My mother finds me sitting on the back deck early the next morning. I had trouble sleeping as I tossed and turned, my mind replaying my evening with London. I’ve successfully managed to keep my distance from everyone since my accident, but then she came waltzing back into my life. She turned everything upside down, and I can feel her working her way under my skin.
Last night, I let my guard down and revealed more to her than I intended to. Fuck, I even kissed her. There isn’t a single regret inside me, but I don’t know how to proceed from here. I’m in no position to get involved with anyone, but London wants me to let her in.
“You got back late,” my mother says as she sits down on the step beside me. She hands me a cup of coffee and I take it from her, feeling the warmth against my palm as I wrap my fingers around the mug.
I nod before taking a sip of the piping hot liquid. “I found London on the island. She wasn’t ready to go back right away, so I hung out with her until she was ready.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think so,” I tell my mom with a shrug. “Something with her brother was bothering her, but she didn’t tell me what was going on.”
My mother gives me a small smile. “I know what that’s like. Wanting someone to express their feelings but instead, they keep it all locked inside.”
Ouch.
Her words aren’t meant to be a low blow, but they’re definitely directed toward me and the way I’ve iced everyone out for so long.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I tell her, my voice quiet. I don’t know how to fully apologize to her and it feels like it’s a half-assed one at best. “It’s been a hard adjustment for me.”
“I know, honey,” she responds in her softest, most gentle tone. “I will never give up on you or the hope that one day you will find yourself again. I’m sorry for the way I was with you last night.”
“It’s fine,” I say with a dismissive shrug. “I deserve it all and can understand why you would feel that way.”
“I would never make you leave, you know that, right?” she assures me, her eyes bouncing back and forth between mine. “It just leaves me feeling very helpless sometimes. I hate seeing my baby boy broken and not knowing how to fix it all for you. It was much simpler when you were a kid and fell and scraped your knee. This is a wound that cuts much deeper than that.”
Her words sink in deep, snaking themselves around my heart. It’s like a vise grip and almost painful as they constrict around the vital organ in my chest. She’s so right. I wish it were as simple as a scraped knee. It’s an open, festering wound that I’m not sure how to treat or if there’s even a cure.
It’s almost as if she can read my mind as she reaches out for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Don’t lose hope, Vaughn. Your life isn’t over, this is just a new chapter. And you’ll figure it all out in the end. It will be the most amazing thing ever, you just have to let yourself see the world from a different perspective now.”
“I’m trying,” I mumble the words as I tear my gaze from hers and stare out at the lake. “It’s not easy.”
“Welcome to the reality of life. Nothing is easy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth living.”
She releases my hand and rises to her feet before she begins to walk back to the house. I listen to the door as it opens up, but it doesn’t close automatically. My mom hovers in the doorway and I turn around to look at her.
“Do me a favor and check in on London today?” she asks me with the same softness in her tone. “I spoke to her mother last night and I think she’s going to need a friend right now.”
“You know what happened with Maverick?” I ask her, my voice low as if I don’t want London to hear even though she’s nowhere within earshot.
My mother nods with a frown pulling down on her lips. “It’s not as bad as either of you think, but I’m sure London is going to be feeling pretty upset after no one telling her about it.”
“She already is.”
“Then she’s going to need a friend, someone to talk to.” My mother pauses for a moment. Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine with a touch of desperation. “Can you do that for her, please?”
I nod. “I’ll go see her later today.”
“Thank you, honey,” my mother says with a satisfied smile playing on her lips. She’s using London against me right now. There’s already a shift in my mood and there’s no doubt in my mind my mother noticed it this morning. I’ll let her use London against me because I want to see her again today.
I know I probably shouldn’t. I should put some space between the two of us after last night, but I want to see her again. There’s something about her that brings me a sense of peace, like nothing in the world truly matters.
It doesn’t wash away the anger or the pain I feel, but she gives me hope.
Hope that maybe this isn’t the end of life for me.
The lake is busy with it being a Saturday. The weather is beautiful and perfect for boating. I haven’t seen any movement at the Hayeses’ house all day and I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to go over and see London.
I went out for a swim, trying to buy some time in hopes that maybe she would come outside, but I still haven’t seen her. I don’t want to be the one to go over to her house, but I’m feeling like I have no choice. I still had her phone number from before I left for college, but I wasn’t about to let her know that.
That’s how much of an asshole I’ve been.
We were so close at one point in time, but I threw that all away after I left for college. And then after my accident, she was one of the last people I wanted to talk to. They all knew what I was destined for. Our parents remained friends, so I know they were kept in the loop about everything.
It’s like I had become a failure in everyone’s eyes with my hockey career being ruined. I didn’t want to face London or Maverick—or anyone, to be honest. I haven’t talked to the guys that I played hockey with in at least a year. They all tried to reach out, and they still do, but it’s just been impossible for me to bring myself to respond.
I’ve literally become the biggest asshole known to mankind.
After sitting on the deck for what has to be at least two hours, just staring over at the Hayeses’ house, I finally muster the courage to walk over to find London. My heart pounds erratically in my chest and I attempt to even out my breathing as I walk through their yard and up the flight of stairs to their deck.
My knee is throbbing by the time I reach the top, but I ignore it as I try to hide the limp when I walk. I head to their back door and knock on the glass. The entire back of the house is just windows, from floor to ceiling. It’s a beautiful sight, since you can see the lake from anywhere you’re standing in the back of the house.
I can’t see anyone inside, but suddenly Mrs. Hayes shows up at the back door. She slowly pulls it open with a small smile on her face.
“Hi, Vaughn,” she says quietly. Usually she’s warmer and friendlier, but I can see the tension in her shoulders. The way her eyes are filled with pain. “What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if London was here? I wanted to check in on her and see if she wanted to go out on the boat.”
That wasn’t entirely a lie, but I just came up with it on the fly.
“She’s actually busy right now. She and Maverick are spending some time together,” she offers by way of explanation, but the sadness in her eyes seeps into her words. Maverick is finally coming clean with London and who knows how many pieces he’s going to leave her in after he’s done. “I will tell her you stopped by.”
“Please do,” I tell her, unable to force a smile onto my lips. “Thank you, Mrs. Hayes.”
“Of course, Vaughn,” she says with the same small smile. “Thanks for stopping by.”
I take a step back before turning around as she closes the door behind me. My knee screams at me as I begin the descent back down their staircase and onto the patio beneath. I ignore it, because that pain has no effect on me right now.
The only thing that is really occupying my mind is London and what’s going on behind the closed doors of her house. My mother said that it wasn’t as bad as it may have seemed with Maverick. That changes nothing; Maverick and London have always been close, to the point that I was a little envious I didn’t have a goddamn twin.
It was like they shared the same brain. I’ve never seen two siblings be best friends like the two of them, but I’ve heard that’s how it usually is with twins. I can’t even imagine the betrayal she must be feeling. They share everything with one another and London was left in the dark when it came to whatever happened with Mav this time.
I’ll be here waiting to pick up the pieces after she falls apart.
