I wake up ready to take on the day. After spending yesterday with Santiago, I reminded myself that people take time to warm up. Santiago is the perfect example of that. A few short months ago, he wouldn’t let me see his stump, let alone go on the boat with him. But yesterday, he let loose in the broad daylight and had fun with me. He was in full-on prosthetic mode and he didn’t even so much as flinch at his leg.
I won’t lie, a few tears of joy left my eyes. But it was a beautiful sight, with him not hiding his true self from me.
Santiago’s big accomplishment reminded me how Matteo needs time too. How people need to process their feelings. I did tell Matteo I was his daughter after all, and it’s not exactly something that can be easily digested after one day. So, I lowered my expectations after rethinking my situation.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Santiago paces the front entryway of his house.
I double-knot the laces on my sneaker. “No. I appreciate the offer, but I think Matteo might do better if it’s just me. You can be kind of distracting, no offense.”
He doesn’t laugh at my joke. “But I can be in another room. You know, just in case you need me like the other day.”
The memory of Santiago helping me during my breakdown makes my smile wobble.
I take a deep breath, pushing back my worry. “You live next door. If anything goes wrong, I can walk here in under a minute. I promise if I need you, I’ll call you.”
He runs a hand through his hair, forcing the strands to stand in different directions. “You’ll come back the moment things don’t feel right, won’t you?”
“If things don’t feel right.” Why is he so nervous? I’m not even that nervous, and I’m the one about to talk to Matteo after how everything went between us.
“Right. If.” His voice lacks his usual confidence.
“Hey.” I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, forcing him to stop his pacing. “You don’t have to be afraid. I accepted that this isn’t going to be an easy process, and that’s that.”
His body tenses. “What do you mean?”
“I get that Matteo needs to warm up to the idea of me. It’s not like he had any time to prepare for this like I did.”
“Right,” he whispers.
“Yes. It’s okay if he freaks out once or twice. I would if I were in his position. It’s to be expected.”
“Nothing about this is expected,” he grumbles under his breath.
I laugh. “I’ll be back soon! Relax.” I let go of him and walk toward the front door.
“Chloe,” he calls out.
I grip the handle and look over my shoulder. “Yeah?”
“No matter what he says, remember that I care about you, okay? You’ll always have a place here with me, and nothing he says will change that.”
A warmth spreads through my chest as his words sink in. The sweetness Santiago shares with me is something I could definitely get used to. It’s something I want to get used to, and that’s a first for me. I crave the kind of stability he can offer me. I crave him, period.
I grin at him. “I like this version of you.”
“And what version is that?”
“The one I’m falling in love with.” I slip out of the house, leaving a slack-jawed Santiago behind me.
Matteo opens his gate the moment I press the buzzer. I powerwalk up the driveway and knock on his front door. The stucco walls reflect a well-loved house, weathered after years of lakeside winds.
Matteo opens the door. His eyes slowly move from the ground up to my face. “Hi, Chloe. It’s nice to see you.”
“Hi,” I squeak.
“Why don’t you come on in?” He pushes the door wider and I follow him inside.
“You have a nice home,” I offer as I check out the framed pictures lining the walls. Countless photos of Giovanni over the years hang in a mindless pattern.
My eyes can’t stay on anything for too long because I want to soak it all in. This is the most insight I’ve had into my father besides our conversations at work and during dinners.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Matteo motions to a couch across from an old leather chair. “Can I get you anything to drink?”
I shake my head, doubting my ability to keep anything down. My nerves eat away at my cool facade as Matteo settles into the leather chair.
Matteo remains quiet. The big hand on an old-school cuckoo clock ticks, filling the silence with its steady rhythm.
Neither one of us starts a conversation, and minutes pass us by. I find the awkward silence unbearable.
I take a deep breath, sucking up the last bits of courage I can muster up. “I want to start today off by saying I’m sorry for throwing everything on you like I did before. I realize it wasn’t fair to you.”
Matteo’s eyes grow wide as he leans back in his chair. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“But I do. I freaked you out, and I didn’t want that. I thought it would be easier if I spent all this time with you beforehand, but now I know that wasn’t the case.” I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, giving my hands something to do.
“It was shocking, to say the least.”
“I know. I’m sorry again.”
“Please stop apologizing. It’s not your fault.”
My cheeks heat. “Oh, okay.”
He repeatedly taps his fingers against his knee. “What made you want to take the genetic test to begin with?”
“Well, um… Are you sure you want to know why?”
“Chloe, I’m not going to judge you. I don’t think anything else you can say will surprise me.”
His relaxed state sets me at ease.
“Okay…well, my life has never been easy. And I’m not telling you this for pity, but only because it’s the truth and the whole reason why I took the test. I’m not ashamed of where I came from, but I don’t want to shock you any more than I already have.”
He shoots me a small smile. “Consider me unable to be shocked any more at this point.”
I laugh. It feels good to release the tension from my body. “Okay. Well, my mother—not that I think it reflects on you or anything—is awful. Seriously, I can’t believe I’m related to her or that she attracted someone as nice as you in the first place.”
Matteo winces.
Shit, Chloe, be a little nicer, won’t you? “She made my life miserable while I was growing up, and all I did was wish every year that I would find you. It’s what kept me sane in a place that was anything but.”
Matteo’s cheeks lose their healthy coloring. Oh, God, I’m botching this again.
“No pressure or anything. I swear!” I raise my hands in a way to placate him. “I had hoped my father would be interested in developing a better relationship with me than my mother. And since she claimed she didn’t remember who my dad was, I couldn’t exactly find him. But then my roommate bought me an ancestry kit for my birthday and—”
“You found me.”
“Yup. I couldn’t believe it, to be honest. I mean—It was like something you see in a movie. But here I am, sitting with you.”
He nods. “I took the test after someone gave it to me as a gift. I was curious to see where my ancestors were from, but I didn’t expect it to connect me to anyone.”
“I’m glad that you took it.” I lace my fingers together in front of me.
Matteo’s eyes soften. “What was it like growing up with your mother?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
He nods, but he looks very unsure.
I settle with telling him the truth because I might as well rip the Band-Aid off now. “It’s obvious she used me for the government payout. I hated living with her, but my first social worker kept trying to reunify us and give her a chance. That was until she started dating Ralph. Her boyfriend was creepy with me, and I caught him in my room on multiple occasions. I lived every day in fear, hoping there was something better for me in the world.”
It’s the rawest I’ve been with someone about my situation. I might have accepted my history, but it doesn’t make the facts any easier to swallow. Instead of hiding the stirring emotions inside of me, I raise my chin and look Matteo in the eyes.
This is me. I rally. I fight. I make it through the day in hopes of a better tomorrow.
“I’m so sorry, Chloe. I hate to hear how awful you were treated. No child should ever grow up in a situation like that.” His voice cracks.
“It’s okay.” I look away, unable to handle the weight of his sincere gaze. “I didn’t have to live like that for too long. After an accident, I was reassigned to an amazing social worker who helped me get out of my house and into a good foster home. The foster care system took good care of me, and I met my best friend, Brooke, that way. I consider myself lucky in some ways.”
“How can you make light of such traumatic experiences?”
“Because in the end, I’m here now. Yeah, the journey to get here wasn’t the easiest one, but I have you and that’s what matters. It’s exactly what I wished for. The past is the past, but my future is brighter than ever.” I beam.
Matteo’s eyes drop to his lap again.
Did I come on too strong?
Matteo fists his palms in unison. Tension ripples up his arms at the gesture.
Yeah, definitely came on too strong.
Matteo lifts his head. His eyes shine, and wetness clings to his lashes. He clears his throat. “I know I can’t take away the pain you went through, but will you let me try?”
My chest aches in the best kind of way. His acceptance is everything I wanted and wished for. I nod my head, happy to finally feel like I’ve found a home after so many years.
Santiago pounces on me the moment I unlock the front door.
I scream and jump back. My arms fly out to my sides as I lose my footing.
“Sorry!” He grabs onto my arm to prevent me from falling.
“What are you doing, creeping at the door like a freaking murderer?”
His wild eyes scan my face. “It’s late.”
“I didn’t know I had a curfew, Dad.”
“Why were you gone for so long?” He frowns.
“Because Matteo and I had a lot to talk about.”
“And what did you two talk about?” Exasperation leaks into his voice.
“You’re acting strange right now and it’s weirding me out.”
“Sorry, I’ve been dying to know how he reacted after everything.” His voice seems hesitant as he lingers on the last word.
“Well, he seemed a lot more relaxed today. He asked me a lot of questions about myself.”
“Oh.”
Somehow one word carries the weight of Santiago’s disappointment. Why is he acting like this? I thought he would be ecstatic about Matteo’s sudden enthusiasm.
“Yeah…”
“I want to hear more about it.” Santiago steers us toward the living room.
We settle into the couch, and I throw my legs over his lap. Despite his odd behavior, it’s comforting knowing we have our little rituals. Especially this one where he gives me the best foot massage without me having to ask. If I was searching for a husband, he would be first on my list.
Seriously, what guy ever offers a foot massage?
The kind I want to date. I push the thought away for later tonight when I can stew in them properly. “Are you going to stop being weird now? I’ll only share what happened if you stop acting like I’m about to bolt from the room any second or break down and cry. It went way better than last time. I swear.”
He nods and looks down at my feet on his lap. “Yeah. Sorry about my reaction. I was just worried about you.”
My heart throbs in my chest at his sincerity.
“Aw, that’s sweet.” I poke his chest with my foot.
“I’m glad to hear it went well.” He looks up and smiles at me. Nothing about his voice sounds happy, but I let him be. He must’ve been pretty worried for his mood to be this awful even after I confirmed I was okay.
He clutches onto my foot and goes to work.
I sigh and sink into the cushions, enjoying his touch. “Did you know Matteo was arrested one time for running down the streets of Milan naked? And I mean fully naked.”
He offers me the smallest smile known to man. “No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me all about it.”
And I do just that, sharing all the different stories Matteo told me during our day together. Everything feels like it’s finally clicking into place, and I love every second of it. Not only is Matteo coming around, but everything with Santiago is perfect. He’s perfect. I’d be stupid not to pursue a more serious relationship that he clearly wants.
Now that my relationship with Matteo is secure, I have an intense desire to embrace the second scariest thing I’ve ever done.
Fall in love.
