“SWEETHEART, YOU LOOK SO GOOD!” Mom leaps to her feet, Dad looming just behind her as I approach their table, where they’ve been waiting for me at the restaurant.
I met them for lunch. They came in a little earlier to have a few days with us, flying in last night—plus Mom didn’t want to deal with the long drive, she said—and when Knox and I went together to the airport to pick them up, Dad announced that they’re selling the family house and moving to California to be closer to my aunt and uncle.
And I sort of had a meltdown.
Okay, there was no sort of about it. I had a complete meltdown and I can’t even explain exactly why. Change is hard. Knowing that our house, where we grew up—mostly—is up for sale and my parents are moving out of state threw me for a complete loop. Knox said I was acting like a selfish brat, which only pissed me off more, but I can’t help it.
The idea of never being able to go back to what I consider home is upsetting.
It doesn’t help that I haven’t really talked to Cam since I left his apartment earlier this week. I’m mad at him still. I currently feel mad at the world. Even at my parents, who I love and adore. Who are giving me matching, are you okay looks that make me feel bad for holding a grudge.
Once I hug them both, I settle into the chair across from them, watching as they share a glance before turning their attention to me.
“About last night,” I start, readying to face the problem head-on.
Unlike some people I know.
Another shared look, Dad talking first.
“We know our news last night upset you,” he says.
I study his familiar, beloved face. My father is the greatest dad, and I mean that. He’s shown us nothing but unconditional love our entire lives. Retired from the NFL a couple of seasons early so he could be there for us, and for Mom. I’ve heard the story before, where he said he had enough money, and he didn’t need to make anymore. We’ve always lived comfortably, nothing too outrageous. Eventually Dad became a coach at one of the local middle schools, and he even got a degree and became a counselor.
Meaning he’s really good at the counseling talk. Which is what I’m bracing myself for.
“It did upset me,” I say, keeping my voice calm. “It’s just hard, to hear your parents are selling your house.”
“We probably should’ve told you in a different way,” Dad says. “And I understand why you might feel like that. It’s really the only home you remember, and there are a lot of fond memories we created there. But we can create new ones somewhere else. You’ll end up moving out on your own when you graduate college, living your own life.”
I nod, forcing myself not to think about the future. Only a few days ago I firmly believed Cam would be in it, but now?
I don’t know what’s going to happen. Or if I even want to keep him around.
That thought makes my stomach feel hollow and I push aside the menu, unsure of what to order. Nothing sounds good. I haven’t eaten much in the last few days and I was nauseous when I first woke up this morning. Not that we have anything to worry about. Cam and I have been practicing safe sex since we first started this…whatever you want to call it. I think it’s more that I feel sick over the way everything has played out the last few days.
It’s been nothing but pure misery.
“There’s been a lot on my mind lately and I overreacted last night. When my response really had nothing to do with what you told me.” I glance over at my mom, who’s frowning at me. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. It’s been…a rough few months since I got here.”
“Oh, Blair, why?” Mom reaches out, settling her hand on top of mine, and I give it a squeeze. “Is it your classes? Are they giving you trouble?”
“They’re not so bad.” They’re actually pretty easy.
“Is it your brother? You two were arguing quite a bit last night,” Dad says with a frown.
No, it’s definitely not Knox’s fault. He may be overprotective, but he would do anything for me. Despite the argument we had last evening. I deserved the name-calling because he was right.
I was acting like a brat.
“What is it then?” Mom asks.
“It’s just an adjustment, living here.” Dealing with my roommates, who I adore, but wow, they’re a lot. And then there’s dealing with Cam. Hating how everything feels so uncertain all the time. I like to stay in control of all aspects of my life, but since Cam has come into it, I can throw all that control I thought I had right out the window.
“Your sister is having a difficult time too,” Mom murmurs, her gaze filling with worry. “I don’t know what Ruby is going to do.”
“I just spoke with her earlier, right before we entered the restaurant, when you were on the phone with Fable. She’s going to finish out the school year where she’s at, and then transfer here in the fall.” Dad smiles. “She’s already filled out her admission application. She submitted it last night.”
“Oh, thank goodness. We’ve all been telling her to do exactly that. Glad she agreed.” Mom turns to me. “Isn’t that wonderful? Maybe you two can get an apartment together.”
I paste on a wan smile, trying to find some enthusiasm. “Sounds great.”
Look, I adore my sister. We fought a lot growing up, but we’ve become closer over the years. In the family lineup, I am the classic middle child. Always fading into the background, while Knox as the oldest got all the attention, or Ruby, the baby, stole the show.
Me? I’m the independent one. Doing her own thing, who can’t be bothered by anyone else.
Giving up on trying to make conversation with my parents when all I really want to do is cry in my mother’s arms and confess my feelings for and issues with Cam, I let them do most of the talking. I nod and interject my opinion in all of the right places, laughing when necessary, though it feels forced. They tell me how they met with Knox and Joanna earlier for breakfast, and Mom can’t stop talking about how great she is, which I readily agree with. Joanna is pretty great and she seems so good for my brother.
“She mentioned you two are becoming fast friends,” Dad adds after Mom waxed on about Jo.
“We are. We’ve spent some time together here and there, mostly during the games. Sometimes out at the bars.”
“Ah, the bars.” Mom smiles fondly. “We used to do that, huh, Owen? Go out all the time?”
“Uh, not really, babe. Though we did spend a lot of time chasing each other.” Dad laughs when Mom nudges him in the side with her elbow.
Ugh, they’re still so cute together, even after all these years.
“We’re all getting ready for the football game together tomorrow. I’m going over to Joanna’s apartment and hanging out with her and Natalie.” Though I don’t really want to go to the game. Why sit there and watch Cam the entire time while I’m still angry with him? I’ll just end up frustrated, like usual.
But I’ll go. There’s no way in hell I’m going to miss that game. I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment or however that old saying goes.
“That’s so nice, that you two are friends. And I’m glad your brother is happy. That he’s finally found someone.” Mom ducks her head, like she’s trying to peer inside my brain, and my smile freezes on my face. “What about you? Have you met anyone yet?”
“Nope,” I say with a finality that feels downright ominous. “No one worthy of my time, at least.”
Mom frowns. “Oh, that’s too bad.”
I offer her my first real smile of the day. “Yeah. Isn’t it?”
The game was an absolute nail-biter.
It took everything in me not to overreact at certain moments. Like when Cam got sacked. Or when he threw that interception that had the entire side of our stadium gasping out loud—including me. He never let any of it get him down, playing with a determination that was nothing but admirable. All while I sat in the stands silently willing him to look in my direction at least once. He knows where I usually sit. We’ve made eye contact before when I’ve been at a game.
But he doesn’t look in my direction. Not even once, and it quietly kills me. Though I’m trying my best to understand. The weight on his shoulders, the pressure he has to deal with trying to win this game—I know he needs to focus.
By the time the game is over—they pulled out a win at the end, thank God—and we’re let out on the field, I go in the opposite direction of my friends. Joanna goes in search of my brother. Natalie is just out there for a good time, not caring who she’s going to run into. While me?
I’m in search of Cam, even though I don’t want to be. Even though I tell myself it’s a big mistake, talking to him. It’s as if my body has a mind of its own, seeking him out when I mentally tell myself I need to get off this damn field.
My body doesn’t listen, honing in on his location as if I’m using GPS and he’s the item that’s gone missing. I come to a stop a few feet away from where he’s standing, giving an interview with a gorgeous blonde holding a microphone to his face with the ESPN emblem on it. He’s talking about the game, his deep voice rumbling, drifting toward me, and I watch and listen, my entire body aching to give him a hug. Congratulate him on a game well-played.
At one point during the interview, I must catch his eye because he does a double take, though that’s his only visible reaction. Once their chat is over, the reporter fawns over him for a bit before she finally takes her leave, in hot pursuit of some other football player. Cam remains standing where she left him, his helmet dangling from his fingers, looking at a loss.
Sighing, I approach him, noting how much bigger he looks when he’s in his full gear. The pads bulk him up, and the dark slashes still painted under his eyes are giving warrior vibes. His white uniform that they wear for home games is streaked with grass and dirt. I swear I even see a couple of drops of blood on it and I can’t help but worry that it came from him. Is he hurt? Does he even realize it?
God, I really need to stop worrying about this guy.
“Blair. Uh, hey.” He scratches the back of his head, and I sort of wish I could smack him at his greeting.
“You sound surprised that I’m here.”
“I am.”
“I had to come to the game. My parents are in town.”
“I heard. In fact, I’m…supposed to go to dinner with you all tonight.” He winces and seems to brace himself for my reaction.
“Are you serious?” He has got to be kidding me. I don’t want to spend the next couple of hours listening to my parents drill Cam for information, and he and Knox act all nonchalant about their lives while I’m sitting there in silence, suffering.
That sounds like my own personal hell.
He nods. “They invited me and I couldn’t turn them down. Your dad is willing to give me some advice, and I need as much as I can get.”
“About what?”
“The draft.”
Oh. Right. When he moves on and lives his life without me.
“Look.” He glances around, as if he’s checking to see who’s paying attention to us before he takes a step closer, his voice lowering. “I’m sorry about what happened.”
I tilt my head back, staring into his dark eyes. “Oh yeah?”
He nods, his expression grave. “But I gotta be real with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can only give so much right now, B. Everything feels like it’s closing in on me, all at once, and the pressure—it’s a lot. I don’t know how much more I can stand.” He scratches the back of his head again, staring off into the distance. “I care about you.”
My heart cracks wide open…
“But I don’t know if I can be enough for you.”
Only to shatter into a bazillion pieces, falling at my feet.
“Look.” I smile at him, though it feels like I’m snarling, so I clamp my lips shut. “Why don’t I make it easy on you.”
He frowns, his brows drawing together. “How?”
“I’ll walk away right now. I don’t need anything else from you. Not a single thing. It was fun while it lasted, right?”
Cam studies me for a moment, his lips parting slightly. “If that’s how you want to go about this.”
“That’s exactly how I want this to play out. Look, you were always honest with me from the start, right? You told me you weren’t worthy of me. That you didn’t do relationships, and I ignored all the signs. You were waving all the red flags in my face, and I’d constantly tell myself, red is my favorite color.”
“You think I’m a red flag?”
Oh, he seems offended. I am sort of enjoying this after all the torture he’s put me through.
“You are a walking red flag, Camden Fields,” I tell him, my voice firm. “You really need to get your shit together for the next girl. Woman.”
“Fuck, Bumblebee. You’re brutal,” he mutters, his gaze full of pain.
“Don’t call me that.” I shake my head. “Not anymore, okay? It feels too…”
My throat closes up and I can’t get any more words out. I’m choked up, afraid I might cry, and I close my eyes for the briefest moment to stave off the tears.
“If you don’t want me to go to dinner with your family, just say the word,” he says, his voice faint. “I can come up with an excuse and get out of it.”
“No, it’s fine. You need to talk to my father. You need his advice. Besides, he adores you.” I swallow hard, hating the broken look on Cam’s face. He just won a really tough game and he should be on top of the world. Instead, I’m bringing him down and insulting him when it’s all my fault.
I walked into this scenario with my eyes wide open and I still went and fell in love with the asshole. In the end, whose fault is that?
All mine.
