CADE BARELY LOOKS AT ME. With each minute that ticks by, I expect him to say something, but he doesn’t. He’s silent, and I’m so upset that he’d go to such great lengths to take me to the airport without planning to say a damn thing to me.
Neither of us say a word.
Not on the long drive to the airport.
Not when he parks the car in the unloading zone.
He doesn’t even look at me until he’s handing me one of my suitcases.
I’ve had two days to get angry. I’ve had two hours to get angrier and angrier.
How dare he downplay us? How dare he pretend that we weren’t happy together a week ago?
How dare he let me leave without even fighting for me—for us.
“So that’s it, huh?” My words are angry and untamed. He’s given me a long time to think about what I want to say to him, and I won’t hold back.
Clearly he has no intention of fighting for us, so I might as well say everything I’m feeling. I might as well get every single thing off my chest.
“Don’t do this.” His voice is rough. He looks rough. There are bags under his eyes, and there’s no color in his cheeks. There should be color in them. He’s been working from sunrise to well after sunset the past few nights.
“Don’t do what? Try to understand what the fuck is happening between us?”
“You’re leaving, that’s what’s happening. There’s nothing else to understand.”
I laugh sarcastically, catching the attention of people around us. I don’t care if they see me lose control or not. The boy I’ve loved my entire life is slipping through my fingers, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t keep it together. Not anymore.
Cade is doing what everyone else has done before. He’s fading away from me. My Mom did. My Dad did. And now he is, too.
He attempts to roll my bags toward the entrance, but I yank them from him. It’s awkward and one keeps bumping into my ankles, but I roll them toward the doors. I don’t need his help. Not with him acting like this.
He only allows me to get them a few feet before one is ripped from my grip. It doesn’t take him long to grab the other one as well. He keeps walking, not looking back at me.
I run after him, grabbing a fistful of his T-shirt to stop him.
When he turns around, there’s a split second where I see the hurt etched into his face. He hides it almost immediately, but for a moment, he falters. I saw it and the look confuses me more than ever.
He’s the one doing this to us. I haven’t hurt him. He shouldn’t be hurt, and if he is, then he doesn’t have to go through with letting this be the end of us.
“Talk to me,” I beg, my fingers clutching his shirt.
Cade looks down. He takes his hand from the suitcase handle and wraps his fingers around my wrist. “I don’t know what else to say,” he answers, his voice low.
“Anything.”
Someone bumps into me, knocking my body into Cade’s. Two lines appear on his forehead as he frowns. “I can’t wait to watch you make your dreams come true.”
“That’s a cop out, Cade. I’m not going to let you send me away with a speech about my dreams and let you avoid talking about what the hell has changed in the last few days.”
“I guess reality hit me.” He looks around at the airport. “I hadn’t let myself think too hard about the fact you were leaving. But you are leaving, and I really, truly, am happy for you.”
“That isn’t fair. You always knew I was leaving. I’ve suggested us doing long distance, me coming home more, me taking classes online to keep us going. You’ve shot down every single suggestion. You kissed me, told me all these things about how we’re ruined for each other, and now you’re just what…done with me?”
His jaw tenses, the muscles in his cheeks flex angrily. “Yeah. I guess I’m done.”
His words feel like a punch to the gut. I take a step back from the impact from them. My head rocks back and forth in disbelief. I can’t fight the tears that stream down my cheeks. “I don’t believe you.”
“You should.”
My eyes squeeze shut. My mind rushes with all of our memories from this summer. We were happy. I loved him, and there were times he had me believing he loved me too. Our moments together weren’t one-sided. I was convinced he felt something too.
When I open my eyes, my vision is blurry from the tears that won’t stop falling. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you my entire life, Cade Jennings. This summer was the best summer of my life because of you. And if you felt anything close to what I feel for you, you wouldn’t let us end this way.”
“Goldie…” His voice is laced with anguish, but his features are masked into a stone cold mask that I don’t recognize. He’s not the man I’ve come to know, and it hurts to wonder if I really ever knew him at all.
I close the distance between us once again. I look up, not bothering to hide my wet, tear-stained cheeks from him. “Look me in the eye,” I say, my words coming out choked from the devastation wreaking havoc on me. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”
Our chests hit one another with our heavy breaths. To anyone walking by, we probably look like quite the scene. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what we look like. I’m breaking down because of him. Worrying about what people think of my current state is the least of my worries.
I jab a finger into his chest, feeling his racing heart up against my fingertip. “Do it, Cade.”
“Stop it,” he says through gritted teeth.
I push against his chest. He stands steady, letting me take out my anger but not budging an inch.
My head rocks side to side. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m the one in charge right now. And if you want to end us, If you want to demolish the most perfect thing I’ve ever felt to nothing, then you’re going to do it to my face.”
I push again. He grabs my wrists, pinning my hands to his chest. His heart beats wildly against my palms, like it’s trying to prove he cares, no matter how much his words contradict it.
The way he looks back at me breaks my heart. His eyes are void of any emotion. There’s nothing written on his face when I desperately want there to be something, anything.
I’m devastated to lose him. He seems fine with losing me.
