Steve dropped me at the apartment building I had left a long time ago with no intention of ever returning. Going back after more than a year had been hard: the memories, the fucking memories were there in every corner, every room.
Seeing Noah with Simon had been like having my heart cut open with a knife. Fucking Simon Roger! I’d have liked to split his face open! I could have kicked his teeth out of his head when I saw him kissing her neck, her skin…her lips.
Then came the moment when I pinned her against the wall, the moment when I forgot everything that had happened, when it seemed like we could erase it all and keep going with each other. Having her in my arms was always magnetic, pure attraction, and nothing could stop it. But then I was struck by a wrecking ball, and I felt an invisible veil I’d never perceived before fall between us.
What was it? Time? The way we’d remade our lives now, completely apart from each other? Love starting to freeze into a memory?
I was scared then, scared to admit that our separation was finally done, tangible, realer than I could ever have imagined.
I got in the elevator thinking about her face on the pillow, her hair spread over the white sheets, the letter I saw in her nightstand, always there, always close to her…
Had those words really lost all meaning?
Yes, of course they had… As much as I might lose control when she was there in front of me, as much as I might desire her, as much as I might wish to go back to where we’d left off, it was still true: she had cheated on me.
When I opened the door, I saw the lights were on. Sophia was on the couch, looking at the TV screen, even though it was off, with a glass of wine in her hands. I took off my jacket and dropped it on the loveseat across from her. When she looked at me, I saw something I didn’t like.
“Were you with her?”
What was the point of lying? It was obvious I had been with her; it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. “Yeah, I took her home; she wasn’t feeling well,” I said, turning around to pour myself a drink.
“She’s with someone, Nicholas. He could have handled it.”
Thinking of Simon irritated me. “Are you actually questioning me, Sophia? You know I don’t like to answer to people.” I slammed the bottle down.
She got up and came around to face me.
“What you and I have, it’s not a game anymore, Nicholas. And if this keeps going on, you can’t just not think about me. So yeah, I’m questioning you. I didn’t care before what you did or didn’t do. It was obvious what kind of relationship we had, but things are different now, and they have been for some time, and I’d appreciate it if you could keep your word to me.”
I peered into her dark eyes and saw much more than she wanted me to see.
I stepped forward, grabbed her chin, and looked closer.
“I will keep my word,” I said, stroking her softly with my fingers. “But you need to keep yours, too.”
She closed her eyes. When she reopened them, I could tell she was lying. “I won’t fall in love with you. You can stop worrying about that.”
She turned around and walked to my room. I finished the rest of my drink and followed her. Now it was my turn to keep promises.
