Field training: Day 41, hour 9
“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”
“What?” I looked up from my paper and over at Malum, who usually passed the class time ignoring me completely.
He only ever spoke to point out an error in my reasoning.
Now his silver eyes were molten steel, and the weight of his full attention made the hairs on my neck prickle.
I stopped detailing the fifty-six ways to asphyxiate someone and turned to him. “What did you say?”
“You have a girlfriend. That Sadie girl.” Malum’s voice was a deep baritone that reverberated through my bones and made my stomach do a weird swooping sensation.
Next to him, Orion was openly waiting for my response.
I opened and closed my mouth, confused about what he wanted me to say. Why did he even care in the first place?
Hadn’t they seen her mate Cobra stake his claim and say he possessed her? Why would they even think I was involved?
Sadie and Jinx were exploring the island while I attended class, then Lothaire had given me the rest of the day to hang out with them because they were leaving tonight.
So far, class had been unbearably slow.
I kept checking the large grandfather clock on the wall every few seconds, hoping it was time to hang out with my bestie.
I’d even started enjoying Jinx’s mockery. It was comforting. Like a refreshing slap to the face when you were feeling disoriented.
Malum grunted, and I tore my eyes from the clock and remembered he had asked me a question. Something about a girlfriend?
Orion mouthed, “I didn’t know either.”
I wiped cold sweat off my forehead.
“Um,” I eloquently supplied as I focused on my paper and wrote how to strangle an opponent with your thighs.
“What?” Sari asked loudly as she turned around in her chair. “Aran doesn’t have a girlfriend. Right, Aran?” She looked at me with big, sad eyes.
My face prickled with the heat of an intense flush as I gripped my pen tighter.
Why did I feel like I was betraying Sari and Orion with Sadie? I had literally done zero sexual things with them.
Sun god, I wasn’t even into women.
I pulled at my collar. Who had turned up the heat in the room?
“Hand in your papers.” Ms. Gola’s voice broke through the awkwardness, and I shoved myself out of my chair as fast as I could.
“Is it true?” Sari stood in front of me and clutched her books to her chest like a shield. Her pretty eyes were large and misty like she was about to cry.
Shit. I’d just been helping her with her studies.
We were just friends. Right?
Before I lost the companionship of one of the only girls I got to hang out with at the academy, a cold arm was slung over my shoulder.
Horace said, “Don’t worry about Aran. He’s busy training and not spending time on relationships.”
Sari sighed loudly with relief and hurried to do whatever royal students did with the rest of their days. I’d heard snippets of conversations enough to gather it was classes about decorum and statecraft.
“Thanks,” I said to Horace, who still had his cold arm slung over mine.
Up close, the yellow hue of his eyes was creepy as fuck. I fought the urge to pull away from the vampyre in disgust and forced myself to relax.
“Poor, dumb thing didn’t even notice I didn’t say you didn’t have a girlfriend.” Horace chuckled as we walked down the hall, and I hid my grimace.
Sari was not dumb.
“Uh, thanks for that.”
“No problem, my dude. I’ve been meaning to tell you, I liked what you did in the sand to those ungodly. That was pretty sick how you tore them to shreds.”
Great, a vampyre was complimenting me.
I smiled and pretended his words weren’t nailing daggers into my crumbled psyche. Even the presence of my best friend didn’t change the fact that something inside me had been irreparably broken.
Like music I couldn’t turn off, playing on an endless, melancholy loop through my head.
But it wasn’t music.
It was the screams of those I’d killed. The pain in their eyes and the desperation that clung to their skin.
I’d thought I’d known torture, but I’d been sheltered and naive. A true princess.
Real horror was what you did to others, that you had to live with yourself.
The closest word I could think of that fit the experience—haunted.
I was haunted by myself.
And it was anguish.
Horace kept chattering, making some creepy jokes about how we were going to have so much fun together in the next battle.
The worst part was that I wasn’t completely disgusted by him. There was a portion of me that preened at his friendship and attention. The cold, mean vampyre liked me and wanted to be my friend.
It was as nice as it was awful.
That was the crux.
Of everything.
“Aran, finally!” Sadie squealed and threw herself at me like we hadn’t spent all night snuggled on the bed whispering to each other while Jinx walked around the room and talked to the fire.
Yes, I was 99 percent sure Jinx had been talking to the voices in the flames. But I was 100 percent sure I wasn’t going to question Jinx about it because I couldn’t handle any more trauma.
If she wanted to act demonic, that was her business. Not mine.
“Jinx has been meeting with Lothaire for the last few hours, and she hasn’t come back. I think we might need to rescue her.” Sadie’s ruby eyes were wide with worry. “If Jax finds out I left her with him, he’s going to go berserk. But she pushed me out of the room and shut the door. There was nothing I could do.”
I patted her snow-white hair and chuckled. “If we’re rescuing anyone, it’s Lothaire.”
Horace pulled away from me, his face scrunched with disbelief. “She’s a little girl. What could she possibly do?” He spat “girl” like it was synonymous with pathetic.
“Imagine the most heinous crime ever committed.”
Sadie finished for me, “Then imagine someone breaking from psychological torture.”
I mimed an explosion with my hands. “Then combine the two. That’s Jinx.”
Horace laughed like we were pulling his leg. “Whatever, Aran. See ya later, man. I’ll save you a seat at dinner.”
“Um, thanks?” There were eight seats, and we all sat in the exact same ones for every meal. Since Malum sat on one side of Horace and Zenith on the other, I wasn’t seeing how that was possible.
Suddenly, lightning streaked across the walls and left scorch marks in its wake.
At the same time, Sadie screamed and chucked a spoon at the wall.
We both stared at the mangled silverware.
“Sorry, it scares me every time,” Sadie said with a shrug.
“I’m more worried about why you had a spoon from breakfast on you?”
“I needed a weapon against Jinx. It wasn’t like I wanted her to come on this visit. She forced me to bring her.”
I stared down at my short best friend and wondered for the billionth time how she had survived as long as she had. “So you grabbed a spoon and not a knife?”
“Duh. Better to gouge and scoop with.”
“What are you scooping?”
“Brains.”
Had everyone in my life lost their minds? Were we all tied up somewhere, strapped to gurneys, pumped with drugs, pretending to be functioning in society?
Now that I looked at Sadie, her small build did make her appear a little sickly.
Shit, we were definitely in a cell together.
“Weren’t you gaining muscle?” I pointed to her small arms and couldn’t help but take a moment to flex my much bigger and more impressive bicep.
Her ruby eyes filled with tears. “Yeah, I was. Until my best friend was forced to attend a supernatural war academy and train to be an assassin. I’ve been sick with worry.”
I wrapped her into a tight hug and inhaled the subtle whiff of cranberries that always clung to her. “I’m okay.”
“You’re okay,” Sadie whispered back.
“I’m okay,” I repeated, like if I said it enough, the lie would come true.
Sadie’s voice was small. “Why are our lives like this?”
I inhaled deeply and spoke the truth, “Because we’re bad bitches.”
“The baddest.”
“Never has anyone been badder.”
“Okay. Yep.” Sadie pulled back and wiped the moisture from her eyes as she led us out of the hall corner. “We’re fine, and we’re going to find Jinx, and she’s going to be fine.”
“You know you’re my best friend, right?” I said as we walked toward Lothaire’s office. “John’s great, but you know he’s a—” I lowered my voice and whispered, “—man,” like it was a venereal disease. Because it was.
“Obviously, soul sister,” Sadie waxed poetic. “Our wombs are aligned, and our tits unite us.”
“Keep that up and he will be my best friend.”
Sadie gasped and said darkly, “I’ll enslave you with my blood before I let that happen.”
“Spicy,” I chuckled, and she grinned back as I pushed open Lothaire’s office door. “Jinx, are you still he—”
I went speechless.
Jinx was sitting in the chair in front of Lothaire’s desk, chugging a chalice full of wine while the insane vampyre general who literally smacked me around for fun leaned back and smiled at her.
A nice smile.
Lothaire was nice smiling. The man who chucked boulders at us for fun looked like he was happy.
What the actual flaming fuck?
Had I entered into a different realm?
“Nope. Motherhood is too much. I’m putting her up for adoption.” Sadie’s scratchy voice was uncomfortably loud in the silent room.
Jinx put the chalice down and looked at us. “You will never be my mother.”
Yep, her teeth were stained red, and blood was dripping off her chin.
I ignored the very disturbing relationship dynamic happening between the two women who had only a nine-year age gap between them.
Instead, I pointed out the elephant in the room. “And you call me a cannibal? Really, Jinx?”
Jinx ignored my excellent point and instead spoke to Lothaire. “Thank you for letting me tell my story. I hope you understand how sensitive the situation is, and I would appreciate your discretion until Aran is ready.”
Lothaire nodded. “Of course, little one.”
He smiled again, not his creepy “you’re in pain, and I’m loving it” smile but an actual soft expression.
Sadie narrowed her eyes at the twelve-year-old. “What story do you have to tell?”
“And what situation is sensitive? What am I not ready for?” I asked incredulously.
Jinx ignored us. “Please excuse their idiocy. It does not reflect on our family or our values.”
“What values?” Sadie and I said in unison with exasperation.
Killing people? Mental illness? Looking sexy?
Jinx bowed her head to Lothaire, and the large vampyre bowed his back. “I understand.”
Why is Lothaire bowing to Jinx?
Then, as if the entire situation weren’t bizarre enough, Shane’s voice shouted, “Lothaire, we have a question about the fae queen! We think we’ve found an answer about where the bitch is probably in hiding— Oh, hey, Aran.”
Shane grabbed me in a weird one-arm man hug and slapped me on the back.
Of course, stabbing pain streaked through my open wound.
Marvelous.
I grunted to cover a scream of pain.
“Hey, Shane.” I tried to sound welcoming while pulling away from his overwhelming presence.
Suddenly, Noah and Demetre were filling the small office space.
“Sadie?” Demetre stuttered. “What are you doing here?”
“Just visiting Aran,” she said awkwardly as she tried to put some distance between herself and them. Probably remembering how Cobra had told her they’d beaten the shit out of Noah for dancing with her.
“You know Aran?” Shane looked between us with confusion. “How?”
Sadie’s golden skin paled as she realized what she’d done.
“I was visiting the castle during the fae games, and the princess introduced us. So we became friends,” I said in a rush, my voice shaky to my ear in a way I was sure gave me away.
“You knew that cunt?” Shane turned to me, his handsome features hardening.
The vitriol radiating off him had my knees shaking with weakness. Suddenly, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.
“Yeah, she’s my cousin,” I said in the best “duh” tone I could muster.
Demetre’s voice cracked through the room like a whip. “Do you know where she went? Where she is?”
I remembered Lyla’s prophecy about me needing to embrace the dragon and shuddered at the thought. Demetre terrified me. Every time I looked into his pink eyes, I was reminded of Mother beating me and carving a slur into my flesh.
I took a step back.
“No, no one’s heard from her.” How would an elite fae act? “What do you need with her anyway? She’s spoiled and good for nothing. Everyone knows she doesn’t even have any powers.”
For some reason, Lothaire frowned at that statement.
Shane’s anger changed into something more sinister, a smirk on his face. “Oh, the dumb bitch is good for something all right.”
“I thought you were upset when you saw her bruised?” Sadie shouted suddenly, her body trembling with rage.
She referred to when the half warriors had seen me covered in bruises from Mother’s abuse after they’d turned me in for visiting the sex clinic.
I discreetly pinched her and glared at her.
This was not what we needed.
“Mad that she was injured?” Noah scoffed.
“We were mad the traitorous cunt was still alive.” Demetre laughed meanly. “It was bad enough we had to deal with her mother, but Arabella is just a weaker, more fucked-up version of her. Two of them were insufferable.”
Lothaire glowered at Demetre like he wanted to kill him.
My monster screamed, metal snapped as it ripped apart its cage, and my vision wavered.
Shane shook his head with disgust, too caught up in his thoughts to notice my mounting rage. “She is a spitting replica of the bitch, and she showed her true character to us. Filth.”
What is a word?
Filth.
Princess.
Assassin.
Whore.
All just words, yet somehow each one held power over me.
“Yeah, she sucked.” I laughed awkwardly and dragged Sadie from the room.
Thankfully, Jinx followed, because I couldn’t go back into that room without falling to my knees and slicing their tendons off their bones.
The urge to stab their aortas just right, so they bled out in seconds, made my hands shake.
“I’m so sorry,” Sadie said as I dragged her down the halls.
“What for?” I asked.
For once, Jinx followed in silence.
“You know what,” Sadie snapped as her chest vibrated with a roar and her red eyes glowed.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s fine. We don’t need to talk.” Sadie suddenly stopped, turned around, and started marching back the way we’d come.
“No!” I tried to sound authoritative as I dragged her away from the half warriors and toward the bedroom I shared with the men.
“Just let me bite them a little. Just a few bites. I’ll only maim them semipermanently.”
I didn’t bother to question her about what she meant.
Five minutes of intense struggle later, we finally got back to the bedroom.
“The little bitch returns,” Scorpius snarked as soon as we entered.
The beginning of a migraine throbbed behind my eyes. So much for the nice, peaceful nap I’d been looking forward to.
“That’s it,” Sadie mumbled. “They’re going to show you some respect.”
“What?”
“Oh, Aran, yes, I can’t wait to fuck you and your big cock. Let’s go to the bathroom!”
Sadie pulled me into the bathroom and locked the door.
Help?
