NIGHTMARES
Louch (adjective): not reputable or decent.
DAY 4, HOUR 18
“We have destroyed all the infected,” I said as I stood at attention in the strategy room—I didn’t remember volunteering to speak.
Everything was blurred.
Shadows and shapes bared their teeth and swallowed me whole.
My back was ramrod straight.
Arms behind my back.
Legs wide.
Head bent in deference.
The champions and generals stood beside me, all of us in a neat, obedient line before Dick, who was projected onto the chalkboard. Lothaire and the mysterious cloaked man flanked him on either side.
Lothaire’s singular eye was focused on me, and he nodded as if he was giving me strength. “Are you okay?” he mouthed.
I nodded back discreetly, then focused on Dick.
It felt like someone else was speaking as I continued to give the report. “The battle spilled out into the perimeter, but the foot soldiers secured the valley—to our knowledge, no infected escaped. A map of the realm was retrieved from the battle. It does not contain coordinates, but shows there are three more compounds in the realm. The angels will use it as their guide.”
“Good,” Dick said casually like we were talking about the weather. “Was there anything else on the map?”
He gestured at the screen, and the projection warped around his wrist and revealed a gold cuff, but when he went still, the skin on his wrist was bare.
Great, now I was seeing things.
“The map? Was there anything else on it?” Dick repeated with a harsher tone, and I realized he was waiting for me to answer.
I squinted.
There was a spot on the map that had been suspicious, but why would the High Court know that? And if they did, why would they ask about it like they didn’t have knowledge?
A tension migraine throbbed behind my eyes.
“Yes.” I chose my words carefully. “There are strange words written across the settlement located farthest north. It appears to be some type of foreign language.”
Dick’s expression remained blank as he ordered, “Scan the map on the tablet. We’ll have our linguists look into it.”
I pointed out, “It might be nothing, but there are Xs over the mountains outside the valley.”
Dick looked annoyed. “An artistic choice most likely. Let’s focus on strategizing in helpful ways.”
Agitation skittered down my spine at his dismissive tone.
“Yes, sir,” I said through gritted teeth as I lowered my head and stared at the floor.
Annoyance melted into exhaustion.
“Overall, this is excellent work.” Dick’s patronizing tone grated on my nerves. “It looks like you’re a fourth of the way done with winning the war. Congrats. Focus on eradicating the next three settlements and we will be done with the ungodly. Keep us updated on your progress.”
“Yes, sir!” we chorused.
The tablet turned off.
Lothaire frowned just before he disappeared.
Knox, the person who had found the map, carried it over to the tablet and scanned it over to the High Court.
John threw his arm across my shoulder, and I slumped against him grateful for his support.
“Finally, let’s all go eat. I’m starving.” Sadie rubbed her hands together and led the group out the door as the shifters fell into a protective formation around her.
The thought of food made me sick, but I followed her lead. It was the first time the angels didn’t bristle about a grounder telling them what to do.
They followed silently.
Everyone was withdrawn after the battle.
Time distorted.
Fatigue crushed me downward as I slumped at the table and stared at my full plate. My fork was frozen in ice and stuck to it.
The diamond bracelet on my wrist vibrated with warmth, and I barely felt it.
Conversation buzzed like white noise.
Everything was cool-toned, and I drowned in shades of blue-gray, shivering because there was no warmth.
I was a revenant.
All the lines had blurred.
Two days ago, I’d taken an enchanted sword to the stomach. One day ago, I’d woken up from a healing coma with smooth, unblemished skin and an unrelenting urge to cry.
Frost had covered my pillow. Five men had waited in various positions around my bedside.
The twins had hugged me, Malum had glared, and Scorpius had scoffed while Orion had stared at me with unblinking eyes.
I’d ignored the kings.
I still avoided them as I slumped forward at the table.
A woman’s sad eyes before she stabbed me had unlocked a new version of the haze.
I curled my arms around my stomach like I was protecting an invisible injury and I inhaled enchanted smoke, but my heart wasn’t in it as I twirled my pipe between my numb lips.
Someone swore softly, but I didn’t bother to look up.
Dejection was in the air.
Soldiers chatted and ate, but there was a new sullen tension in the cafeteria. Anticipation for war had twisted into gloom, and conversations were more hushed.
People startled easier.
Murdering thousands would do that.
Monsters had that effect.
Before the battle, we’d agreed to give everyone two weeks off to recover before the angels used the map to find the coordinates of the nearest compound.
In the meantime, a combat room was open to practice sparring, the cafeteria was open for meals, and the strategy room was waiting for us.
Just thinking about the windowless room made me sick.
I didn’t want to ruminate on the war because I needed time to pretend I wasn’t a killer. A part of me recognized there would never be enough time.
Muscles spasmed in my stomach as I remembered I was the last thing people saw before ungodly ripped them apart.
No.
Two weeks wasn’t enough.
To my right, Sadie rubbed circles on my back as she chatted with her mates about something.
To my left, John held my hand while Luka had his arm slung across his shoulder, his fingers playing with my curls.
Three points of contact.
Three people tethered me to reality, and without them I’d have floated away.
Across the table, Malum and Orion stared at me while Scorpius clenched his jaw with annoyance. Malum had his arms draped over both his mates protectively.
To test a theory, I held my breath.
Scorpius’s upper lip pulled back into a snarl as I watched three minutes pass on the clock.
I gasped for air, and the blind king slumped with relief.
He was listening.
Always.
I held my breath and started again because I had nothing better to do than torment men.
Time folded in on itself.
I blinked, and everyone was putting their trays away. The twins took my uneaten meal, and I looked up to find Jinx focused on me.
Black sunglasses blocked her eyes, but I still winced.
She sat with her shoulders back, ramrod straight, and there was something startlingly different about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was she getting taller?
“We need to talk,” Jinx said coldly.
I looked down at the tabletop. “Talk.”
“As we’ve discussed, I’m your guardian. I was trying to speak to you during the battle, but our mental connection is—” She paused like she was searching for the right word. “—unreliable.”
Jinx’s voice in my head.
A monster.
The screams of the dying.
I stopped fighting.
An enchanted blade thrust into my stomach.
I shoved my chair back with a loud scrape. “We’ll talk later,” I lied and walked away.
A deserter’s retreat.
Cowardice was my favorite character trait. At least, that was what Mother had said after she’d kidnapped me from the shifter realm.
I shivered harder as John and Luka slung their arms over my shoulders and led me from the cafeteria, out into the chilly air.
Without their support, I never would have made it back to our barracks.
I would have collapsed among the trees and closed my eyes. I would have laid down on the fog-covered ground and let snow gather atop me. I would have—
I was startled awake by someone shaking my shoulder.
It took me a second to process my surroundings.
It was nighttime, and the room was quiet as everyone slept. I was lying in my bunk bed, tucked under the covers. Wind howled aggressively outside, and it sounded like the flurries had become a snowstorm.
I had no recollection of falling asleep.
“You should eat this. You didn’t eat earlier,” Malum said gruffly as he handed me a vegetable sandwich he must have stolen from the cafeteria.
I took it from him mutely.
Did he wake up in the middle of the night to feed me? Strange.
I took a small bite because my stomach was hollow, then I devoured it in three bites like I was ravenous. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten.
“Good girl,” Malum whispered as I brushed crumbs off my covers, and I stared at him.
“What did you just say to me?” I asked incredulously.
A blush stained his cheeks like he hadn’t meant to speak.
The cruel devil who had said how much he hated women could not be the same man who was now whispering things about princesses and praising me.
I had to be dreaming.
Snores filled the space as the men slept in the dark bedroom. A faint memory of the twins guiding me into bed played at the back of mind, but it felt like it was someone else’s recollection.
Had I been sleepwalking?
Malum and I were the only ones awake, and he loomed over me like a dark god.
I was delirious.
My comforter was covered in frost, and his fingers danced with flames.
“Were you watching me sleep?” I asked slowly as I tried to figure out what was going on. Why is he feeding me? What’s he trying to gain?
Silence expanded between us, and just when I thought he wasn’t going to answer, he said, “It was my turn to stand watch, and you looked hungry.”
It took a moment for his words to penetrate.
How does one look hungry in their sleep? Red extended across his bronze cheeks like he could read my mind.
I gaped at him. “Um. Thanks? I’m also pretty sure there are enchanted alarms on all the barracks, so you don’t need to stand watch.”
He frowned. “I will do what I must in order to protect my mates.” With crossed arms, he spread his legs wider.
It was pitch black as the storm raged outside the window.
Insanity was saccharin on the tip of my tongue as the leader of the kings cleared his throat roughly.
He leaned down at the waist, so his head was closer to my bunk.
As if in a trance, I reached up for his neck.
“How did you get this?” I whispered as I traced the pads of my fingers against smooth bronze skin and left a trail of blue ice. It instantly melted, and water dripped between us.
There was a sizzle as my fingers burned from contact with his skin.
It stung, but I didn’t pull away.
He moved closer and overwhelmed my space.
Tobacco and whiskey filled my lungs, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as goose bumps exploded across my arms.
My subconscious screamed at me to run.
My consciousness screamed at me to punch him in the throat.
My inner demons screamed at me to kill everyone, then myself.
My inner slut screamed at me to sit on his face and suffocate him.
He inched closer.
I pressed my mouth against his lips and jolted because they burned with heat.
He went completely still like he was afraid to move. The fiery king made a rough noise in the back of his throat, and then he moved quickly, pinning me to the bed.
Arousal ignited.
Pain exploded down my spine.
I dragged my nails across the dagger on his neck.
He pinned me to the bed with both my hands above my head.
Hips pressed punishingly against mine as he held me down so I couldn’t move. We barely fit on my bed. Where he began, I ended.
We were a tangle of limbs and aggression.
His voice was rough like broken glass and sin as he whispered against my lips, “The neck tattoos appeared after the three of us attempted to complete the bond.”
He rolled his hips against me.
Kissed me harder.
I gasped as I realized what he meant.
Images of bare skin on a black silk bed—Orion between Malum and Scorpius as the three men devoured one another with groans of pleasure and sweat-soaked skin—had me holding my breath.
The temperature spiked between us.
Embers fell off his flaming shoulders and melted as they touched my chilled skin.
“Oh,” I gasped eruditely.
He rolled his hips again, and my eyes rolled back in my head from the pleasure. Agony danced across my back.
One hand held my hands above my head while his other hand palmed my ass. He swore against my lips, “Fuck, Arabella, you’re going to be the death of me.”
I pushed my hips hard against his length.
“I’m going to ruin you,” he whispered as he kissed me harder. His lips trailed down my jaw, then lapped at the column of my throat.
He sucked on the sensitive skin, and my stomach twisted with need.
It was too much.
His teeth trailed across my neck.
I gasped as I realized he was purposely marking me. Desire increased, and agony tore my back apart.
It was too much.
I panted and pushed him away.
He took a step back and put his hands in the air like he was making a show of acting harmless. Wiping the back of his hand across his swollen lips, he smirked down at me with male satisfaction.
His pants strained forward obscenely.
My stomach twisted as white-hot pain splintered down my spine.
I swallowed a whimper.
Silver eyes narrowed. He stared at my lips with a feral expression and asked, “Any other questions?” He tried to sound casual, but his voice was thick with lust. “Everything doesn’t need to be a fight between us. We want to help you. I want to help you—you’re my Revered.”
He stared at me possessively.
My eye twitched, and doom was corrosive in my veins.
That damned word again.
I was nothing but an object to them, a fixture of importance separate from any individuality.
There was no Aran.
Only her.
His perfect Revered that didn’t exist.
Their divine obsession.
“That’s okay.” I cleared my throat and pulled the covers over me protectively. “I don’t want your help.”
He took another step forward and crouched so he was hunched and half leaning over my bed.
“That’s fine,” he said, and the corners of his mouth curled up into a forced smile. “We’ll do everything we can to protect you and make sure you’re okay.”
His words said one thing, but the tension in his posture said another.
Shadows stretched between us.
The energy slowly shifted between us, and I squirmed as his expression darkened.
“You can go back to bed now.” I itched the back of my neck. “No need to stand watch.”
He didn’t move.
Was he mad that I’d pushed him away? Since my back still strummed with pain, I didn’t have a choice.
Awkward tension lengthened between us.
He kept smiling down at me, but a muscle on the underside of his jaw ticked like he was grinding his teeth. Veins stuck out across his forearms as he clenched his hands into fists.
I scoffed as I realized what was happening.
He was pretending to be harmless, and it was killing him, but I could sense the truth—inside he was seething because once again I’d refused to be his Revered.
“Um, I think I’ll step outside to get some fresh air.” I glanced behind him at the door and pulled myself out of bed.
The room was suffocating with just the two of us awake.
I needed space.
Moving past him, I was determined to throw myself out into the cold and scream on all fours until warm steam burned away the heinous memories that festered inside my skull like parasitic monsters that ripped people apart and—
“No.” Malum’s arm shot out. He grabbed my bicep so I couldn’t move.
Even through my sweatshirt I was hyperaware of the burning heat emanating off his wide fingers.
More embers fell off him and hissed as they touched the exposed skin on my neck and hands.
His touch was scalding.
I was frozen.
My gaze drifted downward, and I gulped as I saw his impressive size was still straining against his pants.
Need mixed with fury between us.
Pain shivered down my spine, and I yanked backward. “Let me go,” I demanded, too delirious from lust and exhaustion to play his games.
I was confused.
The villain wasn’t supposed to ooze sex appeal; your enemy wasn’t supposed to pin you to the bed and ravish you.
He flexed his fingers, and I couldn’t move an inch.
I opened my mouth to scream.
Yet again, his mouth covered mine. He kissed me with such ferocity that my knees gave out.
His grip became unbearably painful, and air left my lungs as he yanked me close and whispered darkly, “I want answers. I know what I saw in that room.”
Pleasure mixed with pain as I gasped and struggled to catch my bearings. His heady tobacco scent wasn’t helping.
My head spun from secondary smoke inhalation and delirium.
I was high on him.
Silver eyes hardened into unfeeling chips of steel, and there was no softness left in his expression. “I know what you did,” he snarled cruelly.
His lips were swollen, and flames danced across his shoulders.
He looked like he couldn’t decide between ravaging and murdering me.
The funny (concerning) part was that I also couldn’t decide which one I preferred.
We had to stop meeting like this.
One thing was obvious: he’d just been pretending to be a gentle, nice guy when he’d blushed and given me the sandwich. He’d started the altercation with a false smile and a relaxed posture, but somewhere along the way, he’d dropped his mask.
Now his face was contorted with fury.
This was the real him.
I kicked my legs and arms out as hard as I could, fighting against his grip, but after a few minutes of struggling, I was panting heavily, and he hadn’t moved an inch. He squeezed my arm tighter and scowled.
Bronze features—too perfect to ever be called ugly, and too harsh to ever be called traditionally handsome—lowered inches from my face.
Breath whistled through his clenched teeth.
We were chest to chest, and my neck hurt as I stared up into his eyes. “Why did you do it?” he demanded.
It took every ounce of control I possessed not to flinch under his intense scrutiny.
“Do what?” My face scrunched up with feigned confusion.
I was nothing but an imbecile; the mask was too easy to don.
“Don’t play games with me—it’s not cute.” He loomed closer, and steel flashed. “I know exactly what I saw. You did it on purpose.” Red flames sizzled across his arms.
Harsh features glowed in the fire.
I stayed silent.
He scowled and spat, “Why?” White teeth gnashed, and his canines were ever so slightly pointed at the end.
He was more devil than man.
I stared back blankly with deadened eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” My voice was monotone and bleak, empty like my soul.
He shook me back and forth harshly. “Tell me.” His voice rose. “Caring about your well-being is sheer torment when you care so little about yourself.”
Fire flared hotter between us and charred the edges of my nerves.
“No one ever asked you to care,” I said through gritted teeth. “So save yourself the trouble and don’t.”
He laughed with malice, an angry, dark sound. “Unfortunately for both of us, that’s not how it works—you are my soul. Do you think I have any control over my feelings? My obsession with you?”
He pressed his hips against me as if to prove a point.
Desire pooled in my stomach, and I ignored it.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes so hard they hurt. “Please, everyone has choices.” I made a mocking face. “If I upset you so much, then just ignore me.”
“You think I could just ignore you?” Furious scarlet flames shot out of his mouth and warmed my face. “You think I could just walk the fuck away from you, Arabella?”
I shrugged. “Yeah.”
He made a frustrated noise and said, “You’re more of a fool than I could’ve ever imagined.”
I stood on my tiptoes so our faces hovered inches apart. “And you’re a spiteful psychopath—leave me the fuck alone.”
He smiled, and it was pure evil. “No, I don’t think I will.”
The grip on my arm tightened, and my humerus creaked like it was seconds from snapping.
A whimper escaped before I could stop it.
Bedding rustled, and someone swore.
There was a blur in my periphery, and then Scorpius and Orion joined us in the middle of the room. Unlike Malum, they were fully clothed. Orion’s eyes locked on where Malum was gripping my arm tightly, then he took in our swollen lips and messy hair.
Finally, he stared at my neck.
From his expression, Malum had left his marks on me.
Orion whispered to Scorpius, and their faces contorted from sleepy to enraged.
“Don’t touch her like that,” Scorpius said as he yanked Malum away from me by the back of his neck.
Malum allowed himself to be pulled away without a fight, but his eyes were full of insidious promises.
He was going to rip away my secrets.
Tear me to pieces.
Ravage me.
He wasn’t going to let this go.
Backing away from the three kings, keeping my front to them at all times like they were wild animals, I collapsed back onto my bunk even though I didn’t want to sleep.
“I’m going to bed,” I announced.
Awkward silence stretched among the four of us.
“We can help you shower like we did before,” Scorpius offered quietly.
I pulled the comforter over my body.
“Um, that’s okay,” I said awkwardly.
Orion whispered, and I was startled at how close he was. “We’ll take care of you, sweetheart, we promise. Corvus just lost control of himself—he’ll be better.”
Sure, and I’m mentally stable.
The scent of chocolate-covered raspberries was deliciously sweet, and I held my breath.
Finally, he stepped away.
“You will be mine, Arabella,” Malum promised harshly across the room, then grunted as someone hit him.
I closed my eyes tight and breathed erratically because he knew my secrets; he’d seen me let myself get stabbed. The other men would freak out if they realized, and they’d smother me.
For some reason, he hadn’t told them yet. My heart skipped a beat as I realized he’d voluntarily kept my secret.
Malum was protecting me. It was almost…sweet.
He’d also kissed me like he was trying to consume me, again. He kissed like it was a war he was determined to win. Did he fuck the same way?
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stop thinking about fire, whiskey, and sin.
My wrists tingled where he’d pinned them above my head.
Heat unfurled inside me, and pain streaked down my spine as I clenched my legs together.
I needed to concentrate on something off-putting and weird.
It was an emergency.
Desperate to stop my traitorous body’s reaction, I pictured Sadie trying to dance seductively in the fae realm. I hadn’t even known someone could move their limbs in two different directions like that at the same time.
The little pinpricks of pain streaking down my spine slowly faded away.
However, it was hard to concentrate on Sadie’s dancing (convulsions). The memory of Malum’s razor-sharp eyes as he promised not to leave me alone played on repeat through my mind.
There was clearly only one solution.
I had to have sex with him, then I’d have to kill him. Praying-mantis-style. Dagger down, ass up.
It was the only way.
I ignored the arguing kings and, with disturbing swiftness, fell asleep—the nightmares came quickly.
