The rest of the day feels like I’m caught in a weird time warp. All of my classes feel like they drag on forever, but before I know it, the day is over and I’m heading back to my apartment. I live in a studio apartment by myself and it’s more than enough space for me. When I first decided to move here instead of traveling home every break and during the summer, my mother wasn’t exactly thrilled.
One of the things she insisted was that I get an apartment with a friend or something, or at least a one-bedroom place. But the space I live in is plenty for me. I don’t bring people over to entertain. I literally just need enough room to have a bed, kitchen, and a bathroom. And that’s even being modest, because for a studio, it’s pretty freaking big
After grabbing something to eat from the café around the corner, I come back to my apartment and sit down to study. And just like earlier in the day, I’m more distracted than I’ve ever been. I can’t focus for shit on my studies and I don’t need that to happen and mess up my perfect GPA.
I glance over at the cabinet above the sink. It’s where I keep my ADHD meds. I usually only take them in the morning and around lunchtime. If I took another one now, it could potentially help get my mind back on track. A sigh slips from my lips as I hang my head in defeat. Who am I kidding? It might help me focus, but I’ll be focusing on the wrong things.
I haven’t been able to get my interaction with Cam out of my mind and the way that he looked so desperate asking me for help. Because the university I attend caters to our hockey team, everyone knows who all of the players are. They’re practically like celebrities, almost as if they own the damn place when they walk around.
Everyone knows Cameron Sawyer, and like I told him, we’ve had classes together the past two years and never spoke a word before today. Our lives are entirely different, but this isn’t an arrangement for us to be friends. Neither of us ever said anything about being friends.
I wouldn’t say I dislike him, because that would mean I know him well enough to make a judgment like that. Everything I’ve heard about him is your run-of-the-mill cliché jock stuff. He’s known as the life of the party and a little bit of a playboy who never maintains anything serious with any of the girls he messes around with.
If there’s one thing Cam made clear today, it’s that hockey is his entire life and he can’t afford to put any of that in jeopardy. And right now, all of that is in jeopardy.
I don’t know why I agreed to help him, but with the way he was looking at me, it was virtually impossible to say no to him. Plus, I was always taught to treat others the way that you want to be treated. He caught me off guard at first, which prompted my walls to go up. This isn’t my first time tutoring someone and it’s hard to not feel like someone is using you.
And in a way, he is. I’m completely in agreement with the situation because I don’t want to see him fail. He seems like a good enough guy. He’s dependent upon his scholarship or he wouldn’t be so worried about keeping his academics in good standing like he is. As much as I don’t know him, I can’t help but root for him and want to see him succeed.
If I can be someone who helps him along his journey, then so be it. If the universe didn’t intend on it happening that way, Cam never would have approached me about it. He needs my help and I feel compelled to give it to him.
Perhaps it’s a way that I can build some good karma for myself too. Give to the world what you want to receive. I don’t know if any of that stuff really holds any weight, but what can it hurt?
Taking a break from my studying, I check my phone and notice there’s still nothing from Cam. I don’t know his schedule or if he had practice tonight, but it’s already after nine o’clock at night. He asked me to text him if I didn’t hear from him first, so here goes nothing.
Aspen: Hey Cameron, it’s Aspen. I just wanted to text you to see if you still needed my help and if you looked at your schedule at all.
Locking the screen of my phone, I set it back down on the desk beside me and turn my attention back to my laptop. I don’t expect a response from him immediately, but I can’t help but look at my phone from the corner of my eye every few minutes until the screen lights up as a new message comes through.
My heart pounds erratically in my chest and I silently curse it for betraying me in such a way. I shouldn’t be excited by the thought of him responding to me. This isn’t a friendship; this has no room to grow into something more. It’s simply an arrangement between the two of us.
Cameron: Hey! I didn’t forget about you. I literally just walked in the door from a late practice this evening. I looked at my schedule and have random times during the middle of the day open, or else late evenings. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we have off-ice weight training and those nights are usually over earlier than actual practice.
I reread his message a few times, before grabbing my calendar to check over what times I have free during the day. Since I don’t partake in the normal college activities, my evenings are typically free. Either reserved for my own studying or just binge-reading or watching stuff on Netflix.
Aspen: What times are you usually done on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Why don’t we make it a point to meet for at least an hour or however long you need on those two evenings? And then we can figure out any times during the day. I have some time between classes on different days, but maybe we can try and coordinate them better.
My message sends and I stare at my phone, a smile touching my lips as the small three bubbles instantly pop up in the bottom corner of the thread. Cam’s response comes through almost immediately.
Cameron: Want to meet on Thursday and we can figure out some times during the day we can meet? I should be done around seven, if that’s not too late for you. I’ve heard Delilah refer to you as a grandma in class before, so I don’t want to be interrupting any of your evening shows or early bedtimes.
My heart hammers in its cage and a stupid smile is on my lips as I shake my head at my phone. A wave of shock passes through me as realization hits me. We may not have talked at all before, but he’s implying that he’s noticed me. He’s listened to Delilah and me enough to know my evening habits.
Aspen: For your information, I am not a grandma. And let’s meet at seven-thirty in the library?
Cameron: Sounds good, granny.
Rolling my eyes, I can’t stop the chuckle as it falls from my lips and I reread his stupid message.
Aspen: You know, you’re an ass.
Cameron: It’s all part of my charm, sweets. Get to know me better and you’ll see.
My stomach flutters and I stare at the screen with my eyes wide. I don’t want his charm because I refuse to fall under his spell like all these other girls do. Cameron Sawyer has one thing he cares about and I’m not about to let myself get involved with someone who will never put me first.
Plus, from what I’ve heard, he doesn’t do commitment and I’m not a fling type of girl. I dated the same guy my entire four years of high school and lost my virginity to him. Since being in college, I have yet to hook up with anyone because it seems like they all want the same thing. And I’m not here to be someone’s booty call. It’s not worth the risk of developing feelings that will never be reciprocated.
What the hell are you even thinking about, Aspen?
Shaking my head at myself, I let out a frustrated sigh as I mentally smack my palm against my forehead. Cam’s a smooth talker, a charmer, and he knows it. The last thing that I will let happen is letting that affect me.
We agreed to me helping him by tutoring him, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay true to my word, follow through on it, and then we can go our separate ways. If we become friends, I’m not saying that I would have anything against that, but it can never be anything more.
Cameron might think that he’s God’s gift to women, but he’s got it wrong when it comes to me.
The only thing he is to me is a nuisance right now.
He’s persistent as hell, but he doesn’t know how much resolve I have. The last thing I’m going to do is develop feelings for him, because I can let his charm roll off me without it having any effect on me.
And Cameron Sawyer is about to realize that I’m not as easy as these other girls he’s tried to smooth talk. He can save his sweet nothings for someone else, because I won’t be hearing them.
I have goals of my own and I’m not letting the university’s biggest playboy mess that up.
