Oh. My. God.
My jaw drops at the words Saint just spoke. The woman in the picture… it’s Lea.
Lea… Lea is my mom? What the hell?
My mind is exploding with questions and thoughts that unravel inside me like lightning bolts. Those ocean eyes I love so much stay leveled with mine, filled with such dazed emotion as I attempt to come to terms with what this all means for me now. But it’s all too much.
Lea—the woman Saint once was in love with—is my… mother.
Gosh, that feels so weird to even comprehend in my head.
“What?” I whisper in complete disbelief, searching his eyes to grasp if this is some kind of joke, even though I know Saint would never do that to me. Not with something this serious. “Lea is the woman in this polaroid with me? Are you sure? Are you sure it’s really her?”
Saint glances down at the picture for an extended amount of time, and I gulp down thickly as my gaze follows his. The woman in the picture—my mother—looks nothing like me. Bright green eyes, while mine are a light honey brown. Thin dirty-blonde hair while mine is thick dark waves, just like my father’s. My father was right in that conversation we had last week. I really do look all like him and nothing like the mother I never remembered.
Saint begins nodding without hesitation. “I’m positive. This is Lea.” His eyes meet mine with such distraught sadness. “I swear to God I didn’t know, wildflower. I didn’t know she was your mother or that she even had another daughter before Alexis. You must believe me. I didn’t know. This is just as great a shock to me as it is to you. I understand if… if this is too much.”
“I… I honestly don’t have any words. I’m… Oh my God…” I swallow down thickly, all speechless. I literally cannot even conjure up an entire sentence. My heart is beating like crazy in disbelief that this is even real life right now.
This is all too much to comprehend.
“Fuck this,” my father growls, stepping forward and snatching the photo from my grip. He’s fuming with a vein in his forehead almost popping out and eyes wide, riddled in outrage as he gestures toward Saint. “There is no way in hell we were in love with the same woman! This can’t be Lea! It’s Faye! Paisley’s mother is named Faye. You telling me Faye changed her name and started another life after me? No. No. No. I’m not freaking buying it. It can’t be true. Besides, it’s virtually impossible. Faye told me she found a man in Spain and fucked off there. She went to Europe. I’m certain of it.”
I watch helplessly as Saint rubs a hand over his face, smoothing out all of the tension-riddled lines. “When I met Lea in 2004, she had a three-year-old daughter named Alexis. Lea told me Alexis’s father wanted nothing to do with her after finding out she was pregnant, so she returned to California. She told me the father was from Connecticut, but she could have been lying. It could have been Spain for all I know.”
“But why would she attempt to fuck us all over by creating a new identity for herself over and over and over again? Faye left me months after this photo. If what you’re saying is true, it means she then changed her name and found another guy, had Alexis, left him, and then found you all in a span of four years…” My father sighs, his jaw clenching in unease. “If she found you, why would she throw it all away just because you caught her out cheating on you with Alexis’s father? Why would she go back to him? Because she wasn’t happy again? It doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t make sense why she would block her old life and start something new, again and again. Why would she change her name?”
Silence fills the room until my mind settles from all the thoughts.
I glance between my father and Saint, who look as perplexed as I do.
“To not get caught,” I whisper, because it’s the most logical answer. “Dad, you always said my mom had a little darkness in her. You said the same, Saint. Perhaps she was constantly moving to escape the demons creeping inside. It appears to me she was a con woman. Used men for their money until she got bored and moved on to the next. It happened with you, Dad, it must have happened with Alexis’s father… and then you, Saint.”
My father can’t stop shaking his head. “That can’t fucking be true. Why would she leave me and you, Paisley, only to meet some other guy, get knocked up, and keep that child? Why cherish this goddamn Alexis and not you, huh?”
“I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t make sense.”
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” Saint agrees, rubbing his stubbled jaw slowly, his eyes glazed as he glances between us. “But to be honest… it does sound like something Lea would do. I saw her at her breaking point, and all she did was make impulse decisions, so maybe this was another one.”
“You got the impulse decisions right,” my father scoffs, shaking his head. “Faye always did the first thing that came to mind, even if it was at the expense of others. But I… I refuse to believe Faye and Lea are the same people. She… She had a beauty spot that looked like a butterfly on her arm. Very unique. Did Lea have—”
“Fuck.” Saint nods. “Butterfly-like beauty spot on her left arm, yes. Always used to say she hated it.”
“Yes, just like Faye… Oh God, I’m going to be fucking sick.”
Every word caves in on me. It’s as if I can’t breathe because the history of everything I thought I was is crumbling away. My mom… She’s dead. She has been for the last thirteen years.
Dead.
Saint was the last person to see her.
My head is spinning like I’m going to pass out any minute now. This is all too much. My vision blurs with all the hard truths that come with this unexpected twist.
I have a half-sister… Alexis.
Saint was in love with my mom.
She destroyed both my dad and Saint.
None of this is Saint’s fault, he didn’t know, but I still feel this guilt in the pit of my stomach because even though it’s obvious in the end that Lea didn’t give a shit about Saint. There was a point in time where Saint and my alleged mother were happy.
Would they have been okay if Lea didn’t cheat on him or kill herself?
Would she have said yes to his marriage proposal?
Would they be happy now with a little family of their own?
Yes. The answers I feel are yes.
Saint would have never been in this hospital room with me right now. We would have never fallen in love and have this desire to want to spend the rest of our lives with one another. If my mom never let me go and I was right there beside Alexis all those thirteen years ago.
I would have had a mother.
I would have known my half-sister…
Saint would have been my stepfather…
Stepfather.
I don’t even know what to think anymore because everything I do has my stomach churning in a way I’ve never felt before. It makes me stumble back and sit down on the edge of the bed to stabilize myself. Saint is quick to attempt to help me, clasping his hand in mine and ensuring I’m okay. He brings the cup of water to my lips. Rubs my lower back slowly. Tells me everything is going to be okay. But…
It hurts that I half expect to feel something different when I glance up at those ocean blue eyes that have held me tight and kept me sane for months now. I expect to feel as though my entire world is exploding around me. I expect to feel this unexplained jealously for something I shouldn’t be jealous of rumbling inside me. But, instead I feel… I feel exactly the same as I did before about Saint. My love for him hasn’t changed, and yet there’s this heavy weight on my shoulders, this pendulum in my chest that begins swinging at the groundbreaking shock of it all.
For a split moment, I think I can survive this, think that we can survive this. Together. That perhaps this is the wake-up call my father needs to understand that we have no control over fate or our destiny, or who we love and the reasons why.
But that all breaks away the second he storms up to Saint, fury in his gaze. “You went after my former girlfriend and now you’re going after my daughter, you mad fuck!” my father grits. “You may not have seen it moments ago, but now you have to! Paisley isn’t the one for you. You’re in a goddamn relationship with the daughter of the woman who ruined your life. If what we’re alleging is true, you’re devoting yourself to Lea’s daughter. How fucked up is that!”
“Dad, stop! Saint didn’t know!”
“I don’t give a fuck about that, Paisley. I care about morals! You wouldn’t be in a hospital bed with a fractured wrist if you weren’t in the car with him! I told you he would destroy you. This is him destroying you.”
That’s all it takes for Saint to explode. He’s been controlled this entire time, but now it seems like he’s reached the breaking point. “I’m not destroying her, Alaric fucking Reign! You’re the goddamn delusional one because you’re treating Paisley as if she’s a puppet on your strings! When the hell are you going to see Paisley for who she really is? Huh? WHEN?”
“I already see Paisley for who she is, thank you very much. Don’t get it twisted! I look at my daughter and I see a confident, intelligent, loving woman. A very capable one who doesn’t need your charm, Harley Davidson motorbike, and piece of shit vows dragging her along to Seattle.”
Oh.
My.
God.
Is my father serious?
“Saint isn’t doing any of the dragging, Dad!” I grit, standing to my full height with narrowed eyes because I am so sick of this damn conversation. “I’m with Saint because I love him! Because I want to spend the rest of my life with him! Sacrifice. Heartache. Joy. It’s all that comes with love, but you should already know that!”
“So, you’re perfectly okay with the fact that Saint loved your mom before he met you?”
I gulp down because what my father just said is the biggest pill to swallow out of all of this. My gaze lowers to my hands, and I stare down at the cast on my left wrist, hoping I’ll feel some sense of resoluteness to answer him, but it all begins to fade away.
Am I okay with it?
I don’t like how silent the room becomes, as if my father’s right, as if Saint and I aren’t worth fighting for because I can’t get my shit together and give him a straight answer. But the truth is I don’t know. It makes things a million times better that Saint had no idea, but still the what-if thoughts from earlier cloud my mind, and on top of that… I’m grieving the loss of somebody I barely even knew. A part of my blood that has ended up meaning more than I thought.
“It doesn’t change the way I feel about Paisley.” That sexy gravelly voice seems to revive me as Saint starts speaking words I’ll cherish forever. “I thought I loved Lea. Thought I loved her with everything inside me. That was until I found out Lea was pregnant with another man’s child. Still, the guilt of losing her ate me up inside to the point where I began my boxing career months later and let out all my pent-up anger every single match. It became my release to the shit I was feeling, but never my resolution to true peace. But then time passed, years rolled over, and I met Paisley and she made me realize that I wasn’t the catalyst to Lea’s pain. That I did everything I could for her and that in life we can’t always be responsible for the decisions others make. I wish Lea sought out more help sooner. But ultimately, I couldn’t get her out of the dark because it wasn’t my place to. That’s gotta come from somewhere inside her, you know.”
Saint inhales a sharp breath and continues, “Ever since Paisley and I connected, she made me realize I was only a victim in Lea’s story. Made me realize that it wasn’t true love I felt with Lea. It was just a need inside me to keep Lea happy with a type of love that can turn toxic in every second. Lea manipulated me, ruined me, burned me to the fucking ground and I hate her for it. I will never, ever forgive her for it. With Paisley, the love is so real, so intense, so raw and intimate, the type of love that has entire fields of flowers blooming gold. What happened with Lea is in the past. I don’t even want to think about her because, quite frankly I despise her more than you know. I despise her because thirteen years on she’s still dragging me through shit when I should be enjoying life. When I should be enjoying it with Paisley.”
“Saint—”
“No, listen to me, Alaric! Listen to me for once in your fucking life! Lea… Faye… Whatever the hell is her name, she conned us. She conned us both and I’m sorry she did this to you too, Alaric. I’m sorry she left, but we can’t go back and change the past. All we can look forward to is the future, and the only future I want is with a woman I trust wholeheartedly. A woman I love more than the world itself. A woman I would never betray, and I know she would never betray me. Paisley is that woman to me. She’s my poet. My reason. My wildflower. Your daughter, Paisley Reign, is everything to me.”
Aww, Santo…
My heart squeezes because the words Saint just spoke mean everything to me. It means that he’s still committed. Still committed to us. I just wish I felt 100 percent the same way right now. Of course I’m committed to him, but all of these new surprises. It’s a lot to take in.
Saint glances over at me and the beautiful smile he shoots me is just so genuinely real. Before my father can even respond, the nurse knocks on the door before stepping in. And the words she says next, well, just like that the missing piece to this puzzle connects.
“I’m extremely sorry to interrupt, but you have two visitors, Miss Reign. It’s the family of the victims in the incident that occurred today. They requested to see you before you left the hospital, wanting to speak, and it seems perhaps to also find some peace following the tragic incident. Can I let the Goldberg family in?”
I don’t even have to think about it, needing closure for what happened today. “Yes.”
But it’s a different story for Saint, who steps toward the nurse with pure shock written all over his face. “Excuse me, did you just say Goldberg?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
“Oh God!” Saint steps back toward me with his head in his hands. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
“What?” Alaric snaps.
“Goldberg…” Saint murmurs slowly as the nurse steps out. “It’s Alexis’s last name…”
What?
My jaw drops, just as a girl with rich chocolate eyes and long dark hair, who seems a couple of years younger than me, steps in. Our features are so different, with hers much more a sultry gorgeous Spanish mix, but the air in my lungs burns just the same.
“Alexis…” Saint whispers, pure emotion in both his voice and face as if he hasn’t seen a friend in years.
Because he hasn’t. Not since Alexis’s father was given legal guardianship over her after Lea’s passing… my mom’s passing.
Alexis grins so beautifully through the tears rolling down her cheeks before her eyes flicker to me and they warm in this strange comfort, despite being so evidently red from crying. I’m staring back at my half-sister, at a girl I know nothing about, and yet this wave of emotion rushes over me.
This feeling of something missing in my life finally coming back to me…
It’s been Alexis.
Having a half-sister.
Sharing the same blood.
Alexis is the missing piece. And yet… And yet it feels like I can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe. It’s all too much.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, choking from the inside out as I glance over at Saint with a blurry vision. “I’m sorry. This is just too overwhelming for me. I just need… just need a minute to myself.”
The words are out before I know as I scurry past everybody and into the private hospital bathroom, locking the door behind me. Saint’s worried ocean blues are forever planted in my mind, the way it’s as if he wanted to follow me in and make sure I’m okay. But quite honestly, I don’t know if I am.
I’ve grown so much during these past months. Grown so much into the woman I’ve always wanted to be. It’s why I don’t understand why it feels like my entire world is caving in and I can’t feel a thing. I should be stronger than this. I should be able to confront this situation head-on, grab it by the horns. I used to have this darkness in me. Just like my mother, but ever since I fell in love with Saint, all I see is the light.
I want to continue seeing that light.
I never want to let go of that light.
But sometimes in life there’s no other choice than to let the greatest thing that ever happened to me slip away in exchange for my heart to continue to beat the same tomorrow.
Saint
No two fingers of whiskey can ease the shit I’m feeling right now. It’s shock. Complete shock mixed with such disbelief that two worlds can collide so quickly like they just have. Since the day Paisley and I began to get close and understand each other on this deep connected level, I knew our souls must have intercepted in another life ’cause our conversations were just too fucking relatable to be real. My mom always says sometimes in life things are too good to be true, and right fuckin’ now, I’m seeing the reasons why.
I had no idea. No fucking idea that Lea was Paisley’s mother. I didn’t know a single thing. Didn’t even question it because I never had a reason to. Lea never told me much about her past life before she met me. She never wanted to reveal much, never wanted to meet my family. Always claimed she hated having her photo taken. Now I know why.
I can’t believe it. Can’t believe the name change. Can’t believe how much she manipulated me and made me believe an illusion, even changing her hair color and probably made up all the shit she told me, including falafel being her favorite food. I feel… defeated.
Lea, the same woman I proposed to before learning she was cheating on me with her former partner, is a con. A con who till this day is fucking with my mind. She played me good with her charisma, her vulnerabilities, and pleas for help. Alexis was her hook. I became her anchor.
Fuck.
I feel sick to my stomach right now in this hospital room. Sick to my stomach because up until recently I’ve felt guilty for the past thirteen years with how Lea’s life slipped away right in front of me. Paisley made me see things from a different perspective and realize I did my best to save Lea. So now… seeing Lea holding a little Paisley in that Polaroid, watching hopelessly as Paisley hurries into the private bathroom, turning back around and seeing Alexis in the flesh right in front of me. All I see is how much Lea lied to me. How she kept this secret life different. How she hid who she really was from me. She never loved me. She couldn’t have.
Lea played me. Played with my heart. She ran away from Alaric. Ran away from me. Was going to run back to Michael. I swear to God I’ve never hated somebody more. Never hated somebody like I do right now as much as I do Lea. She fucked with me, and just may be the reason the greatest love of my life—my wildflower—slips away from me tonight.
And I never wanted that to happen. Never wanted to lose Paisley.
Not like this.
Not now.
Alaric has his head in his hands, pacing the glossy white floor with eyes shut so tight they seem glued. Paisley I’m sure is in such shock, at a complete loss for words. I saw how rigid she became before she ran to the bathroom. Saw how tense her shoulders were and how her breaths faded a little. I don’t like it. Don’t like that these shocking twists of events are causing so much bewilderment in her eyes. Because that’s exactly what I felt when I looked back into those honey browns before she left… complete perplexity.
I never wanted to be the one to hurt Paisley, and now involuntarily… I may just be the one to ruin it all. I was once in love with her… mom?
Dio mio. Her mom… Alaric’s former girlfriend… it’s all connected and leads to me.
I didn’t know. I swear to fucking God I didn’t know any of it.
Paisley has a half-sister. And here she is standing right in front of me, thirteen years later. Alexis. Alexis Goldberg—Lea’s daughter.
They look nothing alike. Paisley is all her father.
“Alexis,” I say for the second time, in complete disbelief that this is actually real. The second she begins running up to me, I open my arms to her and Alexis crashes into my chest as I hold her tight. I don’t care about the throbbing aches of the bruises that align my skin. All I care about is how good it feels knowing that the little girl I watched grow up is safe. The plush giraffe toy obsessed girl who loved playing dolls, eating apples, and all things pink is right here. She’s okay, despite all the hell she must have endured growing up without Lea.
All the guilt I felt the day her father signed those legal guardianship papers and took her away from me washes away. All these years I’ve always kept Alexis close to my mind, praying that she was all right, so this right here is such a welcome relief from all the chaos my mind is in.
As we embrace, my gaze finds Alaric’s, whose eyes darken in dismay. I’ll never forget the way he grinds his jaw as his face scrunches up and he mouths, “Fuck. You.”
And then Alaric’s gone, storming out the door with such speed he roughly slams shoulders with a dark-haired man dressed in a dark Henley top and black jeans who steps into the hospital room.
I know what Alaric’s ‘fuck you’ means. It signals everything is over. Our friendship. His relationship with his daughter. All because I’m in love with Paisley, a woman who’s forbidden to me in his eyes.
“Oh my God,” Alexis breathes, a bright smile on her lips as we pull away, yet I still see the grief twinkling in her dark eyes. “I’m so happy you’re okay, Santo! I have all these photographs with you in them from when I was a kid. Found out who you were through my father, who let it slip one day. Been following your fights ever since. You were there for me when I needed it the most. It’s impossible for me to remember you from when I was like three years old, but I see you in photos with me and this feeling of such comfort and warmth returns.”
“God, I thought I’d never see you again, Alexis! I’m so happy to see you! I can’t believe how fast you’ve grown up.”
“School and stress will do that to you.” She giggles, and I can’t help but softly laugh.
“What happened?” I ask. “The nurse said you were the family of the victims today… who were they, Lexi?”
Alexis shuts her eyes for a split moment, breathing out a brave breath before she focuses on me again with a broken frown. “My dad and my stepmom. They were killed. My father’s been in and out of rehab for the longest time. If it wasn’t alcohol, it was drugs. He was also borderline emotionally abusive toward my stepmom, who I absolutely adore. Adored. God, it hurts so much knowing that…”
She sniffs away a few tears, her voice a croaky mess as she continues, “He shouldn’t have been driving today. His license was suspended. Police are saying witnesses stated my father lost control of the car and slammed into yours, causing all the carnage, and my father and stepmom ended up. Shit. It’s just… I can’t believe they’re gone.”
The dark-haired man who entered the room when Alaric stormed out walks up to us and pulls Alexis in a warm hug. He seems around the same age as me, perhaps a year or two older.
He whispers something to her in Spanish that I understand as I also speak it. “Respira, hermosa. Respira, estoy aquí y todo va a estar bien. Tiene que ser.” It translates to, Breathe, beautiful. Breathe, I’m right here and everything is going to be okay. It has to be.
Alexis nods against his chest, her fists clutching his shirt in need as her body begins trembling through sobs. My heart aches from how much Alexis has lost today… everything. But I’m so desperately grateful she has this man by her side, whoever he may be.
Kissing her forehead, he squeezes her in comfort and lifts his gaze to me. He offers me a soft smile, emotion all over his face, and while he’s still hugging her, offers me a handshake. “Hey, man. I’m Alejandro Sinato, Alexis’s step-uncle.”
“Saint Lisconti, I’m—”
“I’ve heard about you. Nice to finally meet you. You’ve meant a lot to Alexis.”
“She means a lot to me. Nice to meet you as well, Alejandro. Was it your sister who…?”
“Yes.” Alejandro gulps down with a sigh, understanding exactly what I meant. “It was my older sister who was in the car with Alexis’s father, Michael. She’s been married to Michael for the past ten years, but in these recent years… their marriage has been pure hell. I told her for months to leave the piece of shit, tried to help her out of it, but… look where it got her.”
Fuck.
“I’m so sorry, man. Truly am so sorry. It’s such a terrible situation to be in.”
“Hey.” He shakes his head, a sad smile on his lips. “You were the victim in this, Saint. My crazy fucking brother-in-law could have killed you and your girl too, so don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault.”
A few moments pass as Alexis begins to settle down, wiping away her tears as she steps back beside Alejandro. She offers me a weak smile.
I shoot her one back, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “Grief takes a fuck load of a long time, Alexis. You’ve just got to follow the waves. Don’t let anybody tell you where you should be on your grief journey. Feel what you need to feel. Don’t keep it trapped inside.”
“Thank you so much, Santo. I’ll remember that for sure. I really appreciate it.”
Santo. Alexis used to call me Santo too all those years ago before boxing and my fighter nickname was even in the picture. I thought the memories of the past and hearing her say my name like that would haunt me, just like it does every time I picture Lea, but for some reason it doesn’t. I feel no tension, only ease. Just like when Paisley says my name.
Paisley.
Every part of me wants to excuse myself from Alexis and Alejandro and make sure Paisley’s okay. I never meant to cause this pain. This carnage. And I know I’m only the victim in this all too, but fuck how bad I feel. It’s as if I’ve been holding onto a rope for so long, all through the blood, sweat, and tears till my fingers redden with blisters, perspiration lacing my skin. And all of a sudden… the rope snaps, slipping from my grip, and I go falling. Falling into the unknown when I need stability the most. When I need my wildflower the most.
Never in a million years did I imagine this scenario for us. It’s such an unexpected twist to my finally healing heart. The one that belongs to Paisley Reign, only her, and always will, because I know she’d never burn me down.
I trust her with all I’ve got.
Love her with all that I am.
Mean it with all I feel for her.
This revelation could break us. It could shatter us to pieces. Or, it could be the missing piece to our puzzle. The one that unites us forever, proving our love can truly withstand everything. I know for myself, my answer will always be the latter. Always.
This much I know is true.
Clearing my throat, I turn my gaze back to Alexis. “Did your dad, Michael, ever say anything about how your mom, Lea, was living… many different lives?”
“Yeah, he did mention something about it just a few months ago actually. He was drunk at the time, so I almost didn’t believe him at first. It literally blew my mind that I have an older half-sister. The crazy thing is I was trying to stalk her on social media because I wanted to connect and invite her to the sixteen birthday I had a few weeks ago, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Doesn’t help I don’t know her name or what she looks like.”
Alexis knows…
I gesture behind me to the door of the private bathroom, my heart racing out of my chest. “That was her. Your half-sister, Paisley.” God, that feels so odd to say. “Paisley Reign.”
“What? Her?” Alexis gasps, her eyes wide. “I thought she was just your girlfriend!”
“Oh, Paisley is my girlfriend.” I smile, loving the way that statement sounds on my tongue. “Trust me, I’m just as confused and shocked as you are right now. I didn’t know Lea had another daughter until just a few minutes ago either. I’m in love with Paisley, have been for a long while, so this is just all super overwhelming for her.”
Alejandro seems to put two and two together as he asks, “And that was Paisley’s father before? The shoulder-slamming doctor?”
I sigh. “Yeah, that’s him, Alaric Reign. He wants to put me six feet under. He just found out Paisley and I have been hiding our relationship. He doesn’t like me dating his daughter because we were close friends and I’m double her age. It’s even worse now because it turns out our past girlfriends were the same people. Lea, or Faye, which apparently is her real name, left Alaric when Paisley was only one. Then, moved along to Michael, then me…”
“Don’t worry about it, man. You don’t owe anybody an explanation when it comes to love. It’s dirty what Lea… Faye did to you all. He and you are the victims in all this. Just think of it that way.” Alejandro shrugs. “Besides, you’ve got us now. Newfound family. I just lost my sister today. Alexis lost her parents. You lost a good friendship, and it seems Paisley’s lost her relationship with her father. So, we’ll all just have to be here for each other now, yeah?”
We’ll all just have to be here for each other now…
Alejandro’s words mean so much to me.
Never in my life did I think I’d be able to connect with such like-minded people following this tragedy. It means everything to me that Alejandro is acknowledging both Paisley and me for everything that we are, choosing to accept our love. It’s refreshing. So good. A type of reassured sensation Alaric refused to give us.
“Thank you.” I smile widely. “You don’t know how happy that makes me.”
“That’s Alejandro for you.” Alexis smiles through the pain. Tenderly glances up at her step-uncle before reaching up and kissing his stubbled cheek. “Always finding the positive out of the bad. Wish I could be more like you.”
Alejandro chuckles. “Nah, you’re perfect just the way you are, Lexi.”
Just as she’s about to reply, the sound of the bathroom door clicking open behind me has us all turning our heads there. There’s so much warmth inside me as Paisley steps out, her eyes studying us, much calmer than before… and then it happens. Alexis starts running to her and Paisley smiles as they collide, embracing like two angels screaming out to hell.
“I actually do have a half-sister!” Alexis squeals, so goddamn happy.
Paisley buries her head into her sister’s neck, and I hear her murmur, “I can’t believe this.”
My heart is aching as they sob through their tight holds, sisters finally coming back home to one another after their entire lives apart. It’s such an emotional moment to witness. Such a beautiful moment for my beautiful girl. I’m so proud of her. So in awe of her.
Alejandro squeezes my shoulder and when I turn to him, I find his eyes already on mine. He smiles and it isn’t fake. It’s the most real thing I’ve seen. “You love Paisley, hmm?”
“So much, man. It hurts so much that I needed to sacrifice a friendship for it, but when it comes to love…”
“We don’t choose it, it chooses you. I get it, man. We probably all need some time to comprehend all the shit that happened tonight. But let’s stay in touch, okay? Alexis is all I have now, and after she and I organize the funerals. Let’s all meet up when we have a clearer vision. This could be the start of something great, you get me?”
“I got you, Alejandro. I’d love that. We should definitely do that. Let’s swap numbers.”
I pull out my phone from my back pocket. The screen is a little cracked from the wreckage, but it’s an easy fix. After we exchange numbers, we turn back to Paisley and Alexis, who are wiping away each other’s tears with sad grins and haven’t stopped talking since.
“I believe there’s always a silver lining in life, even in the darkest of times. Seeing them both right now like this…” Alejandro nods toward the women and smiles. “It’s the silver lining to everything, man.”
Nodding, I smile back because I couldn’t agree more. Seeing Paisley this happy brings some hope to my rapidly beating heart. Hope that everything is going to be all right.
But at the end of the day, it’s Paisley’s choice where we stand from here. There are so many things she needs to unravel now… the first being how comfortable she is with the situation, the second is the fact that her mother is no longer with us, and the third… the fact that she has a half-sister—Alexis.
I know a part of me wants to sway Paisley, wants to wrap her in my arms and kiss her with everything I have to prove to her more than ever that she’s my entire world. That we can battle past this. That this is only a wedge in the way of our forever. But I’m much more of a man than that. Much more of a man than to give her these false illusions of perfection.
This news… it isn’t perfect. It’s fucked up and places a huge spanner in the way of something beautiful. I’m a thirty-six-year-old man. I’ve been through a hell of a lot in my life to know you can’t hold onto somebody forever. Eventually there’s a time when one needs to let go, and as much as it pains me… fate’s giving me no other choice but to accept it.
If Paisley needs time to process this all… if she doesn’t want to be with me after this… I’ll accept it like a man, because I am not out here playing games. I told Paisley a long time ago our relationship wouldn’t always be perfect. I just never expected this to be the ugly.
This may be a wave.
Or it may be a little hiccup.
Or it may be what breaks us… but whatever Paisley decides it is, I’ll give it to her, even if that means stepping away from my everything. Because right now all I want is for her to be happy and if this is the cloud that rains over our glowing sunshine, I’ll take it. I’ll take it because…
Our lives…
Our love…
Our fate… it’s all in Paisley’s hands now. And all I want to do is lie beside her in a bed of roses and kiss those golden hands, no matter what she decides is best for us from here.
Ten minutes later, Alexis and Alexandro are stepping out of the hospital room after saying their goodbyes. It’s crazy how fate has connected us all so deeply. They’re such friendly people, so kind, understanding, and supportive, especially considering how tragedy has touched them today too.
Once they’re gone, my eyes trail to Paisley, only to find her heated gaze already on mine. She’s standing in the middle of the room, holding her right arm to her chest, and I swear to God I don’t start breathing again until she flashes me a warm smile and my soul begins dancing in praise.
She’s smiling. It’s a start.
Internally, I’m pumping my fists and thrusting my hips at the little sign that we’ll be okay. But externally it’s a different story. I’m still so fuckin’ scared. So scared she’ll leave me tonight.
“You’re not mad at me?” I ask.
“No, I could never be. You didn’t know a thing, just like I didn’t,” Paisley murmurs after a few moments. “You don’t have to be so nervous, Santo.”
“Got no choice. I’m always nervous when shit gets in the way like this, wildflower.”
“Well, there’s no need to be.”
I swallow down thickly and sit on the edge of the bed, bringing Paisley closer to me as I clasp our left hands together and thread my fingers through hers. She stands in front of me, between my thighs, and just her warmth alone makes me so happy.
A slight smile lifts the corner of my lips as I kiss each of her knuckles ever so slowly. “There isn’t?”
Paisley shakes her head sweetly.
There’s still hope for us.
“I know there’s a lot for you to take in… the first being Lea is your mom, the second discovering Alexis is your half-sister. So I understand if you need to take some time to reassess—”
“Reassess what?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh, carefully taking her injured right hand and bringing both hands to my chest, right over my heart. “If I’m still worthy of your love. Our relationship. Us.”
“Santo, look at me.”
When I don’t lift my chin, she does it for me. Slipping her left hand from my grip, Paisley rests her fingers on the stubble of my tense jaw, smoothing over the spikily dark hairs. I shut my eyes at the sparks igniting my body, at the sensation of her skin over mine.
When Paisley presses her fingers against my chin, it makes me tilt my head up at her, but I still don’t open my eyes. With tightly squeezed shut eyes and a clenched jaw, I can’t get rid of the distraught look on my face. I’m so fuckin’ nervous, so fuckin’ worried, and I’ve never felt this way before.
“Look at me, Santo,” she murmurs softly. “Please open your eyes and look at me.”
“Please don’t leave me,” I whisper so damn hopelessly into the space between us. “I’m so scared this is all just too much for you and that you need some space. If you need it, I’ll give it to you. Fuck, you know I’ll give you the entire world, Pais. But after seeing you with Alexis, seeing how happy you are that you have a half-sister… I don’t want to be the man who ruins that happiness. I didn’t know Lea was your mother. Didn’t know she had a baby girl two years older than Alexis she left behind. Would have never gotten myself involved with her if I’d known she’d abandoned her baby like that. You would have had another younger half-sister or brother if that night didn’t go the way it did. I robbed that from you, Pais.”
“No, you didn’t, Santo.”
“Yes, I did, I robbed it from you because I was thinking about myself that night and thought leaving Lea was the best option. When I heard the bangs of the gun from outside… when I heard Lea screaming out my name… all I could think about was her. Then I saw Alexis standing there by the stairs, and all I could think of was the little baby who died right there with Lea. Never thought I could feel sadder, but I do. It hurts me, hurts me right here, wildflower…” I continuously stab at my heart through the shirt to show her where. “Hurts me right here that I knew your mom and you didn’t. I didn’t need Lea. You needed Lea. I took her away from you without even knowing and I’m so sorry for that, Paisley. So sorry that it happened like this.”
My breath staggers in my chest as her jasmine scent fills me everywhere.
Fuck, I love her so much.
“You didn’t rob anything from me, Santo,” Paisley murmurs to me. “My mother robbed it from me the day she decided to leave. She robbed it from me again when she pretended I never existed. She continued robbing it from me until she finally set herself free. Baby, look at me.”
I flutter my glassy eyes open, a few tears rolling down my cheeks. Paisley’s quick to collect them as she leans down and kisses away my salty tears. She smiles so lovingly at me, warming me with her touch as my hands move to her hips and I hold her even tighter to me.
“I’m having a good life, Santo,” she whispers against my lips, smiling deeper as she glances between my eyes with so much assurance in her sugary voice. “A wonderful life with you in it. I don’t care that my father hates us now. All I want to do is continue what we have. Find new purpose in our lives. Get closer to Alexis and Alejandro. We aren’t weeks away from starting our new lives in Seattle. You want to know why? Because we’re starting that life tonight. Right here. Right now. You and me. The wildflower and the blue-eyed man I love.”
Paisley’s words are so beautiful, so tender, the tears flow even harder. I’ve never cried as much as I am today because it’s really hitting me how much she’s changed my life.
It’s all her. All Paisley.
“Yes, it would have been nice to have a mom,” she continues, her own tears slipping now, but I can tell it’s a mixture of pure emotion and also joy. “But my nana was my greatest inspiration, as well as my father. But now, all I need is you. A man who I know is going to love me no matter what. Through thick and thin. Every up and down. We’re stronger than ever, Santo. We’re stronger because we’re together and nothing can hurt us anymore. Nothing. Let’s promise from this day forward we’re going to let go of our pasts and find that closure. Let’s promise to not fear another thing. Let’s promise to love each other forever and one day be the best parents to a little girl or a little boy or both and show our babies all the love we lacked in all the different stages of our lives.”
Her words warm my heart so much as I sniffle away my tears and grin up at me.
God, yes.
“I promise. I promise with everything I have that we will be the best parents to little Harley and flower babies one day.” Burying my head against her flat stomach, I wrap my arms around her waist tighter and whisper against her hospital gown, “God, I would give anything to be a daddy. I want to be the father of your children so badly, my wildflower.”
Paisley grins down at me so poetically beautiful. “I want that too, Santo. Desperately.”
Aww yeah, tesoro.
Music to my ears.
Paisley giggles as I gently tug her to me, and she’s left to straddle my waist as I sit even farther back on the bed. She continues, “Let’s love our babies with every single version of our love, every single ocean of us. Let’s love our children so much they’ll never ever breathe a breath without knowing we love them, and we’ll accept whatever they want to do or be in life, or who they end up loving. We can’t change the past, but we can change the future and make it the greatest thing that ever happened to us. Because I know that’s what I feel whenever I’m with you. You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me, Santo Lisconti. The greatest… and I love you. I love you so much more than I ever thought possible because it feels like our souls have been connected this entire time. This entire time, your soul was screaming out in search of mine, and I’m just glad. Glad it finally found me. Glad you found me.”
“Glad we found each other, wildflower.” I grin, and then I crash my lips on hers, our warm kiss so intimately emotional, and suddenly the world is a beautiful place filled with color again.
Filled with forever.
Filled with her.
