“So, are you going to tell me what the hell that was last weekend?” Delilah asks me as she settles into my couch with a carton of ice cream. She’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, since it’s a cold and rainy day. For a Friday night, this is about as exciting as it is going to get for us.
Delilah is the opposite of me, liking to be more of the center of attention where I just like to fade into the background and go unnoticed. She goes through these periods of being super extroverted and then hiding herself away in my apartment when she doesn’t feel like dealing with the rest of the world. I always welcome her company, because, believe it or not, sometimes my life can be lonely.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell her, shrugging my shoulders as I turn on the TV and start flipping through the movies on the screen. “Are you going to tell me what happened with Alexander?”
Delilah glances over at me and I can feel her eyes on the side of my head. “Who said anything happened?”
Tearing my gaze from the TV, I look over at her, my lips pursed as I give her a knowing look. “Let’s be real, Del. You’re hiding away in my apartment with an entire carton of ice cream—not that I’m judging. We just both know that this is what you do when you’re avoiding shit and I have a feeling it might have something to do with Alexander.”
Her nostrils flare as she sighs, her shoulders hanging heavily in defeat. “I’ll tell you if you tell me what the hell is going on between you and Cameron fucking Sawyer.”
My heart pounds erratically in my chest at the mere mention of him. Even though we’ve been meeting throughout the week for our scheduled tutoring sessions, he still has me shaken up. None of that matters, though, because it literally cannot mean a thing.
And who am I kidding? It’s definitely just hormones that have me wishing that our situation was different than it is. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten laid or even bothered to show any interest in pursuing someone else. Perhaps it’s just the boredom of my mundane life. I need some excitement and I cannot go looking for that with Cameron fucking Sawyer.
“I slept with Alexander,” Delilah admits, her voice quiet as she directs her gaze back to the TV.
My eyebrows tug together as I watch her for a moment while she shoves a spoonful of chocolate ice cream into her mouth. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Delilah sighs, tilting her head as she looks back at me. “It was terrible. Like, so bad, oh my god, I’m embarrassed for him.” She pauses for a moment, dropping her spoon into the carton of ice cream. “Needless to say, it ruined everything because he is, like, in love now and I can’t bring myself to break his heart. I like him as a person and his personality is awesome, but the sex… I just can’t do it, Aspen.”
A chuckle falls from my lips and I shake my head at her, partially in disbelief of the entire situation. “You know, this would be your luck. You’ve wanted him so badly, to go beyond being friends, and this is the shit that happens.”
“I see why you stay single now.” She sighs again, pursing her lips. “It’s not worth the bullshit. You’re almost better if you act like a dude and fuck without attachments. Just hit it and quit it and keep on moving.”
I shrug, a smirk creeping onto my face. “Okay, that’s totally not me. I haven’t slept with anyone since, like, summer. But yeah… being single is definitely better. Or at least keeping everything free from any types of feelings.”
Cameron lingers in the back of my mind and I swallow hard in an effort to erase the feelings that I desperately do not want. Last weekend, he made things crystal clear. And I don’t know what I’ve even been thinking, wanting it to be more than what it is. Who am I kidding?
Delilah is in a situation which is exactly what I try to avoid. I don’t want to be involved in any shit like she is, and things with Cam would just be a goddamn mess. A headache that I don’t need. It’s easier if we’re just friends. Just friends don’t hand their hearts over to the other to get broken. And with a guy like Cameron Sawyer… there’s no way you get involved and make it out with your heart still intact.
“Aspen?” Delilah looks at me expectantly, her head tilted to the side as her eyebrows pull together. “You didn’t hear a single word I said, did you?”
A heat creeps up my neck, spreading across my cheeks as I give her an apologetic smile and a shrug. Delilah’s face transforms, a look of suspicion growing in her eyes as the corners of her lips curl upward into a smirk.
“You were thinking about him, weren’t you?”
Panic wells inside me and I shake my head. “What? No. There’s nothing to think about. There’s literally nothing going on between the two of us.”
“Uh-huh, right,” she says, rolling her eyes with that stupid smirk still glued to her lips. “I saw the two of you together last weekend. Cam and Hayden weren’t supposed to play against us in beer pong, but he made such a fuss until the other guys gave up their turn for them to play. Why do you think that is?”
I swallow hard over the knives in my throat. “Because they wanted to be able to play next?”
Delilah shakes her head at me. “Because Cam wanted to play you. Girl, you’re blind if you didn’t see the way he was watching you the entire time. And don’t even fuck with me because I saw the two of you go out back. Not to mention, he walked you to your car then too…”
“The only reason he walked me to my car was because you were preoccupied with Alexander and I was in no condition to drive. Thankfully, Cam wasn’t drunk, so he was able to drive me back to my apartment.”
“How do you explain the little interaction between the two of you during the game and then sneaking off with him outside?”
I stare back at Delilah, feeling the anxiety building in the pit of my stomach. There’s no malice in her tone or any judgement in her expression. I wouldn’t expect such things from my best friend, but with the way she’s questioning me, I can’t help but feel like I’m being interrogated right now.
“I don’t even know,” I tell her, the lie tasting bitter on my tongue. “I was drunk and needed to get some fresh air, so he was the one who suggested going outside. Nothing happened between us and then we left, to which he drove me back to my apartment and left instead of coming inside.” Pausing, I narrow my eyes at her. “Why are you questioning me like this?”
“It’s just weird… you give him the cold shoulder at school, but I’ve seen the two of you in the library together. Not to mention your little study sessions in the evenings during the week.” She takes a deep breath, her expression tormented. “I know you have a strict policy of not getting close to anyone, but you’ve been spending a lot of time with him and it concerns me.”
Swallowing hard over the knives lodged in my throat, I stare back at her. I haven’t been fully truthful with her and she doesn’t know about our tutoring arrangement, but that’s because it’s not my business to tell. Cam specifically asked me to not tell anyone, so I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. Instead, I just told her that we’ve been studying together.
She’s been more observant than I’ve realized and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
“Why would you be concerned?” I question her, my voice off-kilter as I speak the words. “If anything, we’re just friends… and even that is a stretch. I barely know the guy.”
“Just be careful with him,” she says quietly, her eyes soft and warm as they search mine. “Cam is known to be a player and I would hate to see you get hurt by him.’
Narrowing my eyes at her, I grab my drink from the coffee table and unscrew the lid. “What part of just friends are you missing here?”
“I mean, let’s be real. Do friendships really work between two people who are attracted to each other?”
The heat is instant as it spreads across my cheeks and I quickly divert my gaze back to the TV in an effort to avoid her eyes. “While I can appreciate that Cam is attractive, I’m not attracted to him. Trust me. I know enough about him to know that he’s not someone to get involved with. Plus, when have I ever been the person to get attached?”
Looking back over at Delilah, she shrugs. “I know you don’t get attached, but you don’t usually spend this much time with other people, so there’s no way for them to ever get close enough to you.” She pauses for a moment, her lips curling upward as she picks her spoon up. “And, girl, you’re only lying to yourself if you say you’re not attracted to him.”
“Since when did this conversation turn into grilling me about my friendship with Cam instead of the shit going on between you and Alexander?” I ask her, a light laugh falling from my lips as I nestle into the couch and click the button on the remote to select a movie.
Delilah chuckles, shaking her head. “Because the shit between Alexander and I is pretty fucking black and white… this shit between you and Cam falls into the gray category.”
“Oh please,” I groan, grabbing a pillow as I whip it over at her. Delilah blocks it with her hand and it falls onto the floor beside the couch. Grabbing a blanket, I cover myself up before looking back over at her. “Cam and I are just friends. Nothing more—ever.”
“Yeah, sure.” She rolls her eyes in exaggeration and settles on the other part of the sectional she’s sitting on. “Talk to me after he crawls under your skin.”
“There is no way in hell that is going to happen in this lifetime.”
Delilah raises an eyebrow at me. “We’ll see,” she muses, as she turns her attention back to the ice cream in her lap and the movie playing on the TV.
Ignoring her comment, I turn away from her, my eyes trained on the movie, but I’m not actually focusing on anything that is going on in it. She’s got it all wrong if she thinks that I’ll be letting Cameron Sawyer in. The last place he is crawling is under my skin.
I don’t catch feelings and neither does Cam.
