Walking into class, I’m not surprised when I see Aspen already sitting in her usual seat toward the front of the class. Delilah is sitting beside her with her head on the table like she’s taking a quick nap before the lecture starts. I’m the last one walking in and the seat to the left of Aspen is still open.
She doesn’t lift her eyes from her notebook in front of her as I walk in front of the table and drop down into the chair beside her. Staring at the side of her face, I watch her as she struggles to glance in my direction. The point of her pen digs deeper into her paper as she writes something down. I don’t know what the hell she could possibly be doing because class hasn’t even started, but that’s Aspen for you.
Probably organizing her goddamn thoughts on paper like she pre-studied the lecture or some shit.
I can’t fault her for how studious she is. If anything, it’s admirable and I wish I had half the drive she does. There was a point where I did, and I still do care about my studies, but only to a point. And that point is only to make sure I have passing grades. The only thing that really matters is hockey and that’s the only real reason why I’m here.
“Hey,” I murmur, my voice loud enough for her to hear me. She glances at me from the corner of her eye, nodding slightly, but she doesn’t offer me any words in response.
Leaning closer to her, I inhale her soft floral scent as I peer over her shoulder to see what she’s doing. My eyebrows tug together when I see that she isn’t doing anything constructive. Instead, it’s just mindless doodling, as if she’s trying to distract herself from something.
A sigh slips from my lips and I sit back in my seat, pulling my book out onto the table as the professor enters the room and begins to write something across the board. Aspen pays me no mind and it’s a fucking struggle trying to focus for the entirety of class.
Every once in a while, Aspen and Delilah speak to each other in hushed voices but I’m not able to make out any of their words. I just want her to turn in my direction and talk to me, but she doesn’t. I know Saturday night didn’t go exactly as planned. I wanted to kiss her, but I stopped myself from doing it.
That’s one line I can’t cross with Aspen. Regardless of how my body reacts to her and how badly I want her. She’s something else, but she’s something special. And she deserves so much more than I could ever give her. I don’t have the time to dedicate myself to someone else right now and as much as I would love to use her as a distraction, that’s literally all that it would be.
I can’t afford to let someone in. Look at how messy Logan’s life got. I mean, this is a little different. I’m not sleeping with my best friend’s little sister. But I feel like I hardly see him anymore. That’s not to say that being in a relationship is a bad thing, it’s just not for everyone and it’s definitely not for me.
I’ve grown comfortable in the way I live my life and I don’t need someone disrupting any of that. As much as I’d love to fuck around with Aspen, I need her for more than that. She’s my only hope of keeping my scholarship and being able to play in regionals. I need her to help me get through my schooling so I can keep playing.
I’ve come too far to lose it all now. I mean, shit… I don’t even know what I would do without hockey.
Plus, Aspen has her own aspirations to succeed in life. She’s here studying pre-med and will be going to graduate school after she finishes next year. There’s no room for me in her life, just like there’s no room for her in mine.
Although, I’m a little confused after the other night. I thought we had come to terms with being friends, but with the cold shoulder she’s giving me right now, I’m not sure she actually meant it.
I wanted to walk her to her apartment, even though I knew it was a bad idea. Part of me was glad when she declined, but I’m also afraid that maybe I offended her in some way. I meant it when I told her that she is breathtaking because, holy fuck, she is. She’s an enigma. Maybe she doesn’t believe that I actually meant it because of what I said in the car.
It was a misleading comment and I need to rectify this situation without crossing any more lines.
Aspen slipped out of class before I had a chance to talk to her. And as much as I wanted to chase her down, I decided to give her some space. It seems like that’s what she wants and since we’re already supposed to meet during lunch in the library, I’ll let her breathe until then.
I barely pay attention in my other classes, but thankfully I have decent grades in them so I don’t need to worry. My main issue is biology and as I head to the library, that’s the furthest thing from my mind. Instead, it’s Aspen that creeps into the darkest corners of my mind, fucking haunting me.
As I walk into the library, she’s already sitting at a table waiting for me. All of her notes and books are spread out and she sits there, reading a novel as she waits. Her head lifts, her gaze meeting mine as I stride closer to her. Stopping opposite of her, I reach for the chair, but recoil my hand as I walk around to sit beside her instead.
Aspen inhales sharply, shifting to the side as if she wants to put as much distance between us as possible. She turns in her seat, facing me completely as I sit down and turn my head to look at her. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I watch a pink tint spread across her cheeks.
“So, are you still giving me the silent treatment or can we actually talk now?”
Aspen narrows her eyes at me, her eyebrows pulling together. “If we’re talking about biology, then sure.”
Shaking my head, I fold my arms on the table and stare her down. “Not until we talk about the other night.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she says quietly, the harshness lingering in her words. “Nothing happened and I was drunk anyway. I’d honestly prefer to just forget about it and move on, if that’s okay with you.”
“No, it’s not,” I retort, watching her recoil in disapproval. “I think you took what I said to you the wrong way.”
“Nope,” she disagrees, shaking her head as she rolls her eyes. “You made yourself pretty clear. And trust me, I don’t want anything more than whatever this is.”
My eyebrows draw together as I tilt my head to the side. “So, you were just drunk when you said we were friends, huh?”
She stares at me for a moment. “If I remember correctly, I never said that we were actually friends.”
“So, you were the one with the misleading comment then.”
“No,” she argues, her lips curling upward as she shakes her head at me. “We can be friends, Cameron, as long as we both agree to nothing more than that.”
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips.
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Aspen Rossi.”
