“Come inside. He should be home any minute,” I say to Elise when she shows up at our front door looking for Owen.
She grins at me and then lifts up on her toes to steal a quick kiss. I kiss her back, but then chuckle, shaking my head.
“Don’t tempt me.”
Elise’s lips twitch with a smile and she follows me inside. “Are you sure you can’t come to dinner with us?”
I shake my head. “You guys have fun. I don’t want to interrupt brother-sister bonding time.”
She rolls her eyes and then wanders into the living room and sinks into the oversized couch. I lower myself carefully to the cushion beside her.
Elise frowns. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug. “Just some bruised ribs. I got stretched out and taped up after today’s practice, but I’m still a little sore.”
She makes a concerned sound, shaking her head. “Let me see.”
I lift up one side of my t-shirt and Elise inhales sharply. The left side of my body is purple and blue.
“Oh, Justin. That looks so painful. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I lower my shirt and release a slow breath. “I’ll be fine.” The truth is, I’ve had much worse injuries over the eight years I’ve been playing in the pros.
“Can I do anything? Ibuprofen? A massage? Anything?”
Considering her offer, I meet her eyes. I’m trying to decide how much trouble I’d been in if Owen came home and found her hands on me, and then I weigh if I actually care at this point. The desire to have her touch me wins out. Plus, I could really use some of these knots worked out.
“I’d love a massage.” Tugging my t-shirt off over my head, I move to the floor so I’m sitting in between her parted knees.
Elise’s warm palms press into my shoulders and I release a slow breath. She kneads the over-used muscles in my back, pressing one hand flat against my spine.
“Ah…” I groan. “That feels good.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I’m happy to do this anytime you want.” I can hear the smile in her voice when she answers.
She continues rubbing my deltoids, moving lower to massage my arm muscles. It feels so nice.
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” she says as she works.
“About?”
She takes a break from rubbing my back and fishes something out of her pocket, setting it on the coffee table in front of us. It’s a key. “I had an extra made for my apartment. I figure you can use it when you come over and then you can come and go as you please, like even if it’s late, like after a game.”
Something in that statement catches me off-guard. I know we’re overdue for a discussion about this—about us—about everything, but I wasn’t expecting it to unfold quite like this.
“I’m not sure what to say.”
A key? A key is a huge fucking step. We only agreed to be friends with benefits, and now sweet, little naïve Elise wants to give me a key? A wave of worry passes over me. I know right then, without a doubt, that I hold the ability to crush her. To break her heart. It’s a heavy thought and one I’m not okay with. Because the truth is, I’m not boyfriend material. Owen was right about that.
I’m nothing more than an easy fuck, the fun-time guy girls want a casual night with. I’m not really built for more. And even if it was what I wanted, the fact is she needs someone who will actually be in town more than he’s gone. Someone who’s emotionally available and capable of love, not someone like me.
It’s in that moment I realize I’m never going to be good enough for her. I’m never going to be the kind of man she needs, and part of me doesn’t even trust myself or believe I could commit to one woman, no matter how desperately I might want to. Owen was one-hundred percent right. I would only end up fucking her over.
“Justin?” She’s stopped touching me, and even though I hate it, it’s better this way.
Raising to my feet, I stand before her.
Her lips are turned down and she’s studying me with narrowed eyes. “Say something.”
What is there to say? I come from a broken home and have seen firsthand how love can turn to hate and bring out the very worst in people? Or that I don’t trust myself not to fall into bed with some puck bunny a year down the road when things get hard? Plenty of guys on the team are in committed relationships, and it’s never stopped them from screwing around before. Why should I be any stronger? I’ll only end up hurting Elise and that’s not a scenario I can live with.
“Listen,” my voice comes out cold and much more detached than I feel, “this started as something fun, but taking your key? That’s too much. I can’t.”
“Fine,” she snaps, standing to face me. “Don’t take the key. But why are you acting so weird right now?”
“Because you need a man who will be there for you. Someone who can come to your school functions, who can to bring you tampons, someone who doesn’t have such an intense travel schedule. Someone who feels worthy of taking your key.”
Planting one hand on her trim hip, Elise frowns. “I’m used to a hockey schedule. It’s all I’ve ever known my entire life. I’ve never once complained about you being gone. Yes, I miss you when you’re not here, but I have my own life, Justin, in case you didn’t notice.”
“It’s more than that okay?”
Her pretty face falls. “Don’t do this,” she says, voice firm. “Don’t do this to us…”
The front door opens and Owen strolls inside. It takes him exactly three seconds to notice the tense mood between me and his sister. Just fucking fantastic.
Stopping on the other side of the couch, his eyes harden as he looks between us. I’m still shirtless and Elise looks visibly upset.
“What is this?” Owen demands.
Elise sniffs, lifting her chin. “It’s nothing, Owen. Just give us a minute, would you?”
He lets out a humorless laugh, coming closer. I don’t miss the way his hands curl into fists at his sides. “Are you fucking kidding me? You couldn’t stay away from my sister? My goddamn sister. Fucking prick.”
“It’s not like that,” I say.
“Oh yeah, what’s it like then? Why don’t you tell me?”
My throat feels tight, but I force the words out. “I really liked her.”
“Liked?” Elise scoffs. She doesn’t miss my past-tense slip-up.
Fuck.
Placing one hand against my ribs, she looks up at me, those striking blue eyes cutting straight through me. “I’m not giving up on you, Justin, you have so much more to offer than you realize. But I have to go. We’ll talk later.”
I nod once.
Then she looks at Owen. “And in case you didn’t notice, I’m an adult. So you can either fuck off and leave me alone, or you can actually be supportive like the big brother I thought you were.”
Owen’s gaze locks on mine and for a second I’m sure things are about to turn physical between us. But then he looks back to Elise and nods. “Let’s go.”
I watch them leave the apartment. Elise doesn’t even bother looking back at me.
Now my ribs match how my heart feels—bruised and battered. But it’s fine, because it’s exactly what I deserve. And since part of me always knew it would end this way, I feel relieved that it finally did.
