Hunter ‘Shadowman’ Anderson: Found her.
“Guys!” I shout, my heart pounding in my chest like it’s trying to get to my girl right the fuck now, the sounds of Gone by Blake Rose playing in the background. Leaping up and ignoring the slight wobble due to the heavy night of drink and drugs I’ve still not recovered from, I rush out of my room, almost colliding into Jax in the hall. “Did you see?” I ask him, almost breathless in my excitement. Of course he fucking knows, dumb-ass, it was on the group chat we have with the leader of the Shadows Crew.
“Yes,” is all our quiet, giant of a brother says as we pound down the stairs to find Ash and Kai already standing in the main room waiting, heads snapping up as we approach. Ash strides towards us, hands slightly raised in an almost placating gesture, and I just know that what he’s about to say will piss me the hell off.
“I need you to remain calm and hear me out. Both of you,” he tells us, his voice hard but not unkind. My eyes narrow, and I stop in front of him, arms crossed over my chest, which rises and falls with my heavy breathing. I can barely contain the swirling storm of emotion running through me, like there’s a sandstorm inside of me, waiting to burst free and suffocate anyone who gets in my way.
Jax comes up beside me, mirroring my pose, and a flash of respect and admiration runs through me at Ash, our leader, not flinching under our heavy scrutiny. Many grown-ass men would be cowering by now. Many have, but not him. His monster recognises its kin.
“Fine,” I grumble out through clenched teeth. Jax just grunts.
“I’ve just spoken to Hunter, and the twins have seen her,” he starts, and a breath rushes out of me, my whole body tingling at his words. I was so fucking worried that she was gone for good, like a beautiful ghost, never to be seen again. “They say she’s weak, likely drugged up, and seems confused, but looks like she’s being fed and has a nurse with her.”
My vision clouds, the red mist of my anger obscuring the room until everything else fades away, and the pounding in my ears is so loud it feels like the drums of war are sounding all around us in time with my racing heart. Jax’s growling snarl brings me back to the present; Ash is still standing in front of us, spine ramrod straight, facing down the demons that have surfaced within his brothers.
“That dickhead cunt is drugging her?” I question, my voice cold and measured as I plot all the ways I’m going to remove his body parts while keeping him alive. No one hurts my Pretty Girl and gets away unscathed.
“They think so, but don’t know for sure.” He grimaces, and I feel my face twitch, knowing that there’s more that will enrage my beast. “The point is, we can’t rush in and rescue her.”
As soon as the words leave his lips, Jax’s fist connects with his jaw, and Ash stumbles back but manages to stay upright. My arms lower, hands clenching tightly, itching to do the same, even though I know that he’ll have a good reason behind his orders. Kai comes over, standing between the two men, though Ash shows no sign of retaliation, just rubs his jaw as a line of blood trickles down his chin from a busted lip.
“If we rush in, it could get Lilly killed!” Kai snaps, his outstretched hand trembling, as if that would keep Jax back. He lowers it when Jax just stands there, chest heaving, but makes no move to hit our leader again.
“Explain,” I bite out, arms folded once more to try and curb the desire to destroy everything and everyone in my path.
“There is no way my father is not involved, and if we suddenly ride off on a rescue mission, he’ll know what we’re up to. All it would take is one phone call, and she’s gone…permanently,” Ash informs us, and I know that he hates this just as much as we do. His controlling nature won’t allow anything less than everyone he cares about being within arm’s reach, safe and protected by him. But more than that, our fearless leader loves our girl with all his dark and wicked soul. He needs her light, just as we all do. We can no longer survive without it.
I’ve slipped back into drinking and taking drugs every night, seeking oblivion, chasing her spectre. Jax is working out harder than ever, and I suspect he’s been taking part in the more illegal fighting circuits if his own bruises are any indicator. Kai looks as though he hasn’t slept in weeks, working all the hours he can trying to find a lead. Fuck, even his schoolwork has dropped off, and he’s not been on us to keep our grades up either. And Ash, he got us to hide all the knives and shit, but I’ve seen bloody tissues and bandages in the trash can in his room.
We’re falling apart without her, and I don’t know how much longer we can go on.
“What do you suggest?” I ask, my very soul feeling bone tired. I just want my–our girl back.
“Kai’s birthday is in three weeks. We will book flights to Amsterdam, it is his eighteenth after all, but once we get there, we fly back to England and meet up with the Shadows. We’ll need their help. Meanwhile, we replace her current nurse with one of our own. Hunter knows someone, so we can keep a closer eye on her and try to help where we can and stop the drugging,” Ash tells us, his penetrating gaze swapping from mine to Jax’s, trying to gauge our reactions. It’s what makes him not only a good leader but a great one. He takes our opinions seriously. It’s the one reason why our monsters heel to him.
“Three weeks?” Jax murmurs, voice laced with the sweet taste of promised violence and bloodshed.
“Three weeks,” Ash replies, a sharp nod in Jax’s direction. The big guy’s nostrils flare, taking in a huge inhale.
“Okay,” he responds before turning around, grabbing his gym bag which has taken up permanent residence by the door, and leaving. Ash turns to me.
“Three weeks and not a day more,” I state, nausea swirling in my stomach. How will she forgive us for leaving her there, knowing that we might have been able to get her out sooner? How can we forgive ourselves?
“Not a day more,” Ash vows.
“Not an hour more,” Kai adds, and the promise settles on our shoulders, a weight that I know we will all bear until we’re holding our soul safely back in our arms.
Hold on, my love, we’re coming for you. Just a little longer now.
LILLY
The next few days establish my new routine. I wake up, and with Jacky’s help, get washed and dressed. Then she takes me outside in the chair, and I practice walking, again with her help, getting a little steadier and stronger every day. It’s fucking crazy, my new life, but maybe this is the way it’s always been? And everything I think happened before was just a beautiful, wonderful dream?
My stomach frequently gives an almighty heave, my unborn child making its presence felt and making me think that it all couldn’t possibly have been imagined. Otherwise, how did this one come into existence?
I often see the Kent twins and they always make me smile, reminding me of each of my potentially imaginary lovers in various ways. Their playful banter, their sense of brotherhood, and the darkness that lurks within them, waiting for an outlet.
One morning, about a week after my first trip out of my room, I’m outside, walking around the rose garden with Jacky and admiring the buds that are just waiting to burst into fragrant bloom. One of the boys—Roman, I think, as his face is a little fuller than Rowan’s—rushes over.
“Thank fuck–I mean thank goodness I found you, Jacky,” he says, his voice a little breathless, although the lack of colour in his cheeks gives lie to the picture that he ran all the way here. Or maybe he’s just that fit. “Your mum is on the phone, something about your father having a fall and in hospital.”
A pained gasp leaves her lips, and I stagger as she shifts forward, loosening her grip on me slightly.
“Oh goodness!” she exclaims, looking round trying to spot the chair to help me back to it. But it’s nowhere in sight, I was trying to push myself today and managed to go further, meaning that we’re inside an arched walkway, out of sight of the house and patio where the wheelchair sits.
“I can help Lilly if you want to go now. She sounded pretty upset,” Roman adds, and although he looks sincere, I’ve had some experience—I think—with trickster boys, and there’s something a little off about his expression. Almost triumphant. My eyes narrow at the same time as my skin prickles while looking at him, sure that he’s up to something.
“I–I don’t know. I’m not meant to leave her alone…” Jacky frets, and I’m sure she’d be wringing her hands if she weren’t supporting me.
“I’ll be fine,” I assure her, feeling a pang at the thought of her dad in trouble and her mum all alone. “I won’t be alone. You should go.”
She takes another millisecond, chewing her lip, but worry obviously wins as she gives me a small nod, her gaze already back towards the house.
“I’ll take good care of her,” Roman persuades her, wrapping his arm underneath mine. He’s taller than Jacky, around the same height as Ash I think, so he has to stoop a little, but seems to be okay. Then I shake my head. Ash might not even be fucking real, Lilly.
We watch as Jacky rushes off, and he doesn’t speak until she’s rounded the corner and is no longer in sight.
“They said you were like a pixie,” he tells me, and my heart stutters in my chest, the world dropping away at his seemingly innocent sentence.
“W–what?” I reply, my voice a breathy, trembling whisper as I crane my neck and look up into his usually laughing brown eyes. Today they’re full of seriousness, and a touch of melancholy.
He doesn’t respond, and I catch movement in the corner of my vision. I look down to see that he’s reaching into his pocket, my chest tightening painfully at the move, then flinch my head back slightly when he pulls out a white earbud headphone. Before I can utter another word and give voice to this fluttering in my stomach, he pops it in my ear with a kind, sad sort of smile.
“Princess?”
My limbs go weak, and Roman grunts quietly as he takes more of my weight, my fingers digging into his arm. I know that voice, dark as a moonless night, but the kind of dark that hides you from the monsters seeking to steal you away.
“Princess, tell me you’re there,” the voice begs, a catch that I’ve not heard from my darkest Knight before.
“A–Ash?”
“Fuck, Princess…Fuck, it’s so good to hear your voice,” he replies, a sort of hiccupping laugh sounding in my ear as tears rush to my eyes.
“You’re…you’re real,” I state, not a question, more a breath of relief, the yearning in my soul increasing tenfold at just the sound of his voice.
“Yeah, Baby Girl, we’re real,” another deeper voice tells me, a similar stutter to Ash’s marring his usually gravelly tone.
“Jax,” I rush out with a sob, my free hand flying to cover my mouth, the other wrapped around Roman’s waist. The salt of tears drops onto my lips, letting me taste my relief, my sadness, my heartbreak at being apart from the other parts of my soul.
“Don’t cry, Pretty Girl,” yet another voice pleads, one that’s usually full of mirth and mischief.
“Loki!” I cry out, my palm moving to my rounded stomach, and our baby gives a kick, as if it knows that its fathers are on the other end of the line, and is desperate to meet them.
“We don’t have much time, darling,” the final of my Knights says, the melody of his voice dulled slightly.
“Kai,” I whisper, closing my eyes as a smile tugs the corners of my lips up, the shadows cast by the plants around us feeling like the caress of my men. My Knights.
“I told you that we were bound for all eternity, my darling. We were always going to find you. You’re our beating heart,” Kai tells me, the strength of his conviction flowing into me until I can stand a little taller. I open my eyes, my mind clearing a little more with each word, each syllable they make.
“What happened? Why am I here?” I ask, desperate to know the truth.
“Your…uncle…took you,” Ash replies, seeming a little unsure of his words. “And we think my father is involved too.”
“Adrian?” I question, my head giving a slight shake. “Took me?”
“Yes, and we think that he might be drugging you to keep you compliant,” Loki interrupts, a sound of pain followed after. “What? She needs to know,” he hisses, but I can barely hear him, my mind replaying all of the times that I ate, then felt so exhausted I had to sleep for hours. All of my confusion, all of my weakness suddenly made more sense.
My fingertips trace the fading bruising on my hips, the ones in the shape of fingertips. The nightmares, the visions of shadowed men, and dreams of Robert, the guy who tried to rape me. Were they imagined too? And what about my baby?
“Princess?” Ash asks, his voice laced with concern. “You still there?”
“Yeah,” I reply softly, clearing my throat and blinking. One thing at a time, Lilly. “ I think it’s in my food. The drug, I mean.”
Silence.
“Shit,” Ash curses, followed by the muffled sound of something smashing that makes me wince. “Keep it together!” Ash barks, but clearly, the comment is not aimed at me. “I’ll sort it, Princess. Don’t stop eating.”
A fissure of pleasure rolls through me like a feline stretching at his commanding words.
“So, what’s the plan?” I question, getting back to business, though the wonderful warming haze of knowing that they exist, that I didn’t dream up our time together, settles over me in a comforting blanket. Roman’s head is turned the other way, giving us as much privacy as he can, though I’ve got the feeling whatever happens next will involve the twins.
“That’s our girl,” Loki praises, and I can hear his smile, lighting up the sunny day even though I’m hundreds of miles away from him as I stand in the rose garden.
“My birthday is in two weeks,” Kai interjects, and I can just picture him pushing his glasses up his nose as he speaks, my breath hitching at the thought of the gesture. “We plan to fly to Amsterdam to celebrate.”
“Okay…” I say, trying to figure out what the next step is, but my fucking head is still so clouded.
“Once we get there, we’ll catch a plane to England, and with the help of our Shadow Crew friends, we’ll come and get you,” Ash adds, taking up where Kai finished.
“Oh.” I look back up at Roman, seeing a smirk on his admittedly pretty face. “Oh!” I gasp when it finally clicks. “The Shadows, Willow’s brother’s crew!”
Roman winks, then looks over his shoulder, his brow dipping.
“Gotta hang up now, pixie girl,” he tells me, his voice softening when he sees what must be my face falling.
“I love you, wife,” Ash murmurs in my ear, and if I close my eyes, I can pretend that he’s the one holding me up instead of a stranger.
“I love you, husband,” I whisper back, trying and failing to keep the tremor out of my voice.
“I love you, Pretty Girl. Give our baby a rub from me,” Loki tells me, his voice thick, and my lip trembles, tears freely dripping down my cheeks.
“I will. Love you too,” I respond, my heart aching so fiercely that I rub at it, trying in vain to ease the hurt.
“I love you, darling,” Kai whispers, his voice etched with sorrow.
“I love you too, my soul,” I tell him, feeling as though no truer words have ever been spoken. They are my soul as it no longer resides in me, and the pain of being parted is almost unbearable.
“I swear to you on my blackened heart and all that is left of my soul that we will come for you, and fucking dance in the blood of those that have harmed you, my love,” Jax vows, and his declaration is full of love and vengeance in equal measure, making my heart thrill.
“I love you with all that I am, Jax. All that I will ever be,” I say in return.
“Good girl,” he commends, his deep voice a rumbling growl that sends a shiver to my core, lighting me up from the inside out.
Before I can say another word, I hear footsteps on the grass behind us, and Roman plucks the earbud out, pocketing it and turning us around as I wipe my tears off my face with my sleeve.
I see Jacky hurrying over, her face damp and eyes puffy, and the thought that maybe her father’s accident wasn’t so accidental suddenly occurs to me. I freeze for a moment, but then realise that although I feel sorry for her, it doesn’t horrify me, nor the idea that my guys may have had a hand in the misfortune of an innocent bystander. I’m clearly not as lily-white as I used to be, and somehow, I’m not ashamed of that.
“My father has had a nasty fall, and I’ll have to take over his care,” she informs me, fussing as if she plans to take over from Roman, but he doesn’t let go, instead, he helps to lead me down the walkway and back to that fucking chair. “So the agency is sending a replacement this afternoon. I’m sorry, dear.”
“Tha–that’s fine,” I respond, trying to work out what this means. Roman gives my waist a little squeeze, and I think he means to assure me that this, too, is linked back to my guys.
We make it back to the chair, which waits innocently in a patch of sunlight, unknowing that it now represents everything that is wrong with my situation. I wouldn’t fucking need it if my uncle wasn’t drugging me!
Roman supports me as I get settled into it, and I grudgingly admit to myself that I’m feeling drained, both emotionally and physically, so it’s a welcome relief to finally sit down. Jacky takes hold of the handles and starts pushing me back towards the house, unaware of the maelstrom of my thoughts and the swirling storm of my emotions.
Two weeks.
Fourteen days and I’ll be in their arms again.
I just need to hold on.
