I’M APPROACHING the Student Center, about to grab a coffee for myself when I run into Knox.
“Oh hey. I was going to text you,” he says, walking along beside me as I head for the small coffee shop on campus.
“What about?”
“I talked to Cam this morning.”
My steps slow and so do his. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. He told me. Everything.” He pauses, holding the door open for me as we both walk inside the building. “And that you two are together.”
Now I come to a complete stop, turning to face my brother as he turns toward me too, towering over me in his usual intimidating way.
The expression on his face isn’t intimidating whatsoever though. He seems pretty open. Pretty loose.
Pretty, dare I say, happy, about it?
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs. “My best friend and my sister are dating. I’m cool with it.”
“Dating? Is that the word Cam used?”
Knox winces. “Not quite. Something like it.”
“What did he say?”
“He said that you two are together. That he’s—into you.” Knox rubs at the back of his neck, vaguely uncomfortable.
Meaning he’s lying. Or at the very least, holding something back.
“He didn’t say that. I can’t hear Cam saying that he’s ‘into me.’ That doesn’t sound like words he would use.” I tap the center of Knox’s chest. “Tell me what he really said.”
“That should be for him to say to you, not me, Blair.”
Alarm races through me. “What? Was it something bad?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just, if he’s going to admit his feelings for you, I don’t think you need to hear them secondhand from me first.”
Realization hits me. I think I know what Cam said to Knox.
He told him that he loves me.
“Okay. Sure.” I play it cool, not about to go crazy-girl on him. “That makes sense.”
Knox rolls his eyes. “Don’t give him shit for this, okay?”
“I would never!” That wasn’t part of the plan. I just love that Cam was one hundred percent real with my brother about his feelings for me.
Hmm, maybe I’m going completely overboard, but come on. Cam declaring his love for me to my brother is the logical conclusion here.
“Promise me.” Now it’s Knox’s turn to beg. “Cam seems like he’s in this—fragile state, and I get it. Being in love is hard, man. Oh shit.”
He covers his mouth, his eyes wide, his expression horrified.
“I didn’t mean to say that,” he says, his voice muffled by his palm.
“It’s okay. That’s the conclusion I already came to.” I let my giddiness fly free and start to hop up and down, while standing in line waiting to order my coffee, Knox grabbing my hand and trying to hold me down, though it doesn’t work.
“Calm down. You’re making a scene.”
“I’m happy, okay? I’m allowed to act like a fool right now.”
Oh, I wish Cam were here to see me like this, after receiving confirmation that he’s in love with me. This almost doesn’t feel fair.
“He seemed shocked that I was cool with you two being together.”
“I don’t blame the guy. There was a reason we kept it from you.”
Knox swivels his head to look at me, frowning. “Was I really that bad?”
I roll my eyes. “You were the freaking worst. You told everyone to leave me alone.”
“Can you blame me? They’re all jerks,” he practically growls.
“Oh my God, you probably gave Cam a complex over it.” Though really, I know a lot of Cam’s behavior stemmed from his own insecurities and not my brother telling him he wasn’t worthy.
“Nah. They all knew I was joking.” He pauses. “Mostly.” Another pause. “Though I wasn’t kidding.”
“We know.”
“But now that I have Joanna…I’m cool with it.”
“Why does that make a difference?”
“Because I’m in love with her. And I know what that feels like.” He smiles, appearing pleased with himself.
“You really love her, huh?”
“I do.” His gaze meets mine. “You in love with Cam?”
I make a dismissive noise. “I’m not telling you that.”
Knox doesn’t get to hear those words first.
Cam does.
It’s my turn to order coffee, and I get one for myself and for Knox, paying the cashier before we go and wait at the pick-up window. Knox is texting someone, pocketing his phone when he’s done.
“Dad will approve,” Knox says out of nowhere and I frown at him. “Of Cam with you. He’ll love that. He likes Cam.”
My heart goes soft. All I want is my family to accept Cam with open arms, and I believe firmly that will happen. “What about Mom?”
“You know she likes him. She’s always asking about him when I talk to her.” He laughs. “Now she’ll ask you.”
“I need to tell them.”
“You haven’t?”
“Of course not. We haven’t really told anybody about us. It was all kept under wraps.”
Knox’s expression shifts into misery. “That’s all my fault.”
“No. Well, at first, yes.” I pat my brother’s arm, wanting to console him. “But so much of this has to do with Cam’s issues more than anything else. He was sort of a mess.”
“I know sometimes he struggled, but I never thought it was bad. I wish he would’ve asked for help.”
“Sometimes we don’t even know we need help.” And I think in Cam’s situation, he had to come to that realization on his own.
I’m so grateful he did. It sounds like he’s on the right path. Like we’re on the right path.
Hopefully.
It’s Saturday morning and way too early, but here I am, showing up at Joanna’s apartment, so we can get ready before we hit the road. I’m driving us to the football game, and luckily enough, the school we’re playing is only a couple of hours away. The weather isn’t the best, but at least snow isn’t in the forecast so we should be good.
Joanna answers the door immediately, already dressed in a football jersey that I know has our family name on the back, with a long-sleeved T-shirt underneath it. Her long dark hair is pulled into a high ponytail and she’s got a white ribbon tied in a bow around it. She looks adorable.
“Blair!” She yanks me inside and crushes me in a tight hug, clinging to me a little too long and shifting me back and forth. “I am so glad you’re here.”
She lets me go and I shake my head once, a little taken aback at her enthusiastic greeting. “Good to see you too.”
“So, Knox told me something pretty…interesting.” She goes to the small kitchen table and grabs a bag that’s sitting on top of it, bringing it to me with a knowing smile. “Cam’s jersey for you.”
“Thanks.” I take the bag from her, my cheeks growing hot. Why, I don’t know. Of course, Joanna would know. Knox told her. It makes sense.
Though it still feels weird, making everything public after hiding it for so long.
“I’ve been saying this for a while. That I thought the two of you were together,” Joanna says as she heads for the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”
“No, thank you.” I set the bag on the couch and pull the jersey out, flipping it to the back, so I can stare at his name and number.
Fields, in all caps, with the number four below it. My lucky number.
The man was born on 4/4, for God’s sake. Talk about a sign.
“Anyway, I knew you two were up to something. Remember when I walked in on you guys in the living room?”
How could I forget? Not our best moment.
“Yeah,” I croak.
“You were acting so suspicious. You were so upset! I knew then he did something to make you the type of mad that only a man you’re—involved with could do.”
“You are very perceptive,” I tell her as she rejoins me in the living room, one of those Stanley cups in her hand. It’s a pretty light pink shade and I love it. But those things are near impossible to get.
“And your brother is a bonehead. I don’t know how he missed it.” Joanna takes a sip from her cup, and I laugh.
“He was too in love with you to notice.” I’m sure that was the case.
Now it’s Joanna’s turn to blush and she waves a dismissive hand. “Do you need to change?”
“Yeah.” I drop the jersey back into the bag. “Um, do you have any of that face paint still?”
“I do.” Joanna’s eyes are sparkling. “Want to use some?”
“I need a couple of number fours painted on my cheeks.” I frown. “Or is that too high school? Maybe I’m being a little too over the top.”
“Nooooo. You need to do it. The first time I painted Knox’s number on my face, he about keeled over he was so happy.”
Hmm. I wonder if “keeled over” is code for my brother wanting to jump her.
Ugh. I’d rather not think about it.
I slip the jersey on over my long-sleeved T-shirt and then follow Joanna into her bathroom, where she already has the face paint spread out on the counter. She gets right to work, drawing a four onto my left cheek, then my right, taking her time to make it look good. She even adds all of the school colors, giving the number layers, and when she steps away from me, so I can check it out in the mirror, I’m impressed.
“It looks so good.” I turn my face from side to side, pleased with the results.
“He’s going to love it,” Joanna declares as she starts to put away the face paint.
“I hope so.” I sound worried, though I don’t feel worried.
“What do you hope?” Natalie appears in the bathroom doorway, her hair still damp from the shower.
“That Cam likes his number painted on her face,” Joanna answers for me.
Natalie rolls her eyes. “He’s going to love it. He might even jizz in his jock strap when he sees you.”
“Gross, Nat!” Joanna yells, but I just start laughing.
“You never know,” I say when I can catch my breath. “He might.”
Joanna starts giggling.
So do I. Eventually Natalie joins in too.
It’s nice to talk about Cam with friends. It makes what we have feel much more real. Like it’s not some fairy tale in my head. It’s real.
Well, I think it is. I still feel a little unsure. I haven’t seen Cam in person since the night at the pizza place. He’s always busy, and so am I, but he’s never really asked to get together, which is a little unsettling. He texts me every day though, and we’ve FaceTimed the last couple of nights. That means he’s into me.
Right?
God, I hate feeling unsure. And that’s been the gist of our so-called relationship since it started. The way he kept me a secret. How he kept me in the dark about his feelings too. After a while, I thought I was losing my mind.
Seeing him after the game will help. Hopefully, we’ll talk. And maybe do…other things?
A girl—excuse me, a woman—can dream.
