It’s such a scramble to get out of the beach house. We have a quick shower together and are fast to put on our clothes. I slip on my lacy panties and bra that I left on the bathroom floor last night before putting on my sundress and Converses, all while Saint voluntarily dries my dark wavy hair with a towel. Once we’re both dressed and clean out all of the flowers from the bath, Saint heads downstairs to get a head start on making those smoothies he was talking about earlier, all while I make sure everything is packed inside my little duffle bag.
The strawberry, mango, and honey smoothies Saint made were mouthwatering. So deliciously sweet. I truly didn’t want to leave this beach house, especially because of what it represents and how many memories Saint and I have made here in our sixteen-hour stay. I’ll miss the fresh ocean breeze, the beach, the tranquility of it all… but Saint promises this won’t be the last time we visit, and I believe him.
I so desperately want this to work between us. I know our relationship is not always going to be as easy as it is right now in Stinson Beach. Once we’re back in Sacramento, everything is going to get a whole lot harder. There isn’t the escape of the beach right in our backyards, the silence from all the loud voices, the escapism of it just being him and me. Hiding my relationship with Saint from my father is going to be the most challenging thing in my life, but for right now it’s the right thing to do, and I’m so glad Saint feels the same way too.
Once we’re all ready to go, we head toward the front door to exit the beach house and it doesn’t get lost on me the reason Saint slows by the oak front door…
Lea. Right here was her final stance.
I expect Saint to be somber when I look up at him, expect him to be reminiscent of the past because he has every right to feel that way. Instead, when I glance up at him now, I see this bright smile on his face and it warms me the way he pulls me into a side embrace and brushes his lips against my damp hair, breathing in my jasmine scent from the body wash I convinced him to buy last night.
“It wasn’t your fault, Saint. You didn’t know she would do that. I bet nobody did. You saved Lea as much as you could, and sometimes that’s all we can do.”
He nods.
“There was nothing else you could have done, Saint. Nothing else because we can’t control what people do. We can influence their decisions, but we can’t control, because at the end it’s all up to them,” I murmur, feeling my heartbeat in my ears. “Please don’t shy away from talking about her with me. You can confide in me about anything and everything. Whatever you need, just know that I’m here, unconditionally.”
“You know what the crazy thing is?” Saint whispers.
I shake my head.
“That every time I used to pass this door, this heavy weight used to chain my entire body. These past two days… I haven’t felt a thing. Not with you here. Acceptance is the hardest step, but with you now… I’m realizing guilt chained me for a long time, and that after all these years, I just needed the right person to come along to unchain me. I needed the right person to make me comprehend it isn’t all my fault and that I’m not in this alone. That person is you, Paisley. You are my person, and nobody else on this earth or in the other could ever compare to that, understand?”
“Yes.” I nod, tearing up at the beautiful words he spoke. “And I’ll never betray you like Lea did by being unfaithful. I’ll never hurt you, not intentionally anyway. I’ll never leave you when you need me the most. Ever. You know that, right?”
“I know,” Saint says, his voice riddled with raw emotion. “That’s why I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anybody else in my entire life before.”
“I feel the same with you, Santo.”
“God, I love hearing you say that.”
We share a smile and I thread my fingers through his. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Saint nods and squeezes my hand tighter, his smile extending. “Let’s.”
After the thrilling Harley ride back to Sacramento, Saint parks his stunning motorcycle outside of my florist and dismounts it. The shiny onyx Harley is definitely a showstopper and attracts attention from both pedestrians on the sidewalk and motorists driving down the busy downtown street.
“Thanks for the ride, Saint.” I grin, wrapping my arms around his neck as we embrace on the sidewalk. “Thank you for everything. I had the best time with you, the greatest time. I really did.”
“So did I, babydoll. So much so. I’m looking forward to Thursday night. I’ll text you the details later.”
“Sounds good.”
Saint tightens the embrace, and it feels so good to be in the solace of his strong arms. So good to be so close. For this all to mean so much. The wide grin never leaves my lips, not even as we step away and he hands me my small duffle bag.
I literally have five minutes until the start of my shift and although I should be inside the florist, I can’t step away from Saint. Our stare extends and all I want to do is spend the rest of the day with him.
“What time do you finish?” he asks.
“In four hours, at three p.m. Why’s that?”
“Well, I’m going to head home now and get ready to head to work too. I have a boot camp session just before midday until two thirty, so I can pick you up at the end of the shift if you like.”
My heart flutters at the kind gesture.
“What happened to being discreet?” I tease.
Saint darkly smolders. “We agreed on being discreet around your father, not anywhere else.”
“Hmmm.” I smirk, playfully glancing up and down the busy street before returning to his piercing blue-eyed gaze. “I thought you were this big-time former professional boxer. No paparazzi?”
Crossing his arms over his solid chest, Saint lets out a beautiful chuckle. “My time’s finito, babydoll. Up until a few years ago, I would have been concerned with the cameras, but now that I’m retired from the sport, there’s no reason to chase me around and hound me. I’ve got no news. They’re onto newer things, I promise.”
“I’m only kidding. I trust you. It’s so nice of you to offer to pick me up, but I think it’s better if I walk home. It’s only a half an hour walk, and besides”—grinning, I almost laugh at my next words—“there’s no doubt my father will suspect something if I’m coming home riding a Harley with his best friend.”
“Probably not the best idea then, huh?”
“Definitely not.”
“Noted.” Saint grins before kissing my cheek. “Have a lovely shift, beautiful.”
I grin back. “I will, and once again thank you for everything.”
“No, thank you. Catch you later, wildflower.”
“See you then. Ride safe.”
“Always do.” With one last wink goodbye, Saint clips on his helmet, puts his leather gloves back on, and mounts his Harley. After revving the engine, Saint turns back to me and I blow him a kiss. He dramatically catches the kiss, blows one back, and gives me the ‘rock and roll’ hand gesture before taking off down the tree-lined street. The smile doesn’t slip off my lips, not even once I step inside and say hello to a few customers on my way to the staff room.
It’s only after I step inside the staff room and see Maralyn that I halt in my tracks. She stops making her tea and her eyes narrow playfully the second she sees me. “Well, well, well, look who finally decided to show.”
I glance at her all confused. “Uh, what do you mean? My shift starts in a couple minutes.”
“I know it does, but I’ve been calling for the past hour and a half and no answer.”
“The past two hours? That’s so strange because I would have heard…” My words fall to silence when I realize the logical explanation for all this. I was with Saint on his Harley riding back here an hour and a half ago. I haven’t even checked my phone, but as I pull it out of my small duffle bag now, my jaw drops at the five missed calls from Maralyn and another three from my father.
“I’m so sorry Maralyn. It’s been a… different kind of morning.”
“I’ll say it has.” Maralyn takes three long strides until she’s right in front of me. Crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes continue to narrow as she studies my face before traveling her gaze down my body. I hold my breath as she slows by my small duffle bag, knowing exactly what she’s about to say…
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Play it cool, Paisley.
Don’t stuff it up.
“Why the duffle bag?”
“I’m, uh… going to head to the gym after this.” I smile weakly. “You know, trying to continue my workout regime before… before… Seattle! Yes, that’s right. I want to continue staying the fittest I can before I move to Seattle for college, you know.”
Maralyn stares at me blankly, as if she knows something I don’t. “So that’s your story? Duffle bag because of the gym?”
Oh, shit. This is definitely not going well.
I gulp down thickly. “Yep.”
“You sure?”
“Mmhmmm.”
Maralyn’s stare extends before she nods, and a sly smirk rises on her lips. “Okay, because that totally explains why your father came inside the florist a good half hour ago looking for you. He came in and asked if you were here, as he’s been trying to get through to you and no avail. I told him you didn’t start your shift until eleven, and he was starting to look so pissed off. Then I find out apparently you slept over at my house last night because we were celebrating your graduation downtown. GIRL! What the hell was that?”
My heart drops. Oh no. No. No.
“Oh shit. My father came here?”
“He sure did. You’re lucky that I went along with the story he was giving me and convincingly told him that we had a big night last night, so you were curing your hangover at my house until it was time for your shift.”
“Curing a hangover?” I panic. “Oh no. My father knows I don’t drink. I’m not legal!”
Well, apart from that tequila with Saint yesterday.
“Well, according to your father you drank last night with me, woman! You drank the freaking house down because that’s all I could come up with in literally two seconds. Damn, I’ve never seen a dad so damn protective about his daughter before. He was ready to go to my house to check you were really there, so I had to say he couldn’t because you met this guy at one of the bars we went to and told him to come over in the middle of the night, so God knows what you were doing with him in the morning. I swear to God your father almost turned into Rambo.”
My jaw drops to the floor. “MARALYN! Oh NO!”
“What? It’s not like I said something a girl wouldn’t do. I couldn’t think of anything else but sex. I’m sorry!” She laughs, pressing a hand to her chest. “Calm down, Paisley, it’s fine. It’s a normal thing to do after graduation anyway. You’re celebrating, for Christ’s sake. But Jesus, next time give me a warning. I understand girl code, but girl code doesn’t work unless you actually tell the girl in the first place.”
“Maralyn, I’m so sorry. I was going to ask you to cover up, but I completely forgot. Thank you so much for covering for me, but now my father’s going to think I hooked up with a stranger and had a one-night stand and he’s never going to let this go. Oh God.”
“No, he’s not…” The smirk grows on Maralyn’s lips. “Because that never happened. I only said that part to fire you up. What I actually told your father was after you and I went out to dinner last night, you fell slept at mine because I didn’t want you to go home by yourself so late. I said you were sleeping in because we had a late night. Your father was convinced, said thank you, and walked out of the florist.”
Relief ripples through me as my heartbeat returns to normal.
Holy shit, we actually pulled this off!!!
I literally pull her into a big embrace, a grateful smile on my lips as I inhale sharply. “Maralyn, you’re a lifesaver. Thank you so much. I love you! I really do owe you so much!”
“It’s okay, it’s what friends are for.” She laughs, holding me tighter. “Just promise me you’ll give me a heads-up if it ever happens again because I need some time to think of a convincing story that I can turn into a screenplay that will turn into a movie that wins an Oscar for plot and originality, which would lead me to the true husband I should have had all along. Brad Pitt. Promise?”
I laugh back. “Promise.”
Maralyn’s smirk only widens as we pull away. “Sooo, who’s the real guy you’re hiding from your dad?”
“Huh? No, there is no guy,” I say fast, too fast.
“Really?” She arches a challenging brow. “Because I’ve been around for a little while, and to me the duffle bag probably has a change of clothes… the cover-up story… the grin on your lips the second you stepped inside this staff room and glowing complexion… it’s all adding up to one thing—a hella good fuck.”
And then just like that, the palpitations in my chest resume. Thump after thump after thump.
See! See, Paisley! See what happens when you celebrate before time. You didn’t pull this off. You didn’t pull this aspect off in the slightest.
My flushed cheeks feel as though they’re burning. It’s even worse when the damn smile on my lips doesn’t disappear no matter how hard I attempt to keep a straight face. “I promise, Maralyn, there isn’t a guy.”
“Hmm, sure, sure,” Maralyn says, the New York accent coming to play even more. “Because that definitely explains the hickeys. God, Paisley you’re such a hot mess. Was the sex so good you literally forgot about the number one rule when it comes to being discreet? Rule number one… Be discreet!”
“OH MY GOD!” I gasp, slapping a hand on my neck, and let out a loud groan when I realize just how much I’ve fucked it all up. I’m a complete disaster, so completely defeated and frazzled. “You have my full permission to roast me. You’re right. I’m such a hot mess right now, I literally am the girl who would be killed off first in a horror movie based upon my own indiscreetness.”
Maralyn smiles and walks over to the other side of the room. Picking up her handbag from the kitchen counter, she rummages through it as I rub my hands over my face, wondering how I could be so clueless. I can’t believe I didn’t cover the hickeys. I’ve just been so giddy this morning that I didn’t even realize I had to. Not even Saint picked up on it.
Maralyn walks back to me with a little zebra print makeup bag with the zipper forced three quarters of the way closed, looking as though it’s going to explode any minute. She waves the makeup bag in my face and grins. “Never fear, your Fairy Godmother is here! I have a few concealers in here. Go to the bathroom and see the one that matches you more.”
I take the bag from her and curtsey in gratitude. “Again, you’re a lifesaver, Maralyn! Thank you so much. I literally am going to work double shifts for the rest of the time I’m in Sacramento before college!”
I’m already working four-hour shifts every day at the florist until I move to be more financially stable, but I’m more than happy to double my hours too if it means making it up to her after everything she did for me this morning.
“You said it. I didn’t. What are you still doing here? Go get to work, girl!”
I smile, walking backward toward the restroom door on my left. “Thank you so much, Maralyn! I won’t forget this!”
Her laugh echoes even as I step into the bathroom and get to work dabbing the concealer over Saint’s love bites. Smiling to myself through the mirror, I breathe out a sigh of relief and tell myself I seriously need to up my game if Saint and I are going to continue to hide our relationship like this because I just gave out such a major giveaway, it’s not even funny.
Don’t stress. Everything is going to be all right.
I’m able to go the entire shift without Maralyn asking me anything else about the guy—Saint. But with my father it’ll be different. Saint is his best friend. He won’t understand. I just hope that after the terrible start to my shift, everything with my father will be smooth sailing because it can’t be worse than the fool I made out of myself in front of Maralyn…
Or can it?
He won’t suspect a thing.
I replay the words in my mind over and over again as I step inside my house. My father’s sitting on the couch, flipping through television channels, and glances my way with a smile when he sees me. I smile back, my grip tightening on my small duffle bag straps as I walk past him into the kitchen, fill a glass of water, and when he’s not looking, subtly pull out my birth control packet from the pantry. It’s a few hours later than when I would usually take my pill daily, and I want to be careful seeing as Saint and I were intimate in Stinson Beach, but it will make no difference now. I pop a pill and down it so fast with water, quickly putting the packet back as my mind circles.
I summon the courage to join my father on the couch, shutting my eyes as he tugs me into a short embrace, and I pray to God he doesn’t ask many questions about last night. As we pull away, thoughts of Saint have me grinning a little too hard and my father notices, his brows furrowing in amusement.
“You seem different,” he says, a slight smile on his lips. “Happier.”
“It’s crazy what a decent night of sleep can do to you, right?” I laugh, cringing inside.
Okay, enthusiasm has to tone down to a zero right now, Paisley.
“Well, I take it you had a great time downtown last night with Maralyn.”
“The best time! I heard you made a frantic rush down to the florist. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, all good.” My dad nods. “It’s just that I called you a few times and you weren’t picking up, so I thought the worst considering you sent me a text saying you were going downtown. But then I saw Maralyn at the florist and she explained you were still at hers sleeping, which explains the missed calls.”
“Yeah, it was a pretty long night. It was as if Maralyn wanted to show me every aspect of Sacramento’s downtown, even though it’s home. But that’s Maralyn. You can’t say no to her.”
My father smiles. “I’m just happy you’re okay and had a good time, sweetheart. You deserve it. Just wish you had a friend like Maralyn in Washington State. It’ll have me less worried.”
“There’s no need to worry, Dad. Besides, I’m sure I’ll find some like-minded people in college. I’ll start applying for jobs at a florist or something like that as soon as I settle in Seattle and then at that stage, you’ll probably get used to life without me perfecting the garden twenty-four seven.”
“I’ll never get used to life without you here, sweetheart.” My father sighs, shaking his head as he squeezes my shoulders in comfort. “God, I seriously am going to miss you so much, Paisley. I know I don’t say it much, but I really am so proud of you. Of everything you are and everything you’ve become. I know we don’t spend as much time together as we would like because of my job, but that doesn’t take away from how much I love you.”
Tears brim my eyes as I nod back, my heart clenching at my father’s words. “I love you so much too, Dad. As I’ve said before, I know how important your work is. I’m going to miss you so much when I leave, but we’re only a few states away. That’s something.”
“You’re right, it is something. It’s not like you’re moving to Australia. But I’ll fly you out here every summer. That way you can enjoy California and everything it has to offer. I promise I’ll start taking some time off during the break, so you can tell me all about life in Seattle. You’ll probably get so pissed that I’ve killed half of the flowers we have.”
My father’s last sentence brings some joy, and I can’t help but laugh a little. “Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll leave you an entire list of exactly what to do with all the flowers. You can’t be a doctor by occupation and then slaughter all my flowers at home. Doesn’t work like that, Dad.”
“Fair point.” My dad chuckles. “Promise I’ll be as attentive as I am with my patients. You have my word.”
“Good, because I’m relying on you.”
“Well, you’re a genius when it comes to flowers, so I have some pretty big shoes to fill.”
I smirk. “I’ll take the compliment when I get it.”
“You know you’re amazing, Paisley. I’m so proud of you. I guess it’s just hard for me to see you now as this beautiful, strong woman and not being able to protect you in Seattle.”
“You know I can take care of myself, Dad.”
“I know, but you’ll always be my little girl.” He smiles sadly, pulling me into his side. “I just don’t want anybody to hurt you, that’s all, especially when it comes to men. Good intentions and testosterone don’t always see eye to eye. But don’t you worry, from now on I’m going to step up my game and knock out any guy who looks at you for more than half a second. Not to mention, I’ll have Saint knocking them out with me because it’s always good to have a former Olympian professional boxer on your side, right?”
I smile back, but inside my heart is pumping so hard. It’s ironic how my father said that Saint would be the one to protect me from gawking men, when Saint’s the one I’m in love with. I know just how protective my father is and with how beautiful everything progressed with Saint at Stinson Beach, I’m nervous about how it will all unfold one day when the secret’s out, but until then I want to cherish every moment I have with the two most important men in my life.
No matter what happens, I’m not letting go of Saint.
No matter what happens, I’m not letting go of my father.
I know you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but in this case I’ll keep hoping because I never want to let go of the happiness I’m feeling being so deeply in love with Santo Lisconti.
My father and I sit in silence for a few minutes before I find the words that have been on the tip of my tongue for all these years. “Is it hard for you to look at me and see my mom?”
He smiles softly. “From the day you were born, all I’ve ever seen in you is me. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear. Your eyes… nose… smile, it’s all mine. I don’t love you any less because of it. Hell, I love you so much more. I think the constant reminders of seeing her in you would kill me. I prefer it this way. I like when I look at you, and I see a Reign staring back at me.”
“Staring back at you like a deer in headlights, right?”
We share a laugh before settling down, and my dad shakes his head. “No, never like a deer in headlights. I don’t think you’re realizing how much you’ve changed in these past few months, even these past few weeks. It’s like you’re another version of you. A better version. Happier. Confident. You’ve gotten your spark back, Paisley. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but keep on thriving. Keep on making me proud, sweetheart.”
I smile and feel the rhythms of my heart in my throat as my father finds the channel with Seinfeld reruns. It’s a sitcom we used to watch together religiously when I was younger, but then between school and work it’s been hard to keep up. But right now, we let go of all the past that’s caged us and I lean my head on his shoulder as Kramer bursts through the door of Jerry’s apartment, and my father and I erupt in laughter, just like we always do. It feels so nice to spend time with my father like this. So nice to connect with him like this before I leave at the end of next month.
But truthfully it kills me. Kills me that I have to lie to him, even though I know I have no other choice. He just told me how much he loves how in these past few months I’ve been changed into this better woman and finding my skin, and I know exactly why. I know I’m happier. More confident. Thriving. I’m all these things because of one man and one man only… Saint Lisconti. Santo. My blue-eyed boy.
Without even knowing it, Santo changed me for the better. He’s still changing me, and now I’m finally living the best version of myself. All because he showed me that I’m worthy of blooming in a world I thought I was drowning in.
All because of his faith in me and influence to believe in myself and what I stand for.
All because of the way he stomped on my flowers all those years ago.
All because of him… fate… us.
