I went out the front gate, hurrying to the food truck Elena had mentioned. It really was just around the corner. I was going to find Paisley any minute now. I was sure of it. She had to be there, still deciding what she wanted. My girl had to be here.
I took a deep breath to steady my nerves.
When I rounded the corner, my whole body went rigid. She wasn’t there.
I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other until I reached the food truck.
‘Hi. What can I get you?’ the vendor asked.
‘Nothing. Thank you. I’m wondering if a little girl came here earlier.’ I tapped the screen of my phone, showing him a picture of Paisley. ‘She ran off from school.’
The guy grimaced. ‘I’m sorry. She wasn’t here.’
Fuck. Where is she?
I looked up and down the street. My pulse thumped in my ear. Bile rose at the back of my throat. I called her a couple times. Come on, baby girl, pick up. Pick up.
She didn’t answer. Then I remembered that she had a tracking app on her phone. I could use it to locate her.
Adrenaline spiked in my veins as I opened the app connected to her phone. It said she didn’t have a signal.
Damn it.
Where could she be?
I couldn’t think straight. But I immediately knew I needed reinforcements. I called Declan.
‘Hey, brother,’ I said. ‘Listen, I need your help.’
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked in an alarmed tone.
‘I’m at Paisley’s school, and she ran off.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Long story. I’ll tell you later. I need help looking for her.’
‘I’m on it. I’ll leave the office right now. I’ll take Tyler too. He’s here. And I’ll call everyone else, okay?’
‘Thanks.’ I was eternally grateful to my brother, because I didn’t even have enough brainpower to think about calling the rest. But I did call Lexi’s number. I needed her here with me.
She answered after the second ring. I looked up and down the street as I spoke, not wanting to lose any opportunity to spot Paisley.
‘Hey,’ she said in a soft voice. ‘I just left school. Where are you?’
‘At Paisley’s school. She ran off.’
‘Oh my God. Ran off? Are you sure? That’s not like her.’
‘Well, I don’t know. I can’t find her,’ I snapped. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean… It’s not your fault.’ I was pacing the street, feeling like I’d lost my wits completely. I couldn’t think straight. ‘The family’s coming, and they’re going to help me search for her. Can you come too?’
‘Absolutely. I’m on my way.’
The tension between my shoulder blades lessened a bit. Knowing Lexi was going to be here calmed me down.
‘Thank you, Lexi. Thanks.’
Pocketing the phone, I looked up and down the street again. There was nothing else to do except scour every street around the school.
A sheen of sweat dotted my whole body. Where is my little girl?
I walked up the street and then took a sharp right on the street at the back of the school. I was going to walk along the perimeter once. I stopped at a bakery and a butcher shop, but no one had seen Paisley. Where is she? I tried calling her phone again, walking street after street. Finally, I returned to the school, in the small hope that someone had seen her or that maybe she’d returned. Why wasn’t she answering the phone?
As I approached the front gates, I noticed my family: Mom and Dad, Tyler, Declan, and Luke.
Mom was on the phone talking to my grandmother. “Beatrice, I’ll call you as soon as we have news, okay?”
Lexi was here too. She came straight to me, putting her arms around my neck. I kept her soft body against me, drinking in that peace she offered, even though it lasted only a few seconds.
‘We’ll find her,’ she promised.
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I was drowning in worry.
‘Tate, where did you look?’ Declan asked. ‘Point it out on the map.’
‘I checked the streets surrounding the school in a square and these two adjacent ones.’
‘Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do,’ Declan said. They were all paying attention. ‘I’ll call the police, but in the meantime, everyone is going to take three streets, and we’re going to look everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Behind rocks, up in the trees, any place you wouldn’t think about checking.’
‘I didn’t look up trees and in the corners,’ I said.
‘Doesn’t matter. We’ll redo the whole perimeter anyway, just to make sure we’re not missing anything.’
‘She’s not answering her phone,’ I said in a desperate voice. “And the locator app says her phone has no signal.”
‘That’s because she doesn’t have it with her. I spoke to Ms. McDonald. They confiscated her phone earlier because she tried to use it during class,’ Declan explained.
‘Great. Fucking great.’ I felt like lashing out at everyone. The teacher, even my family. And it wasn’t fair. This wasn’t their fault. It was all Nora’s and my fault.
‘I’m going to stay with you. Okay, Tate?’ Lexi said softly, taking my hand. I nodded, flexing my fingers around hers. I needed her. ‘Come on, let’s go. We’re getting a bigger perimeter. But between the two of us, we’re going to be fast,’ she promised.
We scoured street after street. I was growing more desperate with every bench we checked, every three we looked under, and every shop where we asked about Paisley, but no one had seen her. I grew so desperate that I even stopped random strangers, showing them pictures of my daughter. No one saw her.
‘Where is she?’ I shouted out in frustration. Worry was eating up at me.
‘We have one more street,’ Lexi said, her voice strong. She interlaced our fingers, squeezing my hand.
I was going through the motions, doing everything mechanically. If I thought too much, I was going to lose it.
My phone rang when we were halfway down the street.
‘It’s the teacher,’ I said, answering right away. My throat constricted.
‘She’s here. She came back,’ Ms. McDonald said.
‘Is she okay?’ I asked.
‘Yes, yes, she’s fine. She got lost on the way to the food truck and went in the opposite direction.’
Relief washed over me, relaxing my stiff muscles.
“We’ll be right there,” I replied before hanging up and turning to Lexi. ‘They found her.’
Her eyes watered. I instantly wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. She sobbed into my neck, tugging at my shirt. Her whole body was shaking.
‘Oh my God. I was so worried. So worried.’
I wrapped my arms around her. My brave, perfect woman. She’d held all this inside her while we were searching, all so she could be strong for me. I kept her in my arms, whispering in her ear.
‘It’s okay. It’s all over. We found her.’
‘Can we wait for a bit?’ she asked through sobs. “I want to calm down.”
“Sure.” I didn’t let go of her, holding her firmly in my arms and giving her all the support she needed. My phenomenal woman. I loved her so fucking much.
A few moments later, she took a step back.
Her eyes widened as she looked at my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry. I sobbed all over you.’
‘That’s okay. You’re beautiful, even like that,’ I said, trying to cheer her up.
She half chuckled, half snorted. Then she covered her mouth with her hand and snorted again.
‘Okay. Okay. I’m done, I think,’ she whispered before lowering her hand and drying her eyes. ‘Come on. Let’s go.’
I grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it, and then we both went toward the school. Paisley was sitting on the bench near the exit, looking around nervously, clearly realizing something was wrong because we were all here.
‘Daddy. I’m so sorry. I went to buy tacos, and I got lost.’
I crouched down to her level, caressing her hair. ‘Elena told us you left because you were upset.’
“Just a bit. But I also wanted tacos. They make everything better. I thought for sure I’d be back before you came.”
So, she hadn’t run away, but still, she could have gotten injured.
“Baby, this isn’t right. You can’t go off by yourself. We’ve talked about this.”
“I’m really sorry, Daddy.”
I knew I had to reinforce that point more, but right now I was too relieved that she was okay to scold her.
Lexi lowered herself on her haunches too.
“Why do you have red eyes, Lexi?”
“I’ve been crying.”
‘Why?’ Paisley asked, looking struck.
‘Because I was afraid we weren’t going to find you. I love you.’
‘I love you too. I’m sorry,’ Paisley said again.
‘Don’t worry, sweetheart. It happens,’ Lexi said.
My daughter went straight into her arms, and Lexi hugged her quietly. We’d found her. She was safe. That was all that mattered.
‘You gave us quite the scare, nugget,’ Declan said.
‘I’m so sorry, Uncle Declan.’
‘No biggie, just don’t do it again.’
‘I won’t,’ she promised.
‘Thank you for coming,’ I told Declan. Then I turned to the rest of my family. Tyler was leaning against a huge oak tree, his eyes fixed on Paisley. Luke was pacing the yard, not saying anything. His shoulders were hunched. He was like me in that regard—it always took him a while to calm down after a scare.
Mom was on the phone with Gran. “Beatrice, she’s completely fine. I promise. She took the wrong turn to the food truck.”
Dad and Lexi were sitting with Paisley. I went straight to them, lowering myself on my haunches until I was eye level with my daughter.
“Paisley, are you ready to go home?”
“Yes, Daddy. Let’s go.” She took my hand and then held her other little one out to Lexi.
I just about proposed on the spot. This woman was my rock—my everything. We were a family. There was no doubt in my mind about it.
I rose to my feet. After thanking my family for coming to help, Paisley, Lexi, and I went to the car.
Paisley fell asleep on the drive home. After parking, I carried her in my arms, bringing her up the stairs. Lexi went ahead of me, opening the doors as we entered the house, and headed to my daughter’s bedroom, where she threw back the blankets on the bed. Paisley didn’t nap during the day, and it was far too early for her to go to bed, but she was obviously exhausted from all the commotion.
I laid her on the mattress, taking off her shoes before drawing the covers up to her chin.
“I’m going to stay with her for a bit,” I whispered to Lexi.
She nodded, watching us from the doorway for a few minutes before going downstairs.
I couldn’t move from Paisley’s side. She was safe. She was with me. I was never going to allow anything like this to happen again. Never. I wanted to protect her at all costs. Nora didn’t want to be part of her life, so it was on me to offer Paisley as much stability as possible, and I was going to do a damn fine job.
Lexi and I were going to be there for her. Always.
Doubt slithered in my mind. What if things didn’t work out between us? What if one day she walked out of our lives?
I shook my head, focusing on Paisley. She was sleeping peacefully. This day had been an emotional roller coaster for her… and for me too. That’s why my thoughts were going in circles. It was the only explanation for why I went from wanting to spontaneously propose to Lexi to contemplating the worst-case scenario.
I rose from the side of the bed, needing to move. I was going to spiral out more if I sat here, so I left the room as quietly as possible and went downstairs to Lexi.
She always balanced me out. She was everything I wanted, and I needed her: her warmth, her calmness, her softness.
I needed all of her.
***
Lexi
I had no idea what to do with myself. I was in a state. Adrenaline still coursed through me, and I walked restlessly around the kitchen. Part of me wanted to hurry up the stairs and check if Paisley was indeed in her bed, sleeping soundly. Rationally, I knew she was okay, but I got so scared today that I was still beside myself.
I filled two glasses with ice water for Tate and me for no reason at all, to give myself something to do. When he told me she was missing, everything inside me went numb. I’d never been so afraid about anything in my entire life. I couldn’t imagine how he must have felt.
I paced the kitchen, perking up when I heard footsteps coming down.
‘She’s still asleep,’ he announced, coming into the kitchen.
‘It’ll do her good,’ I said. ‘How are you feeling? I poured us ice water, but I can get out a bottle of wine or whiskey. I’m sure it’s wine time somewhere in the world.’ I was only half joking.
‘That’s fine. I don’t need any of it.’ He leaned against the kitchen counter.
‘Do you know what happened? Why she left the school? Did she just want tacos?’
‘No. Nora told her she couldn’t come for her birthday, and she was upset.’
‘Oh no.’ My heart sank. ‘Poor kid. No wonder she was upset. Do you think you can change Nora’s mind?’
‘No, she has a Vogue photoshoot she doesn’t want to miss,’ he said with a sneer.
‘Know what? You should sit down. You’re tense, and I’m sure a neck massage is going to help you. You’re going to forget about today, and we’re going to make Paisley’s birthday amazing. She won’t even realize Nora isn’t there.’
He was frowning, as if he wasn’t really listening to me, just pacing the kitchen. I took in his body language. His shoulders were rigid, his arms and neck stiff. In fact, the way he moved gave away that his whole body was full of tension.
‘Earth to Tate. Where are you?’
‘What if we break up?’ he blurted.
I jerked my head back. ‘What?”
“You and Paisley, you’re so close. She loves you as much as I do.’
‘I love both of you too,’ I said, biting the inside of my cheek.
‘But what if this between us doesn’t work out, say, five years down the road? I don’t want to put my daughter through more heartbreak.”
I knew he was reacting to everything that happened today with Paisley and Nora ghosting her daughter again. His guard always went up when Paisley was affected. And today, he was in full-on protector mode. It was completely understandable, and I loved him even more for being so consumed by her happiness. I wasn’t sure how to make him see that it was all I wanted too. I loved him and Paisley deeply. I’d never felt anything like it in my whole life.
I brought a hand to my stomach, pressing against the knot that popped up there. ‘Tate. Look, no matter what happens, I care about Paisley, and we can always talk about things with her.”
“Or she’ll always react like this, and maybe another time I won’t find her.’
‘What are you saying?’ I asked in a whisper.
‘Nothing. I’m frustrated. I just… I’m wondering if I’m being selfish, choosing my happiness even at the risk of hurting my daughter in the future.’
I stared at him, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. He’s emotional from today’s events. That’s all, I told myself. That’s all.
But what if it was more?
“So, what, you want to call things off on the off chance it might not work out in the future?” My voice was high-pitched. I pressed my lips together, feeling like I couldn’t breathe.
Tate’s eyes widened. “Lexi, I don’t want to hurt you. Or Paisley. It’s just… This is a big fear of mine.”
Oh my God, he’s not saying no.
“I’m not going to—” I broke off midsentence because my voice was even more high-pitched than before. I couldn’t control it. My eyes were burning, and my tear ducts seemed to be connected to the lump in my throat.
“I love you,” I whispered, moving closer until he was right in front of me.
He put his hands on my arms, and his touch warmed me. But the concern in his eyes slayed me. If my love wasn’t enough…
“I love you too. You know I do. But I can’t help fearing that one day, it might fall apart.”
“It won’t,” I said honestly before covering my mouth. My voice was completely undependable. It went from high-pitched to a whisper, and now to high-pitched and loud again. I didn’t want to wake Paisley. That was the last thing she needed after how today went.
“Lexi. I love you,” he repeated.
“But you don’t know if it’s enough.” My whole body sagged with a bone-deep sadness. “Tate, I’m going to go.”
“What? No. Why? Let’s talk about this.” He moved one hand from my arm to my cheek, but I took a step back, needing distance.
“I can’t. Not right now. We’ve both had a difficult day, and I don’t want Paisley to wake up and see us like this.”
“Lexi—”
I shook my head, a bit afraid of what he wanted to say. I wasn’t ready to hear it. Grabbing my purse from the kitchen counter, I slung it on my shoulder, fiddling with the strap.
“I love you, Tate. You and Paisley. That’s all I can tell you.”
He opened his mouth, but I shook my head again, hurrying past him.
I needed to get out.
