The ice is where I really feel like I’m at home. Like I have a purpose and am doing the one thing I was put on this earth to do. I know being an athlete isn’t exactly a noble act or anything that is life-changing, but it can be inspiring to people. And I know that feeling I felt as a young kid when I fell in love with the sport.
I was the underdog in a way. My parents worked their asses off, saving and scraping extra money together to put me through all of my years playing hockey. Equipment wasn’t cheap, skates were fucking expensive, and ice time was never free. The two of them spent tens of thousands of dollars to get me where I am now.
And if it weren’t for the full-ride scholarship that I earned, I don’t know that I would even be in the position I’m in now. The professional league comes after this, but if I don’t get my shit together, all of that could easily go away.
I can’t fuck this up…
And I’m not going to think with my dick and ruin my friendship with Aspen because of it.
Skating across the ice, I effortlessly move the puck along with my stick, moving past Logan as he attempts to get it away from me. He mutters a curse under his breath and a smile creeps onto my lips as I pass the puck to August who takes his shot at our second-string goalie. He flicks his wrists, shooting the puck in the top shelf, and Bishop doesn’t stand a chance at stopping the goal.
Since we have the regional tournament starting, we’ve been fitting in scrimmage games at the end of practice. Even though we’re still in the season and playing on the weekends, it feels good playing against my guys and seeing their skills really shine.
By the time we finish up, I score the last goal that puts us in the lead after being tied for a decent amount of time. Everyone’s sweaty and fucking exhausted as we leave the ice and head back to the locker room. It’s already well into the evening and we all have to be back here tomorrow afternoon for a game.
As I step inside the locker room, I drop my gloves onto the bench and unsnap my helmet before pulling it off my head. My hair is damp with sweat and my chest heaves, still trying to catch my breath after skating my ass off. I shouldn’t have gone as hard as I did tonight, but it’s a welcomed distraction from everything else in life.
I chase that adrenaline like a junkie chasing their next high.
Hockey is the most important thing in my life and on the rare occasion, I have to remind myself of that. To keep myself focused and my head in the game. I’m so close to reaching my end goal and I can’t let anything get in the way of that now.
“What are you getting into tonight?” Hayden asks me as he drops down onto the bench next to me and begins to unlace his skates. He’s only been here for a month or so now and most of the guys have taken him under their wing as if he’s always been one of their own.
The thing with Hayden, though, is he really has been one of us. Logan, August, Hayden, and I all grew up together, playing together. We’ve always had an unbreakable bond and I think that helped when he transferred schools and started playing college hockey on our team. Throughout the years, we’ve played against him, but it was nice having him on our side now.
Hayden had every intention of coming to Wyncote with us. If you were going to play college hockey and wanted the professional scouts to see you, Wyncote was exactly where you wanted to be. Hayden’s parents had other plans for him and insisted that he went to the same Ivy League school that his father went to, especially because they had dreams of him following in his father’s footsteps and becoming a lawyer.
That would never be Hayden and it was never what he wanted. Maybe he did what he did as a way to get out of where he was. Even though we all share so much with each other, there’s still parts of Hayden that you just can’t get to. That kid’s like a fucking vault and he’ll only let you in if he feels like it’s necessary.
“I think I’m just going to go home and sleep,” I tell him, my voice exhausted and honest. “Seriously. We’ve been going hard at practice and I can feel it in my legs right now.”
“Come on, man,” he groans as he pulls his practice jersey over his head. “Some of us are going out to the bar. I think old man Logan is even coming and bringing Isla with him.”
Logan shouts some obscenities at him from across the locker room, cutting his eyes at him in annoyance. If I’m being honest, there are times that I feel bad for Logan. He gets a lot of shit from everyone because of being tied down like he is now. Personally, I couldn’t be happier for him. This is the first time I’ve seen Logan truly happy and I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t have to keep things between them a secret anymore.
“What about you, August?” I question him as he shoves his gear into his bag. He’s already dressed in a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, his hair still damp with sweat instead of water from the shower. That’s a telltale sign that he’s heading out.
“I don’t know, man.” His voice is strained and I know he has a lot going on right now too. Poppy’s pregnant with his baby and things aren’t good between them. They weren’t in a relationship when it happened, but I know that he’s been struggling with the way things are.
“Dude, just come out,” Hayden urges him, a hopeful look in his eye. “You said it yourself that Poppy needs space, so what is going home and being depressed going to do? You need to get your mind off shit and just blow off some steam.”
August shrugs at him. “Maybe I will. Either way, I want to go home and shower and change first.”
Hayden nods, grabbing his clothes before he heads over to the shower. “You know where to find us if you decide you want to come out.”
I end up at the bar with Hayden, Asher, Sterling, and Simon. We grabbed one of the high-top tables and have already had two rounds of beer. Logan and August never ended up showing up, which wasn’t surprising. I can’t say I really blame them, because there are times where this shit begins to feel like it’s getting old.
Like there has to be something else out there that is more fulfilling…
But I’m not like the two of them. I will never be built for a relationship.
Asher, Sterling, and Simon are all caught up in an argument about some of the goals from earlier tonight. I can feel Hayden’s gaze on the side of my face and after ignoring it for a few moments, I finally turn my head to look at him.
“What?” I ask him, picking up my beer to take a swig of it.
“What happened with your girl last weekend? We never really got a chance to talk about it since you were so damn silent the entire car ride back after dropping her car off.”
My stomach sinks at the thought of that night and how awkward things have been between us since then. “She’s not my girl,” I mumble, rolling my eyes at him.
Hayden raises an eyebrow at me with a look of amusement dancing in his eyes. “Are you sure about that?”
“Bro, she’s just a friend. We have some classes together and have been hanging out to study. That’s literally it.”
I watch him as he nods, lifting his beer to his lips as he drains the rest of the cup. “Whatever you say, man,” he offers, shrugging in defeat. “I’m not going to argue when you’re still lying to yourself about it all, but I’m going to call it now. Logan and August are already wrapped up in their chicks. You’re definitely the next one to go.”
A harsh laugh falls from my lips and I shake my head at him. “Not a chance, King. I will never be more than friends with Aspen. I don’t do relationship shit and I have no intention of fucking up our friendship by trying to make a move on her.”
“So, if you’re not going to make a move on her, then she’s fair game, right?” Hayden smirks, a sinister look passing through his irises.
My grip tightens around my glass of beer and my jaw clenches. Anger radiates through me at the mere thought of Hayden and Aspen. My blood boils, my stomach recoiling as I narrow my eyes at him. There’s a coldness in my gaze and I watch as Hayden’s face relaxes, a soft laugh falling from his lips.
“Exactly what I thought.” He smiles, shaking his head as he grabs the pitcher from the center of the table and rises to his feet. “When you’re done lying to yourself about your feelings for her, let me know.”
I watch him as he heads over to the bar to get the pitcher refilled and my heart is clawing at my rib cage. He’s wrong. Sure, I’m attracted to Aspen, but I know it can’t go any further than that.
And I refuse to let that ever happen…
