The low hiss of the shower from across the hall caught my attention. My brother was in there and he’d been in there for a while now, avoiding me, and I didn’t blame him one bit. Heat raced to my cheeks…this is her clit, you need to lick there, his words pushed in, making the burn even hotter. I should go to him and try to explain what had fucking happened.
But I couldn’t move, because I didn’t understand it myself.
I could only sit here on the side of my bed and stare at the marks the leather straps had left on my wrists….
Straps I’d needed not to hurt them. Straps she’d undone.
Jesus…
My breaths carved deeper as I tried to piece together the seconds when my bedroom door had flown open and a damn wildcat had hurled herself into my bed. I clenched my fists. I’d been so fucking scared of moving, terrified that one flinch, one whisper, would send me over the edge.
Then she was there. Her need, her panic, resounded louder than any roar of thunder and burned brighter than any neon glow. In her desperation, my own terror fell away. I couldn’t battle the demons in my nightmares—I had to battle hers.
Her body had trembled as she all but climbed under my damn skin. Maybe she already had? I didn’t know, but sitting here, I could still feel her, her lips on my body, her hands on mine. Those dark brown eyes were so fucking soul-destroying when she looked at me like that, like she wanted to…like she wanted to…love me.
My own heart boomed, sending pangs through my chest. Christ, I…Christ, I wanted to…I wanted to…
Touch her.
I licked my lips.
Smell her.
I turned my head, reached for my bunched-up pillow, and caught the corner of the crumpled sheet. I tugged it out of the way, and froze…
There was blood…
Bright blood.
I jerked my gaze to my hands, then my bare chest, and rose from the bed. There was no sting, no pain, not that I felt much anyway. I ran my hands down my body and turned back to the bright drops and crimson smear. It was low down in the bed, right where she…right where she lay…
A wounded sound ripped from the center of my chest. I snapped my head upwards and heard the quiet in the bathroom. I didn’t think, I just acted, tore the sheet free and plunged across the hall. The door flew open with a bang! My brother was there, towel-drying his stark white hair.
“What the fuck is it this time?” he snarled, not looking my way. “You need me to point out your cock too?”
I grabbed his arm and wrenched him around as I gave him a savage glare. His lips curled, baring his teeth. “Brother, you’re pushing it way too—”
I punched the sheet into his chest. But it wasn’t the bedding that stopped him. It was me, my terror, my fear as I roared. “What have I done?”
He scowled, then slowly looked down at the bright crimson blotches.
My breaths consumed me as I stared at my brother with desperation.
His eyes widened. I wanted his fists and his fury. I wanted his beating…because this time, I deserved it. This time I’d…I’d…I’d beat myself. I clenched my jaw, tightened my fist, and swung for my own face. YOU BROKE HER, YOU BASTARD!
But before the blow landed, my brother’s hand lashed out and grabbed my wrist, and he spoke carefully as he stared at the drops of her blood. “You didn’t do anything. I mean, you did…but you didn’t hurt her, not the way you think.”
I scowled and stared at him before I wrenched my hand away.
He looked into my eyes and saw the panic. “You know how…how you never.” He licked his lips. “How you’d never had a woman before?”
My chest rose and fell and my jaw clenched. Say it…say I ruined her. Say I fucking deserve all the beatings. I deserve all—
“Well, she hadn’t had a man, either.”
I froze.
Then I shook my head.
No, I’d heard her that night when she’d touched herself.
I touched her when she was on the table with London.
“You fingered her cunt, but she’d never had cock. She was a virgin, brother, and she gave her virginity to you.”
I rocked backwards.
She gave her…
I grabbed my brother’s chin and wrenched him closer to force his stare to mine. She gave her virginity to me? I searched for the truth and found a flare of…jealousy? Anger? I couldn’t think straight. Everything was a mess. I was a damn mess.
But Carven held my stare. “You should feel fucking honored.” He yanked his chin free. “Now get the fuck out and leave me in peace.”
I lowered the bloodstained sheet from against his chest as my heart thundered and my head spun. She’d given her virginity to me? She’d given it to me. I didn’t ruin her. I didn’t…I lowered my gaze and took a step backwards before I slowly turned to the open door.
“You might want to go to her.” I turned back to him. There was no anger in his eyes now, just a hunger I’d never seen before. He dragged his fingers through his hair and exhaled. “That is what a man who’s been given something like that should do. You’re that man, Colt. Do you understand me? You are that man. She’ll be freaking out, afraid we’ll tell. We can’t tell, brother. You understand that, right? We can never tell.”
We can never tell.
I lowered my gaze to the sheet and slowly nodded.
“Then go to her and make her realize that this stays with us.”
With a loud swallow, he turned away, his voice hardening. “And close the door behind you.”
