The sudden draw of a breath woke me. A feather-light touch brushed along my arm, pulling me higher and higher to the surface. Warmth pressed against my back, driving harder with every breath. I opened my eyes, to find Nick’s big hand gliding down to swallow mine. I was caught by the sight of those hands, long fingers curling. Fingers that made me feel so fucking good. Just the sight of them made me tremble. Heat flared with the memory and, for a second, there was bliss, where the world was perfect and still, until through the cracks of my mind, a whisper slipped in.
One day you’ll want more.
You’ll want a husband and a family.
When that time comes.
We’ll step away.
Step away.
Step away…
I shifted, hating how those words hurt, and in the cage of his arms, I rolled over. Golden brown eyes met mine. “Morning,” he murmured.
“Morning,” I forced a smile, hiding the sting.
“Sleep well?”
“A little. You?”
There was a flicker of something careful. “Yeah, I did.”
“We’re back home.” I said, more to remind myself.
“For a bit.”
“Did you get your work done last night?”
“Yeah, baby.” He captured my chin. “I got it done.”
I closed my eyes as he kissed me, then pulled me close, but this wasn’t about sex. It was about connection. About love. About finally taking a breath amongst the chaos. I didn’t just take a breath…I took his. Rising up, I kissed him once more, slid my arms around him as I sank back down and rested my head against his chest.
The heavy thud echoed in my ears, steady and slow. I realized I’d never felt a more perfect sound. Thoughts of last night pushed in, his hands, his mouth, then the study. I wanted to ask him what had been so important that he’d closed himself off from the rest of us, feeling like everything at this moment was somehow important. I didn’t want to be left out.
Like the way you leave them out, you mean?
The words snatched away that feeling of perfect desire. Heat moved through my cheeks. Nick’s hands moved across my shoulders. But I was frozen from the sensation, plunged deep into the cold.
When are you going to tell them the truth? The real truth…
I closed my eyes and squeezed them shut.
The memory of a hand around my throat.
Pushing me back against the wall.
Those fingers.
Those cruel fucking fingers.
I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll see stars.
My body clenched in revulsion as Nick’s voice filtered in.
“Hey.”
I swallowed, opened my eyes, and tilted my gaze to his.
There was a flare of concern, one that creased his brow. He opened his mouth to speak, and I was filled with terror. Please don’t ask me…please don’t make me say… until the thunder of footsteps invaded and Tobias’s roar filled the air. “He’s fucking gone!”
Nick jerked his gaze to the bedroom doorway as Tobias burst through, wearing running shorts and dripping sweat. But it was the rage in his stare that gripped me as he barked. “I swear to God, if he does anything…if he so much as—”
“Who?” Nick shoved the bedding aside.
“Fucking Caleb, who the fuck do you think?” Tobias dragged his fingers through his hair, narrowed in on me, then glanced at the bed.
I looked from Tobias to Nick and slowly shook my head. “He’s gone?”
“The car.”
“Ours is there, but one of the Rossi’s is gone. He fucking took it.”
Nick bent down, grabbed his crumpled jeans beside the bed, and yanked them on. “How long ago?”
“I don’t know,” T snarled, thinking. “I didn’t hear him when I got up. I thought I’d use the gym…”
“It’s okay.” Nick left the room, not even bothering with a shirt.
I followed, sliding out of the bed to hurry after him.
“If he went back there,” Tobias snarled. “If he went back to The Order, we’re fucking leaving him.”
I snapped my gaze to his as fear punched through me. “Don’t say that.” I clenched my jaw. “Don’t you dare say that.” If you knew…if you only fucking knew…
We tore through the house, turning at the kitchen to take us to the massive six-bay garage. Silver and black gleamed when Nick flicked on the lights. I instantly narrowed in on the empty space, and so did Nick.
“Shit,” he muttered.
Shit…shit…shit…
“What if they took him?” I whispered, staring at that empty space. “What if they…”
Nick grabbed his phone, pressed a button, and held it to his ear. “Yeah, this is Nick. The car that left this morning, where was it going?” The guards…that’s who he was calling. It had to be. “Yeah, Ben sent him…and he didn’t say where? He didn’t tell you anything?”
Nick’s voice grew colder and darker the longer he spoke. T paced the garage between the black Maserati and the sleek silver Audi.
“Yeah. Thanks,” Nick replied, and ended the call. “The guard said Ben sent him somewhere.”
“Ben?” I whispered looking from Nick to T. “Why would he send Caleb? I didn’t think he knew him that well?”
Tobias stopped pacing, staring at the floor. “Neither did I.”
“So, we call Ben,” Nick decided. “And we ask him what the hell is going on.”
Something slithered along my spine at the words.
Something that didn’t feel right.
A gnawing…an aching.
A remnant of thoughts from moments ago.
What did Ben want with Caleb?
Nick had grabbed his phone, his finger hovering over the button, when the garage door jerked, then slowly rose. I flinched at the movement, watching the silver Mercedes ease toward us.
“I’ll fucking kill him,” Tobias muttered under his breath as Caleb pulled in and switched off the engine.
Nick was the first to move, striding across the space as Caleb got out. He grabbed his brother by the shirt and shoved him back against the car. “Where the fuck were you?”
But Caleb didn’t answer.
He was back to that cold, stony stare, the one I knew so well. One glance my way and my stomach dropped like a stone.
“Answer us, C,” Tobias warned, his hands in fists at his sides. “Answer us right fucking now.”
“I came back, didn’t I?” Caleb answered.
At first, I didn’t understand what he meant…until it hit me. He came back, and if he came back, then he went…
“You went there? To that fucking place?” Nick snarled, shoving Caleb back.
Only, he was pressed against the car, leaving Nick to be the one to create the distance. He took a step backwards. “Did you make a deal, is that it? Did you make a fucking deal?”
Pain cut through Caleb’s stare. “No, and I never went to The Order.”
“Then if you didn’t go to the compound,” Nick countered. “Where did you go?”
Caleb glanced my way once more, and that sinking feeling carried me down as he answered. “I went to find Killion.”
Tobias stiffened. Nick went still. “Why?” He took a small step toward his brother. “Why go there…and why fucking go there on your own?”
“He didn’t say.”
Nick leaned closer. “What do you mean he didn’t say?”
But Caleb stared at me.
“You wouldn’t just go there on his say so,” Nick pushed. “Not without a reason, a good fucking reason.”
There was a small shake of Caleb’s head as though he was saying I’m sorry…until a buzz came from his pocket. His eyes grew sadder as he reached in and pulled out his phone.
“On speaker, Caleb,” Nick warned. “Or I’m going to assume the worst here, and I don’t think you want that, brother.”
There was no choice.
He had no choice.
I saw that as he pressed the button and answered the call. “Ben.”
“Caleb.” The deep growl came through the phone. “You have the information I’m after?”
“I do,” C answered. “But there’s a complication.”
“Complication? What kind of complication?”
“This kind,” Nick answered, staring at his brother.
There was silence on the other end.
“Want to tell me what was so urgent you had our brother out on his own and to hunt down a piece of shit like Killion, of all people?”
“Nick,” Ben started. “He, ah…”
The way Caleb looked at me…the way he was desperately trying to hide the reason why. But I knew…maybe deep down I’d always known it’d come to this. To that day…that moment. That fucking room as Killion ripped that white nightgown from my body after he signed the contract The Principal gave him.
“It’s the recording, isn’t it?” I whispered.
Silence descended. Nick turned his head toward me, followed by Tobias.
And through the speaker Ben answered. “Yes.”
I gave a slow nod, then turned away.
“Recording?” Tobias snapped. “What fucking recording?”
I took a step.
“What fucking recording, Ryth?”
There was pain in Tobias’ voice, pain and fear.
“Ryth.” Ben’s voice through the speaker stopped me. “What do you want me to do here? Say the word, and I’ll take the bastard out. This can all go away here, right now. At this moment. This damn thing all goes away.”
I closed my eyes.
Why?
Why now did he release the recording…what did he hope to gain?
The answer was simple; his property.
That’s what he saw me as. That’s how he controlled. He degraded, he used. He…he…he…
“Ryth?” Ben repeated.
It was too late now, too late to hide the truth, because the only people I needed protecting from seeing it were standing right here in this garage.
“We want to see it,” Caleb murmured. “Ryth, look at us…we want to see it. We have to see it.”
I squeezed my eyes closed so damn tight my head trembled, until something inside me snapped. I spun around, staring at each of them. I’ve never asked you for anything, I pleaded inside my head. Never so much as asked you for a goddamn thing and this is me…this is me—asking.
“We will always wonder,” Tobias whispered. “Always envision the worst. Is that the kind of future you’d want for us? Believe me…my own mind is a fucking beast.”
The way he said it, so quiet, so controlled. It tore something inside me. He was right. I knew he was right. The monster Tobias could create would tear him apart. It’d tear us apart. Could I allow that to happen? Could I allow what we had to just…tear itself apart?
“Send it,” I whispered. “Send them the recording.”
“Ryth…” Ben murmured.
“They need to know, so let them know.”
I couldn’t stand the silence, or the beep when the notification came.
I was trapped between staying and going, nailed to the spot by the moment as Nick and Tobias moved closer and Caleb played the recording on his phone. “Stop! STOP! Get your fucking hands OFF me! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS—NICK! NICK!! TOBIIIAAASSS! TOBIAS PLEASE…TOBIAS PLEASE! Tobias…Tobias please—You like that? Yeah, you fucking like that. Your cunt is so tight even after taking all three of them. Did they fuck you good? Ugh—did they finger your cunt like this? I’m going to fuck you…I’m going to fuck you until you see stars…Ryth! RYTH! The fuck…NO! He’s not to be harmed, by order of The Principal.”
I closed my eyes as it all played out. My fingers trembled as they touched my neck, still feeling his hands. When the recording went silent, I thought I’d never hear sound again. Apart from my heartbeat. That I heard. Thud…thud…thud…
“I take it back,” Tobias whispered. “I take it all back. There’s nothing that compares to that—”
“Ryth,” Nick called.
Tears came, slow and silent, stinging as they ran down my cheeks.
“Ryth, look at us.”
I lifted my gaze, finding my three stepbrothers staring at me. Sadness. Pain. That’s what waited.
Nick gave a small shake of his head. “I wish you’d told us.”
A hard chuff tore free. “Why? So you could look at me the way you’re looking at me now?”
“If I’d only been faster,” Caleb moaned. “If I’d only fought back.”
“But you didn’t, and I didn’t, and a million other things that could’ve changed what happened didn’t happen at all. Nothing happened. Nothing but him.”
With those words, sadness left.
With those words came something else.
Something that started inside me.
Cracking.
Shattering.
Reforming once more.
I was a different person when I’d stepped out of that room. I knew it, had felt it. Like death and rebirth all at once. I undressed as a person, then slipped from my innocence, only I wasn’t reborn. I was…nothing. Empty. Hollow. Lost. When they told me Tobias was dead, I became even more lost, even emptier. Even more afraid.
I shifted my gaze to the man who held the phone.
The man who’d brought me back.
Who’d molded me with his own fingers into someone new.
“This doesn’t change anything,” Caleb started.
“Then what happened to me was for nothing.” I held his gaze as I answered. “And feels worse than the rape.”
He flinched.
Just like before, I felt that shift inside me, that slipping. Moving, creating. My hands clenched on their own. That thrumming inside me wasn’t a desperate need to flee. It was a need to run to, to grab this newness that trembled with the first flicker of life and slam it into me.
To smother me.
To become.
“I’m going to kill him,” I whimpered.
“No.” Tobias stepped forward and closed the distance between us. When I looked into his eyes, I saw that newness staring back. “We’re going to fucking kill him.”
“That’s why I went looking,” Caleb explained. “That’s why I tracked the bastard down. I wanted it to be us.”
“Ours, princess,” Nick growled, his hands curled into fists. “You are ours…and we take care of our own.”
“Then we take this piece of shit out.” Tobias never looked away from me. “Then we bring you home and show you just how much you mean to us.”
I lifted my chin, and whispered. “Yes.”
