The breaking period: Day 12, hour 5
Six days.
Eleven hours.
Five minutes.
Twenty-two seconds.
That was how long ago I’d slept.
In Lothaire’s words, “I gave you lazy fucks six hours to rest in the bathhouse. For every hour you rested, that’s a day you’ll stay awake for. What’s with the face, Aran? Did you think becoming one of the most powerful assassins in the realms would be fucking easy?”
“No, sir!” I yelled back, arms behind my back, legs parted, head down like a good soldier.
My monster screamed with defiance.
Someday I’d slit Lothaire’s throat, and it would be the best thing I ever did.
Until then, I suffered.
We ran barefoot through the cold surf for hours. Lothaire gave us lessons on weapons, war, and torture. We held the stone above our heads until our fingers broke from the strain. Sat through Ms. Gola’s class.
A pattern emerged.
Outside to run. Inside to learn. Outside to hoist stones. Inside for food. Outside to run until we threw up the food. Inside to shiver from dried sweat.
Repeat.
One thing was constant: we didn’t sleep.
Now, eyes bleary, muscles heavy after a thirty-mile run, I collapsed beside John onto the black rocks.
The other recruits fell down around us.
We lay choking on salty air as the red eclipse glared down from above.
I didn’t flinch when John rolled onto his side and dry-heaved bile. I would have joined him, but I was too tired to throw up.
My limbs tingled.
My stomach ached.
I wanted to die.
John had said that the first weeks of training were called the “breaking period.”
Well, I was broken.
I’d never pushed myself so hard physically and mentally. I was a mess.
My monster was uncaged.
Every few hours, my vision went dark with bloodlust and the urge to kill someone nearly brought me to my knees.
So far, digging my fingernails into my skin and counting backward from ten was the only thing that helped me not rip off someone’s face in a fit of unexplainable rage.
Things were not well.
As I lay praying for death, Shane’s orange mohawk filled my vision.
He leaned down to give me a hand up. “I’m impressed. You’re fast, fae man.”
The half warrior had given me a nickname. He thought we shared a special bond because we were both fae.
Just one more lie to feel like shit about.
“Thanks,” I grunted as I grabbed his hand and let him hoist me up.
It took all my effort to lock my knees and not collapse.
Shane flashed white teeth. “Just wait until you start fighting in the field. Then you’ll be missing these good days where all you had to do was train.”
Didn’t see that happening.
Shane continued trying to be my friend.
I continued wanting him to shut up so I could try to sleep while standing up.
Shane crowded my personal space. “I’ve never met a powerful water fae. My mother was an earth fae, but as you know, half-breeds only take after one parent, so I only have an alpha tiger form.”
Half-breeds were extremely rare, and unlike my friend Sadie, I’d never heard of one that had abilities from both parents.
The more powerful parent’s genes always won out.
But Mother was the mad queen, the most powerful fae in all the realm for centuries.
And I wasn’t a fae.
Who the fuck could my father be?
Shane was unaware of my tortured thoughts. “So what’s it like controlling water?”
I shrugged as an answer and patted John on his head as he moaned and imitated a slug.
Three days ago, after a particularly brutal run, John’s cheerful, talkative demeanor had disappeared. Eyes midnight black, he’d stopped smiling and started glaring.
Dr. Jekyll had become Mr. Hyde.
Now I helped a heaving John to his feet.
He glowered, and neither of us spoke.
We were on the same page—hurting, angry, and in pain. Also, slightly constipated. Sleep deprivation truly was the silent killer.
There was nothing to say.
We suffered.
“So what’s it like? Your water powers?” Shane asked again as the other recruits slowly pulled themselves together (the man was a broken record).
“Like I’m a monster,” I said harshly, wishing he would just shut up and get out of my personal space so I could suffer in silence.
Shane whistled. “When you have some free time, I’d love to talk more about your experience in the fae realm. Between the two of us, we’ve been tasked with finding the missing fae queen and killing her.”
Holy.
Sun god.
I was the queen he was searching for; they were trying to find and kill me. If only he knew who he was talking to.
The Black Ocean roared as it crashed against rocks.
Sulfur stained the air.
Eyes dead. Face relaxed. “Sure. I’d love to share what I know. Fuck the fae monarchy.”
Shane tipped his head back and howled with laughter.
It wasn’t funny.
He kept chuckling. “Perfect, fae man. I look forward to picking your brain. Don’t worry, I have a feeling we’ll get the bitch soon.”
A manic bubble of laughter traveled up my throat, and I covered it up by clasping my hand over my mouth.
Wait a second.
Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was the monster screaming in my head, or maybe it was delirium. But telling the half warriors who I was didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
They didn’t want me to rule.
I didn’t want to rule.
Maybe we’d be able to come to a mutually beneficial agreement. He treated me like a friend, after all. Maybe he was my way to freedom.
Shane ruffled my curly hair.
I flinched.
And fought the urge to cover my beating heart with my hands and get away from the man who wanted to rip it from my chest.
A silent scream burned my throat.
Ten, nine, eight.
Shane was a nice guy. If he was ever going to help me, I needed to pretend to be nice back.
Even though I stayed silent, John must have sensed my discomfort, because he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me away from Shane’s touch.
I relaxed with gratitude.
John heaved aggressively, and his puke got on me.
Never mind. He was just using me as a crutch.
Still, I’d rather have a sick John touching me than be near Shane. John was a friend.
He said he’d kill for me.
Not that he wanted to kill me.
The difference mattered, and it was what made John safe.
Lothaire stomped over from the side of a cliff, where he had probably been laughing maniacally and brainstorming more ways to torture us. “Recruits. Stop being fucking pathetic and stand at attention.”
“Yes, sir!”
We fell into line.
The three half warriors stood beside Lothaire. “We have one more exercise before you get a break, and then the true training starts.”
I can’t.
Usually we went to class after we ran. It was the only reason my body hadn’t collapsed beneath me.
Opal fangs flashed as Lothaire smiled. Sparks of power glittered in the air around him.
The wind howled like it was crying for help as it slammed against the looming fortress.
I swayed with exhaustion.
“You’ve all gotten too used to your schedule. It’s making you weak. So we’re going to work on close combat training. No weapons. Pair off into partners. You’re going to wrestle. First one to tap out loses.”
Lothaire was soulless.
I dug my dirty fingernails into my palms to try to wake myself up.
“John, you’ll wrestle Scorpius. Vegar, pair with Horace. Zenith, go with Orion. Aran, you’re with Malum. Pair the fuck up and begin. You’ll wrestle right here on the rocks.”
I was too tired to care.
Staggering on aching legs, I barely navigated the jagged terrain without face-planting.
Unlike in the shifter realm, there were no mats to protect us.
Flames licked across Malum’s jaw as he sauntered forward. He was so big he should have lumbered.
He floated.
I swallowed thickly.
Scorpius positioned himself in front of John, and he smirked as he looked off into the distance with a relaxed posture. His lack of sight wouldn’t hinder him.
From the way John cracked his neck with a grimace, he was aware that the blind fae was deadly.
John raised his eyebrow as he looked back and forth between myself and Malum.
He relayed an unspoken, You gonna let him toss you around?
I yawned tiredly and shrugged. Most likely.
John shook his head like he was disappointed in me as he turned his full attention back to Scorpius.
I wanted to collapse onto the rocks and fall asleep.
“You got this.” Shane gave me a thumbs-up as he walked around and positioned the groups.
I didn’t “got” anything.
Even my monster’s aggression was muted from exhaustion. I had nothing left.
Lothaire’s voice was too loud. “Begin! First person to tap out loses. Trust me, you don’t want to lose.”
Skin slapped as the men launched themselves at each other.
Malum didn’t move a muscle.
Neither did I.
We waited.
Lothaire had said no weapons, but he didn’t specify if Malum could use his flames.
No one used their powers in the program, but Malum was the exception. His flames perpetually smoldered across his shoulders.
And from what I’d experienced in Elite Academy, you acted first, then asked for forgiveness after.
Malum could do anything.
He ruled.
There was a 100 percent chance he was going to set me on fire.
A vein on Malum’s bronzed forehead popped out as he clenched his jaw tightly and leaned forward like he was about to spring.
I didn’t take the bait.
I stood still.
There was no way he would bother to exert himself by charging at me. I blinked lazily and smirked.
Silver steel became molten with hate.
Red flames multiplied.
I knew he was going to do it, because if I had flames, I’d light him up like a fucking torch.
But first I’d toy with him.
You were more likely to break your opponent if you could startle them with the force of your attack.
That was what Malum was doing.
I inspected my dirty nails like I was bored.
Sun god, the grime made my skin crawl. I’d kill for a fresh coat of black gloss with nail extensions. Long and pointy talons.
A girl could dream.
Next to us, Horace chucked Vegar hundreds of feet in the air, and the demon crashed into a boulder with a bang.
John grunted.
Scorpius body-slammed him to the ground. In a blur of movement, John twisted and returned the favor.
Orion and Zenith circled each other, lunging forward, then retreating.
Malum and I stood still.
Lothaire walked around shouting over the wind like he was giving a fucked-up inspiration speech. “Your true character will not be revealed until you’ve given everything you think you can give.”
In a blur of agility, Orion kicked out Zenith’s knees and slammed his fist into his face. Black blood sprayed as the demon fell to the ground.
It sprayed across Orion’s golden skin and was a harsh contrast to his blonde locks. He savagely pummeled the demon with his fists.
He had a dark side.
I gawked at him.
It’s kinda hot.
When Orion finally climbed off his victim, the demon whimpered but didn’t move.
Lothaire walked up casually, then stomped on Zenith’s leg.
SNAP.
His femur cracked.
Zenith screamed.
I stifled another yawn.
Lothaire yelled down at him, “When you’re comfortable, you’re weak! Pain is the true divider between the strong and the pathetic!”
Zenith bellowed in agony as he dragged himself up onto one leg and kept fighting.
The ocean roared.
Wind whistled.
Blood sprayed.
I struggled to keep my eyes open.
Malum didn’t move, and neither did I. Lothaire weaved between the two of us.
He was tired of waiting.
So was I. So sun-god-damn tired.
Purposefully, I turned my head to ogle Orion. He was covered in black blood, and he looked like an ancient god of war had had a baby with the god of seduction.
It was hard to look away from such perfection.
I turned back to Malum and licked my lips slowly as I glanced over at his man.
His molten silver eyes were flat, and there was nothing but cruelty reflected in their harsh depths.
I braced myself.
Malum’s sharp jaw ticked with rage.
I’m going to steal him from you, I said with my eyes. Was I going to? No. But was it fun to watch the fae bastard seethe with jealousy and rage? Hard yes.
His eyes promised suffering.
And he delivered.
With a roar, the world erupted into shades of red and burnt orange.
He set me on fire.
My flesh charred, then sizzled.
For an endless moment, everything went quiet—adrenaline rushed, and all my senses flatlined.
I felt nothing.
In the midst of nothing, I noted my clothes were untouched. He’d set all my exposed skin on fire and had spared my clothes.
Thank fuck. There would have been no way to explain my lack of dick without outing myself.
My relief was short-lived.
Every nerve in my body clicked back into existence as my body acclimated to the blinding pain that was burning the skin on my hands, feet, neck, and face.
My mouth opened with a silent scream.
But I’d done this countless times.
I had a routine.
BREATHE IN—ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE. HOLD. EXHALE. HOLD. FUCKING HOLD.
As my body screamed with agony, I screamed into my brain.
Pain was everywhere.
I focused on my monster. On the endless rage. On the fact that he thought all women were pathetic. Objects that were only good for fucking.
I’d show him.
I screamed inside my mind until my brain became a jumbled mess of deafening noise.
Far away, my legs gave out, and my knees hit rocks.
Kneeling.
FOUR, FIVE.
Internally, I screeched louder. Externally, I was silent.
Far away, I was aware that Lothaire and Malum stared down at me, waiting for me to tap out. To say that I gave up.
Scorching heat.
Air whistled harshly through my parted lips.
But all the noise was inside me.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
My monster’s scream added to the paralyzing cacophony.
It was so fucking loud in my head.
Flesh bubbled.
Red flames disappeared as my eyes stopped working. Crashing waves became a dull roar as my ears shut down. There were no smells. No feeling.
The nothing returned.
Just me, myself, and the endless pain of a tortured existence.
FOUR, FIVE. KILL. DEATH. BREATHE IN. ONE. HE THINKS YOU’RE WEAK. FOUR. KILL HIM. THREE. EXHALE. HOLES. TWO. WHORE. ONE. HOLD. HOLD. MOTHERFUCKING HOLD.
Everything was chaos.
“Yield. Tap out, Aran!” Malum’s angry voice bellowed from somewhere far, far, away.
The deep, raspy voice distorted into a high-pitched feminine tinkle.
Red flames became blue.
They covered every inch of me.
Mother stood above me with a serene expression on her perfect face. “Tsk. Tsk. Arabella. You’re a queen’s daughter. You don’t get to be powerless. We’ll do this little song and dance every night until you decide to stop being an embarrassment.”
The flames tore me apart.
“Please, Mother,” I begged with a sob catching in my throat.
I was only eleven years old, but I knew I couldn’t do this every night. I wouldn’t survive. Mother’s flames were different from other fae’s. They were electric blue and burned unmercifully, but there was no heat.
Just agony.
“Don’t be weak, Arabella. It’s embarrassing.” Mother shivered with disgust and lounged back in her chair as she inspected her red nails.
“TAP OUT NOW!” Malum’s deep voice cut through the mirage. Mother disappeared back into the darkness.
But the pain remained.
“This is too much!” Shane shouted.
Lothaire laughed. “No, this is character building.”
“Maybe Egan can’t speak?” Scorpius asked, then sneered, “I mean, his face is practically melting off.”
“I can,” I breathed out harshly, and it felt like I was blowing bubbles into lava. “Speak.”
Silence.
Everything hurt worse in the quiet.
FIVE. ONE. THREE. BREATHE IN. WEAK. FOUR. EXHALE.
I concentrated on the screaming symphony.
“I demand you tap out!” Malum’s booming voice distracted me from my counting.
My monster answered for me. “I’ll fucking—” Gasp. “—kill—” Gurgle. “—you.”
“TAP OUT NOW!”
I’d show him just how weak I fucking was. I was nothing but a hole, after all.
The shrieking in my brain was too loud to contain, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, “YOU TAP—” Gasp. “—OUT!”
“NO!”
I spat up blood. “YES!”
John growled, “Stop this.”
“This is wrong,” Shane said.
Lothaire disagreed, “It’s character building.”
Scorpius chuckled. “It’s fucked up, but it is entertaining.”
“Aran smells good.” Horace sounded gleeful. “I think we should do this more often.”
“I don’t know…” Vegar trailed off.
I choked, coppery blood coating my mouth as my skin slid downward off my face.
The nothingness was turning into a buzzing sound. Static everywhere.
Unseeing eyes rolled backward into my head, and I collapsed forward onto the rocks.
Everything was so far away.
Even the pain.
Silence.
Stillness prevailed.
The absence of heat.
It took me a long moment to realize I wasn’t dead. The flames had stopped.
Relief disappeared.
White agony streaked across my face, neck, hands, and feet, and the world burned in darkness.
“I won,” I gurgled out as blood and flesh dripped from my mouth.
Malum swore viciously.
Hands gently grabbed my unhurt shoulders and pulled me up.
John’s voice was close. “I could tell from your blue hair and attitude that it would be difficult keeping you alive, but I didn’t predict this.”
I groaned.
“But I’m starting to understand.” John’s arms went under my shoulders as he supported me.
He avoided the charred skin of my hands and neck.
I coughed weakly, “Brignfkckckem.”
“What are you saying?”
“Bring me to Malum,” I whistled through teeth.
John held me upright and moved slightly, but the motion caused pain to explode.
I still couldn’t see.
My eyelids had melted off my face.
Malum’s voice was rougher and grittier than usual as he growled inches from me, “You’re fucked up, Aran. You were about to fucking die. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I wished.
I coughed weakly, and it took every ounce of will I possessed to part cracked, melted lips.
My voice was barely a whisper. “If this is your assassin program, then how come I’m so much better than you?”
The cherry on top—I forced my scorched skin into a mocking smile.
Malum swore.
Excruciating sensations destroyed me, but I held the expression and let my words sink the fuck in.
I was petty like that.
Pursing my lips, I tried to spit on Malum, but it was too much.
I passed out.
