DAYLIGHT
Before I even opened my eyes, I knew she was gone. It made her either the biggest coward or the bravest person I know. I certainly couldn’t have walked away if she’d asked me to. Couldn’t have watched her leave either.
I simultaneously hate her for it and appreciate the hell out of her for not making me.
The house is unbearably quiet without her, and I don’t even have work to distract me. Not that I’ll let that deter me from heading into Boston. I’d have the office to myself on a Saturday morning and I can’t bear to stay home.
It’s rare that I have a free day, yet it is the last thing I want when she isn’t here with me. There is no one to dance around the kitchen with or slip into the hot tub beside. No one to share a meal with or cuddle up to beneath the covers.
And if I couldn’t have her, then there never would be.
I’d given up believing there was a person out there who could be all mine. I’d had my children, I’d done that dance, and I’d bowed out during the second act. I didn’t deserve to try again. Especially not with someone who had all those milestones in front of her. She deserved marriage, a honeymoon phase, and kids if she wanted them. She deserved everything and then some. I was on the sunset of all of that. Looking back at the day and appreciating all I’d been given. All the experiences I’d had. She was just waking up and stretching her arms.
I make it eight hours without reaching out. I know she landed in Los Angeles because Amanda sent me an update. The two of them were meeting for a late dinner to go over tour details, so I have no excuse to contact her. I know she’s safe, but I send the text anyway.
Ford: Get home safe?
The dots bounce on the screen for so long I nearly shout in frustration and consider throwing my phone across the room. Buttons meows and pushes her way under my arm, and for a moment, I settle. Then the phone beeps loudly with her response, and I’m hit with a mix of anticipation and apprehension.
Lake: Yup. Thank you for showing me around your town and introducing me to your friends. They are all wonderful and I really enjoyed myself.
I read the message over and over, and then I really do throw the phone. When it clatters to the ground, I hope to fuck the screen is cracked so I never have to see that goddamn polite bullshit again.
She appreciates being shown around my town and she likes my friends? How about all the orgasms I gave her? The fucking love we made? Does she intend to send a thank-you basket for those too? Knowing her, the answer is probably yes. Fuck.
She’d probably send chocolates as an expression of gratitude for helping her get through her breakup.
Fuck, I’m pissed.
I wait six hours before I text her again.
Ford: Don’t thank me. You gave me the best week of my life, Red. If you take one thing from our time together, please let it be that. You’re in charge. You call the shots. Demand what you want and take it. You’ve fucking earned it.
Lake: It was the best week of my life, too.
Wednesday night, Daniel meets me just inside the main doors at Bolts Arena, but his sister is absent again. “Sorry, Dad, I tried.”
Disappointment hangs between us. I haven’t heard from Paul, but I know he’s fine anyway. The paps are still snapping photos of him on his stupid luxury vacation. Looks like Clay is paying his way now.
I expected anger from him, yet I never got it. And while I knew Millie and Daniel would be affected and may have questions or concerns, I had no idea she’d take it this hard. If I had, would I have made different choices? Would I have chosen to miss out on experiencing Lake the way I did?
No. My daughter means the world to me, but eventually, she’ll learn that none of us are perfect. We love who we love.
Not that I’ll ever get to say that to the woman who owns my heart.
Maybe that’s the issue. Millie and I have yet to speak about Lake. Does she believe what she’s read? If so, then she probably thinks I’m nothing but a scumbag who had an affair with my son’s ex. But since my daughter was born, I’ve been her biggest supporter, her person—maybe more than even her twin. We’ve always been exceptionally close. She should know I wouldn’t have done what I did if Lake didn’t mean something to me. She should know that’s not who I am.
We wander through the empty corridor and down the tunnel that leads to the ice. The team isn’t playing today, and Daniel knows that. I’m sure he follows their schedule much like anyone who has an obsession.
It took being consumed by my own obsession to realize precisely what I needed to do. I reminded Lake over and over that she was in control of her life, but I’d kept my son on a tight leash, tethering him to my expectations rather than allowing him the opportunity to make his own choices.
We find Gavin standing by the ice, his head bowed and his thumbs moving furiously over the screen of his phone. He shakes his head and lets out a loud laugh that echoes through the empty rink.
“Let me guess,” I say, approaching. “Your brother?”
Gavin turns his big smile on us. “I swear the Langfield brother group chats could get us all fired.”
Daniel stands beside me, frowning and looking from Gavin to me and back again. He hasn’t asked about why I invited him to meet me here, but now he’s clearly curious.
Gavin pockets his phone and lifts one brow in silent question. With a nod, I take a step back. This isn’t my moment. Daniel deserves to hear this straight from the person who’s about to offer everything he’s spent his life working for.
With a hand outstretched, Gavin greets my son. “We’re having one hell of a season, don’t you think?”
Daniel shakes his hand and glances at me again, his brow furrowed in confusion. But there, mixed in with his puzzlement, is a hint of hope and maybe a little disbelief. “The team looks great, sir.”
“I’ve got to be honest, though. I think we’re missing something.” Gavin puts his hands in his pockets and turns toward the ice. As if on cue, the team exits the locker room, their loud voices and chatter filling the empty rink.
Brooks Langfield, the star goalie, oversized in both height and personality, approaches first. He points at Gavin and shakes his head. “Mom is going to lose her shit.”
Gavin simply lifts a brow and shrugs.
Aiden’s next, the center who’s sure to be a hall-of-famer if his stats continue their upward trajectory. “Forget Mom. Beckett is going to string him up by the balls.”
Tyler Warren—War to his teammates and fans—the right winger and well-known instigator, laughs as he steps onto the ice. “Epic, man. Totally fucking epic!”
“What the fuck are you all going on about?” Rowan Parker, the defenseman, asks as he skates in circles nearby.
Gavin sports a cocky grin, affecting the cool demeanor of a younger brother who’s definitely involved in something that’ll piss off his older one. “ESPN asked if they could have the event here. All I did was tell them that Beckett would prefer to host them at the stadium.”
Aiden lets out a high-pitched squeal. “And then you didn’t tell him it was for the swimsuit edition. Guy is livid.”
“All right, enough gossiping,” the coach says as he wanders over. “You get them all worked up, and then tonight they’ll be like fucking teenage girls hopped up on candy.”
Beside me, Daniel’s mouth is ajar and his eyes are full of stars. He’s surrounded by all of his idols, and every last one of them is joking around.
“Speaking of players,” Gavin says, hollering over the chatter around us. “I’d like to introduce you all to Daniel Hall.”
My son’s swallow is audible as every head turns in his direction.
“We were wondering if you’d like to suit up with the guys and skate a bit,” Gavin offers nonchalantly.
With all eyes on him, Daniel blinks at me. “Is this for real?” he mutters.
“It’s your decision. Though I expect that you’ll finish that degree.”
He’s nodding before I can get the final word out. Then the coach is draping an arm over his shoulder and ushering him toward the locker room. I watch on as my son starts on a journey that he’s waited his whole life for, feeling nothing but pride and excitement for him.
Gavin steps up beside me and nudges my shoulder. “What made you change your mind?”
“Just realized that he deserved the choice. It’s not mine to make for him.”
With a hum, he rocks on his heels. “Kind of like allowing a woman to decide whether she wants to be with you? To come to her own decision about what makes her happy, rather than taking it upon yourself to decide that she deserves better?” His focus remains fixed on his players, who are now in full-on practice mode, but his question hits like a dagger straight to my heart anyway.
“It’s not the same.”
“Why?” This time he does turn to me, his gaze boring into my face.
I’m too chickenshit to look him in the eye when I reply. “Because she does deserve better. As do my kids.”
Gavin snorts. “Paul is having a grand ole time in Bali, so that’s bullshit.”
Gritting my teeth, I finally turn to my jackass friend, but he goes on before I can argue.
“And you just gave Daniel everything he’s ever wanted. So is this about Millie, or is this about you being afraid to ask Lake if you’re enough?”
“Millie will never accept us.”
Clasping my shoulder, he gives it a good squeeze. “I say this with all the respect in the world, man, but your daughter is a spoiled brat if she can’t see past the image the media portrays. She knows you, and she knows your heart. She’ll figure it out.” He purses his lips and gives me a once-over before he goes on. “You’ve given her everything she’s ever wanted. Maybe now it’s time to take a little bit for yourself. In a few years, when Mills meets someone, do you really think she’s going to take your feelings into consideration?”
All of it makes my chest tight. Fuck. I let out a long sigh in hopes of relieving the discomfort. The idea of my baby girl giving herself to anyone makes me a bit sick, to be honest. But Gavin’s not exactly wrong. She’s not even talking to me now. When I leave here, I’ll go home to an empty house again. And though she’s surrounded by people, Lake is all alone too.
And just the thought of anyone else laying a hand on her instantly sparks a rage so fierce inside me it’s almost uncontrollable. She asked if I’d ever been in love. The kind people write songs about, and I lied through my teeth.
I told her every guy she’d ever dated was an idiot, but I’m the biggest one of all. I pull out my phone and do some math before turning to my friend again. “You’ll let Daniel know I had to go?”
The smirk on Gavin’s face is all ego. “Depends on where you’re going.”
I’m already moving before I reply. “Going to bring a girl some ice cream.”
