I walk up the hall to my sister’s hospital room with a divided heart. On one hand, I’m elated. I’m getting a new kidney, and potentially, a new lease on life. I can’t even adequately express my gratitude to Terry for this sacrifice, but there are things that remain unsaid between us. I fully anticipate that we’ll both be fine. Our surgeries are straightforward, but not without potential complications and risks. We’ve done a few family counseling sessions by video, and we’ve made progress repairing the breach. Things are getting better between us than they’ve been in years, but I can’t say we’ve forgiven each other. And I won’t go under until I’ve at least told her she has that from me.
I poke my head in, glad to find her alone in the room. Soon all the preparations will begin. Her surgery occurs first, obviously, to remove her kidney, and then they’ll transplant it into me. Any minute, the nurses and doctors will come. I have to get back to my room up the hall for preparation, too, but this won’t take long.
“Hey.” I fix a smile on my face, which feels unnatural because there have been too few smiles between us since I left home.
She glances up, and I see myself in her. In the heart-shaped face and the coppery skin. The tilt of our eyes. I recognize the fear, too. As much of a blessing as this is, it’s scary for us both.
“Hey,” she says, her smile looking as forced as mine feels. “They let you out?”
I nod, stepping all the way in, letting the door close behind me, and approach the bed.
“One of the ladies from church called,” she says. “So Mama stepped out to take it. She’ll be back, if you’re looking for her.”
“I came to see you,” I say, holding her guarded gaze. “I only have a few minutes. I’m sure my warden will be looking for me soon.”
“You mean your nurse or your man? Because I think this is the first time I’ve seen you without Canon glued to your side.”
I chuckle, my forced smile easing into the real thing. “He’s intense and concerned. He’s in one of the waiting rooms finishing a call with the studio and wanted to get it over with before the surgery starts.”
“He loves you and it’s obvious you got it bad for him.”
“I do.” I nod, my insides melting at the thought of how supportive and protective and unwavering Canon has been. “I had no idea he would be . . . who he is. I guess you never know where your heart will lead you.”
“Brand and Quianna ran down to grab something to eat,” she says abruptly, the softened lines of her face stiffening to wax. “If you want to avoid him, you should make this quick.”
“I don’t need to avoid him. This does have to be quick, but only because we both need to prepare.” I haul in a deep breath and dive in. “I couldn’t go into surgery, let you do this without—”
“Let me just stop you right there, Neev.” A deep swallow moves her throat and she bites her bottom lip, glancing down at the hands in her lap. “You don’t have to thank me or whatever this is. I should have been the one walking up the hall. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, knowing you were down there. I’ve been . . .” She closes her eyes and a single tear streaks down her cheek. “I’ve been ashamed of what I did, of what we did, since that day in the living room all those years ago. I was young and stupid and insecure and jealous.”
She huffs a rough laugh, a wry grin tipping her mouth. “I did like him, you know.”
I take a few steps closer until my hip butts up against the hospital bed. “Brandon?”
“I liked him as soon as I saw him in freshman orientation, but he was the only boy in our class who wasn’t after me. That’s probably why I wanted him, because he wasn’t interested.” She looks up, the last dregs of resentment there. “And then you came. A freshman, and you were the one he wanted. I hated that. I guess I hated you a little. One more thing you hadn’t even tried to get and got anyway.”
“You could have told me you liked him, T. I wouldn’t have given him the time of day if I’d known.”
“I was too proud to admit the boy I wanted didn’t want me back. When you told me that he wanted to have sex and that you weren’t ready . . . well, I know how boys are, and I saw my chance.”
After all these years, after all we’ve been through and who we’ve become, knowing now what real love is, I can’t even muster anger anymore for what Terry and Brandon destroyed. What I had with him was love in effigy, a crude imitation worthy of only being burned. If Brandon had betrayed me with anyone other than the person I held dearest, I would have moved on, never looking back. But it had been with Terry. And there was a child, the beautiful, breathing evidence of not how much his betrayal hurt, but of hers.
“Can you forgive me?” Terry asks, her voice breaking over the plea, her eyes overflowing. “I know what I did—”
“Yes.” I lean forward and wrap my arms around her. It is our first hug in almost thirteen years, and she feels the same. Not the dimensions of her body, but the comfort of her; the tight squeeze of her arms. “I forgive you, T. And I’m sorry it took so long. I wish . . .”
I don’t have words for all the wishes, only tears, and they pour out of me. Tears for every missed birthday and Christmas. For all the times I had something to celebrate and wished I could share it with her, but was unable to forget or forgive. For every gut-busting laugh we haven’t had, and for all the hard times we haven’t walked through together.
For my niece. Not knowing her because of our pride and our foolishness.
All the stone encasing my heart against Terry shatters, and I don’t feel the hate or anger or bitterness. I feel her, and I am overwhelmed by the rightness of my sister in my arms again. We are both prodigals, wandered far from one another, now home again. Every test the doctors ran proved that we were matched by God. Bone, tissue, flesh, blood. We were made for today—for a moment when my sister would save me. We weep together, a release long coming. A flood of broken cries and half-words and gasps of relief.
“Oh!”
The sound from the door has Terry and me turning our heads. Mama stands there, hand to her mouth, tears streaking her face, too.
“It’s about time,” she says with a shaky, tearful laugh.
Crossing the room, she adds her arms to ours, her happy laughter joining ours to fill the sterile hospital room.
“I love you, Neev,” Terry whispers, kissing my temple. “I’m so sorry and I’m so glad I can do this for you.”
I’m too moved to speak and just nod, tightening my arms around them, my family.
“And I love both my girls.” Mama splits a smile between us. “I thought today I would just be scared, but this right here feels as important as the surgery itself.”
A movement at the door catches our attention. Quianna stands there, wide eyes flitting from her mother to me. With no hesitation, I extend one arm, breaking the circle of our hug long enough to invite her in. She rushes over, a bright smile on her face. She buries her head in my neck and closes the circle again. We stay like that for long moments until the nurse comes in.
“I’m sorry,” the nurse says. “But we need to start preparations for surgery. And Ms. Mathis, you need to go back to your room so they can prepare you, too.”
I stand, ready to follow orders, but Mama sets a staying hand on my arm.
“Can you give us just a minute to pray?” she asks the nurse, who after a quick hesitation, nods and steps back to the wall, giving us some space, but not leaving the room. The four of us hold hands and bow our heads, but before Mama begins, I glance up and see Brandon hovering in the hall, his worried eyes on my sister.
And she loves him.
Maybe it wasn’t the best start, and I know they’re still working some things out, but they have love and they have Quianna.
And after all these years and all this pain, they have my blessing.
“You should come pray with us,” I say to him, tilting my head toward our circle.
Terry’s hand tightens around mine and she smiles tentatively. “Come on in, Brand.”
I once thought he was the finest man I’d ever seen. Now, whatever once drew me to him, I can’t detect any sign of, which is as it should be. He’s my sister’s husband and I feel nothing but hope that he is good to her. I sincerely hope they are more faithful to one another than they were to me. Forgiveness has cleared the way in my heart to truly wish them only the best. Brandon walks over to stand between his daughter and his wife, and bows his head.
“Amen,” Mama says at the end of the prayer. “God got both of my girls. I don’t have any doubt.”
“Ms. Mathis,” the nurse says. “You need to go to your room. Mrs. Olson, we need to begin the preparation.”
Terry and I look at one another, and I see a measure of the fear return. I feel it, too, now that we are really about to do this. Her recovery will be harder, but my surgery is more invasive. Through laparoscopic surgery, they will remove her kidney from an incision just below her belly button. During mine, which also should take about three hours, they’ll enter through my lower abdomen, and my kidneys will actually be left in place, and nearby blood vessels used to attach her kidney to one of mine.
Three hours, and my life will be changed.
“You ready?” Terry asks, smiling tremulously.
I nod, the reality of what we are about to do landing on me like a house. “Thank you, T.”
“I’ll see you on the other side.” She laughs, her voice shaking.
The nurse shoos me out and down the hall to my hospital room where a team waits, ready to prepare me for my surgery.
“I’m here,” Canon says, coming to the door, looking more flustered than I’ve ever seen him. “Sorry I cut it close. Galaxy had a million questions and didn’t want to let me off the phone.”
“We’re about to start preparations,” the nurse says sternly. “You’ll have to leave, Mr. Holt.”
“Please,” I beg from the hospital bed. “Just one minute.”
“One minute,” she relents. “We need to get in your IV and get you prepped.”
Canon flashes her a grateful smile and walks over to the bed, sitting down and taking my hand.
“How’d it go talking to your sister?” he asks, his voice low and concerned.
“It was good.” I laugh ruefully. “I hate it took me needing an organ to bring us back together, and I’m sure we still have issues to work through, but I needed to go into this with a clear heart. And now I can.”
“I’m glad.” His eyes sober, his full lips flattening into a line. “Are you scared?”
“Are you?” I counter with a smile.
“Yeah. I know you’ll be fine, but I just . . .” A frown disrupts the smooth arch of his brows. “You’ve become the most important part of my life. I want this over. I want your body to accept the kidney. For us to know it won’t reject it. For you to start healing.”
“You want a lot.”
“Just you.” His smile is tender and warm, and something I never would have thought I’d see from the man who intimidated me the first night we met. “I—”
Before he can say it, I say it first this time. “I love you, Canon.”
He swallows, blinks and kisses my forehead, lingering like he’s having to drag himself away. “I love you back.”
