With an agitated finger, I press the buzzer on Matteo’s gate for a third time. Patience is a thing of the past after spending the entire night pretending I didn’t know about Matteo’s secret.
He better pray for mercy because my mood hit new lows ever since Chloe fell asleep after last night. I barely slept, stuck overthinking everything she shared about her father.
This is what I get for trusting someone who didn’t deserve it in the first place. The piece of shit told her a bunch of stories, and who the fuck knows if they are even true. And now, not only did I have to sneak out of the house for a second time in two days, but I had to do it to visit this idiot.
Matteo Accardi is on my shit list, and nothing and no one can convince me otherwise.
I press the button for the fourth time and pace the paved area. Sun rays peek through the early morning clouds, lighting up the area with a faint glow.
The old gears groan in protest as the gate opens. I stride toward the front door and knock three times. My teeth grind together as I wait minutes for Matteo to grace me with his presence.
Matteo doesn’t bother looking me in the eyes when he opens the door. He doesn’t even look rumpled in his pajamas. How charming. I’m here feeling like a mess from guilt-ridden insomnia while he looks fresh as a baby after a fat nap.
“What exactly did you not understand about telling Chloe the truth?” I snap.
He has the audacity to look surprised. “Listen, I can explain.”
“By all means, please do, because I’m curious how the fuck you plan on getting us out of this motherfucking mess you created.”
Matteo gestures for me to come inside. It’s like I’m repeating this damn nightmare every day like a screwed-up remake of Groundhog Day.
Matteo leads me into his run-down kitchen. His hands shake as he grabs a pitcher of water and pours himself a glass.
“Matteo. I need you to get to the point of this story because I’m about two seconds from flipping my shit. And you really don’t want that to happen.”
He sips his water and places it back on the counter. “I couldn’t do it.”
“No fucking shit you couldn’t do it. I was able to draw that conclusion myself when Chloe came back to my house looking like she floated in on a damn cloud.”
“She shared her story and it was too much. I didn’t expect her life story to be…”
“Tragic?”
He nods. “She has always been happy around me. I thought she was a normal girl, you know?”
“Her past doesn’t change the fact that you’re not her father. Nor does it mean you should keep the truth from her. I gave you a day to sort this out, and you didn’t.”
His eyes slide from me to his fisted hands. “I’ve been thinking.”
A cold feeling sweeps through me. He can’t be stupid enough to actually suggest what I think he wants to.
“What if—”
Yup. It’s official. He downgraded from being an idiot to brain-dead. “No.”
“Hear me out.”
“No. Hell fucking no. That’s wrong on so many levels, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“But what harm would it do? He was my twin, and she’s my niece. She deserves to have someone take care of her. Her mother”—he shudders—“she’s disgusting.”
“I’m well aware of how awful that woman is. Trust me. I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with her myself. But she’s not going to bother her anymore. And Matteo, you can’t pretend to be someone’s father! No. That’s not an option.” I can’t believe his plan after all the trouble he gave me the other day about confessing his identity in the first place. How can a situation that was already terrible to begin with get progressively worse by the day?
Someone put an end to this nightmare. Either that or a bullet to my head would be merciful.
He clasps his hands together. “She wouldn’t have to know.”
“I couldn’t live with myself if she didn’t know the truth.”
“Do you love her?”
I don’t hesitate. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Then don’t make me destroy her. Think about what the truth would do to her.”
“That’s all I’ve done. And it’s the only reason I would say no to your idea in the first place. I love her too much to let you lie to her for the rest of her life.”
He shakes his head. “You’re making a mistake. You and I both know that an uncle can’t replace what she has been desperately searching for.”
“What people want isn’t always what they need. She’ll understand that eventually. But telling her the truth is non-negotiable. If you don’t do it, then I will, and my version won’t be as forgiving of your mistakes. You get me?”
His eyes darken. “Are you threatening me?”
“Read into it however you want. I’d do anything to protect her, even if it’s from you. And you not telling her the truth and filling her head with false stories is not what we agreed on. You’re doing more harm than good, and if you continue, I’ll have no choice.”
“The stories were all real. I just pretended they were from my perspective instead of my brother’s.”
My jaw ticks. “Matteo.”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” He focuses on his hands.
I stand. “Good. And I mean it, Matteo. You better tell her next time.”
“I got it.”
I nod my head, pleased with his submission. This isn’t about what either one of us wants. Chloe is old enough to make decisions on her own without either one of us playing God. There’s only one man calling the shots from upstairs and he does a fine enough job screwing up everyone’s life without us interfering.
My phone rings, interrupting my breakfast with Chloe. “Sorry, give me a second.”
She nods and takes a sip of her juice.
I answer the call and pull the phone up to my ear. “Hello.”
“Santiago, it’s James.”
“Hey, James. How are you?”
Chloe’s eyebrows dart up.
“I have some good news and some news. Which one do you want to hear first?”
“Good or bad?” I grip the phone.
“Depends. How do you feel about meeting with the Formula Corp in two weeks?”
I choke on my sudden intake of breath. “Two weeks?”
“I pulled some strings so they could meet with us sooner. I didn’t want to wait until January, and they were willing to compromise for you.”
“Did you threaten them?”
“Only in a nice way.”
I laugh, but the sound is off. Holy shit. I’m going to finally defend my case after years of hiding.
“You still there?”
“Yeah. I’m just shocked. You really want this to happen, don’t you?”
“Don’t you?”
I look over at Chloe and imagine her cheering me on at a race. Her in a Bandini shirt with my name written across it, smiling and enjoying herself with my family. There’s nothing I want more than to race again and have her be a part of the journey. Well, maybe to have her love me, but I don’t doubt she does. She only needs to realize it too.
James coughs, gaining my attention again.
“Yes. I want it.”
“Great. Then you better get ready for all the preparations we need to do. It’s going to be a crash course of questions and answers. Noah and I will guide you through the process so that way the Corp has nothing to challenge.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Honestly, I’m very proud of you, Santiago. No matter what they decide, you’re one of the strongest men I’ve had the pleasure of working with.”
I clear my throat, trying to ease the tightness. “Oh, shucks. You’re going to make me cry.”
He laughs. “I’m just saying. You shocked me this summer. I didn’t think you’d actually want to pursue this after everything you’ve been through, but you did. You have a way of surprising me lately.”
I lean back in my chair and smile. “I like to keep you on your toes.”
“Then how about I keep you on yours and offer you the best news. Bandini is willing to extend a racing contract to you. It’s only for a year as a trial run because the investors are picky bastards, but if I have it my way, they’ll see how successful you are next season and offer you a permanent deal. You could be in a Bandini race suit as early as two weeks if the Corp says yes.”
The phone slips out of my hand and drops onto the floor.
Chloe looks up at me. “Are you okay?”
James continues speaking, but his voice comes out garbled because of the rug blocking the speaker. I remain seated, staring down at the floor.
Chloe stands and picks up my phone. She places it back in my trembling hand, wraps my fingers around it, and brings it to my ear.
“Did you get all that?” James continues.
“No. You’re going to have to repeat everything after ‘Bandini is willing to extend a racing contract.’ I think I just had a heart attack.”
James chuckles.
Bandini wants me back. Chloe takes a seat on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. Her presence calms me, forcing my heart back into its normal pace.
James explains everything all over again, and Chloe remains by my side, running her hands through the hair at the nape of my neck.
James confirms all the information for the next two weeks. I’m on autopilot, speaking only when absolutely necessary. It’s not until he hangs up the phone and Chloe tugs it out of my grasp that I finally move.
Chloe shifts on my lap, wrapping her arms back around my neck. “What happened?”
I bolt up from my chair, lifting Chloe up into the air and spinning us in a circle. Her scream turns into a laugh as I move round and round. The added weight bothers my stump, but I ignore it because who the hell cares right now.
“Bandini offered me a contract. They want me to race for them again!”
“WHAT?!”
I spin her around again, loving the way she laughs up to the ceiling. “James said it’s only for a year, but they want me to be the driver who replaces Noah if the Formula Corp approve me joining again.”
“Of course they’re going to say yes! You should see yourself out on the track. You’re absolutely incredible!” She peppers my face with a bunch of kisses.
“I couldn’t have done it without you. I never thought I would get in a car again, but you pushed me to try.”
“You pushed yourself. I only nagged you about it all.”
I set her back on her feet. “No. That only added to my motivation. But it wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for you forcing me in the best way to accept myself. So thank you.” I place a lingering kiss against her lips.
She secures her arms around the back of my neck, holding me close. A sheen covers her eyes, but she blinks it away. “Do you know how stupidly proud of you I am?”
“No. But are you willing to show me?” I shoot her a wolfish grin.
“You, Santiago Alatorre, are a secret pervert. Your mother would be ashamed.” She shoots me a breathtaking smile I can’t resist kissing off her face. Damn. This girl has turned me into a lovesick idiot after only a few months. I confused her for something magical, but in reality she’s a miracle.
“We have to celebrate!” She claps her hands together.
“We can after I meet with the Corp. I don’t want to jinx it, just in case they say no.”
She pauses her clapping and turns on her heel, leaving me behind.
“Where are you going?” I call out.
“Hold on!” Her voice echoes from somewhere in the house.
I pace the floor, considering what might happen if the Formula Corp denies the bill. My stomach churns at the idea. Now that I’ve had a taste of racing again, I’m not sure if I could ignore the pull toward the track anymore.
Being denied would destroy me before I had a chance to return to my former glory.
Chloe comes back into the room clutching a bubblegum pink notebook in her hand.
“What’s that?” I point.
“I’m about to share a little magic with you.”
That’s all she has done up until this point. It’s as if she sprinkles pixie dust wherever she goes, turning my life into something worth getting out of bed for. And most of all, turning me into someone that feels worthy of loving not only someone else, but also myself.
Chloe motions for me to sit in my chair. I follow her lead out of curiosity, and she pulls up another seat next to me.
She opens her journal to a blank page. “I want us to make a wish.”
“This is your wish journal?”
She bites her lip and nods.
“You’re sharing your wish journal with me?” My voice sounds as incredulous as I feel. “Why?”
“I think the phrase you’re looking for is ‘thank you.’” She bumps her shoulder into mine.
“I’m surprised.”
“It’s no big deal. Really.” She rolls her eyes.
I look over at her with a raised brow.
“Okay, it’s a slightly big deal.” She pinches her fingers together, leaving a centimeter gap.
“You’re going to let me steal a wish?”
“Stealing means you’re taking without asking. In reality, I’m giving away one for free.”
“Why?”
Chloe loves this journal, and I want to push her to realize why this is a big deal to her. To realize she cares more than basic infatuation or lust or friendship. I’m desperate for her to realize she loves me. Her actions scream it, yet the words never make it past her lips. I never thought I would crave this kind of affection from someone who does not give it willingly. But damn if it hasn’t made Chloe all that more interesting, making me work for it.
Chloe runs a finger across the yellowed page. “I care a lot about you.”
Okay…that’s something at least.
She continues. “And you deserve to have your biggest wish granted.” She grabs her pen and writes something across the page.
I wish that the Formula Corp lets Santiago Alatorre race again.
“Now it’s settled. Obviously you’re going to drive with Bandini next year. This journal doesn’t fool around. I can promise you that.”
“Can I write something too?” I blurt out.
Her lips form an O. She pauses before nodding and handing me the pen. I move to write on the page, but her hand covers mine.
“Wait.” She flips the page to a blank one.
“Why did you do that?”
“New page, new wish. I don’t make the rules.”
I laugh to myself as I write down my wish. The one I’ve been thinking about for quite a while now.
I wish that Chloe Carter falls in love with someone worthy of her eighties-loving heart. That she finds that soul-crushing, heart-mending, passion-fueled love. A love that leaves her desperate for more because nothing that amazing should ever be done in moderation. The same love I found with her.
I drop the pen, and it rolls into the middle of the notebook.
Chloe looks down at the page, remaining silent.
“When you’re quiet, it’s never a good thing.” I nudge her shoulder.
“That’s your wish?”
“I wrote it, didn’t I?”
She pinches my side, right in the spot that makes me wince. “Asshole.”
“Aw, from you, I’ll take it as a term of endearment.”
She shakes her head. “You made a mistake.”
“What do you mean?”
Her eyes slide from the journal to my face. The color of her irises looks more vibrant than ever, the blue flecks shifting from sapphire to aqua.
My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for her response.
“You can’t wish for something I already have.”
I never thought one sentence could carry this much meaning. It’s like Chloe set off a serotonin bomb in my brain.
She smiles wider at whatever look I have on my face. “I love you. I’m so in love with you. The kind of love that does leave me desperate in a way that makes me think I’m going crazy.”
I stand and pull her into me, landing a soft kiss against her lips. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Santiago Alatorre.”
“I’ll never get used to you saying it.”
Her smile drops a fraction. “I don’t know whether to be afraid or happy.”
“Stick with happy. Always happy.”
“I am, but I also can’t help being afraid,” she whispers.
“Why?”
“Because there are two kinds of loves out there.”
“Which are?”
“The love that flourishes and the love that kills.”
Something inside me withers away at her words, forcing reality to crash back down around me. It erases the elation I felt from Chloe’s admission of her love.
I desperately want to have the first kind of love with Chloe, but I can’t help worrying about the latter. Not because I would intentionally hurt her. There is only one thing threatening whatever we have built with each other. And secrets have a way of destroying the loveliest things, and I wonder if mine is the most deadly of all.
