate. That’s easy for you to say when there’s another part of me that has a mind of its own.”
She looks at me genuinely confused, so I gesture down to my very obvious erection straining against my gray sweatpants, and her jaw drops. “Holy hell, again?”
I smile bashfully because this is actually so fucking irritating. All I want to do is enjoy some post-sex quiet time with Paisley, but apparently my dick has other plans. “Goddamn, I need the opposite of fucking Viagra right now.”
She bursts out laughing. “Just stop thinking whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“Uh, kind of hard to do when you’re right in front of me.”
Paisley bites her lip to hide her smirk, but I still see it. She thanks me as I hand her an ice cream bowl, and I watch with a smile as she tastes the creamy strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla delight, and her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. “This is so delicious!”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t had this flavor before…”
“I totally haven’t. Now I know what I’ve been missing out on.”
“Definitely been missing out. It’s my favorite.”
“Oh, really? Why this one?”
“Hmmm, I think I have to be a little biased because I’m half Neapolitan on my mom’s side.”
“Aww. That’s amazing. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to be stealing all your favorites.”
“Don’t mind at all. What’s your favorite ice cream? Well, I mean after this one now.”
Paisley’s cheeks flush. “Vanilla…”
Vanilla.
I smirk. “Vanilla? Not on my watch. Nothing will be vanilla from this point forth, babydoll.” I wink, and she bursts out in laughter at my innuendo. Of course my damn cock twitches. “Jesus Christ, not even deflecting is helping me.”
“Okay, how about I recite some flowers? I’m sure that’ll bore you.”
“I doubt it, but sure, that could work.”
“All right, let me think. Oh, asters. Perennial flowering plants that encompass around one hundred eighty species. Colors range from white, purple, blue, or pink. Monarch butterflies love asters and usually feast on them during the late blooms throughout their fall migration. Is this helping at all?”
I scratch the back of my head. “Not really, your knowledge of all these flowers is kind of turning me on even more.”
Paisley rolls her eyes, and I don’t blame her. I’m a fucking mess. “God help me.”
“No, babydoll, I don’t need any more helping right now.”
Paisley grins, crossing her legs as she runs a hand through her damp beach waves. My eyes linger on her gorgeous long neck and the mark I left at the base of it.
God, I want to suck on her skin again so badly.
Wait… a hickey? A hickey!
Alaric.
ALARIC.
My erection softens in seconds. Alaric is going to fucking kill me if he puts two and two together. He knew I was going to be here for the weekend and that Paisley and I don’t exactly what to kill each other anymore like we once used to. Yes, I’ve always been careful around him and have never once alluded to what’s happening between Paisley and me, but… what are the chances that I’m out of town and all of a sudden, his daughter isn’t home in the early hours of the morning?
Paisley’s hand blindly rushes up to her neck and she smiles softly as she caresses her skin. “Stop stressing, it’s fine. My father won’t see a thing. I’ll cover it up.”
“With what? You can’t exactly wear a scarf. We’re in California and it’s summer!” Raking a hand through my hair, I start pacing up and down the kitchen with my ice cream bowl in hand. “God, what are you going to say if your father sees and asks? We should think of something, right? Dio. I should have been more careful and kept in mind that he… shit, I fucked up, didn’t I?”
Yes, Lisconti, you royally fucked up.
It should have been the first rule. Don’t leave hickeys on your best friend’s daughter!
Don’t make it obvious.
Don’t create complications on the first night.
Paisley’s so damn calm as she arches a brow in amusement. “Okay, firstly… How did you go from worrying about your erection to stressing about my father possibly seeing a hickey you left on me in two-point-five seconds?”
“I don’t know, but I kind of wish I were still worrying about flower knowledge turning me on.”
She laughs. “Secondly, come here.”
I let go of the weight draping my shoulders and stride closer to her. Setting my ice cream bowl on the kitchen island beside her thigh, where hers is also placed, I settle my body between her legs and allow this deep breath to escape me. I don’t know why I’m stressing about it so much. I guess it’s just because now Paisley needs to create an excuse for her father because of me. I don’t want to place her in that position. I don’t want to lie to Alaric more than we already need to.
“And thirdly,” Paisley whispers against my lips as she cups my stubbled jaw and lifts it so I’m focused to look at her. She smiles so placid and sweet, so tranquil that for a second I forget why I’m stressing. “Stop being in your head so much. I know you, Saint, you’re thinking about a thousand possible scenarios my father could conclude to when he discovers I didn’t sleep the night at my house. Let those thoughts go because he isn’t going to suspect a thing. When I was getting dressed after the shower, I sent him a text saying I went out with Maralyn to celebrate my graduation and spend time downtown and she didn’t want me going home to an empty house, so I stayed over and would see him later on tomorrow.”
“Okay, that’s the best save I’ve ever heard in my life. Does Maralyn know?”
“Not yet, but I’ll tell her first thing tomorrow when I go in for my shift, so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve got all bases covered.”
Sighing in relief, I can’t help but rest my forehead against Paisley’s and shut my eyes. “Shit, I made something out of nothing, didn’t I?”
“No, not at all. You were just worried and that’s understandable. I just don’t want these worries to come between us during the little time we have this summer, you know?”
“I know. I just don’t want you to be making excuses because of me, that’s all. I don’t want any feathers to be ruffled between you and your father because of me. I know how important he is to you, and I could never forgive myself if… you know… this doesn’t turn out right and it causes a rift between you two.”
“I think you’re forgetting something here…”
I open my eyes and meet her gaze. “What’s that?”
Paisley grins as if I’m being clueless to it all. She kisses my forehead, her beach waves brushing against my face. “You’re forgetting that all these possibilities and challenges that could come with this summer don’t depend on just you, Saint, they depend on us. What I’m trying to say is, if something goes wrong or I need to make an excuse to my father or some feathers are ruffled, it isn’t solely because of you, it’s because of us. We’re attracted to each other and when two people who aren’t supposed to be together feel this heated passion for one another, lust is unstoppable. That’s what’s happening to us, so we’ve agreed to spend this summer together before I move to college. We made a joint decision; I want this as badly as you do. So, if there are consequences, it’s because I wanted this too. The battles we’ll face, we’ll face them together, just like we always have.”
My heart spasms because Paisley’s so right. All along I’ve been thinking that all this weight with her father finding out would be because of me, but she couldn’t have explained it more perfectly. Whatever happens, it’s on us. Neither one of us is at fault, because we both want this. And fuck, how much I want this with Paisley until the end of the summer.
All that comes to me is to pull her close and kiss her passionately, tasting the sweetness of the ice cream on her tongue as she kisses me back with no regrets.
The second we pull away, Paisley glances at me in awe. “Hmm, what was that for?”
“For being you.” I smile. “For always knowing what to say. For calming me down with your smile alone and being so wise. I’m sorry for freaking the fuck out.”
“No need to apologize. Look, let’s forget about the whole thing. Besides, this isn’t something a little concealer can’t fix.”
The pad of my thumb brushes over her hickey, a smile on my lips when I glance up and find those honey browns filled with so much warmth. I groan, slipping my hand away, and slap her thigh. “Come on, let’s eat this Neapolitan ice cream before it melts, and I bend you over the kitchen island and fuck you instead.”
“Gee, what a gentleman,” Paisley sarcastically teases, her snicker turning into a squeal the second I pick her up from the island and carry her over my shoulder—fireman style. She slaps my bare back mid-laughter. “I’m joking, I’m joking! You really are a good guy! The greatest! Put me down!”
I laugh and set her down on her feet, not before I spank her peachy ass through the Harley T-shirt.
“What was it that you said about me being a good guy?” I tease.
Grinning, Paisley pokes out her tongue and collects her ice cream bowl, walking backward toward the large French doors that open to the patio, pool, and gate to the private access to the large stretch of Stinson Beach. “Um, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I smirk. “Oh, I see how you want to play this.”
Paisley winks and nods toward the French doors. “Can we eat ice cream on the beach outside? The view is too beautiful to pass on.”
The smirk vanishes on my lips, and I swallow down the forming knot in my throat. It’s been thirteen years since I opened that gate that leads to the private stretch of beach. Thirteen years. I know Paisley notices just how tense her question has made me, but she doesn’t push it. She simply stands tall by the doors, waiting for my next move.
I brought Paisley to Stinson Beach because I wanted her to see the full extent of the type of man I truly am. Beyond those backyard gates and onto the beach… that’s who I really am, or perhaps… that’s the person I left behind. Either way, I know that tonight is the night I need to let go of all the masks confining me. I need to step up. Be a man. Fucking face the reality of things. And it’s exactly what I do as I roll my shoulders back and replace my motionless expression with a soft smile.
Taking a hold of the ice cream bowl in one hand, I walk up to Paisley and clasp her hand in mine. “All right, let’s go out there. It’s a warm night anyway, and you’re right… the views are incredible.”
But Paisley can see past the front I’m putting on. She always does. That’s what I like most about her. The fact that she doesn’t try to be something she isn’t around me, and she doesn’t let me either.
Her eyes glance between mine. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
I gulp down and nod.
“I don’t… I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to cause you any pain if you don’t want to go out. We can stay in, eat, talk.”
I shake my head and kiss Paisley’s forehead, a smile rising on my lips. “No, let’s go out there. There’s no pain I feel when I’m with you, babydoll, only pleasure.”
Paisley’s grin is so bright as she squeezes my hand and we walk together through the French doors and across my patio. It’s dark out here, with the only light being that of the stars and moon shining above. The ocean breeze that comes through my backyard is just so refreshing and calming, as the early morning warm wind wraps around my skin.
Once I unlock the gate dividing my beach house from the beach, I suck in a breath while Paisley’s jaw drops at the sight of the sand that starts from my back gate. We’re right on the beach—a private beach that’s farther east from Stinson Beach. There’s about just under a hundred yards of the sandy beach shore before the ocean. It’s literally my backyard and that’s one of the things that attracted me the most to this beach house.
We kick off our shoes by the gate and begin walking down the long expanse of beach barefoot, the sand warming my every step.
Paisley gasps. “This is incredible! I’ve never seen anything like this!”
“Well, it can be our hideaway for the summer. Whenever you need an escape, this can be it.”
“I seriously don’t even feel worthy of stepping on this sand.”
“Bullshit. You’re the worthiest person I know, Paisley.”
She glances up at me, the stars twinkling in her eyes. “You really mean that?”
“You know I do. You’re worthy of the entire world and universe too while we’re at it. Never forget that. Never forget how important you are in this world of ours.”
Paisley smiles, emotion written all over her face. “I won’t.”
I smile back. “Brava.”
After a couple of minutes, we’re closer to the beach and are sitting by the shore, eating our melted ice cream and watching as the waves crash back to shore. This was the view from the upstairs bathroom that we saw in the bathtub while we were making love and just something about that makes me so relieved. Relieved I can replace bad memories with the good.
Paisley’s hair is softly blowing in the beach wind as she smiles out at the water and that has me setting my empty ice cream bowl down on the sand beside me and turning to her. “You really do love the ocean, don’t you?”
“Mhmmm. When I was little, I used to think I was the Mother of the Sea.” She turns to me and grins. “Crazy, right?”
“A little.” I chuckle, appreciating the way our gazes never drop. “Don’t worry, I was the same. The beach was always a part of me too growing up. It’s why everything you wrote in that piece of poetry spoke to me so much. Because it’s everything that we are.”
“Everything that we are and everything I hope we continue to be… even after the summer.”
I nod but don’t answer as I return my eyes to the beautiful ocean. It feels like paradise when Paisley’s fingers lace up my neck and into my short tousled dark hair, her nails slowly bringing me so much ease. I remember when she did this the first time we came to Stinson Beach a couple of months ago and how far we’ve come since then.
My heart is beating so fast, thundering like lightning because of the way Paisley touches me. I swear it can convert any devil into an angel because that’s exactly what it does to me. She purifies me, purifies me until there aren’t many fragments remaining of the coldhearted man I was before, only of the different man I am right now. It’s because of her I’m changing into a better me. All because of Paisley. All because of her.
“Saint?” Paisley murmurs beside me.
“Mhmmm.”
I already feel it. Feel what she’s going to ask me next.
A breath.
A heartbeat.
A crash of the ocean waves… and then…
“Will you tell me about Lea?”
I gulp down the burning pit at the bottom of my stomach and glance at Paisley over my shoulder. Our stares extend and the way she’s looking at me with such softness and grace… it’s as if she’s the only thing that can revive me from the guilt still rippling on my skin.
I’m quiet for a long moment before I eventually nod, knowing I owe Paisley this much. She’s been so patient with me. I bet the whole mystery of Lea has been eating her up inside. She deserves to know the full story of why I’ve caged myself off from the world to protect my heart, body, and soul.
Paisley smiles. “Whenever you’re ready. Take your time.”
I nod.
Moments pass where all I feel are my own heartbeats, the sting alongside every breath and the warmth that eases it all thanks to the woman sitting next to me.
“I met Lea thirteen years ago. I was twenty-three and had just finished college. Was working restoring Harleys and other motorbikes like that. I was living at this beach house. As I said earlier at the restaurant, this place was just a home back then. Anyway…” My gaze returns to the ocean, and I continue. “We met at a café by chance… a few months later she moved in with me here at this beach house. It wasn’t just her. Lea had a three-year-old daughter, Alexis. She was the cutest thing. Always carried around this giraffe toy I bought her when we went to the zoo one day. Lea told me that Alexis’s father didn’t want anything to do with her when she found out she was pregnant with his child, so she had been raising Alexis on her own.”
“Oh, I bet you loved Alexis as if she were your own daughter.”
“Yeah, I did.” I smile softly. “At that stage of my life, I never thought I wanted children. Then Lea and Alexis came into my life, and everything changed. It’s crazy how life works. Lea had been trying to find a job for the longest time. She really only had experience as a bartender and club DJ, but that wasn’t really ideal because she had Alexis. At the start, it was perfect. It was perfect until it wasn’t. From the inside looking in, we looked like the perfect little family, but on the inside, cracks started to form. Lea… she wasn’t happy with the world. Depression. One night I woke up… and…”
My voice cracks on the final words and Paisley squeezes my shoulders. It feels like I’m suffocating from the inside out.
I turn to Paisley, emotion clouding her eyes so deeply. She offers me a small smile, and after a few breaths, I’m about to offer her a weak one back and continue. “Lea was clutching onto these pills in the kitchen. If I had been a minute too late… Lea fell asleep in my arms that night sobbing. I wouldn’t sleep the full night for weeks after that. All I kept on thinking about was Alexis. What would happen if she grew up without a mother? What would have happened if I wasn’t in the picture, and it was just Lea and Alexis living in some place and I wasn’t there to stop her?”
“That must have been a lot to carry on your shoulders… all of the what-ifs.”
“It was. Those what-ifs were eating me alive. The thoughts didn’t stop, not even after Lea started therapy. The therapist recommended Lea find a job, so she bartended for a few nights a week, but that only lasted a little while before it all went to shit. One night, I picked her up to take her home and Lea was drunk, telling me the most absurd things while her daughter was sleeping in the back seat. She threatened to start a fire in the car if I didn’t pull over and let her out. I talked her out of it and we got home safely, adamant she’d find another job, but ever since that night… I just had this bad feeling. I even stopped work for a period of time because I was scared Lea would try something while I wasn’t at home and Alexis was at preschool. It wasn’t a way to live. Constant paranoia… constant worrying about something that hadn’t even happened but could.”
“I’m so sorry, Saint. It seems as though being with Lea was… bittersweet.”
“That’s exactly the word… bittersweet. Falling in love with Lea was the easy part. It was all that happened next that made me realize that the heart is more fragile than I thought… It was that constant feeling of fear, of something going wrong at any minute and I wouldn’t be able to stop it… that I would be too late… that I would carry this guilt for the rest of my life. It was a feeling that I wouldn’t have wished upon my worst enemy. A feeling so cruel and tragic.”
Silence falls between us for a moment.
“What happened next?” her soft voice asks.
Swallowing down thickly, I take Paisley’s hand in mine and hold our clasped fingers to my rapidly beating heart, ready to give her every single piece of me.
“Then…” I whisper, my voice breaking at the words that follow. “Then that feeling became reality…”
